Jingle Bells, Batman Smells

The vacation mindset is not leaving me without a fight, so instead of a novel-long treatise on 1936 Goudey, I shall instead post a Target promo sheet of Fleer Ultra Batman Forever cards.This was mixed in with a box of junk I bought a long time ago and now's the time to get some use out of the things with a post. Look, and marvel DC at:


Val Kilmer's big pouty lips artistically framed by a rubber mask!

Tommy Lee Jones eternal shame for stealing Billy Dee Williams' role!

Jim Carrey's horrifically tight costume that shows off his portion!

Chris O'Donnell's Bat-Nipples tht are as unnecessary as his character!

And absolutely no card of Nicole Kidman even though she's the only one whose lips, portion, nipples and shame I'd be remotely interested in seeing!

Here's the back of the sheet for completeness' sake. I now have an irresistable urge to buy Batman Forever cards at Target. They have a 3-D hologram in every pack!

Also to commemorate the latest battle for Batman Supremecy (Holy box office receipts, Batman!) Here is an extremely funny animated GIF of Christian Bale shooting the shit with Charlie Rose.

Also, here's the absolute drop-dead stupidest Batman-related thing I could find on YouTube:



Don't forget your Daily Batman!

Hessman in Bejing

Bad Wax listed the 2008 USA Olympic Baseball team and I did a doubletake on one of the names. Mike Hessman was a prospect trying to get the first base job for the Braves in 2003-2004, but Adam LaRoche ultimately won the job and he ended up int eh Tigers organization. He's got some really good power numbers in Triple-A (30 homers in 354 at-bats this year!), but the average has been mediocre to awful. He was the International League MVP last year so he's doing something right in AAA. I was wondering what happened to Mike, maybe a good showing in China will gtet him another shot back in the bigs. I didn't realize that the Olympics are only about 3 weeks away. I need to get a TV set up in the office to watch the softball games.

Back in the Saddle

Ok, the blog is now officially off Auto-Pilot. I'm back in town and staring at a big pile of cards that need scanning and posting. Plus A&G is due next week, so I have some decisions to make about that as well. The vacation was relaxing but disappointing in one way - I was in Canada and didn't get a single hockey card. I blew my chance too, I walked by a shop with a small pile of beautiful mid-70's hockey in a case once thinking it was a coin shop (which it was) and when I was able to go back on the last day of the trip, I didn't have any cash on me. Guuuuh.

I'm nice and relaxed though having spent much of the trip sitting in a comfy chair right in front of an obsolete hotel air conditioner blasting semi- cold air right in my face while sipping on good Canadian soda with liquid sugar instead of nasty corn syrup while vegging out to the CBC. Three things I learned: The guy on Barbeque University is fluent in French, Premier League Darts is goddamn fascinating, and watching the Simpsons in French is just as entertaining as watching it in English. I also watched the USA Women's Fast Pitch Softball team play Team Canada in an Olympic warm-up match in Oklahoma City and I fell in love with Crystl Bustos all over again. I can't wait for the Olympics.

Only problem is that I am now totally relaxed and my mind is clear, but it's a little too clear. I haven't written about cards in a week and I'm having trouble getting back in the groove. I'm going to make things easy on myself and post a few of the old standby:

LATE '90s GAUDY INSERTS OF CHIPPER

1996 Fleer Soaring Stars

This is one of those 'metal' type cards that don't scan worth a crap. Those are little shiny multi-colored baseballs flying in hyperspace behind Chip. The card goes well with the music I'm listening to right now on the Beatscape Lounge on Album 88.

1999 Pacific Crown Collection Braves Checklist

Can you believe this monstrosity is a checklist? You should see the Pacific checklists that are die-cut. Pacific is the undisputed late '90s obnoxious champ.

1997 Upper Deck Long Distance Connection

Upper Deck uses the micro-etching foil (or F-X technology in their lingo) to much better use in this scanner-friendly stripy nightmare.

