NON-SPORT FRANKENSET - CARD #6

FOUND THE REST OF THE CARDS FROM MY FRANKENSET (INCLUDING SERIES 2!) SO ASSUMING THE SCANNER DON'T BARF I SHOULD HAVE THIS SERIES DONE AND POSTED BY 2027 ASSUMING ASSUMING WE AREN'T ALL DEAD FROM RADIOACTIVE HURRICANES BY THEN

LET'S GET ON WITH THE SHOW

2009 Topps Heritage American Heroes - Emily Dickinson

EMILY DICKINSON, EVERY MIDDLE SCHOOLER'S FAVORITE GOTH GIRLFRIEND. ACCESSIBLE MELANCHOLY POEMS ABOUT LOSS AND DEATH YOU CAN SING TO THE TUNE OF THE GILLIGAN'S ISLAND THEME OR THAT COKE COMMERCIAL WITH ALL THE FILTHY HIPPIES. I WONDER IF ANY SONGS FROM THE 21ST CENTURY WORK. 'BECAUSE I COULD NOT STOP FOR DEATH' AS PERFORMED BY TAYLOR SWIFT. I HEARD A FLY BUZZ WHEN I DIED ON THE OLD TOWN ROAD. SOMEONE THROW DOWN A TRAP BEAT. ACTUALLY SCRATCH THAT, THESE LYRICS WOULD GO GREAT WITH METAL.

REMEMBER WHEN TOPPS DID FUN HISTORICAL SETS LIKE THIS? AND THEN THEY GOT THE EXCLUSIVE AND STOPPED MAKING AN EFFORT. AMERICAN HEROES RECYCLED SEVERAL VINTAGE DESIGNS WITH HISTORICAL SUBJECTS ORGANIZED BY THEMES. THE FIRST TEN ARE LITERARY FIGURES PLASTERED ON THE EXCELLENT 1953 TOPPS DESIGN. I LOVE THIS DESIGN SO MUCH AT ONE POINT I CONSIDERED TRYING TO COLLECT EVERY TOPPS CARD THAT USED IT. ACTUAL SET, REPRINTS, INSERTS, ARCHIVES, ALL OF IT. THEN THE LIVING SET HAPPENED AND I'M HERE WAITING FOR DEATH TO STOP BY. IF TOPPS EVER DOES ANOTHER FUN SET ONE DAY WHEN THEY MIGHT HAVE SOME ACTUAL COMPETITION I HOPE THEY USE SOME FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL DESIGNS. SYLVIA PLATH ON A 1963 TOPPS FOOTBALL DESIGN. TONI MORRISON ON A 1977 BASKETBALL DESIGN. URSULA K LeGUIN IN A 1967-68 O-PEE-CHEE HOCKEY DESIGN. IT WOULD BE A HUGE HIT. I BET THEY'D SELL TENS OF BOXES.

WAIT - NEVERMIND. THEY'D JUST MAKE IT AN ON-DEMAND SET. NO MORE FREE IDEAS FOR TOPPS, I'M STICKING TO MY FRANKENSETS.

DIME BOX JUNK - $4.00

MIND... A BLANK.... CAN'T TYPE.... FINGERS. DON'T WORK.......... FORGOT..... HOW CAN DO BLOG. FUCK IT JUST TYPE SOME BULLSHIT. PEOPLE ONLY CARE ABOUT THE IMAGES THIS MAY AS WELL BE A PR0N SITE

2011 TOPPS KRIS MEDLEN

ONE OF MY FAVORITE CARDS EVER. MAYBE EVEN IN THE TOP 10. THAT LEG KICK AND THE BALL FLOATING RIGHT THERE IS JUST GLORIOUS. I HAVE SEVERAL DIFFERENT PARALLELS OF THIS CARD BUT NOTHING APPROACHING A RAINBOW YET. WOULD PROBABLY BE PRETTY EASY TO GET A LEGIT RAINBOW OF THIS CARD IF I WEREN'T IN FULL APOCALYPTIC SKINFLINT DON'T SPEND MONEY THE SKY IS FALLING MODE. MAN, I WISH KRIS'S ARM HADN'T FALLEN OFF SO SOON

2017 TOPPS MUSEUM COLLECTION ICHIRO

THIS IS WHY HIGH-END PRODUCT IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT. ICHIRO FRICKIN SUZUKI BASE CARD IN A GODDAMN DIME BOX. OPENING DAY ICHIROS WITH THREE DINGED CORNERS SHOULD NOT EVEN BE IN DIME BOXES. IT'S AN INSULT IS WHAT IT IS. A BOX OF THIS SHIT COSTS $269.95 FOR TWENTY FUCKING CARDS AND THAT'S ON SALE. THAT'S $13.50 PER GODFORSAKEN CARD. YET SOMEHOW A BASE CARD OF AN INNER CIRCLE GOD-TIER SLAM DUNK HALL OF FAMER IS IN. THE. DIME. BOX. HOWEVER, UNLIKE OUR ACTUAL BULLSHIT ECONOMY, THE HOBBY'S RIDICULOUS BULLSHIT ECONOMY ACTUALLY TRICKLES DOWN TO US BOTTOM FEEDING SCUMSUCKERS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE AND I'LL TAKE BEAUTIFUL ICHIRO HIGH END CARDS CHEAP ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY

2017 TOPPS ARCHIVES DJ LeMAHIEU PARALLEL THINGY 17/75

PRETTY SURE I BOUGHT THIS BEFORE DJ SIGNED WITH THE YANKEES AND NOW HE'S HITTING LIKE .390 WITH UMPTEEN DINGERS AND IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER BECAUSE ARCHIVES HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM BLUE PARALELELELEL. I MEAN, EVEN WITH THE CARD BEING NUMBERED TO 75 NO ONE CARES. I WONDER IF THE SELLER EVEN KNEW THE CARD WAS NUMBERED TO BE HONEST. CAN YOU FIND THE NUMBER? COMMENT IF YOU CAN FIND IT WITHIN 5 MINUTES WITH THE WRONG ANSER TO THROW OTHER READERS OFF THE SCENT. ONLY REASON I PICKED THIS UP IS BECAUSE I IRRATIONALLY LOVE THE 1960 DESIGN. VERY COLOR. MUCH HORIZON

