I have no idea how to create pages but I'll figure it out eventually godammit

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

OH GOD I FORGOT A TITLE - UHHH ONLINE DIME BOX CARDS PART ONE

OH HEY HERE I AM AGAIN. JUST DROPPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH FOR FIVE MONTHS WHERE THE HELL WAS I ANYWAY

THE SAME PLACE EVERYONE ELSE WAS - COWERING IN MY HOME ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN WHILE TRYING TO AVOID THE PLAGUE, THE COMPLETE BREAKDOWN OF SOCIETY AND THE PROJECT 2020 BOOM AND BUST. ALMOST ALL MY COPING MECHANISMS HAVE VANISHED IN A PUFF OF SMOKE AND I'VE ALREADY BURNED THROUGH THREE NEW ROUTINES TO TRY TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT AND NOTHING'S WORKED SO FAR SO FUCK IT, LET'S TRY BLOGGING AGAIN

ASSUMING THIS EVER EVEN GETS POSTED, I'M ALREADY FLAGGING AFTER MAYBE 100 WORDS* BUT THE CARDS ARE SCANNED SO HERE WE GO


IN THE DRAFT FOLDER IS A POST TENTATIVELY TITLED ' THE LAST CARD I WILL EVER BUY' BUT THAT'S GONE OUT THE WINDOW BECAUSE I BOUGHT MORE CARDS. IT COULD STILL WORK IF I ADD 'IN PERSON' BUT I DIGRESS. SO WHAT HAD HAPPENED IS FUJI DID A BLOG POST ABOUT AN ONLINE DIME BOX WEBSITE WHICH LOOKED SO GOOD THAT I DECIDED TO TRY IT OUT. ME AND SEVERAL DOZEN OTHERS APPARENTLY AS THE SITE GOT SLAMMED AFTER THAT POST. I HOPE FUJI GOT SOME NICE KICKBACKS FOR THE ADVERTISING. I FOUND A LOT OF CARDS I WANTED, BOUGHT THEM, AND EVERYTHING ARRIVED SAFELY AND REASONABLY QUICKLY. I'D DEFINITELY BUY AGAIN IF I HAD ANY MONEY, WHICH I DON'T.


I GOT EIGHTY CARDS FOR THIRTEEN BUCKS WHICH ARRIVED IN A BUBBLE MAILER ENCLOSED INSIDE A MEDIUM SIZED SNAP CASE AND A SMALL SIZED SNAP CASE HELD CLOSED BY TAPE. I SHALL NOT TELL YOU WHAT KIND OF TAPE BECAUSE THAT'S A WHOLE FUCKIN' CAN OF WORMS I DON'T WANNA GET INTO WITH THIS WEIRD COLLECTOR FANBASE. THE CASES ARE FINE AND THE CARDS ARE FINE. THE OUTSIDE CARDS IN EACH SNAP CASE ARE THESE PRO BOWL INSTANT WIN SCRATCH OFF CARDS WHICH MANY OF YOU SHOULD INSTANTLY RECOGNIZE. THIS HERE IS PURE CLASS AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED. HERE'S THE FIRST TEN CARDS FROM THE FAT CASE

2014 TOPPS JASON HEYWARD BREAKING OUT INSERT


BOOOOOOOOOOM JASON HEYWARD. EVERYONE HATES HIM EXCEPT ME NOW THAT HE HAS A PILE OF MONEY AND A RING BECAUSE INSUFFICIENTLY LARGE NUMBERS ON FANGRAPHS. BUT FUCK ALL THAT, HE OCCUPIES MY 'FAVORITE PLAYER EVER' SLOT IN BETWEEN CHIPPER JONES AND RONALD ACUÑA JR  ON THE TIMELINE. THIS MEANS I CAN GET COOL INSERT CARDS OF JASON FOR ONE THIN DIME. REMEMBER WHEN THIS WEIRD HYPER COLOR SUPER BUSY UNCANNY VALLEY CARD STYLE MADE FOR SOME REALLY NEAT INSERTS AND THEN TOPPS CREATED THE FIRE BRAND AND IT SUDDENLY BECAME THE STYLE FOR REALLY UGLY BASE CARDS? APOLOGIES IF YOU ACTUALLY LIKE FIRE BUT IT'S A GARBAGE RETAIL EXCLUSIVE UNNECESSARY SET THAT'S UGLY AS HELL AND I'M SAYING THIS AS SOMEONE WHO LOVES 1995 FLEER.

