WHEEEE PLAYOFF TIME AGAIN. A NICE DISTRACTION FROM ALL THE SOCIETAL COLLAPSE. GET THAT MUTE BUTTON WARMED UP FOR THE POLITICAL COMMERCIALS! WE GOT A FUN GROUP OF TEAMS THIS YEAR AND ONLY A FEW OF THEM ARE LOATHESOME. I HAVE MY PREFERENCES AND HERE THEY ARE FROM MOST TO LEAST FAVORED, ILLUSTRATED BY SOME 1900S CARD SETS I REALLY LIKE
#1 MILWAUKEE BREWERS
 |
| 1997 EX-2000 Jeff Cirillo |
HEY, WAIT - THIS IS NOT THE BRAVES. NO, IT ISN'T. I'VE BEEN CHECKED OUT ON THEM SINCE JULY. PRETTY CHECKED OUT ON BASEBALL IN GENERAL TO BE HONEST! SINCE THIS IS THE LAST WORLD SERIES FOR A WHILE I'D LOVE IT TO BE THE BREWERS VERSUS THE RAYS JUST TO SHOVE IT UP MANFRED'S ASS. JUST TWO GOOD TEAMS PLAYIN BASEBALL. THE BREWERS DOMINATED THIS YEAR AND THEY HAVE BEEN TOO GOOD FOR TOO LONG TO NOT AT LEAST GET IN A WORLD SERIES. I NEED EM TO WIN ONE FOR WILLIAM CONTRERAS
#1A TAMPA BAY RAYS
 |
| 1999 Ultimate Victory Jim Morris |
ANOTHER TEAM THAT JUST GOES OUT AND WINS. I WOULD BE ECSTATIC IF A TEAM THAT NEVER WON A WORLD SERIES TOOK THE TITLE. THIS WOULD BE MY DREAM MATCHUP BUT WHEN'S THE LAST TIME THE TOP TEAM IN BOTH LEAGUES MET IN THE WORLD SERIES. OH YEAH IT WAS TWO YEARS AGO AND IT SUCKED. C'MON BASEBALL GODS, LET THE LITTLE GUYS WIN ONE
#3 ATLANTA BRAVES
 |
| 1997 SPX Greg Maddux |
THEY'RE MY TEAM BUT I HAVE ZERO CONFIDENCE IN THEM RIGHT NOW. GOOD ENOUGH TO WIN THE DIVISION BUT THE OFFENSE IS STREAKY AS HELL AND TWO THIRDS OF THE ROTATION IS DEAD. I KNEW THE SCRIPT FOR THIS SEASON THREE MONTHS AGO: WIN THE DIVISION THANKS TO THEIR HOT START AND THEN HOPE THEY WIN THE COIN FLIPS IN THE PLAYOFFS. ONE BIT OF FUCKERY THAT CAUSES A LOSS IN A SALE START AND WE'RE SCREWED. THE ROAD TO THE SERIES IS JUST BRUTAL. PHILLIES, DODGERS AND THEN MAYBE THE BREWERS? HOLY SHIT. GO BRAVES BUT I'M TIRED. SO VERY TIRED
#4 HOUSTON ASTROS
 |
| 1996 Denny's Jeff Bagwell |
TRASHCANS SHMASHCANS. THEY WON THE DIVISION WITH A .500 RECORD! THAT'S FUCKING AMAZING! BRAVES WON 13 MORE GAMES BUT THEY'RE BOTH HOSTING A WILD CARD ROUND. AN 81 WIN WORLD SERIES CHAMPION WOULD BE THE LOGICAL CONCLUSION TO EXPANDED PLAYOFFS. I HATE DYNASTIES AND THIS WOULD BE THEIR THIRD CHAMPIONSHIP IN A DECADE BUT I'LL ALLOW IT SINCE IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS
#5 CHICAGO WHITE SOX
 |
| 1996 Fleer Metal Frank Thomas |
THEY'VE LOST 402 GAMES IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS. AND THEY STILL MADE THE PLAYOFFS. THAT IS ABSURD. I ALWAYS HAVE TO ROOT FOR THE UNDERDOG AND THESE GUYS ARE EXTRA DOWNTRODDEN. A DEEP PLAYOFF RUN WITH MURAKAMI WOULD BE HELLA FUN. NEED SOME PAPAL MIRACLES HERE
#6 SAN DIEGO PADRES
 |
| 1998 Pinnacle Mint Tony Gwynn |
ANOTHER PLAYOFF PARTICIPANT THAT HAS HAVE NEVER WON A WORLD SERIES. THEY'D BE HIGHER ON THE LIST IF NOT FOR ALL THE OTHER COOL TEAMS THAT MADE IT. SO MANY ANNOYING TEAMS LIKE THE CARDINALS, RANGERS AND DIAMONDBACKS DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT, HOORAY! PADRES GOT THE TALENT BUT THEY ALSO HAVE THAT SAN DIEGO CURSE SO WE GOTTA JUST SIT BACK AND WATCH WHERE THE CHAOS TAKES THEM