2018 TOPPS HERITAGE ROBINSON CANO DECAL INSERT

AREN'T THESE THINGS SUPPOSED TO BE TOUGH TO PULL? IT'S A RIDICULOUS LITTLE INSERT, IT EVEN HAS IT'S OWN TINY LITTLE TEAM BAG SLEEVE PROTECTOR. DID THEY COME OUT OF PACKS LIKE THAT OR DID THIS GUY PUT IT INTO THE SLEEVE BEFORE DROPPING IT IN A DIME BOX? WHERE THE HELL DO YOU BUY TEENSY TINY TEAM BAGS ANYWAY? THIS IS THE FIRST AND ONLY ONE OF THESE DECALS I'VE SEEN IN MY TRAVELS. I'D DO ANOTHER RANT ABOUT ADDED VALUE WHY THIS IS BE DIME GRAH BUT I DID THAT ALREADY AND TO BE FAIR I FOUND THIS WHEN I ATTACKED A BOX LIKE AN HOUR BEFORE THE SHOW CLOSED AND I THINK THE GUY SAID THEY WERE A DIME A POP JUST TO GET ME TO SPEND MONEY AND LEAVE. WORKS FOR ME, I LOVE THESE RETROIZED HERITAGE INSERTS

1988 MOTHER'S COOKIES ROBBY THOMPSON AUTOGRAPH OF DUBIOUS PROVENANCE

SOMETIMES YOU FIND AUTOGRAPHS IN DIME BOXES. IT IS LEGIT? WHO CARES? IT'S COOL ENOUGH AS A MOTHER'S COOKIES CARD, THE SCRIBBLES ARE A BONUS

AAAAY BACK IN THE SADDLE. LET'S DO THIS AGAIN SOON

NON-SPORT FRANKENSET - CARD #5

YEAAAAAH BACK TO THIS AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS

GONNA JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT. IF IT WEREN'T FOR A VERY SUPER CRUCIAL LIFE-ALTERING ABSOLUTELY GOTTA DO IT THING I NEED TO DO RIGHT NOW I WOULDN'T BE WRITING THIS POST. I'D BE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES OR JUST MINDLESSLY SCROLLING THRU TWITTER OR SOMETHING USELESS. BUT THAT PARTICULAR DAMOCLEAN SWORD IS DANGLING ABOVE MY NOGGIN AT THE MOMENT SO I NEED TO DO SOMETHING SLIGHTLY LESS NONESSENTIAL TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE GNAWING ANXIETY OF THE UNDONE TASK. I'VE ALREADY WASHED ALL THE DISHES SO CREATING AN ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE TWELVE PEOPLE WHO STILL READ THIS THING WILL HAVE TO DO. WAIT! I HAVEN'T TAKEN OUT THE TRASH YET. HOLD ON A SEC


DANG THAT DIDN'T TAKE AS LONG AS I HOPED. GUESS I GOTTA WRITE. WHAT DO I DO AGAIN? OH YEAH THE CARD NAME IN BOLD

1982 Donruss The Dark Crystal - The Mystic Scribe

DIDJA KNOW THERE WAS A TRADING CARD SET FOR THE DARK CRYSTAL? DIDJA KNOW IT WAS MADE BY DONRUSS? DIDJA KNOW IT WAS A PIONEER IN TRADING CARD SETS WITH ROUNDED CORNERS? YOU PROBABLY DID. I'M GUESSING MOST PEOPLE READING THIS ARE MIDDLE AGED CARD NERDS WHO LOVE THE MUPPETS. I DON'T KNOW IF THESE ARE RARE OR WHAT BUT THIS IS THE ONLY CARD FROM THE SET I OWN AND IF I WOULD HAVE FOUND PACKS OR SINGLES OR EVEN A SET ANY TIME SINCE THE 80S I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT 'EM ALL UP. IT'S A NEAT LOOKING SET THOUGH WHAT WITH THE BRIGHT PURPLE BORDERS AND ROUND CORNERS. HONESTLY IF I HAD ENCOUNTERED THESE CARDS IN 1982 I'M NOT SURE HOW I WOULD HAVE REACTED TO THEM. I FREAKIN LOVED THE MOVIE (EVEN THOUGH IT FREAKED ME OUT A BIT) BUT ROUNDED CORNERS ARE FOR PLAYING CARDS NOT TRADING CARDS AND I HAVE A FEELING MY LIZARDY TWEENAGED BRAIN WOULD HAVE REJECTED THIS SET OUTRIGHT FOR NOT FOLLOWING THE RULES

THE BACK IS AS PURPLY AS THE FRONT. NOT SURE IF THIS IS A DARK CRYSTAL THING OR AN EARLY 80S THING. I REMEMBER THE MOVIE BEING MORE EARTH-TONEY. THIS CARD IS OF urAc THE urRu AND THE WEIRD CAPITALIZATION IS IMPORTANT I THINK SO I'M KEEPING IT IN. THE urRu ARE THE CHUBBY HIPPIE GOOD GUYS OF THE FILM AND ARE THE FOILS OF THE WICKED SKEKSIS. THIS GUY HERE WROTE STUFF DOWN I GUESS. THE urRu DON'T DO MUCH MORE IN THE FILM BESIDES SHOW UP SO I DON'T THINK IT MATTERS MUCH. I SUPPORT LITERACY IN GENERAL SO I APPROVE OF THIS GUY'S STYLE

BACK ON JUNE 14TH WHEN THIS POST SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN I WAS KINDA BUMMED THE NETFLIX SERIES WAS SO FAR OFF. NOW DUE TO THE POWER OF PROCRASTINATION IT'S ONLY A FEW DAYS AWAY. I'M SOMEWHAT WORRIED ABOUT CGI, BUT IT APPEARS THERE'S PLENTY OF PUPPETS RUNNING AROUND IF THE TRAILERS AREN'T LYING SO IT SHOULD BE GOOD. ALSO A LITTLE SCARED THAT SINCE IT'S A PREQUEL (I THINK) IT'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER ROGUE ONE WHERE HE GET TO ROOT FOR A BUNCH OF LIKABLE CHARACTERS ONLY TO SEE THEM GET THEIR SHIT REKT BECAUSE PLOT. HOWEVER, IT'S GOT AUGHRA IN IT SO IT HAS TO BE GOOD. SCRAP THE ENTIRE SERIES AND JUST MAKE THE AUGHRA SHOW. I NEED AN AUGHRA CARD. I NEED AN AUGHRA SET

AT ANY RATE THE DARK CRYSTAL WAS A PERFECT MIX OF LORD OF THE RINGS FANTASY SCHLOCK AND CREEPY A-LITTLE-TOO-REALISTIC MUPPETS AND IT WARPED MY LITTLE LIZARD BRAIN AT JUST THE RIGHT TIME. IT SPARKED MY OBSESSION WITH ANDROGYNOUS ELFY CREATURES LIKE DAVID BOWIE. IT CAUSED EXISTENTIAL ANGST AS I GRAPPLED WITH ONE OF THE MYSTIC HIPPIES POOFING OUT OF EXISTENCE JUST BECAUSE A SKEKSIS MANAGED TO GET HIMSELF KILLED. THE SKEKSIS REINFORCED THE LESSON LEARNED WITH DARTH VADER THAT THE BAD GUYS COULD BE WAY MORE INTERESTING THAN THE GOOD GUYS. AND THAT SCENE WHERE THE REFUGEE FROM FRAGGLE ROCK GETS HIS SOUL SUCKED OUT THROUGH HIS EYEBALLS WHEN HE LOOKS AT THE DARK CRYSTAL STILL FUCKS ME UP. THE DARK CRYSTAL IS COOL AS HELL AND I'M PISSED THAT IT TOOK 37 YEARS TO GET MORE OF IT