FOR REASONS THAT WILL BE EXPLAINED EVENTUALLY YOU ARE GOING TO SEE A LOT OF RUNNING THEMES THROUGHOUT THESE POSTS AND JASON HEYWARD IS ONE OF THEM

1998 PANINI WORLD CUP STICKER THIERRY HENRY

STIIIIIIICKKKEEEERRRRRS! I SOMEHOW ENDED UP AN ARSENAL FAN THROUGH VIDEO GAMES, MEMES AND ARSENE SNATCHING MY FAVORITE PLAYER AWAY FROM REAL MADRID AND I HAVE NO REGRETS. I GOT TO SEE THEM WIN A BUNCH OF FA CUPS AND NOW I GET THE SCHADENFREUDE OF WATCHING THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION COLLAPSE AFTER THE 'WENGER OUT' KNUCKLEHEADS GOT THEIR WAY. THIERRY HENRY WAS PLAYING FOR THE RED BULLS** WHEN I FIRST STARTED FOLLOWING FOOTBALL IN EARNEST BUT HE'LL ALWAYS BE AN ARSENAL LEGEND. AND WHO DOESN'T LOVE STICKERS. STICKY STICKY STICKY STICKERS. PRETTY SURE THIS IS A CANADIAN VERSION SINCE IT'S IN ENGLISH AND FRENCH ON THE BACK

2013 GOODWIN CHAMPIONS HUBBLE DEEP FIELD WONDERS OF THE UNIVERSE INSERT

A LOT OF CARDS I BOUGHT WERE SPECIFICALLY FOR SETS OR PLAYER/TEAM COLLECTIONS I HAVE BUT OCCASIONALLY I PICKED UP SOME RANDOM STUFF THAT IS JUST HELLA COOL. I HAVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH THE HUBBLE DEEP FIELD EVER SINCE I FIRST SAW IT IN SOME FANCY COFFEE TABLE BOOK IN A MALL BOOKSTORE YEARS AGO. THE BOOK HAD A PICTURE OF THE SKY WITH A TINY LITTLE SQUARE OF BLACK OUTLINED WITH THE CAPTION THAT THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE FOCUSED ON THAT TINY BLACK SQUARE AND THEN YOU TURN THE PAGE AND THERE'S A TWO PAGE SPREAD OF GALAXIES FUCKIN EVERYWHERE AND MY TINY MIND WAS BLOWN AND TURNED TO MUSH AND I AUDIBLY SAID COOOOOOOOOOOL RIGHT OUT LOUD IN THE BOOKSTORE AND THEN I DIDN'T BUY THE BOOK SO I BOUGHT THE CARD INSTEAD


I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT THE PICTURE IS WAY COOLER IN LARGE GLOSSY BOOK FORMAT THAN IT IS ON A TINY TRADING CARD THAT IS APING SHITTY OLD PRINTING PROCESSES. THE FRONT LOOKS LIKE A STAR TREK CARD FROM THE 70S WITH THE ENTERPRISE AIRBRUSHED OUT AND THE ONE COLOR BACK IS VERY AUTHENTIC IN IT'S UNREADABILITY..IT'S STILL AN AMAZINGLY COOL CARD IN SPITE OF/BECAUSE OF ITS INCREDIBLE RETRONESS. I'M TRYING TO PUT EACH CARD AWAY IN THE PROPER BINDER AS I WRITE THIS POST BUT I DON'T REALLY HAVE A BINDER FOR THIS CARD. GUESS I'LL HAVE TO MAKE ONE


THIS HERE IS EITHER MY FAVORITE BIT OF THE HDF OR AN ARTIST'S INTERPRETATION OF WHAT MY FILTHY-ASS LAPTOP SCREEN LOOKS LIKE WHEN THE SCREEN GOES BLACK. YOU DECIDE WHICH

