I have no idea how to create pages but I'll figure it out eventually godammit

Thursday, March 4, 2010

MLB Properties' message to collectors

"The real winners today are the millions of fans who collect baseball cards. They will be able to clearly identify official Major League Baseball trading cards without any confusion.”


dayf said...

Ok, so here's the deal.

I wrote actual words to accompany this post.

However, the last time I wrote a post in anger I had an industry stooge hounding my ass for daya and I don't want or need that bullshit right now.

So here's my thoughts on the matter, for anyone interested enough to leave a comment to read and enjoy.


(dumbass PR guy's condescending comment)

(Johnny Cash flippin' the bird)

Don't serve me chicken shit and call it chicken salad and expect me to swallow it you maggot ridden afterbirth from a syphilitic whore.

The only winners today are you and your simple minded short sighted greedy ass fucktards who mistakenly think that denying you customers what they actually want is a sustainable business model.

Collectors are not confused about a goddamn thing and don't give two shits about identifying "official Major League Baseball trading cards". Collectors identify a quality product that they like and then they buy it. Thanks to your short sighted greedy fucking bull fucking shit you have now alienated every single collector who ever identified Upper Deck as that quality product. Congratulations! In a rapidly shrinking market, you've just run off a significant percentage of your customer base. Likely for good. Nice fucking job, douchebags.


I like Topps. I buy Topps. I will continue to buy Topps. I am not going to give up the hobby I enjoy because a bunch of completely out of touch wankers decide their next quarter bonus is more important than the health of their entire industry. So I like Topps. You know what else I like? What else I was really looking forward to?


So, good job there, assholes. All that money I was planning to spend on 2010 Goudey? You'll never see a fucking dime of it. Don't think I'll just spend it on more Topps, there's only so much goddamn Topps you can buy you dumbasses.


You know where that option would leave collectors? Happy, enjoying our hobby. You know where that leaves your sorry asses? Bankrupt. Ruined. Penniless. Living naked in the street. Sucking cocks for food. Utterly bereft of all hope and dignity. Praying daily for the swift embrace of the grave. Lamenting your foolish, foolish decisions every waking moments of your miserable endurance upon this earth.

dayf said...


And don't think it couldn't happen motherfuckers. Don't think that since baseball cards have been around for over 140 years that means a goddamn thing. Don't be so fucking arrogant to think that baseball cards are so heavily intertwined with America and Tradition and all that other Meaningless Bullshit that they could never ever ever go away. Because they can and they will if you keep fucking this hobby up. You wanna know how I know?


That's right, fucking marbles. Little glass spheroids. Kids played with 'em. Since fucking Roman times. Kids playing with marbles! Kids in America played the fucking shit out of marbles! Back in the day every damn rotten little brat in America had a pouch of marbles. Aggies and Alleys and Cat's Eyes and Crystals and Steelies and all kinds of fucking marbles. Kids collected marbles like they were goddamn made of solid fucking gold. The coolest damn kids had the coolest damn marbles. Tom fucking Sawyer played marbles! That's some Samuel goddamn Mark Twain motherfucking Clemens Americana shit right there! Something as purely American and wholesome as marbles couldn't EVER go away!

You know where marbles are today? In the bottom of glass vases holding up plastic flowers. You can't let the kids play with them because the baby might swallow one and then we'll all end up in the emergency room for 8 hours. That's where that traditional Americana bullshit ended up and don't think you won't end up there too. The only people collecting marbles anymore are obsessed elderly men scrounging marble conventions looking for that perfect blood red Devil's Eye shooter. And guess what. That old coot ain't buying a new shooter either, he's looking for the real good vintage shit, not the newfangled cheap ass knockoffs. That's your future customer base if you continue to insist on fucking up the hobby.

So laugh it up jackholes. Enjoy your victory. It might be short lived. Ya jerks.

tl;dr version:

I want my 2010 Goudey you fucking fucking fucking fuckers.

dayf said...

I swear to Jesus I was perfectly calm and rational until I read that stupid, stupid quote. We're all fucking winners! They increased our chocolate rations from 30 grams to 20 grams! Hooray!

Chris Harris said...

Looks like "Baghdad Bob" was able to land on his feet. Good for him.

AdamE said...

Exactly right, no winners.

This rant is 10 times as good if you think of ir being read in Denis Leary's voice.

When does the new season of Rescue Me start??

ernest said...

I can understand collectors anger at MLB, but, frankly, UD is more at fault here. They have a long history of shenanigans. Consider this, maybe the outstanding balance UD owed MLB and the implications of the Konami lawsuit (willful counterfeiting) had a lot more to with UD not getting a license.

Place the blame where is squarely belongs. UD screwed up, and MLB decided to bitch slap them!

The Wax Wombat said...

Is anyone else getting sick of the "UD did this-that-and-the-other-thing-wrong" argument? Like Topps is the patron saint of card manufacturing? Or any other company?

I didn't rant on my blog - though I wanted to. I want my blog to be set apart from industry news and views, but holy monkey, I might change my mind if this crap continues. Exclusivity will kill the hobby eventually. (note: I like Topps as much as I like UD [there isn't a company that I hate] and I can't BLAME Topps here, I blame MLB).

cynicalbuddha said...