Scanners

NO NOT CRONENBERG, THE COMPUTERY THING WHAT STEALS IMAGES FROM REALITY AND IS OFTEN PACKAGED WITH A GARBAGE INK GUZZLING PRINTER. I TOLD YOU I'D FIX MY SCANNER AND I DID. I FIXED IT WHEN MY FAMILY GOT A NEW PRINTER AND I TOOK THE OLD ONE THAT WON'T PRINT AND WILL SCAN. I HAVE A WORKING SCANNER NOW, IT COUNTS AS A WIN FOR ME. LET ME HAVE THIS

NOT GONNA LIE, HAVING THE SCANNER THAT DONE SCANNERIZED THE VERY FIRST IMAGE ON THIS BLOG 800 YEARS AGO DROP DEAD* WAS A BLOW TO ME AND I NEEDED SOME MOURNING TIME. WASN'T LAZY AT ALL, IT WAS GRIEVING FOR A HUNK OF PLASTIC AND CIRCUIT BOARDS. THE NEW ONE IS OK AND WHILE THE SCANNING SOFTWARE ISN'T AS ROBUST IT'S SO FAST IT MAKES UP FOR IT. ONCE THE PRINTER SOFTWARE FINALLY INSTALLED AFTER BEGGING FOR INTERNET ACCESS AND AS MUCH DEMOGRAPHIC DATA IT COULD LEGALLY ASK FOR, I GRABBED SOME CARDS TO TEST THE THING OUT. HONESTLY I HAVEN'T GOT MANY NEW CARDS THIS YEAR AND THE JUNK PILED ON MY DESK WAS SLIM PICKINGS. BUT! I FILLED UP THE SCANNER BED AND NOW YOU SHALL SEE SOME TRULY RANDOM-ASSED JUNK. DESPITE HAVING A FOLDER OF OVER 100 IMAGES OF ACTUALLY COOL CARDS I COULD'VE EASILY POSTED AT ANY TIME

 WAS CLEANING UP THE BASEMENT TODAY AND FOUND THIS HORRIFICALLY ABUSED WELL LOVED POKEMON CARD OF TEAM MAGMA'S GREAT BALL. GREAT BALLS OF FIRE AMIRITE. NOTHING? OK. MAGMA'S LOGO IS PRETTY DOPE AND I'M SURPRISED/RELIEVED THIS CARD ISN'T A RARE. I DON'T REMEMBER WHICH GAME IS THE TEAM MAGMA ONE, EMERALD MAYBE? AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHICH POKEMON SET THIS IS FROM. MY GOD, THERE'S LIKE A HUNDRED DIFFERENT POKEMON SETS EASILY. AT LEAST. I FEEL BAD FOR ANYONE COLLECTING THEM, IT'S EVEN MORE OFF THE RAILS THAN OUR RIDICULOUS HOBBY. ANYWAY, TEAM AQUA 4 LYFE. FLOOD THE EARTH, DROWN EVERYONE, SHELLY'S THE BEST

SCRATCH THAT, FLEER LOGO STICKERS ARE THE BEST. AND THE CLASSIC HAWKS PAC-MAN LOGO IS THE BESTERIST. WITH BONUS JERRY WEST STICKER! DON'T KNOW WHAT SET THIS IS FROM, THE BACK IS BLANK AND I'M TOO LAZY TO SEARCH THE fLEER sTICKER pROJECT RIGHT NOW. I JUST WANNA STARE AT THAT BEAUTIFUL LOGO



OK THAT'S ENOUGH

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THIS CARD CAME FROM, IT JUST POPPED UP IN A PILE OF JUNK. WILLEM DAFOE IS AWESOME AND WILLEM DAFOE TRADING CARDS ARE AWESOME. I DEMAND TRADING CARD SETS FOR WILD AT HEART, SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE AND THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL SO I CAN HAVE MORE WILLEM DAFOE CARDS. TRADING CARD SETS FOR ALL WILLEM DAFOE MOVIES NOW!!!

MAYBE NOT ANTICHRIST

 KELLOGG'S!!!!! I HAVE AT LEAST THREE OF THESE THAT I KNOW OF AND PROBABLY MORE BECAUSE WHEN I SEE 3D POPS IN A CHEAPO BOX I BUY 3D POPS. THIS CARD WASN'T IN A BOX OF POPS, IT WAS IN CORN FLAKES. I LIKE HOW THE SCAN CAUGHT THE GHOST OF THE SECOND IMAGE AND A HINT OF THE OUTFIELD/FIRST BASE POSITION DESIGNATION. I WANT A BOWL OF CEREAL NOW, DAMN YOU UBIQUITOUS ADVERTISING

THIS WAS ON THE FLOOR. IT'S FROM A GO FISH GAME FROM COBB EMC. I'M GUESSING MY KIDS GOT IT FREE FROM SOME FUN FAIR AND IMMEDIATELY PLAYED A SPIRITED GAME OF 52 CARD PICKUP. THE ARTWORK FASCINATES ME. IT SEEMS A LITTLE TOO DETAILED FOR AN ACTUAL KID'S DRAWING BUT ALSO DOESN'T SEEM LIKE SOMETHING A PROFESSIONAL ARTIST WOULD MAKE WHEN TASKED WITH 'MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A KID DREW IT'. COBB EMC SHOULD HAVE CREDITED THE ARTISTS LIKE THEY DO ON MAGIC:THE GATHERING CARDS. IF A KID DID DRAW THIS I WANT TO SAY WHEREVER YOU ARE, THIS IS WEIRDLY GOOD AND KEEP DRAWING EVERY DAY TO BUILD YOUR SKILLS. AND I HOPE YOU GOT PAID. NEVER WORK FOR EXPOSURE KID, YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET CREDITED HERE

BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO BOMBO 

BACK ON OPENING DAY I WAS FEELING FRISKY FROM ALL THE BASEBALL JUICES AND I BOUGHT ONE OF THOSE WALGREENS JUNK PACKS HOPING TO GET ONE OF THOSE BRYCE HARPER ROOKIES LITERALLY EVERY PERSON ON TWITTER HAS PULLED OUT OF THOSE THINGS. UNFORTUNATELY, THERE WAS NO HARPER, THE BOX WAS MOSTLY GARBAGE AND THE CASHIER RUNG ME UP WRONG SO I ENDED UP ACCIDENTALLY PAYING $10 FOR THE DAMN THING. BUT I GOT BOMBO SO IT WASN'T ALL BAD