1988 TOPPS JOHN McNAMARA GLOSSY ALL-STAR INSERT

A FEW YEARS AGO I GOT ALL MY TOPPS GLOSSY RACK PACK ALL STAR CARDS TOGETHER AND PUT THEM IN A BINDER AND STARTED PUTTING SOME EFFORT INTO COMPLETING THE RUN. EVEN THOUGH I ONLY NEED A HANDFUL OF CARDS AND THESE CARDS ARE EXTREMELY NOT RARE I'VE HAD INCREDIBLY BAD LUCK FINDING THE ONES I NEED. IF I NEED A 1985 CAL RIPKEN, I FIND A HALF DOZEN 1986 CAL RIPKENS. IF I NEED A 1988 DARRYL STRAWBERRY, I FIND A PILE OF 1987 DARRYL STRAWBERRIES. IF A SELLER HAS A THOUSAND RACK PACKS FOR SALE I WILL FIND EXACTLY ZERO ALL-STARS I NEED ON THE FRONT OF THE PACKS. I WAS VERY HAPPY TO FIND ONE CARD I WAS MISSING, EVEN IF IT'S A MANAGER CARD. ALSO WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THE 1991 GLOSSY ALL-STAR SET? THESE THINGS ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND AND I HAVE TO ADMIT I HAVE NEVER EVEN SEEN A 1991 RACK PACK ANYWHERE. NOT THAT I COULD AFFORD A BOX ANYMORE WHAT WITH THE CRAZINESS IN THE MARKET.


1990 UPPER DECK CHRIS SABO


IT'S STORYTIME WITH UNCLE CARDJUNK. BACK AROUND 1991 OR SO THERE WAS A KID WHO LIVED NEXT DOOR TO MY BEST FRIEND AND HE FOUND OUT I COLLECTED BASEBALL CARDS SO HE OFFERED TO SELL ME A COMPLETE FACTORY SET OF 1990 UPPER DECK FOR 20 BUCKS. HE WAS A STEREOTYPICAL GENERIC ANNOYING ROTTEN CHILD AND REMINDED ME OF MYSELF AT THAT AGE SO I BOUGHT IT, ALSO MUCH LIKE MYSELF THE KID WAS A CHEATING LITTLE BASTARD AND WHEN LOOKED OVER THE SET I FOUND IT WAS MISSING LIKE 50 CARDS, MOSTLY STARS. AFTER MUCH CONSTERNATION I GOT HIM TO COUGH UP MOST OF THE MISSING CARDS (AMUSINGLY THE ONE HE GRIPED ABOUT THE MOST WAS RICKY JORDAN) BUT THERE WERE STILL A FEW CARDS MISSING. THANKFULLY ENOUGH 1990 UPPER DECK CARDS WERE PRINTED TO COMPLETELY BLOCK OUT THE SUN AND SMOTHER ALL LIFE ON THE PLANET IN CRUSHING DARKNESS SO IT WAS FAIRLY EASY TO FILL IN THE HOLES IN MY SET. EXCEPT FOR CHRIS SABO. EVERYONE FECKIN ADORED CHRIS SABO IN THE EARLY 90S BECAUSE HE LOOKED LIKE SPUDS MACKENZIE BUT THAT ADORATION EVAPORATED SOMETIME AROUND 1993 SO YOU WILL NOT FIND ANY CHRIS SABO BOXES OR BINDERS AT ANY CARD SHOP AND IF YOU ASK FOR 1990 UD COMMONS YOU'RE LIKELY TO GET LAUGHED OUT THE STORE OR OFFERED ONE OF THE THREE DOZEN FACTORY SETS ON SALE FOR 5 BUCKS EACH. SABO WAS THE LAST DAMN CARD I NEEDED FOR THAT SET FOR YEARS AND YEARS SO I GAVE UP AND GRABBED IT FOR A DIME

LITERALLY TWO DAYS BEFORE THIS PACKAGE ARRIVED I WAS LOOKING THROUGH A BOX OF JUNK RESCUED FROM THE GARAGE AND FOUND - YOU GUESSED IT - THE 1990 UPPER DECK CHRIS SABO I NEEDED TO COMPLETE MY SET FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEEEAAAARS

WELP, TIME TO BUILD A SECOND SET

2013 ALLEN & GINTER PERSIANS & PHOENICIANS CIVILIZATIONS OF AGES PAST INSERTS

AAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLEEEEEEENNNNNN &&&&&&&& GIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNTTAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

YOU'RE GONNA SEE A FUCKTON OF ALLEN & GINTER IN THESE POSTS AND THERE'S A SHITLOAD MORE I'M GONNA BUY ON MY NEXT SHOPPING SPREE SO GET USED TO IT. AFTER I COMPLETED MY GINTER BASE SETS I STARTED FOCUSING ON THE INSERTS AND NOW I'VE GOT A NICE CHUNK OF THE FULL SIZED NON-SPORT INSERT CARDS. THE 100 CARD BASEBALL INSERT AND MINI INSERT SETS, NOT SO MUCH BUT I'M TRYING. THESE TWO CARDS COMPLETE MY CIVILIZATIONS OF AGES PAST SET AND I THINK I HAVE COMPLETED ALL OF THE 2013 INSERTS BUT THERE'S ONE GAP IN THE BINDER AND I NEED TO MAKE SURE THERE'S NOT A CARD THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN THERE. IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED I WILL SCAN ALL THE 2013 SETS FOR YOU AND POST THEM BUT I'M NOT DOING IT NOW BECAUSE I AM FINALLY MAKING PROGRESS ON WRITING THIS POST FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO WEEKS AND IF I GO THOUGH THE RIGMAROLE OF CONNECTING MY SHITTY HP SCANNER TO MY LAPTOP IT WILL COMPLETELY HALT ALL PROGRESS AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE THIS

