I have no idea how to create pages but I'll figure it out eventually godammit

Sunday, October 20, 2019

NON-SPORT FRANKENSET - STICKER #1

YES THERE ARE STICKERS IN THE FRANKENSET. I WAS GOING TO POST THE STICKERS AFTER I COMPLETED SERIES 1 BUT THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE FUN TO DO IT AFTER EVERY NINTH CARD. I MEAN, WHAT'S A NON-SPORTS SET WITHOUT STICKERS?

1989 Ghostbusters II - Slimer


THE FIRST GHOSTBUSTERS MOVIE ONLY GOT A FEW CARDS IN THE 1988 FRIGHT FLICKS SET. GHOSTBUSTERS II GOT MERCHANDISED ALL TO HELL AND GOT IT'S OWN TRADING CARD SET. GOOD OLD FASHIONED CARDBOARD ENCASED IN WAX CONTAINING NO INSERTS AND ONE STICKER PER PACK. DID GHOSTBUSTERS 2016 GET A SET? 21ST CENTURY NON-SPORTS FRIGHTEN AND CONFUSE ME AND SEEM TO BE AUTOGRAPH DELIVERY SYSTEMS RATHER THAN TRADING CARDS. THERE HAS TO BE SOME OUT THERE, I WANT A HOLTZMANN CARD. AND A SEQUEL

EVERYONE CRAPS ON GB16 BUT MY THOUGHT IS THIS: IT AIN'T AS GOOD AS GHOSTBUSTERS, BUT IT SURE AS HELL IS EVERY BIT AS GOOD AS GHOSTBUSTERS II AND I FRIGGIN' LOVE GHOSTBUSTERS II . OK, SO THERE ARE PROBLEMS WITH BOTH MOVIES BUT IN THE END THEY ARE BOTH COMEDIES ABOUT SCIENTISTS SHOOTING GHOSTS WITH LASERS AND THAT'S GREAT. AND IF GHOSTBUSTERS II WAS ANY GOOD, IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CARTOONIZED TO BE MORE LIKE THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS WITH TECHNICOLOR JANINE AND SLIMER EVERYWHERE. WAS SLIMER EVEN IN THE MOVIE ALL THAT MUCH? I KNOW HE HE ATE TULLY'S LUNCH AND WAS A GHOSTLY BUS DRIVER AS THIS STICKER DEPICTS BUT HE SURE WASN'T THE GHOSTBUSTER'S PET LIKE IN THE CARTOON. HE MIGHT HAVE HAD MORE SCREEN TIME IN THE ORIGINAL NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. SLIMER HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN THE 2016 MOVIE AND THEY BOTH RIDE INTO THE PORTAL TO HELL IN THE ECTO-1.WAIT DID THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN. WAS THAT A REAL THING OR IS DEMENTIA SETTING IN. I RELUCTANTLY AGREE THAT BOTH MOVIES HAVE MOMENTS THAT ARE COMPLETELY SILLY AND SOMETIMES EMBARRASSING BUT THEY ARE MOVIES ABOUT SCIENTISTS WHO SHOOT GHOSTS. THE '84 VERSION AIN'T PERFECT EITHER, WTF WAS UP WITH RAY GETTING A BLOWIE FROM CASPER THE WAY TOO FRIENDLY GHOST. I WAS ELEVEN WHEN I SAW THAT SHIT

ANYWAY, THIS IS NOT A TIME FOR NEGATIVITY, THIS IS A TIME TO PRAISE STUPID FUN HORROR COMEDIES AND CELEBRATE STICKERS OF DEAD WORKING CLASS SPIRITS WHO LOVE HOT DOGS AND SNOTTING ALL OVER PEOPLE




PUZZLE BACK! EVERYONE LOVES THE PUZZLE BACK STICKERS. THIS ONE HAS SOMEONE WEARING ALL BLACK AND CARRYING A PROTON PACK.I JUST WATCHED THE ORIGINAL LAST WEEK AND THE BLACK SUITS INSTEAD OF THE BEIGE ONES IS THROWING ME. DAMN GHOSTBUSTERS SAVE ONE CITY FROM A SUMERIAN DEMON AND GO ALL HOLLYWOOD. ALTHOUGH I BET THEY LOOK BETTER AFTER A SLIMING

Thursday, October 17, 2019

A COMICS POST! JUST THE ADS

ALL I EVER DO NOWADAYS IS READ COMICS OR BUY COMICS AND NOT READ THEM OR THINK ABOUT READING THE COMICS I BOUGHT OR GO OUT TO LOOK FOR MORE COMICS TO NOT READ OR DODGE THE GIGANTIC PILE OF UNREAD COMICS THAT COLLAPSED BARELY AVERTING DEATH. A BIG REASON FOR THIS IS THAT IT IS WAY EASIER TO FIND CHEAP OLD COMICS THAN IT IS TO FIND CHEAP OLD CARDS. OR CARDS IN GENERAL FOR THAT MATTER. BILLY SUTER NOTICED ME RAMBLING ON ABOUT COMICS ON TWITTER AND KINDLY SENT ME A COMIC



DAREDEVIL! HERE HE COMES. NO FEAR. IN A LIVING PRISON! SO BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER I SHOULD GIVE FULL DISCLOSURE HERE AND TELL YOU ALL THAT I AM A DC GUY. TO BE SPECIFIC AN EC -> DC HORROR -> VERTIGO GUY. I LIKE THE SPOOKY MONSTERS THAT LIVE IN THE CREEPY OLD HOUSE WHO EAT YOUR HORRIBLE FACE. YOU KNOW LIKE THE VAULT OF HORROR, THE HOUSE OF SECRETS, THE SHED OF SATAN, THE OUTHOUSE OF EVISCERATION, THAT KINDA STUFF. ALSO: I JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT SUPERHEROES. I WAS A KID IN THE 70S AND 80S WHEN SUPERHERO COMICS WERE LUDICROUS AND STARTING TO GET EXPENSIVE AND IT WAS EASIER TO JUST WATCH THEM ON TV. AND MY COMIC MONEY WENT TO MAD MAGAZINE ANYWAY.

SO THAT BEING SAID, I HAVE NO NOSTALGIA FOR MARVEL SUPERHEROES UNLIKE LITERALLY THE ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD.  BUT I READ THE COMIC AND REALLY ENJOYED IT. WELL, THE ACTUAL STORY WAS OK. SOME SILLINESS ABOUT DOCTOR DOOM AND DAREDEVIL SWAPPING BODIES THROUGH SOME GIANT VACUUM-TUBE CONTRAPTION AND THEN HIJINX ENSUES. AND A GOOD HALF OF THE STORY REFERS TO STUFF THAT HAPPENED IN OTHER ISSUES TO ADD TO THE CONFUSION. BUT THE ADVERTISEMENTS WERE FANTASTIC! COOL OLD COMIC ADS ARE THE BEST! YOU READ THE POST TITLE, YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING

HERE ARE... ALL THE ADS


INSIDE FRONT COVER - FAYD ZIT ZAPPER CREAM

THIS ISSUE IS FROM MARCH, 1968 WHICH IS BEFORE MY COMIC-READING TIME BUT A LOT OF THE AD STYLES ARE FAMILIAR TO ME FROM READING PARODIES OF THEM IN  MY UNCLE'S OLD MAD MAGAZINES. MAD MAY HAVE PARODIED THIS EXACT AD BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'VE SEEN THIS SMILING UNBLEMISHED GIRL WITH THE SAD PIZZA-FACED SCHLUB OVER HER SHOULDER BEFORE. JUST TRY THIS NON-GREASY NON-STINKY SKIN WHITENING (??) GLOP FOR 7 DAYS AND YOU'LL BE DANCING AT THE SOCK HOP AGAIN AND HAVE A CLEAN PILLOWCASE TO BOOT. AT THREE BUCKS FOR 3 OUNCES, I FEEL THE AVERAGE COMIC BOOK READER WOULD SPEND THEIR MONEY ON SOMETHING MORE SENSIBLE. LIKE TWENTY-FIVE MORE COMICS

FOR REALS THOUGH WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MADE OUT OF IF IT ELIMINATES FRECKLES

NO I REALLY DON'T KNOW I WORE MY TEENAGED PIMPLES PRODULY AND SAVED MY MONEY FOR PACKS OF TOPPS


PAGE FIVE - MORE TRIUMPHS FOR MARVEL!