THREE STOOGES GOLDEN AGE INSERT! DOES GOLDEN AGE STILL EXIST? OR HAVE THEY LEFT THAT MARKET TO UPPER DECK GOODWIN CHAMPIONS. DON'T REMEMBER WHAT YEAR THIS WAS BUT LARRY MOE AND CURLY GOT THEIR OWN CARDS AND AN INSERT SET. THESE CARDS ARE EXPENSIVE FOR NON-SPORTS NON-AUTOGRAPHS! I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM FOR LESS THAN A FEW BUCKS BUT I HAD TO SNAG THE THREE LITTLE PIGSKINS CARD BECAUSE FOOTBALL. NEVER NOTICED MOE'S UNIFORM NUMBER WAS HYDROGEN PEROXIDE BEFORE

NORMALLY I'D EMBED A YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THIS EPISODE BUT FOR SOME REASON A FILM SHORT FROM 1934 IS NOT YET IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND STREAMING SERVICES WANT TO CHARGE TWO BUCKS TO WATCH IT. I'LL JUST DIG UP MY VHS COPY, Y'ALL FIGURE IT OUT ON YOUR OWN IF YOU WANT TO WATCH

BRUCE SMITH ROOKIE CARD! FROM THE BEST FOOTBALL SET OF THE 80S, HANDS DOWN. YOU CAN'T SEE IT FROM THE SCAN BUT THIS CARD IS ALL WARPED AND WOBBLY DUE TO WATER DAMAGE. SO WHAT HAD HAPPENED IS WHEN IT RAINS REALLY HARD AROUND HERE THE BASEMENT TENDS TO LEAK. BECAUSE OF THIS, I HAVE PUT EVERYTHING IN THAT ROOM UP ON SHELVES OR IN PLASTIC CONTAINERS. ONE BOX OF OLD FOOTBALL DOUBLES WAS IN ONE OF THOSE PLASTIC CONTAINERS. MY SON DUG THRU THE CONTAINER AND PLACED THIS BOX ON THE FLOOR. THEN IT RAINED. NOW I HAVE A BUNCH OF WIBBLY WOBBLY FOOTBALL DOUBLES INCLUDING TWO BRUCE SMITH ROOKIES. GOOD THING I DON'T CARE ABOUT CONDITION. SO NEXT TIME YOU SEE SOME VINTAGE CARDS WITH THE WOBBLIES, THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENS

YAY! A NEW POST! I AM CONFIDENT IN ASSURING YOU I WILL BE BACK ON A REGULAR POSTING SCHEDULE NOW THAT I CAN SCAN STUFF WHENEVER THE INSPIRATION STRIKES. ALSO I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT I NEED TO BE DOING SO I HAVE MORE PROCRASTINATING INCENTIVE

YELL AT ME WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE NEXT, I PROMISE I READ COMMENTS IF ONLY TO KILL SPAM

* 90% SURE IT'S JUST THE CABLE. I HAVE NO MONEY TO REPLACE THE CABLE WHICH I'M NOT SURE IS EVEN MADE ANYMORE SO I'LL NEVER KNOW FOR SURE, THUS THE SCANNER IS NOT TECHNICALLY DEAD

IT'S NOT DEAAAAAAD

Atlanta Comic Con Pickups

THIS CONVENTION WAS LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO BUT IN MY DEFENSE IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO MOVE PICTURES FROM YOUR PHONE TO YOUR LAPTOP WHEN YOU ARE VERY LAZY

SO WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS A COUPLE MONTHS AGO MY WIFE FOUND A DISCOUNT DEAL ON ATLANTA UNITED TICKETS AND EVEN WITH THE DISCOUNT THE PRICES WERE LIKE HOLY SHIT AND I MENTIONED THAT FOR THAT MONEY I'D RATHER JUST GO TO DRAGON*CON AGAIN AND MY SON WHO CAN'T HEAR WORTH SHIT WHEN YOU TELL HIM TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH OR DO HIS HOMEWORK OR GO TO BED HEARD FROM THREE ROOMS AWAY AND IMMEDIATELY PLANNED OUT A SCHEDULE TO GO TO FOUR COMIC CONVENTIONS THIS YEAR AND IS ANGLING FOR MOMOCON NEXT YEAR. ATLANTA COMIC CON WAS THE FIRST ON THE LIST AND IS HELD IN A CORNER OF THE GEORGIA WORLD CONGRESS CENTER WAAAAAY IN THE BACK TO SEGREGATE THE NERDS FROM THE NORMIES AND UM, BASKETBALL PLAYERS? THERE WAS SERIOUSLY A BASKETBALL CONVENTION? TOURNAMENT? I DUNNO A SHITLOAD OF BASKETBALL PLAYERS WANDERING AROUND

THIS CON IS TINY COMPARED TO DRAGON*CON BUT WAY BIGGER THAN THE OTHER LOCAL SHOWS, WHICH TO BE FAIR ARE USUALLY HELD IN LIBRARIES OR MIDDLE SCHOOLS. IN THE BACK WAS THE AUTOGRAPH LINES WHICH I COMPLETELY IGNORED BECAUSE THE ABSOLUTE CHEAPEST 'GRAPH OR PHOTO OP WAS $25 AND  I HAD $23 AND A POCKET OF CHANGE FOR THE SHOW. THERE WAS A BIG-ASS VENDOR FLOOR WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE SELLING CRAP AND AN ARTIST'S ALLEY IN THE MIDDLE. THE ARTIST'S ALLEY WAS A NICE MIX OF LEGIT MARVEL AND DC COMICS PROFESSIONALS (WHO ALSO MADE APPEARANCES IN PANELS) AND A BUNCH OF LOCAL ARTISTS. I WISH I COULD HAVE SPENT MORE MONEY WITH THE LOCAL DOODS BUT I DID GET A SKETCH CARD FROM A FAVORITE LOCAL ARTIST WHICH WILL BE SHOWN OFF AT A LATER TIME. THERE WAS THE OBLIGATORY OVERPRICED SNACK BARS WHICH WE IGNORED BECAUSE WE SNUCK IN A WAL-MART SUB FOR LUNCH. GAMING WAS WELL REPRESENTED WITH A WALL OF ARCADE CABINETS WITH FREE PLAY AND ANOTHER ROOM OF PC GAMING. MY SON BEAT ME AT DUCK GAME AND I FELT PRIDE

