IMPORTANT - URGENT PRODUCT SAFETY RECALL

Just over two weeks since Upper declared 'cards are safe' in response to the many unsafe toy recalls this year, Upper Deck is facing its own crisis as their 2007 Sweet Spot product has been recalled due to safety concerns.

Due to the extremely hazardous nature of the product, Upper Deck is immediately requiring all boxes of 2007 Sweet Spot to be returned immediately and released this statement:

"It has come to our attention that 2007 Upper Deck Sweet Spot Baseball contains cards that should not have been included in the product release. Accordingly, the Upper Deck Company has sent notices to its customers requiring them to return any and all 2007 Upper Deck Sweet Spot Baseball product that they have received and/or that they may receive in the coming days."

The foreign substance that was accidentally added to the ingredients of the normally safe cardboard and foil collectibles has been identified:


Satire.

Satire is considered extremely dangerous, especially when children are in danger of exposure and has been regulated as a Schedule 1 controlled substance since early 2002. Dr. M.Y. Nameisfake, head of the humorous pathology department at the CDC in Atlanta explains the danger:

In today's world, the sense of humor in many people has atrophied to the point where any attempt at caricature, mockery or sarcastic jibes, jests or japes no longer trigger the reward center of the brain normally affected by laughter. Due to the humorless society we live in, these things that can be termed as 'funny' instead trigger high blood pressure, irritability and a rise in bile. Instead of trying to convince the populace to exercise the atrophied humor reflex to improve their general health and well being, we've found it's easier to make humor a controlled substance and just ban the stuff.

When informed of the crisis at his Crawford Ranch, President Bush stated "think of the children" before going on a 2 hour ramble about how he once traded Sammy Sosa.

Unfortunately, some of the toxic material has been released into the wild and collectors have been cautioned to take extreme care lest they accidentally come in contact with it and become offended. Some collectors have already been infected and are currently being treated for offensensitivity. If you are in a hobby shop, PLEASE use extreme caution if you encounter a box of 2007 Sweet Spot and avoid it at all costs. It would be best to purchase a product that is insipidly boring and useless instead. This is a real blow to Upper Deck as they were counting on the buzz from their unannounced autographed insert to help boost sales of the product:


an official Kurt Vonnegut autograph.

Be safe out there people.