2013 BOWMAN PLATINUM JASON HEYWARD


SO HERE'S THE THING ABOUT THIS CARD. MY JASON HEYWARD HAVE LIST IS WOEFULLY OUT OF DATE SO WHEN I WAS LOOKING FOR HEYWARD CARDS TO BUY I PULLED OUT MY HEYWARD BINDER AND LOOKED THROUGH IT TO SEE IF I NEEDED ANY OF THE HEYWARD CARDS THEY HAD FOR SALE. FOR SOME REASON I THOUGHT I BOUGHT A 2012 BOWMAN PLATINUM CARD OF HEYWARD BUT I RECEIVED A 2013 BOWMAN PLATINUM CARD OF HEYWARD AND WHEN I GOT IT I WAS LIKE, AW MAN, THIS IS A 2011 BOWMAN PLATINUM CARD OF HEYWARD AND I HAVE IT ALREADY AND NOW THAT I'M PUTTING IT INTO THE BINDER IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE A 2011 BOWMAN PLATINUM CARD AND IT EVEN SAYS 2013 ON THE BACK BUT IT'S ALL GOOD BECAUSE I ALSO NEED THE 2013 BOWMAN PLATINUM HEYWARD AS WELL AND WHEN I TRIED TO PUT THE CARD IN THE BINDER I FOUND OUT THAT THE 2013 PAGES ARE ALL FULL AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE THERE ARE ANY EMPTY PAGES SO I JUST PUT THE CARD IN A 2012 PAGE WHICH IS SURE TO CAUSE MANY MORE PROBLEMS DOWN THE ROAD.  . 

THIS IS MY WAY OF TELLING YOU ALL THAT AS A COLLECTOR I AM A COMPLETE DISASTER

WHICH YOU ALL KNEW ALREADY

2018-19 HOOPS JOHN COLLINS YELLOW PARALLEL


LOVE LOVE LOVE JOHN COLLINS. HE IS GOING TO BE THE HAWKS STAR I CAN STILL AFFORD CARDS OF WHEN TRAE GOES OFF WHEN THE PLAGUE IS OVER AND WINS FOUR MVPS IN A ROW AND A BUNCH OF TITLES. PARALLEL CARDS ARE STOOPID WHEN YOU'RE BUILDING SETS BUT I AM NOT BUILDING A HOOPS SET I AM HOARDING HAWKS CARDS SO FINDING A YELLOW CARD IS A-OK WITH ME. MY CURRENT ROSTER HAWKS BINDER IS A WORK IN PROGRESS WHICH IS A EUPHEMISM FOR 'DOESN'T EXIST' BECAUSE LIKE I SAID I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE ANY EMPTY PLASTIC SHEETS ANYWHERE SO JOHN WILL GO INTO MY HAWKS BOX WHICH IS UNFORTUNATELY BEHIND A VERY LARGE PILE OF OTHER BOXES RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I'M REORGANIZING AROUND THE HOUSE SO JOHN WILL LIVE IN A PILE OF RANDOM CARDS PRECARIOUSLY PILED ON MY DESK FOR A WHILE

2010 TOPPS ANDRE ETHIER YO MOMMA INSERT

OH WOW, LAST CARD FOR THE POST! ONCE I FINISH WRITING ABOUT THIS ONE AND READ THE POST SIX TIMES AND STILL MISS A SUPER EMBARRASSING TYPO I CAN GET MY ASS OUT OF THIS CHAIR AND GO DO OTHER STUFF FINALLY. HERE WE HAVE A 2005 TOPPS ANDRE ETHIER ROOKIE CARD - OOPS I MEAN FIRST YEAR CARD - AND IT'S A SUPER RARE VARIATION WITH SILVER FOIL INSTEAD OF GOLD. IT'S EASILY WORTH FIVE BILLION DOLLARS IN TODAY'S VOLATILE ERROR MARKET. OH WAIT, NO IT ISN'T, IT'S A...