NOT BRAND ECHH WAS MARVEL'S PARODY COMIC MAKING FUN OF SUPERHEROES. THIS SHOULD BE RIGHT UP MY ALLEY WITH HOW I LOVE EARLY MAD COMICS AND PLOP, BUT I'VE NEVER READ ONE. IT ONLY LASTED FROM 1967-1969 AND YOU DON'T FIND THOSE COMICS IN QUARTER BOXES SO I'LL PROBABLY NEVER READ ANY. EVERYBODY KNOWS EXACTLY WHO NICK FURY AND SHIELD IS ALTHOUGH CONTEMPORARY FANS ARE WONDERING WHO'S THAT WHITE DUDE ON THE COVER. WHERE'S SAMUEL L. DAMMIT

ALSO FOR SOME REASON THERE'S SOME LEGALESE OVER ON THE SIDE WITH CIRCULATION TOTALS. LOOKS LIKE THE PREVIOUS ISSUE HAD 466,700 PRINTED, BUT ABOUT 150.000 WERE TRASHED. I NEED TO USE THE HIGH-POWER BIT ON MY MAGNIFYING GLASS TO READ THIS SO I'M NOT GOING TO READ ANY MORE OF THAT STUFF



PAGE SIX - ARE YOU A DUMBASS? MAIL FOR A FREE PAMPHLET! ASSUMING YOU CAN READ

DON BOLANDER WANTS YOU ALL TWO LEARNED TOO SPOKE AND WRITING ENLGISH MORE BETTER. IN FIFTEEN MINUTES A DAY YOU CAN SPEAK AND WRITE LIKE A COLLEGE GRADUATE WITHOUT THE HUNDRED GRAND IN STUDENT LOANS.. I LAUGHED OUT LOUD WHEN I SAW THIS AD BECAUSE IT WAS PARODIED IN ALAN MOORE'S 1963 SERIES FROM IMAGE, A SERIES I HIGHLY RECOMMEND. IF YOU NEED TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE MORE GOODER YOU CAN FIND DON'S BOOK ON AMAZON.  I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU CAN FIND THE ACTUAL PAMPHLET THOUGH



PAGE ELEVEN - U.S. GOVERNMENT SURPLUS CATALOG

FOR A BUCK YOU CAN GET A CATALOG FULL OF GOVERNMENT GOODIES FOR SALE. PARACHUTES! BOATS! HELMETS! AXES! BUNK BEDS! MINE DETECTORS! HAVERSACKS! SO MUCH NEAT STUFF IN THE ILLUSTRATION. COOL SUNGLASSES! TYPEWRITERS! A FUN HAT! HANDCUFFS! A CANNON! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE ILLUSTRATION OF THE TINY MAN LEANING ON THE GIGANTIC ORB IN THE LOWER RIGHT CORNER IS SUPPOSED TO INDICATE BUT IT'S BUY IT. BEST OF ALL IF YOU SPEND TEN BUCKS  YOUR DOLLAR FOR THE CATALOG IS REFUNDED! WHO COULD POSSIBLY ONLY SPEND TEN BUCKS THOUGH WHEN YOU CAN BUY A DADGUM AIRPLANE FOR $158.00. I WANT ALL THE GOVERNMENT SWAG!!!

THIS BEING SAID THERE IS AN ACTUAL ARMY/NAVY SURPLUS STORE A FEW MILES DOWN THE ROAD AND I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE IN OVER 30 YEARS



PAGE SEVENTEEN - THE REASON FOR THIS POST

FRANK ZAPPA IS PART OF THE MARVEL UNIVERSE. THIS IS CANON. BTOOOM! THERE'S A WHOLE LOT TO UNPACK HERE. THAT PORTRAIT OF FRANK NEEDS TO BE HANGING IN THE LOUVRE OR AT LEAST THE MÜTTER MUSEUM. THE TITLE IS MISSING THE APOSTROPHE BUT IT SHOWED UP IN 1974. I APPRECIATE HOW THE CATALOG NUMBER V/V65045X IS INCLUDED IN THE AD FOR THE RECORD NERDS. ZAPPA'S PREVIOUS ALBUMS FREAK OUT! AND ABSOLUTELY  FREE E  E  E     E    E GET SOME ADVERTISING AS WELL AND YOU MUST BUY ALL OF THESE PRODUCTS NOW! I ALREADY HAVE FREAK OUT AND ABSOLUTELY FREE ON CD AND WE'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY ON VINYL SO NO LOSS OF STATUS FOR ME. I CAN CONFIRM THEY ARE ALL THRILLING CLEAN EXPENSIVE FUN

THE ALBUM ITSELF IS STILL PRETTY SUBVERSIVE ROASTING HIPPIES AND SQUARES ALIKE AND SATIRICALLY SHINING SOME LIGHT ON SOME HORRIBLE SHIT. IT WAS ALSO CENSORED TO ALL HELL. THE SARGENT PEPPER PARODY COVER WAS SWAPPED WITH THE GATEFOLD IMAGE BECAUSE THE RECORD COMPANY THOUGHT THE BEATLES WOULD SUE I GUESS? INSTEAD WE GET THE BAND IN DRAG FOR THE COVER WHICH YOU'D THINK WOULD BE MORE CONTROVERSIAL IN 1968 BUT WHAT DO I KNOW. MGM BUTCHERED A BUNCH OF THE SONGS TO CUT OUT BAD LANGUAGE OR LANGUAGE THAT MIGHT POSSIBLY BE BAD IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH BUT THE GOOD STUFF WAS PUT BACK IN LATER ON SO YOU CAN HEAR THE IMMORTAL LYRICS:

BETTER LOOK AROUND BEFORE YOU SAY YOU DON'T CARE
SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH ABOUT THE LENGTH OF MY HAIR
HOW WOULD YOU SURVIVE
IF YOU WERE ALIVE
SHITTY LITTLE PERSON

MY FAVORITE VERSION OF THIS ALBUM IS THE CD WITH BOTH WE'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY AND LUMPY GRAVY. PLOP THIS IN THE CD PLAYER AND HEAR THE WHOLE SHEBANG IN ONE SITTING. THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE ALBUM, AT LEAST RIGHT THIS SECOND



ONE LAST THING BEFORE I MOVE ON WITH THIS INCREASINGLY ENORMOUS POST. THERE'S A COUPON TO FILL OUT AND SEND IN TO UNITED MUTATIONS. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD DO THIS, BUT YOU CAN LET EM KNOW HOW AND WHEN. DO YOU GET A CATALOG? A SIGNED PHOTOGRAPH OF FRANK ZAPPA WITH OFFICIAL AUTOGRAPH FORGED BY CAL SCHENKEL? PUT ON THE FBI'S UNAMERICAN MALCONTENTS LIST? SOMEONE GO BACK IN TIME AND SEND THIS IN AND LET ME KNOW. YOU DON'T NEED THE COUPON YOU CAN JUST WRITE A LETTER


PAGE TWENTY ONE - WHOLE BUNCHA JUNK

WE'VE REACHED THE CLASSIFIED ADS SECTION OF THE COMIC. AS WE REACH THE END OF THE STORIES THE ADS COME FAST AND FURIOUS. THE LAST SIX PAGES OF THE BOOK IS ALL ADS AND LETTERS PAGES. THIS IS HOW THEY TRICK YA. HERE'S A LINE OR TWO ON EACH AD BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE WRITING THIS POST FOR NINE HOURS

COLUMN ONE:
THE ONLY JFK SILVER HALF DOLLAR SET ONLY $5.99 FOR $1.82 WORTH OF COINS. YOU CAN GET AN UNCIRCULATED SET FOR ABOUT 30 BUCKS BUY IT NOW ON EBAY SO A BETTER INVESTMENT THAN ZIT CREAM 

