MY BRAIN HAS BEEN PUDDING LATELY SO I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO WRITE MUCH ABOUT CARDS DESPITE GETTING A WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW ONES RECENTLY. YOU DON'T NEED BRAINS TO READ TRASHY OLD COMICS THOUGH! HERE'S ONE THAT IS VERY OLD AND VERY TRASHY THAT I RESCUED FROM A FIFTY CENT BOX ON MY LAST RUN TO THE USED BOOK SHOP. MAN, THAT WAS BACK IN SPRING. WHY IS TIME LIKE THIS
THE MANY GHOSTS OF DOCTOR GRAVES - CHARLTON COMICS, AUGUST 1971
I LOVE FINDING COMICS OLDER THAN ME, SOMETHING THAT IS BECOMING INCREASINGLY RARE AS THE YEARS GO ON. I'M EXTRA HAPPY THAT IT'S A SPOOKY COMIC AS MOST OF THE OLD STUFF OUT THERE THAT DON'T COST A LOT ARE WESTERNS OR KIDDIE COMICS. CHARLTON COMICS ARE PRETTY GREAT, THE ONLY REASON THEY EXIST IS BECAUSE THE PUBLISHER WANTED SOMETHING CHEAP TO PRINT AT NIGHT TO AVOID THE EXPENSE OF TURNING THEIR PRESSES OFF AND ON EVERY DAY. THEY'RE PULP COMICS IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD. THEY HAD A LOT OF HORROR THEMED COMICS AND THIS ONE FEATURES A COVER AND STORY FROM STEVE DITKO. I'LL BE HONEST, I'VE SEEN BETTER COVERS. IT'S TECHNICALLY A DITKO COVER AS ALL THE IMAGES WERE RECYCLED FROM HIS STORY IN THE BOOK. I LIKE THE REVERSE NEGATIVE SCENE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PAGE TAKEN FROM A STORY PANEL AS IT'S PRETTY EXPERIMENTAL BUT IT DOESN'T EXACTLY POP ON THE NEWSSTAND. IT IS KINDA FUNNY THIS COVER HAS BITS AND CHUNKS DRAWN OUT OF THE COVER AS IF IT WAS ANCIENT AND FALLING APART TO FIT WITH THE PHARAOH THEME SINCE THE ACTUAL COMIC IS IN WAY WORSE SHAPE THAN THE CRUMBLING MUMMY
BY THE TIME I GOT IT HOME THERE WERE ALREADY BITS IN THE BAG. I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT I RESCUED THIS COMIC AND INSTEAD SAID DOOMED AS THE COVER COMPLETELY FELL OFF AND SPLIT IN HALF WHEN MY PILE OF NEW COMICS FELL OFF A SHELF. CGC AIN'T GONNA TAKE THIS ONE NO MORE. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE INSIDE.
STOP THOSE UGLY NAILS! ANOTHER THING I LIKE ABOUT CHARLTON IS THE ADS AREN'T ALL TRASH AND SCAMS AIMED TOWARD CHILDREN, THEY ARE TRASH AND SCAMS AIMED TOWARD CHILDREN AND ADULTS. A LOT OF THESE ADS ARE THE SAME CRAP YOU CAN FIND IN OLD MAGAZINES AND I THINK THAT'S GREAT. IT'S NICE TO GET A BREAK FROM GRIT AND THAT NOVELTY CATALOG EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE
HERE'S THE TITLE PAGE SHOWING A PREVIEW OF EACH OF THE THREE STORIES IN THE BOOK. IN ANOTHER BIT OF WEIRDNESS THE ORDER OF THE STORIES IS CLOCKWISE FROM THE TOP RIGHT. FIRST IS BURY HIM DEEP ABOUT A MURDER, THEN THERE'S THE BILL COLLECTOR ABOUT A DIFFERENT, MORE SUBTLE MURDER, AND FINALLY WE GET THE MAIN FEATURE, THE PHARAOH WILL RULE AGAIN. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHY THE TITLE IS LIKE THAT OTHER THAN THAT THE PAGE WAS PROBABLY DRAWN IN AN AFTERNOON AND THE ARTIST GOOFED THE ORDER OF THE STORIES AND DIDN'T LEAVE ENOUGH ROOM FOR THE FIRST TITLE AND IMPROVISED. I KINDA LIKE IT, CHEAPNISS IS AN ASSET IN LOW-BUDGET HORROR AND OH BOY DOES THIS BOOK HAVE THAT IN ABUNDANCE
JUST LOOK AT THOSE FACES. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT CHEAPNISS. HOO DOGGIE THIS IS ALREADY GREAT. OLD COMIC BOOKS HAD TO BE DRAWN SUPER FAST AND YOU SOMETIMES GET SOME AMAZING STUFF COME OUT OF IT. ESPECIALLY IN A CASE LIKE CHARLTON WHERE THESE BOOKS WERE JUST A WAY TO KEEP THE LIGHTS ON AND THERE WASN'T A RIGID HOUSE STYLE. THESE DARK, CRAGGY, GLOOMY FACES ARE GREAT AND KICKS OFF THIS STORY OF TWO SCOUNDRELS MURDERING AN OLD MAN FOR HIS MONEY JUST RIGHT
JUST FANTASTIC. I LOVE THIS PANEL SO MUCH. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO THESE JOKERS ARE IN JUST ONE IMAGE.