1998 Pacific Invincible Braves Checklist

Yup, another goofy checklist from Pacific. Ryan Klesko and Andruw Jones are on the back of this one. Pacific also put checklists for the Braves cards in their insert sets as well as the base on the back. This is utterly fantastic.

1997 Pacific Hometown of the Players

AKA Procedencia de los Jugadores in Pacific's bilingual copy. That holographic foil wall stretching to infinity behind Chipper is the Florida state flag, honoring his hometown of Jacksonville. I am not ashamed to admit that I freaking loved these cards when they first came out.

Ok, that got the writing juices flowing again. The electronica beat is helping. Now, on to my sadly neglected Auto-Matic for the People with an autograph I picked up today for a whole buck!

I fell asleep after the third inning

I woke up during the 11th to see Dionar Navarro - who was not pinch run for because Francona had already burned through his bench - get thrown out at home. A little while after that the camera panned to a nervous looking Scott Kazmir while the announcers said that Francona really didn't want to use him in this game but he was the last piutcher available. I turned it off and went back to sleep after that.

NL lost again, I got the 3 runs right for them at least.

McCann didn't even get in the game boxscore.

(hey, I was asleep. how the hell would I know if he was catching in the 15th freaking inning??)

So, Yeah

I pretty much have to watch it. I still think Howard should be in there despite a bad first half average wise, but there's really no choice, I gotta watch it.

I've already seen my favorite part though with the marching out of the lineups. I missed McCann (drats) but seeing the Hall of Famers was a thrill. I cheered for Knucksie, marveled at the 6 Hall of Fame third baseman that were out on the field enjoyed the warm reception for Hank and, yes, when I saw Yogi I teared up a bit. Seeing such a magnificent spiritual leader is an emotional experience.

Oh, and for the record:

AL 6 - NL 3

MVP - A-Rod

I Need Help On This One

I found this rather badly gum-stained card while fumbling through some dupe boxes and it has been haunting me since. Ken Oberkfell was a fairly weak hitting third baseman who is now a coach for the Mets. He failed miserably at replacing an injured Bob Horner's production at third base in 1984 which probably cost the Braves the division and Joe Torre his job. That's not why this card is weirding me out though, it's that I just can't get a read on his face. Look deeply into his eyes:

Now can someone who has experience in these matters (and I think you know who I'm talking about) please tell me: Is this a legitimate happy smiling face, or is Ken Oberkfell extremely demented and unhinged in this photograph? 'Cause I seriously can't tell. I keep staring into the abyss and Ken Oberkfell is staring back.

Card Of the Week 7/14/08

1996 V.J. Lovero Showcase Jay Buhner

There's really no explanation necessary for this one.

2003 Bryan John Smoltz

This card was hiding in a 50 cent boxand I had to get it. I think this was a giveaway at Turner Field in 2003. I never got giveaway cards at games. When I was a kid and desperately wanted free cards I never got to go on card giveaway games because they were usually on weekdays. Now that I'm an adult and can go to a game whenever the hell I want, they won't give me any cards 'cause they're for the kids. Life is unfair. The front of this particular card is kind of obnoxious as you can see. Ok, it looks a little cool but a player's name really shouldn't be bigger than his photo in my opinion. The thing that impressed me was the back.

Look at all those beautiful stats!!! Full career stats including minor leagues. You never see that anymore. If someone can find a mainstream issue card from the past five years that lists Smoltzie's rehab starts in Macon and Greenville, I'll give 'em a dollar. There's even career minor league stats which is fantastic. The world needs more cards like this.

Backyard Baseball

This is one of those goofy oddball cards I've been chasing for a long time. Gamers should be familiar with the Backyard Sports series of sports games that feature pro stars as little kids playing games on the playground, in an alley or, naturally, in someone's backyard. There's a bunch of commercials for the new version of the baseball game featuring Big Papi as a little kid all over the TV right now. Back in 2000, they packed some cards inside the box of the Backyard Baseball 2001 game.