FREE PAMPHLET TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE SONGS GOOD WITH THE MORE GOODEST ENGLISH YOU LEARNED FROM DON

SECRET SPY SCOPE FOR $1.98 WITH FREE MICROSCOPE TO READ THE TEXT IN THIS AD AND A FREE LUCKY RABBIT'S FOOT TO WARD OFF BEING ARRESTED FOR PEEKING AT LADIES ON THE TOILET WITH A PEN-SIZED TELESCOPE

FIFTY CENTS FOR A LIST OF THINGS YOU CAN GET FOR FREE. WHAT A COUNTRY

ALSO FIFTY CENTS FOR A CATALOG OF AMAZING HOUDINI MAGIC TRICKS THAT EVEN MAGICIANS DON'T KNOW. THE DOODLE OF AN ILLUSIONIST AND HIS FLOATY ASSISTANT IS MY FAVORITE ON THE PAGE

IF YOUR CRAZY UNCLE FINDS YOUR COMIC, HE CAN USE THIS AD AND SEND HIS WACKIEST IDEAS TO KANSAS CITY AND GET RICH! ON HIS SUPER USEFUL INVENTION IDEAS. ASSUMING THESE GUYS JUST DON'T STEAL THE IDEA. SHOULDA GOT A PATENT, UNC

COLUMN TWO:
I HAVE NO SNARK FOR ESTES MODEL ROCKETS, THOSE THINGS ARE COOL AS HELL AND IF YOU'VE NEVER BUILT AND SHOT ONE OFF YOU SHOULD DO SO

 IF YOUR CRAZY UNCLE SENSITIVE BROTHER FINDS YOUR COMIC, HE CAN USE THIS AD AND SEND HIS WACKIEST IDEAS  INSPIRING BALLADS TO KANSAS CITY BOSTON AND GET RICH! ON HIS SUPER USEFUL INVENTION POPULAR SONG IDEAS. ASSUMING THESE GUYS JUST DON'T STEAL THE IDEA. SHOULDA GOT A PATENT COPYRIGHT, UNC BRO

MINI MOTORCYCLE CATALOG FOR A BUCK OR A PAMPHLET FOR A QUARTER. SPLURGE FOR THE CATALOG YA CHEAPSKATE

COLUMN THREE:
LOOK AT THE SUPER ISOMETRICS AD ILLUSTRATION AND TELL ME THAT THIS WASN'T AN INSPIRATION FOR MONTY PYTHON'S DYNAMO TENSION ANIMATION. I'D LINK IT BUT IT DOESN'T APPEAR TO BE ONLINE. IT'S IN SEASON 1, EPISODE 5

FREE CATALOG FOR NOT AT ALL SHADY HOME IMPORT BUSINESS. YOU KNOW, FOR KIDS

$12.95 FOR AN ELECTRIC GUITAR SEEMS LIKE A DECENT DEAL TO ME. FORGET THE IMPORT BUSINESS GO START A BAND, KID

BOTTOM ROW:

C  O  M  I  C      C  O  L  L  E  C  T  O  R  S
50 CENTS FOR A BACK ISSUE CATALOG PLUS A SASE SEEMS A BIT PRICEY BUT WHERE ELSE YA GONNA FIND BACK ISSUES IN 1968? AIN'T NO LCS BACK THEN

WHICH ONE YA GONNA BUY: 350 ASSORTED KRAZY LABELS OR FIFTY COLORFUL BIKE DECALS FOR A BUCK? I WANT TO SAY I'D CHOOSE THE COOL SKULL DECAL BUT I KNOW I'D BE CHEAP AND GO FOR THE CRUMMY STAMPS. THERE'S 350 OF THEM!


PAGE TWENTY TWO - OH MY GOD

TWENTY EIGHT ADS!!! I HAVE A 1D10, THE NUMBER ROLLED IS THE NUMBER OF WORDS I WRITE FOR EACH AD. HERE GOES NOTHIN'

COLUMN ONE:
FOAM INSERTS FOR SHORT DUDES

THIS COMIC LIST IS ONLY TEN CENTS!

THROW YOUR VOICE FREE! OR YOUR MONEY BACK

ANOTHER SONG WRITING SCAM NOW WITH NAME-DROPPING

ED SALE'S SECRET SYSTEM! 3 BUCKS

SUCK YO FACE CLEAN

COLUMN TWO:
1968 VERSION OF THE BOWMAN GUARANTEE

ANOTHER COMIC LIST $1, THIS ONE HAS CHARLTON!

FREE* STAMPS

NOT FREE STAMPS BUT THEY'RE UP FRONT ABOUT IT

LAVOPTIK IS A GREAT WORD

ENOUGH WITH THE POEMS

BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRRRR

ART TRACING PROJECTOR DOOHICKEY $1.98

COLUMN THREE:
MORE STAMPS ON APPROVAL MY GOD

AGAIN! MORE FREAKING STAMPS ON APPROVAL KILL ME

WTF THIS ENTIRE ROW IS STAMPS ON APPROVAL

EXCEPT FOR 20 DIFFERENT TRIANGLES FOR TWENTY FIVE CENTS. I WANT TO SEND THEM A QUARTER JUST ON PRINCIPLE

THERE'S ALSO FREE STAMPS WITH NO APPROVAL BUT THEY'RE FROM CANADA. NO MORE STAMPS IN THIS COMIC I BEG YOU MARVEL


PAGE TWENTY SEVEN - NO STAMPS THANK THE MAKER

MY REWARD FOR (MOSTLY) SLOGGING THROUGH THE TINY CLASSIFIED ADS IS A PAGE WITH TWO ICONIC HALL OF FAME COMIC ADVERTISEMENTS. FIRST, LET'S SELL GRIT, AMERICA'S GREATEST FAMILY NEWSPAPER. GRIT HAD A CIRCULATION OF OVER A MILLION COPIES WHEN THIS AD WAS PUBLISHED. THIS AD WAS IN EVERY COMIC BOOK EVER PRINTED. PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE, EVERY SINGLE COMIC BOOK. WITH OR WITHOUT ADS, THEY ALL HAVE GRIT. EVEN IF YOU DON'T SEE IT, IT'S THERE SUBLIMINALLY. THERE IS NO COMIC WITHOUT GRIT. GRIT IS LOVE. GRIT IS LIFE. GRIT IS ALL. GRIT IS STILL PUBLISHED! BUT IT'S A MAGAZINE NOW

I HAVE NEVER SEEN A SINGLE ISSUE OF GRIT ANYWHERE AT ANY TIME AND I AM CONVINCED I NEVER WILL

WALLACE W. REUMANN WILL MAKE YOU A MASTER OF KARATE. THIS DUDE AND COUNT DANTE WERE ALL OVER COMIC BOOKS BACK IN THE DAY. I CAN BARELY READ THE TEXT ON THIS THING EVEN WITH THE HIGH-POWERED MAGNIFYING GLASS BUT WALLACE WAS APPARENTLY THE ONLY KARATE INSTRUCTOR IN UPSTATE NEW YORK RECOGNIZED BY THE INTERNATIONAL KARATE FEDERATION IN TOKYO. HE DIDN'T TEACH KARATE BUT SUPER KARATE. HIS INSTRUCTION BOOK IS FOR SALE FOR NINETY NINE CENTS PLUS SHIPPING BUT IF YOU ALSO BUY THE GIANT LIFE SIZE PRACTICE DUMMY SHIPPING IS FREE! IF YOU MISSED OUT ON THIS THE PAMPHLET IS AVAILABLE ON AMAZON FOR 40 BUCKS