OF COURSE THINGS GON'T GO WELL FOR THE SCOUNDRELS AND DEAR UNCLE DOESN'T WANT TO REST EASILY. EVERYONE INVOLVED GETS WHAT THEY DESERVE IN THE END AND WE GET THIS GREAT PANEL. DEAD!
HORSIES! THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS WRITTEN HERE TO CONVINCE YOU TO BUY A 40" x 24" POSTER OF SOME HORSES SPLASHING AROUND ON THE BEACH FOR THREE BUCKS. IT'S NOT AN OIL PAINTING IT'S A REPRODUCTION OF A GIANT MURAL! THE LATEST DECORATOR RAGE! AND HURRY, THIS OFFER WILL NOT BE REPEATED AGAIN THIS SEASON IN THIS MAGAZINE. IF I SEE ANOTHER AD FOR HORSIE POSTERS IN THIS COMIC IMMA BE PISSED
HERE'S THE SECOND STORY, THE BILL COLLECTOR, FEATURING ANOTHER SKEERY GHOST. THE COVER WARNED YOU THAT THERE WERE MANY GHOSTS AFTER ALL. THAT DOCTOR STRANGE MEETS BOB DOBBS LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER IS THE TITULAR DOCTOR GRAVES, THE MASCOT OF THIS SERIES. HE'S BASICALLY THE CRYPTKEEPER CHARACTER INTRODUCING ALL THE STORIES EXCEPT HE SOMETIMES GETS A LITTLE TOO INVOLVED WHILE COMMENTING ON THEM. WE'LL SEE JUST HOW MUCH A LITTLE LATER IN THE POST. BUT FIRST! MOAR ADS!
.jpg)
THE WORLD OF SPACE! I BUILT MANY ESTES MODEL KITS AS A KID BUT I HAD NO IDEA ESTES WAS AN ACTUAL DUDE. HE'S STILL ALIVE TOO! I WONDER WHY HE HAD STOPPED BEING THE FACE OF THE COMPANY BY THE TIME I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY WITH EXPLOSIVES. I GUESS HE'S JUST A PRIVATE DUDE. $13.50 IS A LOT OF SCRATCH FOR 1971 BUT IF YOU WANT TO SHOOT A MASSIVE ROCKET AT PEOPLE YOU GOTTA PONY UP WITH THE CASH
THE HEALTH AND FITNESS CORNER OF THE COMIC WHERE YOU CAN LOSE FAT AND BUILD MUSCLES AND, UH, GET SOME FREE STAMPS ON APPROVAL. I WANNA KNOW WHAT THOSE HEAVIEST GAUGE STURDY VINYL SAUNA SUITS LOOKED LIKE. I BET IT WAS LESS LIKE A SPACE-AGE HEALTH SUIT AND MORE LIKE A KID'S HALLOWEEN COSTUME. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT POISONS WERE IN THAT CRASH DIET PILL TO MAKE YOU LOVE FIVE POUNDS OVERNIGHT
THIS STORY IS KINDA OBVIOUS AND IF YOU READ THIS PAGE YOU CAN PROBABLY GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. OH YEAH, I'LL HAVE MY ACCOUNTANT STASH ALL MY MONEY IN GOLD AND THEN FAKE MY OWN DEATH, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? THERE'S NO WAY MY GHOST WILL EVENTUALLY HAUNT MY CRYPT WONDERING WHERE THE HELL MY CO-CONSPIRATOR IS. THIS PAGE IS PRETTY NEAT THOUGH, IT LOOKS LIKE THEY USED SOLID COLORS ON THE PANELS TO SAVE TIME ON COLOR SEPARATION BUT USING WARMER COLORS AS THE PLOT THICKENS IS CLEVER. DOCTOR GRAVES IS IN FULL COLOR THOUGH, IT'S IN HIS CONTRACT. HE POPS UP LIKE THIS A LOT, COMMENTING IN ITALICS. YOU'LL SEE SOON ENOUGH
