I never have to buy another pack of Mayo as long as I live

I ran out to Target today to pick up last minute Valentine's stuff. It's not like you can pick up flowers a month in advance to save money. Of course I should have been going to an actual Florist but the ones by me don't sell Upper Deck. Apparently neither does Target... Wally World has had UD for a week but there's still no sign of that yellow package with Jeter's mug on it yet. Maybe Upper Deck is mad at Target because Topps got released early and they're holding back on them. I took care of my societal holiday obligation and snagged a few packs of American Heritage and two packs of Mayo. I really want to like this stuff and I thought I'd give it one more shot. I'm not sure if the Topps Gremlins put these packs in my path to try to win me over or the Upper Deck Spies put them there to ensure I'd never buy a pack of them again. You see, in those two packs I got the one card I really, really wanted other than the Matt Ryan rookie:

The Falcons Super Bowl card. See folks, they were actually there. This is proof. I wasn't dreaming. IT WAS REAL. Now if I could just go back in time and hold Eugene Robinson in his hotel room at gunpoint until kickoff. Of course Upper Deck used the new logo insead of the old logo, but I ain't complaining. The old logo was kinda dorky looking to be honest.

The other pack had two mini cards in it including:

Yep, finally got my ship. Now I have the Ryan, The Falcons cards and a random boat. What the heck else could I possibly want? Well other than the McLovin autograph THAT TOPPS TEASED ME WITH. I also got this card in the pack with two minis to cap the whole set off:

Sir Arthur. Sherlock Holmes' daddy. I got the Complete Sherlock Holmes book for Christmas when I was a kid and I read the hell out of that book. I still try to catch the Jeremy Brett shows on Bravo or A&E or wherever the hell channel they're on now at 3 in the morning when I can find them. Plus: I want that mustache. I want to reach into that card, rip it off his face and glue it on mine. I will wear Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's handlebars with pride.

So I got a couple packs and got exactly what I wanted. What's the use of buying more packs? I can't beat those two unless I got a coin card or some such nonsense, which will never happen anyway. Ah, those sneaky Upper Deck spies. they're more clever about their anti-Topps espionage than I imagined. Hey folks, how about planting some UD blasters in Target next time though, huh?