BIGGUNS #1 - PUDGE PLAQUE

SO THE SOFTWARE FOR MY SCANNER WON'T FUCKING OPEN ANY MORE AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON. AS A RESPECTED IT PROFESSIONAL I HAVE THEORIES:

- A WINDOWS UPDATE BROKE SHIT AS IT IS WONT TO DO

- I'VE HAD TO USE FIREFOX RECENTLY FOR SOME STUFF AND MOZILLA LITERALLY ATE HALF MY RAM. JUST SNUCK INTO MY HOUSE AND GOBBLED IT UP

- A CABLE'S LOOSE. HONESTLY ABOUT 90% OF COMPUTER HORSESHIT IS EXACTLY THIS

- EPSON HACKED MY ASS, REALIZED I'M USING A PRINTER I BOUGHT IN 2006 (YES IT'S THE SAME DAMN ONE FOLKS, I'M A CHEAPASS) AND CALLED BULLSHIT ON THAT, I GOTTA BUY A NEW PRINTER WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT NOW

I SAY SCREW ALL THAT NOISE, I'LL GET THIS DAMN THING TO WORK IF I HAVE TO DIG UP ONE OF MY OLD DESKTOPS FROM THE FLOODED BASEMENT AND RUN IT ON THAT

IN THE MEANTIME I'M GONNA HAVE TO BE FRUGAL WITH MY CARD PICTURES. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ONE HUGE POST ABOUT BIG-ASS CARDS THAT ARE HELLA COOL BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH, BUT NOW DUE TO PERSNICKETY PRINTER SOFTWARE IS NOW A SERIES OF POSTS! AT LEAST FIVE BUT HONESTLY I GOT GIGANTOR ODDBALL NONSENSE ALL OVER THE PLACE SO IF I - NO. WHEN I GET THE SCANNER WORKING AGAIN I CAN ADD MORE. THERE'S THE FIRST ONE AND IT HAS A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART

PLAY BALL WHO KNOWS WHAT YEAR CARLTON FISK BIG OL' PLASTIC  "SUPERSTAR" COLLECTIBLE PLAQUE

THIS IS A LARGE PLASTIC MONSTROSITY WITH HALL OF FAMER CARLTON FISK'S MUG ON IT. TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF THE SIZE, THIS IMAGE IS NOT CROPPED. I PUT IT ON THE SCANNER BED AND THIS IS WHAT CAME OUT. I HAVE NO CLUE WHO MADE IT OR WHAT YEAR IT WAS PRODUCED BUT I'M SURE SOMEONE OUT THERE KNOWS SO I'LL LET THEM DO ALL THE WORK. IF YOU PEEP AT THE CHECKLIST YOU CAN MAKE A BALLPARK ESTIMATE. I BOUGHT THIS AT A KAY-BEE TOY STORE (AS IS EVIDENT FROM THE STICKER) MY SOPHOMORE YEAR IN COLLEGE AROUND 92-93 OR SO AND IT WAS MARKED DOWN TO A QUARTER AND WAS ALREADY IN THIS MANGLED CONDITION. THEY HAD MANY OTHERS BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO BECAUSE ALL I SAW WAS THIS PUDGE. WELL, OBVIOUSLY NO MURPH OR HE'D BE IN THIS POST AS WELL. I HAVE TAKEN LOVING CARE OF THIS... THING FOR OVER 25 YEARS AND HAVE LEFT IT MINT IN PACKAGE BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE EVEN LESS IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH IT IF I TOOK IT OUT EVEN WITH A CONVENIENT DISPLAY EASEL INCLUDED.

THERE'S A STORY BEHIND THIS THING AS WELL. WHEN I COLLECTED IN HIGH SCHOOL I WASN'T SUPER BRAVES-FOCUSED BECAUSE THE BRAVES WERE HOT BUTTERED ASS BACK THEN. I HAD MORE PLAYER COLLECTIONS AT THE TIME AND CARLTON FISK WAS ONE OF MY VERY FAVORITES FOR SOME REASON. NO IDEA HOW IT HAPPENED, I NEVER EVER SAW AMERICAN LEAGUE GAMES AT THE TIME BUT I GOT OBSESSED WITH PUDGE (AND LATER IVAN RODRIGUEZ AS THE SUCCESSOR TO THE PUDGE MANTLE) AND EVEN BOUGHT HIS ROOKIE CARD AT FULL LATE 80S PRICE WHICH IS STILL MY RECORD FOR A SINGLE PURCHASE TO THIS DAY. WHEN I GOT INTO COLLEGE THE BRAVES INEXPLICABLY GOT GOOD SO I LOVED THE BRAVES AGAIN - BUT. EVERYONE ELSE LOVED THE BRAVES TOO AND THIS CAUSED PROBLEMS WHEN PLAYING BASEBALL ON THE SUPER NINTENDO. SINCE I WAS ALREADY A FISK FANBOI AND FRANK THOMAS WAS KICKING ASS AND BO JACKSON WAS ON THE TEAM AND THEY GOT THOSE COOL-ASS NEW UNIFORMS WITH THE SLICK BLACK AND WHITE INTERLOCKING S-O-X CAPS I CLAIMED THE WHITE SOX WHEN PLAYING WHATEVER BASEBALL GAME WE HAD WHICH APPARENTLY WASN'T LICENSED  BY THE MLBPA BECAUSE I REMEMBER THE ROSTER HAS SLIGHTLY OFF NAMES LIKE TIM RAINES WAS TIM SNOWS.