ALMOST ALL COMICS HAD LETTERS PAGES BECAUSE IT CHEWED UP SPACE WITHOUT HAVING TO DRAW THAT MUCH. ART IS EXPENSIVE! GET FREE CONTENT FROM YOUR READERS! VERY FORWARD THINKING NOW THAT WE ARE IN THE AGE OF SOCIAL MEDIA AND 99% OF CONTENT IS BASICALLY THIS. INCLUDING THIS POST, I'M NO FOOL, I DIDN'T PUT THAT AD DOWN THERE AT THE BOTTOM AND I HAVEN'T BEEN PAID A DIME, I KNOW WHAT'S UP. THE LETTERS ON THIS PAGE ARE EXTRA WILD THOUGH. THE FIRST ONE READS LIKE A PENTHOUSE LETTER FOR PEOPLE INTERESTED IN THE OCCULT. I AM 99% CERTAIN THAT J.J.R. EITHER ENDED UP BANGING ELLEN IN HER SPOOKY GOTH ROOM OR ENDED UP BEING THE MAIN EVENT IN A RITUAL. PROBABLY THE LATTER, SEEING THEY ARE FROM PENNSYLVANIA. STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT IN THOSE MOUNTAINS. THE SECOND LETTER IS FROM A WEIRDO SEEKING WEIRDOS. I FOUND NOTHING WHILE SEARCHING FOR HASTINGS ASSOCIATION OF AMATEUR PARAPSYCHOLOGISTS (OR HASTINGA, EVEN) AND GOOD LUCK SEARCHING FOR A CRAIG PARSONS WITH THE CURRENT STATE OF SEARCH ENGINES. I HOPE CRAIG FINALLY FOUND HIS MANY GHOSTS OF DOCTOR GRAVES LOVE CONNECTION (OR NOT IF HE'S THE OTHER KIND OF WEIRDO). IF SOMEONE MORE KNOWLEDGABLE ABOUT BRONZE AGE COMICS KNOWS THAT THESE LETTERS WERE ALL A BIG PUT-ON PLEASE DON'T TELL ME, I WANT TO BELIEVE
ALL RIGHTY THEN, TIME FOR THE MAIN FEATURE.THIS ONE WAS DRAWN BY OUR PAL DITKO BUT WAS (PROBABLY?) WRITTEN BY THE SAME GUY AS THE REST OF THE BOOK SO IT'S JUST AS GOOFY. A WICKED PHARAOH DECIDES TO CONQUER THE WORLD BUT HIS GENERALS SAY 'NAH, FUCK THAT SHIT' AND PUT HIM TO DEATH. BUT THEY LET HIM DRINK A POTION TO ALLOW HIM TO RETURN FROM THE DEAD TO BECOME SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM. NOTICE THAT OUR DOCTOR GRAVES IS NO LONGER AN INSERT SPEAKING IN ITALICS BUT HE'S GOT TWO WHOLE PANELS AND WORD BALLOONS NOW. IT'S THE GOOD DOCTOR'S TIME TO SHINE, BABY. ALSO, GOOD LORD DITKO, THOSE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN WOMEN ARE STACKED. THAT PHARAOH WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF JUST HANGING AROUND THE PALACE DOING PHARAOH THINGS
ALL RIGHT! TIME TO PLAY THE COLUMBIA RECORD CLUB GAME! PICK ANY TWELVE RECORDS FOR $2.86! I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY THREE BUCKS ON A HORSIE POSTER BUT HERE WE GO:
HELLO, I'M JOHNNY CASH
JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE - SMASH HITS
SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE - STAND
OTIS REDDING - THE LOVE MAN
THANKS TO MUNGO JERRY FOR BOUNCING BILL COSBY OFF THE LIST SO I CAN AVOID THE INEVITABLE JOKES AND TO JETHRO TULL FOR MAKING ME REALIZE I'D RATHER LISTEN TO SOME PROG ROCK INSTEAD OF CROSBY, STILLS, NASH AND YOUNG FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME. THERE'S SOME REAL CLUNKERS IN THIS CATALOG SO IF YOU ONLY WANT TO PICK OUT TWO OR THREE FAVES GO FOR IT, FINDING 12 RECORDS WASN'T EASY
