Card Of the Week 1/21/08

First of all, apologies and condolences to Thorzul, who is in deep mourning today. I had no dog in that fight last night and I was still shocked and appalled by what happened in that game. Just what we needed... another Boston/New York matchup for ESPN to obsess over for two weeks. Dammit, why couldn't the Cowboys have won the NFC? At least then we would have Jessica Simpson to look at during the Super Bowl hype fortnight. Yeah, it's going to be an absolute slaughter that will make the Bears - Patriots matchup look like the Ice Bowl, but I'll be watching it. You'll be watching it. EVERYBODY will be watching it. It's like, a law or something. At least Tom Petty will be doing the half time show so there won't be any nipples popping out or Prince Devil Shadow Penises. With Tom there's far more likely to be doobage than boobage. We'll also be eating crap the whole time and drinking enough beer to dull the pain of an awful game. You want to jump start the economy? Want a real stimulus package? President Bush should order a true College Championship game to be played this weekend between LSU and Georgia. That way people will have two straight weekends of buying junk food and beer. Bull market, here we come!

Oh well, what's done is done. After the Packers game was over, I grabbed my vintage football box looking for cards to represent the Gnats and the Patsies in the Super Commercial Transmission Event XXLMNIVXRQ. I was just hoping to find a couple decent looking old cards to throw up in a post commemorating this year's upcoming snoozefest. Oh, but I found more. Oh so much more. I found two of the nastiest, most beat up and abused old oddball football cards out there. I didn't just find a couple of cards to illustrate this year's Super Bowl matchup, I found not one, but TWO Cards of the Week. This week, the card I deem worthy to represent the 2007 New York Giants:


This is a 1971 Topps Football game insert of Fran Tarkenton, quarterback for the New York Football Giants. This card has apparently been on the wrong end of a scrap with Lawrence Taylor. I scanned it at 300 DPI so you could get the full experience of just how awful a card this is, but the scan still does not do it any justice. It's stained, scuffed, worn down, written on, creased and just plain abused. There's enough wrinkle lines on the thing to keep a palm reader busy for hours. The back of the card isn't much better:


More stains, plus an H written on the card. I think the kid who had this card marked the cards to help him win any football games played with his deck of '71 inserts. This card is marked H for horrible. You can also tell from the borders that the card is slightly miscut as well. That's a 15-yard flag for unnecessary piling on condition wise. Fran Tarkenton isn't exactly the first player you think of when you mention the Giants. New York traded for him in 1967, had one decent season with Fran leading the team, then traded him back to the Vikings in 1972. Tarkenton went on to win an MVP and lead the Vikes to three Super Bowls (Ok, so he lost them all) while the Giants waited 15 more years to win their own championship. The card even sucks for the card game as Sir Francis ends up scrambling for a two yard loss. I'm a big Dawg fan though, which is probably the only reason why I bought this disgusting looking card of a Georgia great. My favorite part of the card is this:

"How are you, gov". Pretty rotten after seeing this mangled card, but I'll live. Why the kid who abused this thing would write that on the bottom, I'll never know. And did they even sell 1971 Topps Football cards in England? "Gov"isn't really in common usage here in the states. Here's a completely useless and random tidbit about my ancestry. My grandmother had an uncle whose nickname was Gov, and apparently I look just like he did. Perhaps this is a message from the after life from him. A message that says: "QUIT BUYING TERRIBLE CARDS, THEY AREN'T WORTH ANYTHING YOU KNOW". Thanks Uncle Gov, but no one will stand between me and my Tiptons.

Once again, apologies to Thorzul for posting a dirty rotten Giant and a lousy Viking at the same time. I just saw this card and immediately knew it was The One. Just wait till next week though, I have something just as spectacular in store for the Patriot fans out there.