MAYBE THE LAST PACK OF NEW TOPPS I WILL EVER OPEN

 HOW'S THAT FOR A NICE CLICKBAIT TITLE. WE WILL HAVE TO SEE IF I FEEL THIS WAY NEXT APRIL WHEN FANATICS PREVIEWS THE 2024 DESIGN BUT RIGHT NOW I AM NOT FEELING IT. WHICH SUCKS BECAUSE 2023 IS MY FAVORITE TOPPS SET SINCE 2015. BUT THE F-ERS CUT THE NUMBER OF CARDS PER HANGER FROM 67 TO 59 FOR UPDATE AND I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO BUY ONE WHEN I SAW IT AT TARGET. THEN I WAS AT WALMART (LOOKING FOR A PACK OF CHRONICLES WHICH I'M NOT EVEN SURE HAS BEEN RELEASED YET) AND THEY HAD A HANGER PACK AND IT WAS PRICED AT $13.99! LESS CARDZ, MOAR PENNIES! NOW I WAS JUST MAD. MY SON WANTED TO GO TO TARGET TO BUY A NEW LEGO SET (WHICH HONESTLY IS A WAY MORE EXPENSIVE HOBBY AND I SHOULD JUST QUIT MY BELLYACHING) SO I TAGGED ALONG AND TO CHECK THE CARD AISLE FOR CHRONICLES AGAIN. THEY HAD IT! FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL. BUT THEY ALSO HAD THIS:

AN ACTUAL DINKY PACK OF TOPPS UPDATE. ARE STORES STILL ALLOWED TO SELL THOSE? I'VE ONLY SEEN HANGERS, BLASTERS AND THE OCCASIONAL RACK PACK LATELY. I FELT CRUMMY HAVING ZERO UPDATE CARDS OF SUPPOSEDLY MY FAVORITE TOPPS DESIGN IN YEARS AND FELT IT WAS WORTH THREE BUCKS TO STAY IN THE GAME. IT COST THREE-FIFTY. UUUUH YEAH. THERE'S LIKE A HUNDRED OTHER BASEBALL CARD THINGS I CAN DO WITH THREE DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS. THE DEED IS DONE, SO LET'S CHECK OUT THE PACK TOGETHER IN ONE LAST CELEBRATION OF WAX RIPPING. MY WIN CONDITION FOR THIS PACK ARE TWO OUT OF THREE FOR THE FOLLOWING: 1) ANY BRAVES CARD 2) ANY INSERT/PARALLEL CARD 3) THE ONE-PER PACK STARS OF MLB INSERT IS OF SOMEONE GOOD. DO THEY STILL INSERT ONE OF THOSE PER PACK? LET'S CHECK THE ODDS ON THE BACK

WELP. ANOTHER THING I DON'T LIKE ABOUT NEW PACKS. I'M NOT GOING TO TOPPS DOT COM SO WE WILL FIND OUT TOGETHER. FIRST CARD!

WE'RE OFF TO A GOOD START! KOLBY ALLARD JUST GOT NON-TENDERED IN THE GREAT ANTHOPOULOS PURGE OF '23 BUT IT'S A BRAVES CARD AND I WANTED A BRAVES CARD

WANDY PERALTA PITCHED PRETTY WELL FOR THE YANKEES OUT OF THE BULLPEN THIS YEAR. I'LL NEVER BEGRUDGE A GOOD BULLPEN ARM GETTING A FLAGSHIP CARD

ANOTHER BARVE! BRADEN SHEWMAKE DIDN'T GET NON-TENDERED! THAT'S GOOD! HE GOT TRADED TO THE WHITE SOX INSTEAD! NOT SO GOOD FOR HIM, YOU COULD SAY IT'S A REAL BUMMER

JI-MAN CHOI IS UP NEXT. THIS CARD HAS SOME REAL AI IMAGE VIBES, SOMETHING JUST LOOKS OFF. IT'S PROBABLY JUST MY BRAIN GETTING EXTRA SUSPICIOUS ABOUT BAD PHOTOCHOPS AFTER SEEING THE FLOOD OF AI GARBAGE IN THE PAST YEAR. BESIDES, THEY COULD'VE JUST ENTERED IN 'PADRES' INSTEAD OF 'PIRATES' INTO THE AI SINCE CHOI GOT TRADED TO SAN DIEGO IN AUGUST