YO MOMMA CARD

EVERYONE'S MOTHER THREW THIS CARD OUT IN THE TRASH BECAUSE OF ALL THE PAPER DRIVES FOR THE WAR EFFORT AND - WELL NO. NO ONE THREW THIS CARD OUT EXCEPT FOR THE VERY EARLY PROTO-GROUP-BREAKERS WHO RIPPED A BOX OF CARDS AND THREW IT ALL IN THE TRASH EXCEPT FOR THE ONE RARE INSERT OR RELIC CARD THEY PULLED. OK MAYBE SOME DODGER FANS THREW IT OUT WHEN ANDRE WAS GETTING PAID 18 MILLION FOR BARELY PLAYING AND IT WAS A DAMN ATHLETICS CARD ANYWAY SO WHO NEEDS IT, BUT THAT'S ABOUT IT. ANDRE ETHIER WAS A BIG ENOUGH DEAL BACK IN 2010 TO GET HIS ROOKIE CARD IN THE THIRD SERIES OF REPRINTED GARBAGE CARDS, BUT NOWADAYS THE INSERT AND PROBABLY THE ACTUAL ROOKIE CARD SELLS FOR 10 CENTS. I WENT BUGSHIT CRAZY OVER THIS SET BACK IN THE DAY THOUGH AND HAVE A HUGE AMOUNT OF THE SET AND I'M GONNA WARN YA THERE'S GOING TO BE A LOT OF THESE CARDS SPRINKLED THROUGH THE REST OF THESE POSTS ASSUMING THEY GET WRITTEN

I HAVEN'T PUT THIS CARD IN THE BINDER YET BECAUSE I NEED TO FIND THE BINDER. I THINK IT MAY BE IN THE BIG PILE OF STUFF BLOCKING MY HAWKS BOX

UPDATE: IN BETWEEN WRITING THE POST AND 'EDITING' (lol) THE POST I FOUND THE BINDER AND ANDRE IS NOW SNUGLY TUCKED IN BETWEEN JUSTIN VERLANDER AND UUUUH NO ONE BECAUSE IT'S NOT IN THE CENTER POCKET OF THE SHEET. ALSO THIS CARD IS ACTUALLY IN THE SECOND SERIES OF DUMPSTER CARDS BEHIND ONLY THE RYAN HOWARD/COLE HAMELS DUAL ROOKIE PROSPECT REPRINT CARD FROM SERIES ONE

NOW FOR A TREAT! LET'S SCRATCH OFF THE INSTANT WIN CARD AND SEE IF I GET TO GO TO HAWAII ASSUMING THEY LET ME IN SINCE I LIVE IN A STATE THAT IS BEING RAVAGED BY COVID RIGHT NOW

INCOMPLETE PASS TRY AGAIN. SHOULDA RAN THE BALL LIKE THE FALCONS IN SUPER BOWL LI. LUCKILY I HAVE THREE MORE CHANCES, ASSUMING THOSE POSTS EVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY

I HAVE ENOUGH CARDS SCANNED FOR TWO MORE POSTS AND THEY'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY INTERESTING CARDS SO I MIGHT EVEN BE MOTIVATED TO WRITE THEM IF I GET ENOUGH COFFEE OR BOURBON OR BOTH IN ME SO UNTIL NEXT TIME,

AND WEAR YOUR GODDAMN MASKS YOU FILTHY ANIMALS


OH POOPS ALMOST FORGOT TO PLUG THE STORE AGAIN

BASEBALLCARDSTORE.CA

GO BUY SOME CARDS FROM THEM BUT NOT THE ONES I WANT

*THE WHOLE SHEBANG CAME SCREECHING TO A HALT WHEN THIS POPPED UP IN MY YOUTUBE RECOMMENDATIONS BUT I SOMEHOW PERSEVERED



** EVERYONE HATES THE RED BULLS

*** CARDS PUT AWAY IN BINDERS AT THE TIME THIS WAS POSTED: 7/10

6 comments:

dayf said...

AAAHAHAHAHAHA NO TITLE
I KNEW I'D SCREW SOMETHING UP

Captain Canuck said...

Not many of us Barves fans liked seeing JHey get a ring... But I was

gcrl said...

I'm here injecting this post in to my veins. Not really but still maybe.

Fuji said...

I wish I received some kickbacks from them. Lol. I thought I was gonna read about an a$$whoopin when I got to the Sabo story.

night owl said...

Hey, I understood most of this post!

Troublewiththecurve.net said...

I need to hop on this dime box website thing. Clearly.