WE ONLY WENT TO TWO PANELS BECAUSE WE PLANNED POORLY. THE FIRST ONE WAS GREAT, THREE VOICE ACTORS DID THEIR THING FOR AN HOUR. THERE WAS A LOT OF POOP JOKES AND FUNNY VOICES AND VENERATION OF THE GUY WHO DID THE VOICE OF OPTIMUS PRIME. I'M NOT LOOKING UP THE NAMES OF THE ACTORS BUT IT WAS BILLY FROM THE ADVENTURES OF BILLY AND MANDY, A GUY FROM THE STAR WARS CARTOON AND A GUY FROM AN ANIME. FAIRY TALE? IT THINK. THE NEXT PANEL DIDN'T GO AS WELL, IT WAS A BUNCH OF GUYS WHO DREW FOR MARVEL IN THE '70S INCLUDING THE CREATOR OF PUNISHER AND THEY WERE MOSTLY ALL FED UP WITH THE COMICS INDUSTRY. I NOW REGRET NOT GOING TO THE BATMAN '89 PANEL INSTEAD. THERE WAS A WATCHMAN PANEL AND A COUPLE OTHER INTERESTING ONES BUT WE STUPIDLY TOOK THAT TIME TO SHOP THE VENDORS AND MISSED THEM. ONCE WE HAD SPENT ALL OUR MONEY THE ONLY PANEL LEFT WAS ON AQUAMAN AND WHO THE HELL WANTS TO SEE THAT

NO! YOU WANT TO SEE THE CRAP I WASTED MY MONEY ON! I KNOW FOR A FACT AT LEAST HALF OF YOU ONLY COME FOR THE PRETTY PICTURES. I WENT INTO THIS MESS WITH A GAME PLAN AND I ACTUALLY FOLLOWED IT TO THE LETTER. HERE IS MY GAME PLAN HIGHLIGHTED IN RED:

TRANSMETROPLITAN 30 31
THE SANDMAN 23 50
FLAMING CARROT 1-6, 32

***NOTE HERE THAT I SWAPPED THE ISSUE NUMBERS THAT I NEED FOR SANDMAN AND TRANSMET. THIS WAS NOT A PROBLEM BECAUSE I BOUGHT NO ISSUES OF EITHER COMIC. I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE CAUGHT MY ERROR IF I HAD FOUND ANY OF THESE ISSUES. MAYBE

EC REPRINTS
MAD MAGAZINES
HOUSE OF MYSTERY/SECRETS/PLOP

DONT PASS UP HELLBLAZERS IN A DOLLAR BOX!!!
GET SOME WEIRD BOOLSHEET FROM CHEAPO BOXEN

DEAR READER, I KNOCKED THIS SHIT OUT OF THE PARK EVEN WITH MY LIMITED FUNDS.

FIRST COMIC BOUGHT: HELLBLAZER ANNUAL #1

SO HERE'S MY GENERAL PROCEDURE AT CARD SHOWS/COMIC CONVENTIONS: WALK AROUND THE ENTIRE VENDING HALL AND SEE WHAT THEY GOT BEFORE SPENDING ANY CASH. FIND THE DIME/QUARTER/DOLLAR BOXES. FIND THE CHEAPO BINS. SCOUT AROUND A BIT. OF YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO HAVE IMMEDIATELY, TAKE A MENTAL NOTE OF IT AND IF YOU REALLY REALLY WANT IT FOR REALS YOU'LL REMEMBER IT AFTER YOU FINISH LOOKING AT EVERY TABLE. IF YOU GO BACK AND IT'S GONE, IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE. I KINDA CHEATED WITH THIS ONE BECAUSE I HAD SEEN MOSTLY EVERYTHING EXCEPT ARTIST'S ALLEY WHEN I FOUND THIS IN A DOLLAR BOX. DON'T REMEMBER IF IT WAS A TWEET OR A BLOG POST BUT PREVIOUSLY I EXPRESSED MY REGRETS ABOUT FINDING EARLY HELLBLAZER ISSUES IN DOLLAR BOXES AND PASSING THEM UP. REMEMBERING MY ANGUISH I IMMEDIATELY BOUGHT THE THING EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE STILL TABLES UNSEEN. STICK TO THE PLAN!

HAVEN'T ACTUALLY READ THIS YET BUT I FLIPPED THRU IT AND IT LOOKS LIKE JOHN CONSTANTINE IS IN THE MIDDLE AGES SOMEHOW? AND THERE'S DEMON SHENANIGANS GOING ON OF COURSE. DON'T RECALL ANYONE THROWING SWORDS AT JOHN BUT MAYBE I SKIPPED THAT PAGE

PURCHASE #2 SIGNED JAMES BOND PRINT FROM TOM RICHMOND

BROKE MY RULE AGAIN AT ARTISTS ALLEY. WAS BARELY A QUARTER WAY AROUND THE ROW WHEN I CAME TO TOM RICHMOND'S TABLE. TOM IS AN ARTIST FOR MAD MAGAZINE AMONG OTHER THINGS AND HE HAD A COLLECTION OF NEWER ISSUES FOR SALE. SADLY DID NOT FIND ISSUE #4 OF THE REBOOT WITH THE COVER MAKING FUN OF THE SHINING. IF ANYONE HAS THAT ISSUE OR KNOWS WERE I CAN FIND IT AFFORDABLY PLEASE LET ME KNOW, I'M KICKING MYSELF FOR NOT GETTING A SUBSCRIPTION AND MISSING THAT ONE WHEN IT WAS ON SALE. TOM HAD A FEW $5 PRINTS AND ONE OF THEM WAS THIS JAMES BOND CARICATURE AND SIGNATURE WAS FREE WITH PURCHASE SO NO WAY I COULD PASS THAT UP. TOM ASKED IF I WANTED AN INSCRIPTION AND I COMPLETELY BLANKED BECAUSE MY BRAIN SHUTS OFF WHEN I MEET PEOPLE I ADMIRE AND HE SIGNED IT MADLY! WHICH IS AWESOME. ALMOST IMMEDIATELY BEHIND TOM WAS THE OTHER ARTIST I ENDED UP  BUYING SOMETHING FROM BUT THAT'S A STORY FOR ANOTHER POST

AT THIS POINT I HAD SCOPED OUT THE BARGAIN BIN COMIC BOXES AND MY SON FOUND HALF A DOZEN THINGS HE WANTED BUT COULDN'T AFFORD. TWO THINGS HAD CAUGHT MY EYE ON THE TRIP AROUND THE FLOOR. A COPY OF THE GRAPHIC NOVEL BLANKETS FOR A FIVER AND A GODZILLA MOVIE POSTER. I FIGURED I COULD FIND BLANKETS AT THE LIBRARY OR IN A HUMBLE BUNDLE EVENTUALLY SO GAVE UP ON IT. AFTER MY ARTIST ALLEY PICKUPS THE GODZILLA POSTER WAS SADLY OUT OF MY BUDGET. I STILL HAVEN'T HUNG UP THE FLAMING CARROT PRINT I GOT AT LAST YEAR'S CON SO TO BE HONEST IT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST THAT GODZILLA GOES TO SOMEONE MORE WORTHY. AT THIS POINT WE WENT FOR PANELS AND LUNCH. BUT THEN....... TIME TO DIG THRU CHEAPSKATE BOXES

PURCHASE #3 HORROR COMIX!