THE MORE I LOOK AT THIS CARD THE MORE IT REMINDS ME OF A 70S KELLOGG'S CARD WITH THAT CRISP PHOTO AND BLURRY BACKGROUND. THINKING ABOUT IT THAT WAY THE CARD LOOKS REALLY GOOD NOW

OSCAR COLAS DEBUT CARD. HE'S GOT A CARD IN SERIES TWO. GOTTA CRAM MORE RC LOGOS IN THE SET SOMEHOW

CHASE DE JONG. ANOTHER DECENT RELIEF PITCHER GETS A CARD, GOOD FOR YOU CHASE

UH OH WE HAVE A PIRATES HOT PACK! DREW MAGGI GOT SIX AT BATS FOR PITTSBURGH AND WAS RELEASED IN JULY. HONESTLY THAT'S NOT BAD COMPARED TO SOME HORROR STORIES ABOUT CARDS OF PLAYERS WHO WEREN'T EVEN ON THE TEAM IN 2023 ON THE CHECKLIST I HEARD FROM SOME TEAMS COLLECTORS OUT THERE

ROOKIE DEBUT OF CASEY SCHMITT. THESE ORANGE CITY UNIFORMS ARE WEIRDING ME OUT BUT I SAW A PICTURE OF THIS CARD'S ORANGE GHOST HALLOWEEN PARALLEL AND IT LOOKS KINDA GREAT

OH HEY, JARRED KELENIC IS PRETTY GOOD. AT LEAST THE MARINERS FANS I KNOW TALK ABOUT HIM A LOT. THIS IS CARD US321 SO I GUESS THEY UPPED THE SET SIZE TO 330 FROM 300 ALONG WITH THE PRICE HIKES AND THE PACK SHRINKS. OR MAYBE IT'S BEEN LIKE THAT FOR A WHILE?? I DUNNO ANYMORE

SAM BACHMAN ROOKIE CARD.  TWO THINGS: DAT BEARD AND DAT BADONKADONK. GOOD LORD, THAT'S A SEAN MURPHY CALIBER BACKSIDE

KING JESSE! OK, SCREW THE INSERT CARD, THIS PACK IS AN EPIC WIN. I DON'T KNOW IF JESSE CHAVEZ AND HIS AMAZING HATS WILL BE BACK WITH THE TEAM NEXT YEAR BUT I AM THANKFUL FOR THE TIME WE HAD WITH HIM

OH SHIT

WHAT THE HELL COLOR IS THIS, MAUVE? THE PHOTO TURNED OUT ORANGY BUT IN PERSON IT'S MORE OF A SICKLY PINK. OH WELL, PARALLEL ROOKIE CARD OF GUS VARLAND OF THE BREWERS NUMBERED TO 50. WHO IS NOW BACK WITH THE DODGERS. IT LOOKED LIKE HE PITCHED WELL OUT OF THE BULLPEN SO YAY? FOR REAL THO WHAT IS THIS COLOR. OR BETTER YET, WHY IS THIS COLOR

PLUS AN INSERT! AN 88 TOPPS CARD OF JORDAN WALKER, BLUE CHIP PROSPECT FOR THE CARDINALS WHO HAD AS LACKLUSTER A SEASON AS HIS TEAM DID. JORDAN IS FROM STONE MOUNTAIN, GA AND IS ONLY 21 YEARS OLD SO I GOTTA SAY IT'S A GOOD INSERT TO GET. LAST CARD, NOW WE GET TO FIND OUT IF STARS OF MLB OR WHATEVER IT'S CALLED REALLY IS ONE PER PACK

YES! GOT ONE! ANOTHER ROOKIE, HUNTER BROWN. I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH HIM BUT HE STARTED 29 GAMES FOR THE ASTROS LAST YEAR SO THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. IT'S HARD TO FIND SOMEONE TO CHEW UP 150 INNINGS NOWADAYS

SO AFTER ALL THAT BELLYACHING I MANAGED TO PICK UP MAYBE THE BEST POSSIBLE PACK IN THE ENTIRE STORE. THREE BRAVES, TWO GOOD INSERTS AND A PARALLEL NUMBERED TO FIFTY. WELL, MY TWITTER AND BLUE SKY HANDLE ISN'T MR. GROUCHYPANTS FOR NOTHIN