THE ACTUAL COMIC ENDED ON PAGE TWENTY SIX SO THE REST OF THE ADS WERE ONLY SEEN BY THE HARD CORE LETTER READING FANS


PAGE TWENTY NINE - MOICHENDIZING 

MARVEL GOTTA SELL THAT SWAG. WE GOT THE T-SHIRTS, SWEAT SHIRTS AND FAN CLUB UP FOR SALE HERE. THE T-SHIRT DESIGNS ARE MORE OR LESS THE SAME ONES YOU'D SEE TODAY: CAPTAIN MARVEL, THE FANTASTIC FOUR, THE AVENGERS, THOR, SPIDER-MAN, IRON MAN, THE INCREDIBLE HULK. UNLIKE TODAY, THERE'S EXACTLY TWO WOMEN ON THE ENTIRE PAGE AND WHERE THE HELL IS MY BLACK PANTHER SHIRT. FOR SOME REASON THE SWEATSHIRTS ONLY COME IN HULK AND THE THING FLAVORS. I GUESS BECAUSE SWEATSHIRTS ARE CHUNKIER MAYBE? I CAN SEE MY YOUNGER SELF WEARING A HULK SHIRT, I WAS PRETTY CHUNKY MYSELF. THE MERRY MARVEL MARCHING SOCIETY MEMBERSHIP KIT LOOKS LIKE A PRETTY GOOD DEAL FOR A BUCK. IT COSTS EIGHT COMICS AND CHANGE BUT YOU GET A RECORD, STICKERS, NOTE PAD AND PENCIL, A MAGNILOQUENT (???) MINI BOOK, A MAJESTIC CERTIFICATE AND MUNIFICENT MARVEL MEMBERSHIP CARD. GOOD GRIEF, MARVEL, ENOUGH WITH THE ALLITERATION. THIS IS WHY I READ TRASHY DC CRAP

SILLY MATH EXERCISE: A MARVEL COMIC COST TWELVE CENTS AND A T-SHIRT WAS A BUCK SIXTY MEANING ONE T-SHIRT IS WORTH THIRTEEN AND ONE THIRD COMICS. AT TODAY'S COMIC PRICES THAT WOULD MAKE A T-SHIRT COST SIXTY SIX DOLLARS AND FIFTY THREE CENTS


PAGE THIRTY TWO - FIRST BALLOT INAUGURAL CLASS UNANIMOUS HALL OF FAME ADVERTISEMENT

THERE WERE AT LEAST HALF A DOZEN PERMUTATIONS OF THIS AD IF NOT MORE AND THEY WERE ALL FANTASTIC. REVOLUTIONARY WAR, WORLD WAR TWO, ROMAN EMPIRE, CIVIL WAR. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ALL THE DIFFERENT PLASTIC ARMY MAN SETS THESE DUDES SOLD THEY WERE ALL ADVERTISED IN THE BACK OF COMICS AND THEY ALL LOOKED AMAZING. WELL, THE ADS LOOKED AMAZING, I NEVER BOUGHT ONE OF THE SETS TO FIND OUT IF THE ACTUAL TOYS LOOKED AMAZING. THE DESCRIPTION WAS AMAZING AT LEAST, SO MANY SOLDIERS! SO MANY DIFFERENT TYPES! INFANTRYMEN! SHOOTING, MARCHING, CROUCHING AND CHARGING! SHARPSHOOTERS! CANNONS! FIFERS AND DRUMMERS! MINUTEMEN, MOHAWKS AND HESSIANS! RATFINK OFFICERS WAY IN THE BACK! DRAGOOOOONS!!! THIS AD POKES EVERY NOSTALGIA GLAND IN MY BRAIN WITH A BAYONET


INSIDE BACK COVER - HONOR HOUSE TREASURE CHEST

SPEAKING OF ADVERTISEMENT HALL OF FAMERS, IT'S THESE GUYS. EVERYONE'S FAVORITE PEDDLER OF CRAP. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER METICULOUSLY DOCUMENTED EVERY AD IN A COMIC BOOK AND I'VE FOUND THREE ITEMS ON THIS PAGE WHICH ARE FOUND ELSEWHERE IN THE BOOK. THE KARATE PAMPHLET PROBABLY ISN'T THE SAME AS MR. REUMANN'S SUPER KARATE. HOWEVER THE SUPER SPY SCOPE AND THROW YOUR VOICE PAMPHLET ARE FOUND ELSEWHERE AT THE SAME PRICE. THE SELLER IS STABRYM- 147-47-6A WHITESTONE NY WHICH AS FAR AS I CAN TELL IS UNGOOGLEABLE. I HAVEN'T TRIED BING. MAYBE AN HONOR HOUSE ALIAS? FOR THE REST OF THE PAGE I WILL STATE WHETHER I WOULD WANT TO BUY THE ITEM USING MY DERANGED 8 YEAR OLD THOUGHT PROCESSES

MAGIC CARDS - A MARKED DECK OF CARDS WITH INSTRUCTIONS FOR MAGIC TRICKS? HELL YES. WAIT, TWO BUCKS? PASS

JACK POT BANK - PLAY GAMBLING, YES PLEASE. I'LL WASTE MY YOUTH PLAYING THE SLOTS WHILE I DOWN ROOT BEER AND CANDY CIGARETTES. BUY

SURPRISE PACKAGE - IT COULD BE ANYTHING! I MIGHT GET A SUBMARINE! BUY

BOOMERANG - I ACTUALLY HAD A BOOMERANG WHEN I WAS A KID. IT NEVER CAME BACK. AT BEST IT CURVED SLIGHTLY. PASS

SMOKE BOMB - I WASN'T BIG ON THE PYROTECHNICS AT THAT AGE. PASS

SKIN HEAD WIG - WHO'S GONNA BELIEVE AN EIGHT YEAR OLD IS BALD? PASS

JOY BUZZER - ESSENTIAL EQUIPMENT FOR THE YOUNG PRANKSTER. BUY

COMPLETE POWERED DRAG RACING KIT - EVEN IN MY ADDLED MIDDLE AGED MIND I LOOK AT THIS AD AND HAVE VISIONS OF AN ACTUAL REAL HOT ROD BLAZING DOWN THE STREET. EVEN THOUGH IT'S OBVIOUSLY A COUPLE OF TOY RACE CARS AND A PLASTIC STARTING GATE AND FINISH LINE TOY CARS ARE SUPER FUN. BUY

THICK BLACK SOAP - I MEAN, SOAP MAKING YOU MORE DIRTY IS HILARIOUS IN CONCEPT BUT WHO WAS I ACTUALLY GONNA TRICK WITH THIS? MY GRANDMOTHER? THAT'S A DOUCHEY THING TO DO. PASS

MONEYMAKER - I ACTUALLY REMEMBER MY THOUGHT PROCESSES ON THIS ONE. YOU PUT IN PAPER AND OUT COMES MONEY??? I COULD BE RICH! BUT HOW DOES IT WORK? EVENTUALLY I FIGURED OUT THAT I HAD TO PROVIDE THE DOLLAR, FIVER AND TENNER THAT GOES IN THE BOX FOR THE TRICK TO WORK. IF I HAD 16 DOLLARS I'D ALREADY BE RICH. PASS

EXHAUST WHISTLE - I KNEW EARLY ON THROUGH EXTENSIVE READING OF CAR TOONS MAGAZINE THAT YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH A MAN'S CAR. PASS

SECRET BOOK SAFE - I LOVE BOOKS! I LOVE SECRETS!! I NEED THIS!!! BUY

SECRET SPY SCOPE - IF I WANTED THIS I'D BUY IT FROM THE SHADY UNGOOGLEABLE GUY AND GET A FREE RABBIT'S FOOT. PASS

X-RAY-SPECS - THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST ICONIC COMIC BOOK TRASH ITEM IN EXISTENCE. I WISH I HAD BOUGHT THIS WHEN I WAS A KID. I'D BE WEARING THEM RIGHT NOW. BUY BUY BUY

MAKE YOUR OWN "KOOKY" T-SHIRTS - ON A BASIC LEVEL, DYI T-SHIRT IRON ON TRANSFERS WAS EXTREMELY MY THING WHEN I WAS A KID BUT ALL THESE "ZANY" SLOGANS SUCK. PASS

WHOOPIE CUSHION - SEE JOY BUZZER. ESSENTIAL. BUY
TRY TO TRICK MY FRIENDS WITH NASTY GUM. I WOULD ALSO END UP CHEWING 4 OF THE STICKS MYSELF. BUY