GLADSTONE TALES FROM THE CRYPT REPRINT #5

GLADSTONE WEIRD SCIENCE REPRINT #4

MARVEL FEAR #5

 EC COMIX BAYBEEEEE! IF YOU REMEMBER FROM MY WALLY WOOD POST THERE ARE SEVERAL DIFFERENT FLAVORS OF EC COMIC REPRINTS. MOST JUST REPRINT ONE ISSUE BUT THESE GLADSTONE REPRINTS ARE DOUBLE-SIZED!!!! TWO COMICS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! ON MY INITIAL RECON MISSION I FOUND A TALES FROM THE CRYPT IN A $2 BOX AND I MADE A MENTAL NOTE TO SNAG IT LATER. IT HAD VANISHED BY THE TIME I GOT BACK BUT I FOUND ANOTHER ONE SO NO HARM DONE. OH HOW I LOVE THE GNARLED VISAGE OF THE CRYPT-KEEPER, THE OLD WITCH AND THE VAULT-KEEPER ON THIS KICK-ASS JACK DAVIS COVER. YOU WANT HORROR, HERE'S A RAT IN YOUR FACE. FUCK YEAH

THE BONUS COMIC IS CRIME SUSPENSTORIES WHICH IS A HELLUVA WORD. THIS GRISLY COVER IS FROM JOHNNY CRAIG AND DOCTOR WERTHAM DOES NOT APPROVE. APPARENTLY THERE'S A CROSS-OVER FROM THE HAUNT OF FEAR TOO SO WE HAS SOME HORROR WITH OUR CRIME. GAWD I WANNA READ THIS NOW BUT I GOTTA FINISH TYPING ARGH

OH MAH GOURD IT'S ANOTHER WALLY WOOD COVER. BIG UGLY MONSTER ABOUT TO CHOMP A DUDE. MANLY MAN ZAPPING THE MONSTER ABOUT TO GOBBLE HIS BRO. STRONG ATTRACTIVE WOMAN WHO ACTUALLY HAS SOME GODDAMN SENSE HEADING BACK TO THE ROCKET SINCE THE GUYS HAVE THIS SHIT HANDLED. AND THE DILDO ROCKET GOES FWOOOOOOSH! WHY THE HELL HASN'T WEIRD SCIENCE BEEN TURNED INTO A SERIES LIKE TALES FROM THE CRYPT? THAT WOULD KICK ASS! I GUESS SCI-FI IS TOO EXPENSIVE TO PRODUCE. AT LEAST REBOOT THE 80S MOVIE. AND GENDERSWAP IT SO A COUPLE OF TEENAGE GIRL NERDS CREATE THEIR OWN CHRIS HEMSWORTH THROUGH THE POWER OF THE INTERWEBS OR SOMETHING AND MAKE A BUNCH OF JERKS CRY ABOUT THEIR CHILDHOODS BEING RUINED

INSIDE COMIC IS WEIRD FANTASY WITH THE AL FELDSTEIN COVER OF KABOOMED MANHATTAN. REMEMBER KIDS, THIS IS THE 1950S WHEN FANTASY MEANT SCIENCE FICTION. TOLKIEN HADN'T RIPPED THE TERM BACK FOR THE ELVES AND DRAGONS YET.  BUT WHY THE FANTASY, YOU ASK. WHY NOT JUST PUT THESE STORIES IN WEIRD SCIENCE WHERE THEY BELONG, YOU DEMAND. BECAUSE EC GOT TO PRINT TWO DIFFERENT COMICS FOR THE KIDDOS TO BUY, I CLARIFY. AND THE KIDS WHO HATE SCIENCE CLASS CAN BUY FANTASY, AND VICEY -VERSA. AND I GOT BOTH BECAUSE GLADSTONE REPRINTS! THEN THAT FUCK WERTHAM RUINED EVERYTHING. WELL, WE GOT REPRINTS AND MAD MAGAZINE OUT OF THE DEAL AT LEAST.

THERE WAS ANOTHER EC REPRINT IN THE BOX BUT IT WAS A SINGLE ISSUE GEMSTONE AND IT WAS LIKE A TWO-FISTED TALES OR ONE OF THE ONES I WAN'T AS INTERESTED IN AND IT GOT PUT BACK IN THE BOX WHEN I FOUND THIS HORROR COMIC FROM MARVEL THAT I HAD NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE. THE COMBINATION OF A BIG, BLOODY FEAR TITLE AND A GORILLAMAN WAS JUST TOO MUCH FOR ME TO RESIST. I ACTUALLY HAVE READ THIS ONE, AND I HAVE TO SAY DEAR READER, THAT MARVEL HORROR COMIC ARE FUCKING GOOD. FIRST OF ALL JACK KIRBY. JACK KIRBY DRAWING GORILLAMENS. HOLY SHIT. I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED JACK KIRBY GORILLAMONSTERS IN MY LIFE BUT I. FUCKING. DO. ANOTHER THING IS THAT MARVEL HORROR/SCI-FI IS SURPRISINGLY UPBEAT! I'M USED TO EC COMICS WHICH ARE GLORIOUS SOUL-KILLING NIGHTMARES AND THE SPIRITUAL SUCCESSORS AT DC, HOUSE OF MYSTERY AND HOUSE OF SECRETS, WHICH OFTEN CONTINUED IN THE EC TRADITION WHERE EVILDOERS GET THE HORRENDOUS JUSTICE THEY TRULY DESERVE AND PRETTY OK PEOPLE IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME JUST GET ABSOLUTELY WREKT IN DREADFUL WAYS AND COMPLETELY INNOCENT BYSTANDERS SUFFER THE TORMENTS OF HELL BECAUSE IT'S A HORROR COMIC FOR FUCK SAKE THAT JUST WHAT HAPPENS. IN ALL THESE STORIES, THE BAD GUY GETS THEIRS, THE GOOD GUYS END UP ALL RIGHT AND THERE'S EVEN ONE TRULY SUBVERSIVE STORY THAT WOULD FIT RIGHT IN WITH AN ORIGINAL EC COMIC OR EVEN THE TWILIGHT ZONE. FEEL-GOOD HORROR IS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME AND DAMMIT I WANT MORE. I'LL BE LOOKING OUT FOR MORE MARVEL STUFF IN THE FUTURE

LOOKIT THIS AMAZING KIRBY MINDFUCK. THERE'S A LOT OF THESE SPLASH PAGES IN HERE AND I LOVE THEM SO. ONE THING I DIDN'T REALIZE ABOUT THIS COMIC WHEN I BOUGHT IT IS THAT IT TOO, IS A REPRINT COMIC. THE STORIES ARE FROM TALES TO ASTONISH, JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY AND STRANGE TALES. THERE ARE SO MANY DAMN COMICS, GUYS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO MAKE OF ALL OF THEM AND I AM THANKFUL FOR REPRINTS. THE OTHER THING I DIDN'T REALIZE IS THAT THE BACK COVER IS MISSING SO NO GLOSSY ADVERTISEMENTS FOR ME. AND TRUST ME THE ADVERTISEMENTS IN THIS THING ARE AS ASTONISHING AS THE COMICS. THE FRONT COVER IS SO DAMN GOOD I DON'T REALLY MIND TBH

PURCHASE #4 KID STUFF!