#7 CHICAGO CUBS
 |
| 2000 Ionix Sammy Sosa Shockwave |
CUBS GOT JASON HEYWARD A RING SO I WILL LOVE THEM ALWAYS. HONESTLY YOU CAN SHUFFLE #4-7 ANY WHICH WAY, I'LL BE HAPPY IF ANY OF THEM ADVANCE. PETE CROW-ARMSTRONG'S A GREAT STORY AND THE PLAYOFFS LOVE GREAT STORIES. STILL ROOTING FOR THE BREW CREW BUT THE CUBS WON'T MAKE ME CRY
#8 CLEVELAND GUARDIANS
 |
| 1995 Skybox E-Motion Dave Winfield |
DAVE IS PISSED I HAVE THE GUARDIANS SO LOW ON THIS LIST. IT'S NOT MY FAULT! A LOT OF TEAMS I'D LIKE TO SEE WIN IT ALL MANAGED TO GET IN THE DANCE THIS YEAR! I'D BE FINE WITH A CLEVELAND PENNANT AND I WOULD LOVE TO SEE JOSE RAMIREZ IN THE WORLD SERIES. I DO THINK IT STINKS THAT THE GUARDIANS GET A BYE WHEN THEY HAVE A WORSE RECORD THAN SIX OF THE TEAMS IN THE WILD CARD ROUND
#9 PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
 |
| 1997 Upper Deck SP Ricky Bottalico |
I ACTUALLY LIKE THE PHILLIES BUT THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY MURDALIZED THE BRAVES RECENTLY AND NOW THEY GET TO PLAY THEM IN THE COIN FLIP WILD CARD ROUND. HOO BOY DO I DREAD THIS SERIES. OH WELL IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE HARPER WIN A RING SO THE PHILLIES AREN'T IN THE DESPISED TIER BUT I DON'T FEEL TOO GREAT ABOUT EM EITHER
#10 BOSTON RED SOX
 |
| 1996 Topps Laser John Valentin |
WE ARE OFFICIALLY INTO LOATHESOME TERRITORY. BOSTON HAS WON ENTIRELY TOO MANY CHAMPIONSHIPS THIS CENTURY, GIVE SOMEONE ELSE A CHANCE. AND BOSTON FANS HAVE NOT BEEN GRACIOUS WINNERS EITHER. I DON'T CARE IF THEY GOT HORFORD A RING, I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT NO MORE. BEAT THE YANKEES FIRST THO
#11 NEW YORK YANKEES
 |
| 1998 Topps Tino Martinez Mystery Finest |
BLUH, YANKEES. MAY AS WELL ROOT FOR
#12 LOS ANGELES DODGERS
 |
| 1995 Upper Deck SP Premier Prospects Hideo Nomo |
NO. JUST NO! I WILL NOT WATCH THE DODGERS WIN A THREEPEAT RIGHT BEFORE A LOCKOUT WIPES OUT MULTIPLE SEASONS WHILE THE OWNERS DEMAND A SALARY CAP BECAUSE THE DODGERS GOT A THREEPEAT. NOT EXAGGERATING THAT I MIGHT BE DONE WITH BASEBALL IF THAT HAPPENS, ESPECIALLY IF THE BRAVES GET STEAMROLLED ALONG THE WAY. UGH. I HATE THIS GAME
THE WORLD SERIES MATCHUP I WANNA SEE:
BREWERS BEAT RAYS
THE WORLD SERIES MATCHUP I'LL GET BECAUSE THE BASEBALL GODS HATE ME:
DODGERS BEAT YANKEES
SINCE I KEEP SAYING THIS PLAYOFF FORMAT IS A COIN FLIP, HERE'S THE RESULTS FROM FLIPPING THIS COIN:
 |
| 2023 quarter |
GIVE US A GOOD ONE EDITH KANAKA'OLE
(flip)
ASTROS BEAT WHITE SOX
(flip)
BRAVES BEAT PHILLIES
(flip)
YANKEES BEAT RED SOX
(flip)
PADRES BEAT CUBS
(flip)
ASTROS BEAT GUARDIANS
(flip)
BRAVES BEAT DODGERS
(flip)
RAYS BEAT YANKEES
(flip)
PADRES BEAT BREWERS
(flip)
RAYS BEAT ASTROS
(flip)
BRAVES BEAT PADRES
(flip)
RAYS BEAT BRAVES
HELL YEAH EDITH, I'LL TAKE IT
E Hō MAI KA ʻIKE AND PLAY BALL
No comments:
Post a Comment