I JUST SPENT $6.68 IN IMAGINARY 1968 MONEY ON A PILE OF TRASH. FOR THAT MONEY YOU COULD BUY A T206 HONUS WAGNER OR A COPY OF EVERY MICKEY MANTLE CARD EVER PRINTED UP TO THAT POINT


BACK COVER - NORMAN ROCKWELL WANTS YOUR DRAWINGS

I'M MORE FAMILIAR WITH THE ART INSTRUCTION SCHOOL ADS WHERE YOU DRAW TIPPY THE TURTLE AND THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES LOGO BUT THIS SCHOOL HAD NORMAL ROCKWELL STAR POWER. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN THIS AD AND ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA THE SCHOOL FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY IN 1972 WHICH MIGHT BE WHY. THIS POST HAS TAKEN FOREVER TO WRITE SO IN LIEU OF NORMAN ROCKWELL SLANDER I AM GOING TO SEARCH FOR THE FAMOUS ARTISTS ALUMNI MENTIONED IN THE AD ON THE INTERNET AND LET YOU KNOW WHAT I FIND

CARL KOCK - THIS WAS A RISKY SEARCH BUT TURNED OUT GREAT. CARL HAS DONE AD WORK AND FINE ART AND I REALLY DIG HIS STYLE

HOWARD SANDEN - JOHN HOWARD SANDEN IS A PORTRAIT ARTIST WHO HAS PAINTED A BUNCH OF FAMOUS PEOPLE INCLUDING GEORGE W. AND LAURA BUSH. WHEN YOUR STUFF IS IN THE WHITE HOUSE THAT'S PRETTY LEGIT

PAUL SULLIVAN - THERE ARE A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE MANED PAUL SULLIVAN INCLUDING THE ART DIRECTOR OF THE BOOK OF LIFE. MAYBE IT'S THIS PAUL SULLIVAN? I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW

KATHLEEN GIRONDA - DIDN'T FIND MUCH HERE, THREE OF THE TOP RESULTS WERE THIS AD. THERE IS A KATHLEEN GIRONDA ON PINTREST THAT IS SUPER INTO QUILTS

JAMES RYAN - TOUGH WHEN YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE WHO SHARES A NAME WITH AN ACTOR AND A FOOTBALLER. A SEARCH FOR ARTISTS ISN'T MUCH BETTER, THERE'S TOO MANY RYANS TO CHOOSE FROM

HELEN TRYK - SADLY THE FIRST RESULT WAS AN OBITUARY BUT IT CONFIRMS HELEN WAS AN PAINTER AND SCULPTOR.ALSO FOUND A COPYRIGHT FOR A CERAMIC FIGURINE CALLED 'FLOWER BABIES' DEPICTING A HOOFED (?!) BABY SITTING ON A STUMP. I TRIED HARD (EVEN USED BING THIS TIME) BUT WAS UNSUCCESSFUL IN FINDING A FIGURINE OF A SATYR BABY SITTING ON A STUMP

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ADVERTISEMENT RETROSPECTIVE BECAUSE IT TOOK HOURS AND I'M NEVER DOING A POST LIKE THIS AGAIN. SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO BLOGS ABOUT COMIC PLEASE

*NOT FREE

Sunday, October 13, 2019

NON-SPORT FRANKENSET - CARD #9

I HAVE ALL THE CARDS FROM THE NON-SPORT FRANKENSET SCANNED EXCEPT FOR THE BACK OF ONE STICKER I FORGOT SOMEHOW AND YES THERE ARE STICKERS IN THIS THING TOO

THERE IS NOW NO EXCUSE FOR ME TO NOT POST ONE OF THESE EVERY SUNDAY LIKE I SAID I WOULD LIKE SIX MONTHS AGO AND I'M NOW ON POST NUMBER NINE


2004 Rittenhouse Art and Images of Xena: The Warrior Princess - Xena


IN THE EARLY AUGHTS THERE WERE A SURPRISINGLY LARGE NUMBER OF TRADING CARD SETS THAT HAD CARD STOCK TEXTURED TO LOOK LIKE CANVAS WITH ARTSY FARTSY PICTURES ON THEM. DONRUSS HAD A FEW OF THEM WHAT WITH THEIR DIAMOND KINGS AND A PLAYOFF SET WHOSE NAME ESCAPES ME AT THE MOMENT. BUT THIS IS NOT DONRUSS THIS IS RITTENHOUSE. IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH RITTENHOUSE ARCHIVES THEY'RE LIKE THE SWANKIEST NON-SPORT CARD MANUFACTURERS OUT THERE. THEIR SETS ARE DESIGNED VERY WELL, ARE USUALLY QUITE ATTRACTIVE AND HAVE BEEFY CARDSTOCK WITH A GOOD HAND FEEL. OF THE PILES OF NON-SPORTS STUFF I GOT YEARS AGO FROM A SELLER THAT WAS CLEARING OUT, THE RITTENHOUSE STUFF IS TIED WITH SOME OF THE CHROMIUM SETS FOR MY FAVORITES. THIS SET IS EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN: ART AND IMAGES OF XENA THE WARRIOR PRINCESS

I NEVER GOT TOO INTO THE HERCULES/XENA SHOWS IN THE 90S. HERCULES WAS ENTIRELY TOO SILLY AND I COULD JUST WATCH THE MST3K EPISODES WITH HERC IF I WANTED SILLY. XENA IS A GIRL AND IS A SHOW FOR GIRLS AND I COULDN'T WATCH IT BECAUSE I WAS NOT A GIRL. HOW COULD I WATCH A SHOW FOR GIRLS? THAT WAS ILLEGAL OR SOMETHING IN THE 90'S. HOLY SHIT HAVE TIMES CHANGED. I WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME BRUCE CAMPBELL WAS IN THIS SHOW, I MIGHT HAVE WATCHED A FEW EPISODES. MAYBE. THAT DIDN'T GET ME TO WATCH BRISCO COUNTY JUNIOR DESPITE MY ROOMMATE'S OBSESSION WITH THE SHOW. AND I WAS STILL KINDA AFRAID OF THE EVIL DEAD BACK THEN. LIKE I SAID, TIMES CHANGE. ANYWAY, HERE'S A CARD OF A NICE PAINTING OF LUCY LAWLESS RIDING A HORSE. OR, MORE LIKELY, A PHOTO OF LUCY AND HORSE RUN THROUGH A PHOTOSHOP FILTER OF SOME SORT TO MAKE IT LOOK PAINTINGISH. THAT HAPPENED A LOT IN THE EARLY OO'S AS WELL *COUGH COUGH 2002 HERITAGE COOOUGH*


ON THE BACK WE HAVE A THIGH. A TASTEFULLY ARTISTIC THIGH BUT A GIGANTIC THIGH TAKING UP THE WHOLE CARD NONETHELESS. THIS HAPPENS SOMETIMES WITH PUZZLE CARDS AND IT SURE BEATS THE ICHIRO ANCHORS CARD FROM A FEW POSTS AGO. CAREFULLY NOTE WHICH PUZZLE CARD THIS IS. AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE FRAME THIS PUZZLE PIECE IS THE BOTTOM LEFT CORNER. ALSO NOTE THIS IS CARD NUMBER NINE. WHERE WOULD CARD NUMBER NINE GO IN A NINE-POCKET PAGE? AND WHERE WOULD THAT BE WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE BACK? SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS? PUT THIS SET UP IN A BINDER AND YOU HAVE A COMPLETE PUZZLE ON THE BACK OF EACH PAGE. I'D SHOW YOU THE WHOLE PUZZLE BUT I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE ENTIRE SET. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN ABOUT RITTENHOUSE BEING SWANKY AND HIGH-FALOOTIN' FOR A TRADING CARD COMPANY THOUGH. YA'D THINK IT WOULD BE OBVIOUS BUT IT REALLY DOES TAKE A LOT OF THOUGHT TO DESIGN A SET THIS WAY WHERE IT LOOKS GOOD FROM THE FRONT AND BACK OF THE BINDER PAGE. HOW MANY COMPANIES WOULD PUT THE BOTTOM LEFT CORNER OF THE PUZZLE ON THE BACK OF CARD NUMBER SEVEN? YOU KNOW WHICH COMPANIES I'M TALKING ABOUT, THEY'D ABSOLUTELY DO THAT.  SO REMEMBER KIDS, IF YOU WANT SOME SUPER NICE NON-SPORTS SETS, THINK RITTENHOUSE. AND IF YOU WANT A SUPER-COOL CHEESY 90S BARBARIAN ACTION DRAMEDY TO WATCH, THINK XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS.