WHITMAN BATTLE OF THE PLANETS #6

DC PLOP! #3, #5, #6

ALMOST OUTTA CASH AT THIS POINT SO I HIT THE HALF OFF BOX AND FOUND A HELL OF A LOT OF GOODIES. HONESTLY I COULD HAVE SPENT ALL MY MONEY AT THIS TABLE AND BEEN HAPPY BUT I WAS ABLE TO EASILY FOCUS MYSELF AND ONLY GET THE STUFF I TRULY COVETED. I GUSHED OVER MY LOVE OF BATTLE OF THE PLANETS LAST CHRISTMAS AND I MAY HAVE MENTIONED SOMEWHERE THAT I REALLY WANTED ONE OF THE ORIGINAL GOLD KEY COMICS FROM BACK WHEN THE SHOW WAS ON THE AIR. WELL I FOUND ONE BUT IT WAS FROM WHITMAN INSTEAD OF GOLD KEY. WHICH MIGHT BE THE SAME THING? I DON'T REALLY KNOW THE HISTORY OF THOSE TWO PUBLISHERS BUT FROM MY KIDDIE COMIC READING DAYS I RECALL THAT GOLD KEY HAD A LOT OF THE BRAND PROPERTY COMICS FROM TV SHOWS AND MOVIES AND SUCH AND WHITMAN COMICS CATERED PURELY TO THE KIDS WITH LOWBROW FUNNY STUFF THAT NO ONE EVEN THINKS ABOUT ANYMORE. SO IT KINDA MAKES SENSE FOR WHITMAN TO PUBLISH A COMIC ADAPTATION OF A MANGLED ANIME WITH AN R2D2 RIPOFF SHOVED IN CATERING TO THE AFTERSCHOOL CROWD. AND MAYBE THERE'S ALSO A GOLD KEY VERSION? DON'T KNOW DON'T CARE, I DON'T DO VARIANTS. THE COMIC ITSELF HAS ZOLTAR BEING SCARY ON A BOAT WITH A GINORMOUS EYEBALL AND THERE'S A WHALE FOR SOME REASON? BUT IT'S COLORFUL AND G-FORCE KICKS BOOTAY AND 7-ZARK-7 SHOWS UP WITH HIS ROBOT DOG SO ALL IS RIGHT WITH THIS COMIC

 PLOP! GOTTA TALK ABOUT PLOP! SO HERE'S THE DEAL WITH PLOP! DC HAD A BUNCH OF THEIR OWN HORROR COMICS IN EC STYLE, HOUSE OF SECRETS AND HOUSE OF MYSTERY STARRING CAIN AND ABEL, AND A HANDFUL OF OTHER HORROR TITLES STARRING EVE WHO GOT BOUNCED AROUND EVERYWHERE BECAUSE DC EXECUTIVES ARE A BUNCH OF MALE CHAUVINIST PIGS. THESE COMICS ARE AWESOME AND WERE SOME OF THE FIRST BIG BOY COMICS I GOT MY HANDS ON AND I LOVED THEM AND THEY ENDED UP SPAWNING SWAMP THING AND GREATLY INFLUENCING THE SANDMAN AND THOSE ARE COMIC HALL OF FAMERS SO YOU WILL SHOW RESPECT. SO ONE DAY JOE ORLANDO DECIDED HE WANTED TO DO A HUMOR COMIC SO HE RECRUITED SERGIO ARAGONES FROM MAD AND THEY GOT INSPIRED BY A STORY IN A HOUST OF MYSTERY COMIC AND CAME UP WITH THE NAME PLOP! THROUGH SHENANIGANS AND PLOP! WAS BORN. THE BASIC CONCEPT OF PLOP! IS THAT EVE, CAIN AND ABEL ARE TELLING SCARY STORIES TO PEOPLE BUT THE STORIES ARE RIDICULOUS PARODIES OF PROPER SCARY HORROR STORIES SO THE AUDIENCE GETS MAD AND THEN PLOP! HAPPENS

I GOT MY HANDS ON A FEW ISSUES SHORTLY AFTER I ORIGINALLY FOUND THE HOUSE OF MYSTERY AND SECRETS COMICS AND IT. BLEW. MY. TINY. MIND. ALL THOSE SKEERY HORRORSTORIES THAT SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH WERE BEING MOCKED? THEY WERE BEING MADE FUN OF?? LIKE MAD MAGAZINE FOR HORRORBOOKS??? THE CONCEPT AFFECTED ME GREATLY AND IS PROBABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR A GOOD CHUNK OF MY WEIRDNESS TODAY. THE MAIN STORIES  WERE DRAWN BY GUYS LIKE ARAGONES, BERNI WRIGHTSON, STEVE SKEATES AND EVEN STEVE DITKO. IN BETWEEN EACH STORY THERE WERE A COUPLE PAGES OF GAG COMICS TO BREAK THINGS UP AND PAD OUT THE ISSUE. HONESTLY MOST OF THE GAG COMICS ARE FAIRLY WEAK BUT IT STILL SURPRISES ME TO THIS DAY HOW MEAN SPIRITED AND DARK THEY ARE FOR A KID'S COMIC. OUR MAIN TRIO EXPLAIN IN GREAT DETAIL EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANT TO BE 'PLOPPED' BY MEANS OF SERGIO ARAGONES GAGS. GETTING PLOPPED COULD MEAN ANYTHING FROM HAVING BUBBLE GUM POP ON YOUR FACE TO BEING HORRIBLE KILLED IN NUMEROUS PAINFUL WAYS. IT'S IMPORTANT TO AVOID PLOP. EVERY ISSUE SEEMED TO HAVE AT LEAST A COUPLE PAGES OF PRISONER PLOPS WHICH ESSENTIALLY BOILED DOWN TO 'HA HA, THEY'RE BEING TORTURED'. LIKE SERIOUSLY, EVERY ONE, IT WAS A REGULAR THING. THE ABSOLUTE BEST THING ABOUT PLOP! ARE BASIL WOLVERTON'S MADNESS ON THE COVER. WOLVERTON DID SEVERAL INSANE COVERS FOR PLOP! AND WALLY WOOD GOT SOME WEIRDNESS ON THE COVER AS WELL. ISSUE #3 HAS A DELIGHTFUL IMAGE OF A CONGLOMERATE OF DAMNED SOULS THAT WOULD FIT IN WELL IN A CRONENBERG FILM OR AS A DARK SOULS BOSS. YOU KNOW, FOR KIDS