BACK TO THE ACTION. IT'S CURRENT DAY AND THIS ECCENTRIC LOOKING FELLOW IS LOOKING INTO THIS EVIL SORCERER PHARAOH FELLA WHILE DOCTOR GRAVES IS LOOKING INTO HIM. HE'S JUST... KINDA THERE. I'VE READ A LOT OF JUNKY HORROR ANTHOLOGIES AND I DON'T RECALL THE HORROR HOSTS JUST HANGING AROUND IN THE BACKGROUND BEFORE. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE, THE ARCHAEOLOGIST? SCIENTIST? NUTCASE? WHOEVER THIS DUDE IS DECIDES TO GO CHASING AFTER THE EVIL WIZARD MUMMY WHO VOWED TO RETURN FROM THE DEAD AND ENSLAVE THE WORLD AND POKE AT THE CORPSE BECAUSE WHY WOULDN'T YOU
COVER PANEL. NOW DOCTOR GRAVES IS A FLOATING ZARDOZ HEAD VIEWING THE ACTION. THE PENIS IS EVIL, THE PHAROAH IS GOOD. THE SURPRISED ARCHAEOLOGIST IS TAKEN TO THE HIDDEN TEMPLE BY A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE. AGAIN, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL DOCTOR GRAVES IS DOING ANYMORE. JUST HANGING OUT AND WATCHING THE FUN. MAYBE DITKO FOUND OUT THAT THE DOCTOR SHOWED UP IN ALL THE STORIES TO BE THE NARRATOR AND DECIDED THAT HE COULD USE HIM TO PAD OUT A FEW PAGES IN THIS EIGHT PAGE STORY. CLEVER DITKO. ANYWAY, PROFESSOR DUDE FINALLY GETS TO THE TOMB HE TRAVELLED HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD TO FIND AND GETS COLD FEET AND STARTS SHOOTING AT GHOSTS. THE PHAROAH WASN'T EVEN GOING TO EAT HIS SOUL OR ANYTHING, HE WAS JUST GOING TO WAKE UP AND CONQUER THE WORLD. HE CAN DO THAT WITHOUT YOU WATCHING, IDIOT
NO CONCLUSION, MOAR ADS. HERE'S THE OBLIGATORY NOVELTY CATALOG AD THAT WAS IN EVERY SINGLE COMIC BOOK FOR SEVENTY YEARS. IT WAS PART OF THE COMICS CODE, NO BOOK GETS PUBLISHED WITHOUT THE AD FOR CRAP. THIS IS A MUCH EASIER CHOICE THAN THE RECORD AD, I WANT THE GIANT FRANKENSTEIN. YES, I KNOW IT'S DISAPPOINTING CHEAP PLASTIC JUNK, THAT'S WHY I WANT IT. I DO APPRECIATE THE BELA LUGOSI STARE ON THE HYPNOTISM PAMPHLET AD THOUGH
THE THRILLING CONCLUSION! THE WICKED PHAROAH ASOSIS II WAKES UP, IS STILL IN HIS SHITTY OLD RAGS BECAUSE THAT'S THE STANDARD UNIFORM FOR EVIL MUMMIES AND IMMEDIATELY DISINTEGRATES BECAUSE A JET FLEW OVERHEAD AND CAUSED A SONIC BOOM. EVEN DOCTOR GRAVES LOOKS INCREDULOUS AT THIS GOOFY ENDING
AND DOCTOR GRAVES WALKS INTO THE SUNSET. NOT THE FUCKING PROTAGONIST, THE HORROR HOST. MEANWHILE PROFESSOR ARCHAEOLOGIST AND EVIL WIZARD HENCHMAN JUST STAND THERE WITH THEIR DICKS IN THEIR HANDS WONDERING WTF JUST HAPPENED. I HOPE THEY BOTH FLEW BACK TO NEW YORK CITY AND GOT A NICE APARTMENT IN THE VILLAGE AND STUDIED OBELISKS OR SOMETHING AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THAT'S THE END OF THE STORY BUT WE GOT A FEW PAGES LEFT YOUBETCHA
WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET INDEED. I KNEW WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO WHEN I READ A CHARLTON COMIC. HERE'S A LIST OF OF ALL THEIR GHOST THEMED COMICS: GHOSTLY TALES FROM THE HAUNTED HOUSE, GHOSTLY HAUNTS, HAUNTED, OUR OWN THE MANY GHOSTS OF DOCTOR GRAVES AND VISIT GHOST MANOR... IF YOU DARE!! I THINK I HAVE A COPY OF GHOST MANOR SOMEWHERE AND ANOTHER ONE OF HAUNTED AFTER IT WAS REBRANDED TO BE HOSTED BY A BARON WEIRWULF. THEY'RE ALL SUPER CHEEZY AND IT'S GREAT. WE'VE GOT ONE LAST BLAST OF ADS SO YOU CAN DIP OUT NOW, BUT YOU'LL BE MISSING SOME OF THE BEST STUFF
THE MANDATORY GRIT AD HEADLINES THIS AD PAGE ALONG WITH ANOTHER STAMP AD, ANOTHER MUSCLES AD AND AND AN ART CLASS SCAM. ASK ANY ARTIST IF YOU CAN MAKE BIG MONEY DRAWING COMICS. THIS IS ACTUALLY AN AD FOR A STAMP CATALOG SO YOU CAN FIND MANY DEFECTIVE STAMPS THAT WILL MAKE YOU A THOUSANDAIRE. IT'S ACTUALLY A BIT REFRESHING KNOWING THAT COLLECTABLE MARKETS WERE A BUNCH OF HYPE AND CHICANERY EVEN BEFORE I WAS BORN
EVERYONE WHO STUCK AROUND GETS THEIR REWARD NOW. HERE'S AN ANCIENT STRAT-O-MATIC AD HYPING UP THEIR GAME WITH 480 REAL MAJOR LEAGUE PLAYERS. RICO CARTY! ALEX JOHNSON! BOB GIBSON! WES PARKER! YOU CANNOT PURCHASE THIS GAME IN A RETAIL STORE! YOU CAN'T BUY IT THROUGH THIS AD EITHER! YOU HAVE TO SEND IN A DIME TO GET A FREE BROCHURE WITH SAMPLES! THEN MAYBE YOU CAN BUY IT. I DON'T REALLY KNOW I HAVEN'T SEEN THE BROCHURE. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO SEND AWAY FOR A CATALOG BEFORE YOU CAN BUY IT. I BOUGHT ALL MY STRAT-O-MATIC GAMES AT RETAIL STORES
HERE'S THE INSIDE BACK COVER AND YOU CAN REALLY SEE HOW WRECKED THIS COMIC WAS WHEN I GOT IT. THAT POOR PAPER IS JUST CRUMBLING AWAY. THIS IS A PRETTY OVERWHELMING AD FOR SOME FISHING STUFF. I HARDLY EVER FISH SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON HERE BUT THESE ARE THE LATEST 1971 MODELS WITH A WHOLE BUNCH OF SHIT LIKE TROUT FLIES AND A KNIFE AND A NET AND A LITTLE FROGGY LOOKING DUDE AND TWO FREE LEAKPROOF FLOATING TACKLE BOXES. THAT'S A WHOLE LOTTA STUFF FOR THE SAME PRICE AS THAT ROCKET FROM BEFORE. MAYBE IT'S A LEGIT OFFER? I'VE BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO EVERYTHING BEING A SCAM NOWADAYS, IT'D BE NICE TO THINK THAT THIS COMPANY MADE A LOT OF FISHERPEOPLES HAPPY
1 comment:
You know what I love about older comics or magazines the most are the ads. Its fun and sad at the same time to see prices and what they are promoting. I bought some disney ones last year to scroll through for fun.
Post a Comment