DEAL WITH IT KEVIN, LUCY LAWLESS IS WAY COOLER THAN YOU ARE

!!!!!bonus competed page!!!!!


Thursday, October 10, 2019

NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY FANTASY TEAM

HEY EVERYBODY LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY FANTASY TEAM

NOOOOOO YOU SAY, NO ONE CARES, IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON ANYWAY, GO AWAY BOOOO

BUT THIS FANTASY LEAGUE HAS BASEBALL CARDS FOR PRIZES

WELL THAT'S OK YOU SAY, SHOW US THE CARDS

WELL ALRIGHTY THEN I SAY THINKING MAYBE I SHOULD STOP TALKING TO MYSELF AND START TYPING THE POST

LAST WINTERISH BEN FROM CARDBOARD ICONS WAS LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO JOIN A YAHOO BASEBALL FANTASY LEAGUE WITH THE CAVEAT THAT THE BUY-IN IS ONE CARD WORTH ABOUT $10-15. WINNER GETS A BUNCH OF THE CARDS, SECOND PLACE GETS SOME OF WHAT'S LEFT, THIRD PLACE GETS WHATEVER'S LEFT. I WAS ENJOYING PLAYING FANTASY BASKETBALL AT THE TIME SO I JOINED. THIS IS WHEN I LEARNED I HAVE A WHOLE CRAPLOAD OF CARDS WORTH $5 AND A SMALL AMOUNT WORTH $30 AND OVER BUT HARDLY ANYTHING IN BETWEEN. AFTER A WHILE IT WAS SETTLED I WOULD SEND THIS AS MY ANTE:


MARIANO RIVERA IN METS COLORS. HOW DO I END UP WITH SUCH WEIRD CARDS. UNANIMOUS HALL OF FAMER THO - GOTTA BE WORTH SOMETHING TO SOMEONE

LONG STORY SHORT, I HORRIBLY BUGGERED UP MY DRAFT WHEN I PANICKED AFTER MISSING OUT ON OZZIE ALBIES, RECOVERED NICELY THRU WAIVER WIRE PICKUPS, MADE A TRADE THAT WORKED OUT SHORT TERM BUT WAS USELESS BY SEPTEMBER, BLANKED OUT ON THE WAIVER WIRE WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST BUT STILL PRODUCED ENOUGH TO WIN MOST OF MY PLAYOFF ROUNDS. TODAY I GOT A PACKAGE FROM BEN WITH THIS NOTE:


THIRD PLACE FINISH! I GOT CARDS! I FELT EXACTLY LIKE THIS:


I FEEL PRETTY. LET'S SEE WHAT SWAG I GOT FOR MY BRONZE MEDAL VICTORY



THE PRODIGAL SON RETURNS! AMAZINGLY NO ONE TOOK MO WHICH IS NOT SURPRISING SINCE HALF THE PRIZES WERE CARDS OF MIKE TROUT. IT MIKE TROUT A UNANIMOUS HALL OF FAMER? I THINK NOT. MO'S GOT RINGZZZZZZZ BAYBEE. SO TRADE FOR THIS CARD BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T CARE. METS COLORS, BLECH

HONESTLY I EXPECTED THIS, WHO WANTS A RELIC CARD WHEN THERE'S VARIATIONS AND AUTOS TO BE HAD. THERE WAS ONE OTHER CARD IN THE PACKAGE THOUGH AND I HAD ONE IN MIND THAT I WAS HOPING FOR

AND I GOT IT


WHAT IS LESS COVETED THAN RELIC CARDS NOWADAYS? JUNK WAX GRADED CARDS! I SAW THIS CARD ON THE LIST OF POSSIBLE PRIZES AND KNEW I HAD A SHOT AT IT IF I WON ANY PRIZE AT ALL. I MEAN, WHAT FOOL GETS AN 89 FLEER CARD GRADED? EVEN THE FUCK FACE?? THIS IS LIKE A 50 CENT CARD TOPS IN RAW CONDITION. MAYBE. WHO WOULD EVEN WANT THIS?

ME!!!!

i WANT THIS!!!!

GARY FUCKING SHEFFIELD GEM MINT ROOKIE!!!!! FUUUUUCK YEAAAAAAAH!

I STILL GOT A #11 SHIRSEY I WEAR SOMETIMES GARY SHEFFIELD KICKS ASS AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED THIS IS A MAJOR AWARD



A MAJOR AWARD! THANKS BEN FOR THE FANTASY LEAGUE!

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

MINI FRANKENSET BATTLE TO THE DEATH

GOT A LITTLE PILE OF ALLEN & GINTER MINIS FROM @GROGG AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PUT THEM IN THE FRANKENSET

BUT WAIT

WHAT IF THERE'S ALREADY A CARD WITH THAT NUMBER IN THE SET? THEN THEY

BATTLE 

TO 

THE

DEATH

LET'S HAVE SOME CARDFIGHTS, SHALL WE?


FIRST UP, WILLIE MCCOVEY BASE MINI. THESE ARE AMONG THE FIRST 2019 GINTER CARDS I'VE SEEN AND MY GOODNESS DO THESE LOOK GOOD. THE IMAGE IS HUGE AND THERE'S ACTUALLY SOME BACKGROUND INSTEAD OF WATERCOLOR BLOBS. THE DESIGN ISN'T EATING UP HALF THE CARD. LOGO IS ATTRACTIVE AND BIG BUT NOT OVERLY SO. DOES STRETCH MAKE THE FRANKENSET?



 A CHALLENGER APPEARS

2006 JOHN SMOLTZ IS ALREADY IN THE SET AT CARD 53. YOU'D THINK THIS WOULD BE A SLAM DUNK FOR SMOLTZIE BUT - I BOUGHT QUITE A BIT OF 2006 GINTER AND ALREADY HAVE A LOT OF MINIS FROM THAT YEAR IN THE SET. THERE WERE TWO OTHER '06S ON THE PAGE IN FACT. THIS AIN'T JOE PANIK, THIS IS WILLIE FRIGGIN MCCOVEY. 2019 NEEDS SOME REPRESENTATION IN THE FRANKENSET AND SMOLTZ CAN GO IN A PLAYER COLLECTION

MCCOVEY WINS




NEXT UP - MARK MCGWIRE. YAAAY. AS A CARDINAL. BOOOOOOOOO. STILL BASE MINIS AND THERE AIN'T A LOT OF OPEN SLOTS IN THAT SET. WHO WILL FACE BIG MAC


2008 ADAM DUNN. I APPRECIATE THAT ADAM DUNN IS THE PATRON SAINT OF THREE TRUE OUTCOMES BUT LET'S BE HONEST, DUNN IS BASICALLY A WORSE VERSION OF MCGWIRE. PLUS REMEMBER HOW I SAID I HAVE A LOT OF 2006 CARDS IN THE SET? THAT GOES TRIPLE FOR 2008

MCGWIRE WINS



NO CLUE WHO THIS GUY IS

STILL DON'T KNOW. WILL THIS GUY MAKE THE SET WHILE SMOLTZ AND DUNN ARE SQUEEZED OUT?


LOLNOPE. I KNOW EXACTLY WHO BONNIE BERNSTEIN IS. ALSO ARE THOSE THE EXACT SAME STANDS BEHIND MCGWIRE ON ROCKS' CARD? I DON'T NEED THOSE STANDS IN THE SET TWICE.

BERNSTEIN WINS



I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO SCAN CODY ALLEN'S CARD BY ITSELF AND AM TOO LAZY TO JUST CROP THIS ONE. DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE THE OTHER CARD #215 IS JOHNNY FRIGGIN BENCH. SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THE EXCESSIVE DESIGN THOUGH. POOR JOHNNY'S SQUISHED BETWEEN FLOWERY FONTS

BENCH WINS


GIANCARLO! I AM TO SWOON. I MEAN BOOOOO YANKEES BOOOOOOO. BETTER THAN THE MARLINS I GUESS. GIANCARLO IS A GINTER BACK, WILL HE BE CHALLENGED?