HERE'S ISSUE #5 OF THE 'NEW' MAGAZINE OF WEIRD HUMOR. THOSE TOENAILS ARE EASILY THE MOST HORRIFIC THING OUT OF ALL THESE COMICS. THEY HAVE TO BE. DEAR LORD THOSE CRACKS AND CREVASSES. MY KINGDOM FOR A PODIATRIST. UNLIKE COVER #3 WHICH ONLY SHOWED THE MYSTERIOUS PLOP PLOP PLOP!!! THOUGHTS OF THE COVER BOY THING WE GET AN EXPLANATION FOR OUR NAILEY BUDDY. NAILS NITTLE LOVES TO DIG! SCRAPE SCRAPE SCRAPE! YOU CAN HEAR HIM NOW, CAN'T YOU? THE SCRAPING! THE SCRAPING!! THE SCRAPING

I.... i have no explanation for this. none. like, really, really, no fucking idea. it is utterly bewildering. i mean, not just the fact that this cover is just a homely looking girl after the previous issues were varying levels of existential horror (search for the cover of issue #2 if you dare)(or #4, uuuuggggh). not just whatever the hell is going on with her head... just what the hell is that? the exposed brains don't even phase me, but... what the hell is that thing sticking out of her head?? what does it do??? why is it there???? no, the thing that really gets me is. it's. it's that...

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES FLY ME, I'M JOSEPHINE MEAN?????????

WHAT EVEN IS THAT????????????????????????

it fuckin broke me man, it's like looking at cthulhu or the BLIT parrot. my mind is messed up. why? what the hell does it mean? i tried searching for it and the only thing that even is kinda related is an old ass song about flying machines. it would make sense if josephine had some wings or some shit but she has.. a head... rudder? scoop? dear lord in heaven what the hell is that thing? and a girl asking you to fly her really doesn't seem to be appropriate for a kid's comic. oh god i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and i just keep thinking about it and you know what the best part of plop! is?

THERE'S A FULL SIZE PRINT OF THE COVER WEIRDNESS ON THE BACK!

HELLO MR. CRONENBERG MONSTROSITY! YOU LOOK HORRIBLE TODAY!

HOWDY NAILS! DON'T FORGET YOU HAVE A PEDICURE APPOINTMENT THIS AFTERNOON!

HI JOS- JOS'PHEE- JO- JJJJJJJJJJ *snap*

WHYYY???

WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK????

WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!1

PURCHASE THE LAST - CHEAPO BOX WEIRDNESS

WITH MY LAST DOLLAR I PICKED OUT A COUPLE OF COMICS FROM THE 2FER A BUCK BOXES. I WAS HOPING FOR INDIE GOODIES IN THE GARBAGE BOXES BUT SADLY IT WAS ALL 100% MARVEL AND DC MEN IN TIGHTS BULLSHIT. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU WHO ENJOY THAT STUFF BUT I JUST CAN'T. I DID FIND A COUPLE SOOPER HEEROW COMMIKS THAT WERE JUST ENOUGH OFF THE MAINSTREAM TO BE INTERESTING TO ME. A BUDDY OF MINE FOUND A MOON KNIGHT MAGAZINE WHILE CLEARING OUT HIS PARENTS' BASEMENT AND GAVE IT TO ME AND IT WAS PRETTY DOPE. I HAD NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IT BEFORE THEN BUT IT CAUGHT MY ATTENTION AND I FIGURED WHY NOT TRY OUT THE COMIC VERSION. A SPECIAL EDITION EVEN. NOT SURE WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE COMIC AND MAGAZINE VERSIONS ARE OTHER THAN PUBLISHERS COULD SNEAK BOOBIES IN THE MAGAZINES. EVEN WITHOUT THE BOOBIES MOON KNIGHT LOOKS PRETTY BAD ASS FIGHTING FLAMING... KNIFE... HEAD? ON THE COVER

SADLY NOT A GIANT SIZE MAN-THING BUT I CAN GET THAT WITH A SINGLE INTERNET SEARCH. THIS IS APPARENTLY THE LAST ISSUE OF MAN-THING THOUGH? GOOD TO START WITH A SERIES ON THE LAST ISSUE I GUESS. DOCTOR STRANGE IS DEAD ON THE COVER THOUGH AND I LIKE DOCTOR STRANGE. CHRIS CLAREMONT DIED TOO? AND A WIZARD AND A BIKINI ARMOR BABE AND, US, IS THAT A SATYR? AND I GUESS MAN-THING IS TRYING TO GIVE SATAN A HICKEY? IT'S A PRETTY FUCKED UP COVER IS WHAT I'M SAYING. HAVE NEVER READ ANY MAN-THING BUT I LOVE SWAMP THING AND HOWARD THE DUCK WAS BORN IN THIS SERIES SO IT LOOKS LIKE IT IS RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS. I DUNNO IF I'LL EVER GET AROUND TO READING THE WHOLE THING BECAUSE THE ORIGINS LOOK LIKE A CLUSTERFUCK WITH STORIES IN AN ANTHOLOGY HERE AND A DIFFERENT ONE THERE BEFORE GETTING A STANDALONE COMIC AND A MAGAZINE AND THEN BACK INTO SERIALS BEFORE VOLUME 2 CAME OUT AND ENDED UP WITH THE X-MEN GUY KILLING HIMSELF OFF IN HIS OWN COMIC. JESUS CHRIST IS THERE AN OMNIBUS ANYWHERE. HOLY SHIT THERE'S A 2005 MOVIE TOO?? GOTTA FIND THAT SHIT ON DAILYMOTION OR SOMESUCH

MY LONE REGRET IS NOT PICKING UP A COPY OF TOM SCIOLI'S GO-BOTS IN THE TWOFERABUCK BECAUSE I FELT AWKWARD GIVING THE GUY QUARTERS BECAUSE I WAS DEAD BROKE. GO WATCH CARTOONIST KAYFABE, IT'S AWESOME AND A MAJOR REASON I'M READING TRASHY COMICS INSTEAD OF WRITING POSTS ABOUT BASEBALL CARDS

IF YOU WANT MOAR COMIX YELL AT ME IN THE COMMENTS AND I'LL REVIEW SOME IN MORE DETAIL. YO, THAT FEAR COMIC IS INSAAAAANE