The cards were made by Pacific and are pretty similar to their base set from that year. Like anybody remembers what Pacific's base set looked like. Like anybody remembers Pacific at all. Well trust me, they look kind of similar. I'm not sure who is in the set or even if there was more than one card per box, but there's a Chipper card and a Griffey card out there for sure. Probably a Cal Ripken Jr. card too since the little kid version of him was on the cover of the game. The front of the card has a normal picture of Chipper, but the back has the kid version from the game.


This is a very cartoony game as you can see. The new version has 3D players running around, but I kind of like the old school toons. In the 2001 version (yes, I have it) there is at least one major league player for each team and a gaggle of backyard kids who play along with the pros. If you want to beat the game every time (yes, I play the game too) forget picking the major leaguers and get Pablo Sanchez to play third, Keisha Phillips in the outfield and Luanne Lui to pitch with your first three picks. Get those three and everything else is gravy. Also: the kid version of Frank Thomas is easily the best player in the game but he brags too much, Nomar Garciaparra is a nervous wreck and Curt Schilling is just plain weird. Kid Curt drones on like he's a narcolepic when he's chattering out in the field which is annoying enough. However, one time Curt went off on this bizarre monologue that sounded like something out of a Samuel Beckett play. I have no idea why the developers decided to make Curt insane in this game, but it was well done especially by the voice talent. Chipper has more of an 'aw shucks' Leave it to Beaver persona thankfully. I picked up the game used so I never got the cards, but I happened upon this one recently and snagged it. I'm a total sucker for oddballs.

RIP Bobby Murcer

Bobby Murcer was one of those guys I never saw play, but whenever I pulled a card of his, I knew it was from a damn good player.

I'm kinda bummed I'm not in a position to scan my '83 Topps card of Bobby right now, as it was the first thing I thought of when I was writing this post.

My Ass it Counts

So David Wright is in the All-Star Game, and the National League leader in Home Runs and RBIs will be sitting at home. Meh.

For once, this isn't a "Mets Suck" thing, this is a "MLB Sucks" thing. So the game determines home field advantage for the World Series, but Major League Baseball can't be bothered to get ONE OF THE BIGGEST* STARS IN THE FREAKING GAME IN THERE WHEN THE NATIONAL LEAGUE HASN'T WON AN ALL-STAR GAME SINCE STEVE GARVEY WAS A STARTER.

Bud Seilg sucks.

Clint Hurdle sucks.

The players suck.

The fans suck.

And I hate like damn to admit it, the All-Star Game sucks.

[Insert scan of Hank Sauer card here]

*(not a fat joke)

Sticky Saturday - More All Star Edition

Here's another sticker from that All-Star themed set I posted last week. At least I think it's from the same set, who knows. I don't remember what year it was from and I'm too lazy to look back at the post so you'll have to figure out on your own. This sticker is of the classic Major League Baseball logo featuring a batter who is about to watch a high fastball go by for a called strike. The bat's still on his shoulders for Pete's sake, he'll never be able to turn on that pitch.

This card is a case study in why you shouldn't use the copyright date to figure out what year it's from. The copyright date clearly says 1968 on the front of that card, but that's the copyright date of the logo, not the card. That's not even Fleer's copyright, that's MLB's copyright. Nobody sue me now, this is for educational purposes only.

Here we have a cartoon depicting the 1972 All Star Game in Atlanta. Yes, that's Hank Aaron, and no, he didn't go 7 for 7 in the game. He did hit a home run off Gaylord Perry in the game, and Joe Morgan came up with the game winning single in the 10th inning, making the National league a perfect 7 for 7 in extra inning games up till that time. Gotta love Hank hitting a homer in front of the home crowd. I have the program and a pennant from this game in the archives somewhere, I'll have to show 'em off some day.