2008 JOHN LACKEY HAS THE MISFORTUNE TO SHARE A CARD NUMBER WITH STANTON. I MEAN, THIS AIN'T EVEN A CONTEST. GIANCARLO TAKES LACKEY DEEP

STANTON WINS

LOU BROCK! LEGENDS ABOUND IN THIS PILE OF MINIS. NOT EVEN GOING TO BOO THE CARDINALS HERE, LOU'S ONE OF MAYBE A HALF DOZEN ST. LOUIS PLAYERS THAT GETS A PASS. THIS IS ACTUALLY A GINTER BACK SHORT PRINT CARD SO SHOULDN'T BE ANY COMPETITION FOR THE FRANKENSET


UM..... CARD #389??? THERE MAY BE SOME COMPETITION BUT IS IS ONE OF THE SUPER SHORT PRINTED MINIS THAT ARE ONLY FOUND IN RIP CARDS. I HAVE NOT HEARD WHETHER THIS WAS A CONSCIOUS DECISION TOPPS MADE TO SKIP NUMBERS 301-350 IN THEIR SHORT PRINTS OR IF IT WAS YET ANOTHER OF THEIR 'PRINTER ERRORS' BUT EITHER WAY AS SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO BUILD A SET OF 1-350 (YAKNOW, LIKE EVERY OTHER DANG SET SINCE 2006) THIS IS EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING. I PUT THIS CARD IN THE EMPTY SLOT FOR CARD #339 BECAUSE WHY SHOULD I SUFFER WITH NO BROCK DUE TO TOPPS' SHENANIGANS

OPEN SLOT FILLED

BOOOOOOO NATIONALS. JEEZ PLAYOFF SEASON MAKES ME HOSTILE. THIS OBVIOUSLY IS A BLACK BORDER PARALLEL AND YOU CAN SEE BELOW THERE AIN'T NO COMPETITION FOR THE FRANKENSET BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THAT MANY BLACK BORDER CARDS. I MUST SAY I DO PREFER THE NEW STYLE BLACK BORDER PARALLELS THAT LOOK LIKE SUPER ELABORATE WROUGHT-IRON DECORATIVE FENCES OVER THE OLD SOLID BLACK BORDERS. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT BRIAN DOZIER. OH- I PICKED UP DOZIER IN MY FANTASY TEAM FOR LIKE A WEEK BUT HE SUCKED SO HE ENDED UP GETTING REPLACED BY CESAR HERNANDEZ. I TOLD YOU I HAD NOTHING TO SAY. YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE THAN PEOPLE DISCUSSING THEIR FANTASY LEAGUE TEAMS? THIS CARD:



I NORMALLY LOVE LOVE LOVE GINTER MINI INSERTS. SO MANY COOL SUBJECTS! THIS ONE HOWEVER... @GROGG ACTUALLY WARNED ME ABOUT IT TOO BUT I THOUGHT I COULD HANDLE IT. IT'S SO MUCH WORSE IN PERSON. DAMMIT, ENGLAND WHY


THANKS TO @GROGG FOR ADDING A LITTLE MORE FUN TO THE FRANKENSET

Monday, October 7, 2019

DIME BOX HOOPY HOOPZ - $5.00

THE ATLANTA HAWKS ARE PLAYING AN ACTUAL GAME TONIGHT AND IT'S ON THE RADIO AND THEY'RE PLAYING THE PELICANS AND THAT CHUMP ZION AND HAWKS ARE GONNA WIN BY 90 POINTS AND TRAE'S WINNING THE MVP AND THEY GOING 81-1 AND SWEEPING THE PLAYOFFS AND BASKETBALL IS GREAT EXCEPT FOR THAT BULLSHIT CHINA THING AND I'M SO HAPPY I HAVE A NON-STRESSFUL SPORTING EVENT TO LISTEN TO AGAIN NOW THAT WE'RE KNEE DEEP IN PLAYOFF SZN

HERE'S SOME DIME BOX HOOPY HOOPZ CARDS IN CELEBRATION

1997-98 COLLECTOR'S CHOICE MOOKIE BLAYLOCK MINIATURES


DIE-CUT MOOKIE STANDUP. IT TOOK ME ENTIRELY TOO LONG TO FIGURE OUT WHAT EXACTLY THIS CARD WAS. 'MINIATURES' IS NOT EXACTLY WHAT CAME TO MIND WHEN I SAW THIS THING BUT TO BE FAIR THE LATE 90S WERE A WEIRD DAMN TIME FOR CARDS AND THIS CAME OUT BEFORE T-206 AND 75 TOPPS SIZED MINI CARDS STARTED SHOWING UP ALL OVER THE PLACE AS PARALLELS. I NEED TO FIND A SECOND ONE TO PUNCH OUT AND STAND UP BECAUSE I NEED A MOOKIE MINI ON MY DESK




1997-98 FLEER TRADITION SHAQUILLE O'NEAL GOUDEY GREATS


SPEAKING OF MINIS FLEER WAS NOT SHY ABOUT INSERTING GOUDEY STYLE INSERTS IN THE 90S, ANOTHER WAS THEY PIONEERED A LOT OF THE STUFF THAT BECAME STANDARD PRACTICE IN THE '00S. THIS FIFTEEN CARD SET LOOKS AMAZING, HAD GREAT ATTENTION TO DETAIL AND FEATURES NATE ARCHIBALD WHICH IS FANTASTIC. A DUDE AT THE CARD SHOW HAD ALMOST THE ENTIRE SET IN THE DIME BOX AND I CHOSE TO SHOW OFF SHAQ BECAUSE SHAQ



1991-92 UPPER DECK DERRICK COLEMAN HOLOGRAM


IT'S SO FUCKING WEIRD TO ME THAT HOLOGRAMS ARE THIS QUAINT RETRO SHIT NOW. I MEAN, UNLESS IT'S TUPAC OR SOME OTHER DEAD DUDE DOING A CONCERT WHEN YOU THINK OF HOLOGRAMS IT'S LIKE 'OH YEAH THAT EARLY 90S FAD. THIS MAKES ME SAD. WE NEED MORE HOLOGRAMS IN THE WORLD IN 2019. SOMETHING TO DISTRACT US FROM THE FACT WE GOT THE HORRIBLE DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY COLLAPSE FUTURE INSTEAD OF THE JETSONS STAR TREK FLYING CAR FUTURE. DERRICK COLEMAN WAS A BEAST BEFORE THE INJURIES AND IS FIRMLY IN MY 'PLAYERS I'M SURPRISED THEY AREN'T A HALL OF FAMER' GROUP ALONG WITH SHAWN KEMP AND LARRY JOHNSON SINCE I'M PERMANENTLY STUCK IN 1993




1992-93 UPPER DECK BASKETBALL HEROES HEADER CARD



I LOVE THE UPPER DECK HEROES CARDS AND WAS DISMAYED WHEN I LEARNED THE HEADER CARDS ARE ALL SHORT PRINTED. WITH EARLY 90S UPPER DECK THIS MEANS THERE ARE ONLY 1.2 MILLION OF THEM INSTEAD OF 47 MILLION OF EACH CARD. THE WILT CHAMBERLAIN SET WAS BY FAR THE BEST LOOKING HEROES SET WITH ITS CHIPPY BLACK BORDERS AND SPOT GLOSS. WAY BETTER THAN THE JERRY WEST, LARRY BIRD AND MICHAEL JORDAN SETS. AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT UNTIL I LEARNED JUST NOW THAT THERE WAS A JULIUS ERVING HEROES SET IN 99-00. HOLY CRAP THAT LOOKS FANTASTIC! I NEED TO SCROUNGE MORE DIME BOXES IN SEARCH OF THOSE