Now kids don't have to be able to read to know a product isn't offcially licensed. Yeah. Reading is stoopid anyways.

But I digress. Going to have to change my shorts after reading that diatribe but couldn't agree more.

Now I feel like a winner. How about another baseball strike that'll get me to buy more cards for sure!!

Sooz said...

Roxanne: [yelling out the window] You're all winners!

James said...

Bars of soap (to wash DayF's mouth out); aisle 10.......Topps Heritage product; aisle 15.....Bowman Chrome; aisle 22....Al and Ginter deposed rulers/snakes of the jungle/killer shark/competitive eating champion cards; aisle 6! So long UD, at least you can make 45 more fb sets per year.

beardy said...

Now that right there was a quality fucking rant... that I happen to agree with 100%. THERE ARE NO WINNER, but there is no bigger loser than the hobby as a whole.

It's not like 2010 Topps has been that good anyway. I'll just keep buying 2-5 year old product, at a deep discount, thank you very much.

Casey said...

It is very short-sighted for the MLBPA to state this.

Now personally, I am not sad to see Upper Deck get slapped around and potentially run into the ground. I would be sad to see UD circa 89-94 get chased away, but not the current incarnation of UD. I think they have almost single-handedly taken this hobby I have loved since '86 and bastardized it with bullshit relic cards, numbered cards, sticker autographs, and the like. And while they may not be the pioneer in these things, they certainly have been the biggest propagator of them.

I pulled a Griffey rookie in my very first pack of UD. I promptly traded it for another pack. Why? Because I thought UD was the future and I wanted to see as many of their cards as possible.

Now I buy a pack and I get some super duper glossy, numbered card with a lousy design and no desire to keep it.

Jeremy said...

So will Upper Deck be able to release O-Pee-Chee this year? I guess not? I really enjoyed last year's release and it was the only baseball product I planned on buying this year.

GCA said...

Somebody please slap the corporate doublespeak out of these suits so they get a freaking clue about reality.
When a set comes out, I'll either buy boxes if I like it, or buy or trade for cards of players I collect, or I won't buy any. The manufacturer is almost irrelevant, since I don't exclusively collect one company. And being the "official" MLB card set is a little more relevant in my decision as would the "official" barbeque sauce of the NHL.

In other words, I could give a crap whose cards are sanctioned by the boardrooms and the legal departments. If they eliminate product from other companies, it just means there's less to buy. And if you make one company the exclusive maker and they put marketing bullcrap ahead of quality, then I won't buy their stuff either. The "official" product can suck just as much as the unofficial one...

Roy said...

@ AdamE-

I was imagining Lewis Black in a Starbucks at the exact center of the nuniverse.

Cardsplitter said...

You should post it. F'em.

Someone should file an antitrust suit. Just becuase MLB has an exemption, it is unlikely that it would extend to a separate industry.

Go for it UD.

bailorg said...

Meh. If the card industry dies it isn't going to be because UD was denied a license in 2010.

The card industry screwed the pooch pretty much throughout the 1990s first through overproduction of a few products then oversaturation of the market with so many different product lines to the point where most of the people who came into the hobby in the 1980's no longer cared.

Rob- AKA "VOTC" said...

Dayf my friend, I salute you. Your oratoricle deliberations are sometimes to copious for my diminutive comprehension but this venting, this rant, this masterpiece of profanity laced emotion IS the truth. Bravo. Bravo.

James B. Anama said...

Geez, tell us how you really feel (end sarcasm)...

I had something written on my blog last night, was about to hit send, then read your comments. Needless to say, I deleted my post and am starting over.

While I do admit I enjoy watching UD digging themselves a deeper hole in the ground, I do think that the comment by MLB was stupid. Just as stupid as UD claiming victory during the Konami settlement. The only confusion I see is that UD should have been allowed within their 17 product limit in 2009 to keep the logos and whatever other nonsense in the two "2009" products, and start the "new era" with their 2010 base set. Otherwise, you might as well have considered these 2010 products and UD should have marketed them as such.

You have to admit that UD knowingly and willingly set themselves up for this, and had to know that there would be repurcussions to their actions. Why didn't they show previews of their 2010 base product? Because they knew that if they put it (information) out there sooner, there'd be trouble (ie the OPC debacle last year).

As a Topps collector, I disagree that laziness will come now that Topps has full reign on the MLB card world in the forseeable future. And heck, maybe they'll take over the Goudey brand (I'd buy it...) At least Topps isn't to blame for this fiasco as another commenter her put it.


JayBee Anama

Danny said...

Great post! Agree with you 100% Thank god you're on our side.

dogfacedgremlin said...


stusigpi said...

In the heat of battle Dayf wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

PunkRockPaint said...

Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. But, I chickened out and said the first name that came to mind...

DAYF! I heard that word from Dayf! ::sob::

Ben Henry said...

Let's just hope that their little "exclusive" logo won't end up on the front of every card... otherwise, Topps Heritage rookies will be the CNN Headline News ticker of baseball cards.