SO I'M A POSER SOX FAN NOW AND I HAVE MY COOL FITTED HAT THAT I WORE UNTIL A BIRD POOPED RIGHT ON THE LOGO AS I WAS LEAVING A SHOWING OF THE IN-LAWS WITH ALAN ARKIN AND PETER FALK  WHICH IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME. THE DAY I FOUND THIS BIZARRE ARTIFACT I WAS AT THE MALL KILLING TIME WITH A BUDDY OF MINE. MY FRIEND HAD A ROOMATE NAMED NIMISH PATEL WHO WAS VERY COOL AND SADLY I WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN BECAUSE THERE ARE LIKE 8 MILLION NIMISH PATELS OUT THERE. THIS GUY HAD A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY AND THE THING HE CHOSE TO DO WITH IT WAS MEMORIZE THE RECORD HIGH AND LOW TEMPERATURE FOR EACH DATE. THEN HE WOULD ASK EVERYONE HE MET THEIR BIRTHDAY AND TELL THEM THE RECORD TEMPERATURE FOR THAT DAY. LITERALLY EVERYONE. AND HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA IF HE ACTUALLY MEMORIZED THE TEMPERATURES OR IF HE WAS JUST BULLSHITTING EVERYONE. HELL, BEING THAT LEVEL OF CON MAN TO HAVE THE WHOLE CAMPUS REMEMBER YOU AS THE WEATHER GUY IS EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN MEMORIZING  EVERYTHING ANYWAY. THE POINT IS THIS GUY WAS REALLY COOL AND KINDA WEIRD AND HE ALSO HAD THIS THING HE DID WHERE HE'D FAKE BEING STARTLED AND MAKE A STRANGE BBBLBLBB NOISE EVERY SO OFTEN FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES. THE GUY HAD AMAZING TIMING AND NO HE'S NOT THE STAND-UP COMEDIAN. THERE REALLY ARE A TON OF NIMISH PATELS OUT THERE.

I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT THE HELL WE WERE DOING AT THE MALL, BUT I DO KNOW WHAT WE WERE DOING AT KAY-BEES. I WAS SCROUNGING FOR DISCOUNTED TRADING CARDS AND MY FRIEND WAS SCOPING OUT THE ACTION FIGURES. HE WAS SUPER BIG INTO SPAWN AND BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES AND WAS COLLECTING A COMPLETE SET OF THE TOYS FOR BOTH. I REMEMBER HE HAD A HELLUVA SPAWN COLLECTION BACK IN THE DAY. THE BATMAN COLLECTION WAS COMPLETE EXCEPT FOR THE PENGUIN. APPARENTLY THE PENGUIN WAS SUPER RARE WHICH IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE THE PENGUIN IS AN AWESOME CHARACTER. HE LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR THAT DAMN PENGUIN AND I DON'T THINK HE EVER FOUND IT. TO THIS DAY WHEN I FIND MYSELF SOMEWHERE THAT HAS BATMAN TOYS I LOOK FOR THE PENGUIN AND IT'S NEVER THERE. SO HE'S THERE DIGGING THROUGH THE RACK LOOKING FOR A COOL ACTION FIGURE AND I'M WANDERING AROUND THE BACK BORED BECAUSE I DON'T PLAY WITH CHILDREN'S TOYS, I DO SOPHISTICATED THINGS LIKE READ COMIC BOOKS AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND COLLECT BASEBALL CARDS. THEN THERE ON THE BACK WALL - PUDGE PLAQUE

WHEN I SAW IT, I APPARENTLY COPIED NIMISH'S STARTLE SHAKE HBLBLLBBBLB ANTICS PERFECTLY WHICH MY FRIEND FOUND HALF FRIGHTENING AND HALF HILARIOUS

THAT'S IT, THAT'S THE STORY. CHECK OUT THAT CHECKLIST THO. 22 HALL OF FAMERS AND IF YOU WENT BACK IN TIME AND ASKED YOUR YOUNG, DUMB SELF WHICH 22 WOULD BE THE ONES TO GET IN I BET THEY WOULDN'T GET HALF OF 'EM RIGHT