1996-97 TOPPS DAVID ROBINSON SEASON'S BEST


NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE OTHER DAVID ROBINSON SEASON'S BEST CARD WHICH HAS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DESIGN AND WAS CALLED EN FUEGO OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT. THIS SET IS A CLUSTERFUCK. A SHIMMERING GLORIOUS OVERDESIGNED CLUSTERFUCK. GOD THE LATE 90S WERE A GOLDEN AGE OF RIDICULOUS TRADING CARDS. IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE THE MOST STEADY, DOWN-TO-EARTH NBA SUPERSTAR EVER IN THIS CACOPHONIC FEVER DREAM OF CARD DESIGN. EVEN THE BACK IS INSANE. IT LOOKS LIKE DAVID IS ABOUT TO BE BOARDED UP UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS BY THE SUBJECT OF AN EDGAR ALLEN POE SHORT STORY. WHERE IS THE AMONTILLADO? DAVID SORROWFULLY ASKS MONTRESOR


BY THE TIME I FINISHED THIS POST THE BRAVES LOST AND THE HAWKS LOST AND EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE

EXCEPT DIME BOX CARDS

DIME BOX CARDS ARE COOL

Sunday, October 6, 2019

NON-SPORT FRANKENSET - CARD #8

Y'ALL KNEW THIS DAY WAS COMING

IT'S MAGICAL PRINCESS HORSE ANIME TIME

2013 My Little Pony Blind Bag Wave 8 - Fluttershy 


BACK A MILLION YEARS AGO YOU COULD GO TO THE STORE, BUY A MY LITTLE PONY BLINDBAG FOR A COUPLE BUCKS AND GET A TINY PLASTIC LITTLE COLORFUL HORSIE AND A TRADING CARD THAT WAS HORRIBLY MANGLED BECAUSE IT WAS PACKAGED LOOSELY IN A POUCH WITH A HARD LUMPY THING. HERE'S A CARD OF FLUTTERSHY FROM ONE OF THE PACKS. OR MORE ACCURATELY, A GENERIC PEGASUS PONY WITH RAINBOW DASH'S HAIRSTYLE GIVEN FLUTTERSHY'S PINK MANE AND YELLOW COAT COLORING AND BUTTERFLIES STAMPED ON HER BUTT. SHE LIKES TAKING CARE OF HER FRIENDS! THIS IS THE *EIGHTH* SERIES OF THESE LITTLE PLASTIC BLINDBAG TOYS AND HASBRO WAS STILL USING THE GENERIC PONY CUTOUTS IN THEIR OFFICIAL ARTWORK. THE SERIES HAS A NEON MOTIF WHICH IS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE THE TOYS HAVE SOME REALLY BRIGHT DAY-GLO COLORING IF I RECALL CORRECTLY. Y'ALL KNOW WHAT BLINDBAGS ARE RIGHT? LEMME 'SPLAIN

YOU KNOW HOW WE BUY PACKS OF TRADING CARDS NOT KNOWING WHAT THE HELL COULD BE IN THERE AND WE JUST GRAB ONE BLINDLY AND HOPE FOR THE BEST? AND THEN WE BUY 27 MORE PACKS BECAUSE THAT ONE SUCKED AND SURELY I'LL GET A BEEG MOJO HIT IN THIS PACK, RIGHT? WHY CAN'T I PULL A JOE SCHLABOTNIK CARD??? WELL TOY COMPANIES FIGURED OUT THIS IS A GOOD WAY TO SELL PLASTIC CRAP AS WELL AND DO IT WITH TOYS NOW. BLINDBAGS ARE FRIGGIN' EVERYWHERE NOWADAYS IN EVERY POSSIBLE TOY LINE (AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ABOUT VIDEO GAME LOOTBOXES) BUT IN 2012 THEY WEREN'T AS UBIQUITOUS. HELL, CARD AISLES SOMETIMES HAVE MORE OF THESE THINGS THAN BASEBALL CARDS. HASBRO WAS AHEAD OF THE GAME, I'M PRETTY SURE THEY WERE SELLING THESE BEFORE THE SHOW EVEN AIRED. FUN FACT: EVERY PACK OF THESE HAD A CODE ON THEM INDICATING WHICH PONY WAS IN THE PACK DUE TO REGULATIONS OR SOMESUCH. SO IT WASN'T REALLY A BLIND BAG PER SE, IT WAS MORE A LOOK UP THE CODE ONLINE AND DIG THROUGH THE BOX UNTIL YOU FIND ONE YOU WANT BAG. IN LATER SERIES THEY JUST SAID FUCK IT AND MADE THE PACKS SEE-THROUGH


THE BACK OF THE 8TH SERIES CARDS HAVE AN EVENING FESTIVAL THEME AND A MINI CHECKLIST OF 6 OF THE 24 PONES IN THE SET. THIS CARD HAS THE FOLLOWING:

TOP ROW:
BIG MACINTOSH - APPLEJACK'S BIG BROTHER. HE SAYS EEYUP
A RECOLOR OF RARITY IN COLORS SHE'D NEVER BE CAUGHT DEAD IN AND A FLOWER ON HER RUMP
FLIM - OR IS IT FLAM - ONE OF THE CAPITALIST JERK PONYS WHO WERE OFTEN CAST AS THE ANTAGONIST

BOTTOM ROW:
ACTUAL RARITY WITH DIAMONDS ON HER DERRIERE
FLUTTERSHY OR RANDOM PEGASUS COSPLAYING AS FLUTTERSHY AT THE VERY LEAST
I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL THIS ONE IS, IT'S TWILIGHT SPARKLE'S BROTHER WITH SOME PUKEY LOOKING COLORS

I MOCK THE GENERICNESS OF THESE TOYS BUT I THINK THIS MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE FIRST OR SECOND SERIES WITH ACTUAL BOY HORSES IN IT USING MODELS FROM THE ACTUAL SHOW CHARACTERS. BEFORE THAT IT WAS THE SAME FOUR POSES CUT AND PASTED FOR EVERYTHING. THIS SERIES CAME OUT ABOUT THE SAME TIME MLP STOPPED BEING A SILLY INTERNET THING AND BECAME A HOLY SHIT, WE CAN SERIOUSLY CAPITALIZE ON THIS THING AFTER FORBES WROTE AN ARTICLE BASICALLY SCREAMING AT HASBRO TO TAKE THE MILLENIALS' MONEY YOU IDIOTS!!! BEFORE THAT THESE WERE LITERALLY THE ONLY PONY TRADING CARDS ON THE MARKET. THEN ENTERPLAY HAPPENED AND... WELL, WE'LL GET TO THAT ANOTHER TIME.

SADLY PONIES ARE OVER. YESTERDAY WAS THE FINAL NORMALLY SCHEDULED SATURDAY SHOWING OF AN MLP:FIM EPISODE. NEXT SATURDAY EVENING IS THE GRAND TWO-PART SERIES FINALE AND EPILOGUE EPISODE. THE FINALE AIRED IN DENMARK OR AUSTRALIA OR SOMETHING WELL OVER A MONTH AGO SO EVERYONE WHO WANTED TO SEE HOW IT ENDS HAS HAS HAD THEIR CHANCE FOR A WHILE NOW. 9 SEASONS, A SPIN-OFF FEATURING WEIRD BIG HEAD TEENAGE HORSE GIRLS, SOME SPECIALS AND A MOVIE AIN'T BAD FOR WHAT WAS INTENDED TO BE A TOY COMMERCIAL THOUGH

HOWEVER

IT WAS RECENTLY ANNOUNCED THAT IDW WILL CONTINUE TO PUBLISH THE OFFICIAL MY LITTLE PONY COMICS AND THE NEXT SERIES IS TITLED SEASON TEN. SO THE SHOW IS OVER BUT THE COMICS ARE DOING FINE. WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE I LOVE THE COMICS. I LIKE 'EM SO MUCH I BOUGHT A PONY SKETCH AT DRAGON*CON FROM COMIC ARTIST ANDY PRICE

OF FLUTTERSHY AS A VAMPIRE BAT

did you know fluttershy was a secret vampire?

PONIES AIN'T DEAD! THEY'RE UNDEAD!



flutterbat pony's dead
undead undead undead