CANADA CARDS SECOND BATCH - ARCHIVESY INSERTS

THIS WEEK HAS ACCIDENTALLY BECOME A BREAK FROM TWITTER NOT BECAUSE OF THE OBVIOUS REASON THAT IT HAS BECOME AN ANNOYING LOVECRAFTIAN EXISTENTIAL NIGHTMARE BUT BECAUSE I'M SO EXHAUSTED I'VE MOSTLY BEEN SLEEPING AND/OR STARING INTO SPACE SINCE SUNDAY. ALSO TWITTER KEEPS TRYING TO TRICK ME INTO LETTING THEM FACEBOOK ALL MY PERSONAL DATA BY POPPING UP WITH THAT 'YOU'RE IN CONTROL' UNSKIPPABLE POPUP THAT I REFUSE TO CLICK ON EVER. I KNOW THEY'RE ALREADY STEALING ALL MY DATA BUT I SURE AIN'T GIVING THEM PERMISSION. AS A RESULT I'VE MISSED A LOT OF THE COMPLAINING ABOUT 2020 ARCHIVES. ARE PEOPLE STILL COMPLAINING ABOUT ARCHIVES? FOR ALL I KNOW EVERYONE IS COMPLAINING ABOUT SOME OTHER PRODUCT BY NOW. MAYBE BOWMAN MEGA PLATINUM SAPPHIRE OR GINTER X CHROME NOW DROPPED LIKE A WET FART THIS WEEK. I'M SURE SOMETHING HORRIFIC HAPPENED THIS WEEK BECAUSE SOMETHING HORRIFIC HAPPENS EVERY WEEK NOW SO I'LL WASTE MY TIME WRITING DUMB CRAP ABOUT BASEBALL CARDS INSTEAD

ALL THE CARDS I BOUGHT FROM BASEBALLCARDSTORE.CA OR WHATEVER IT'S CALLED ARE SCANNED AND I DON'T WANT TO TRY TO SET UP THE SCANNER ON MY NEW(ISH) LAPTOP BECAUSE IT'S A PAIN IN THE ASS TO SET ANYTHING UP ON THE NEW(ISH) LAPTOP  SO THOSE CARDS ARE ALL YER GONNA SEE FOR A WHILE. IN THE FIRST BATCH I SCOOPED UP THE 2010 CARDS YO MOMMA THREW OUT INSERTS SO THIS TIME I ATTACKED ANOTHER INSERT SET I'M WORKING ON, 2010 VINTAGE LEGENDS. WHILE YO MOMMA CARDS ARE STRAIGHT UP REPRINTS THE VINTAGE LEGENDS ARE IN THE STYLE OF WHAT ARCHIVES MORPHED INTO IN 2003 WITH THE HALL OF FAMER TYPE PLAYERS ON RANDOM-ASS TOPPS CARD DESIGNS. THIS SHIT IS CATNIP TO ME AND I LOVE THEM ALL EVEN THOUGH I GAVE UP TRYING TO COLLECT EVERYTHING AFTER BERGER'S BEST. HERE'S ALL THE VINTAGE LEGENDS FROM THE SECOND DIMEBOX ORDER

2010 TOPPS VINTAGE LEGENDS 1992 JOHNNY MIZE

JOHNNY MIZE IS A GREAT PLAYER AND NOBODY GIVES A SHIT. I THINK IT HAS TO DO WITH THE GIANTS. ANY GREAT PLAYER NOT NAMED WILLIE MAYS TURNS INVISIBLE AS SOON AS HE PUTS ON THE GIANTS UNIFORM. THERE'S SO MANY HALL OF FAME PLAYERS THAT PLAYED FOR THE GIANTS THAT END UP IN CHEAPO BOXES BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT DODGERS OR YANKEES IT'S RIDICULOUS. HERE'S A GUY WHO RETIRED IN THE EARLY 50S LOOKING AWKWARD ON A 1992 DESIGN. IT STILL LOOKS PRETTY GOOD THOUGH BECAUSE 1992 DESIGN. DOUBLE BORDERS, BABY. TOPPS SHOULDA DONE A DESIGN LIKE THIS WHEN THEY WERE PLAYING AROUND WITH THE BORDERLESS CARDS. WHILE IN EDITING VIEW THE WHITE BORDER BLENDS INTO THE BACKGROUND SO IT KINDA LOOKS BORDERLESS AND IT LOOKS PRETTY DOPE

HERE'S THE BACK OF THE CARDS. THEY'RE PRETTY UGLY. PANINI BACK UGLY. THEY DO THE JOB THOUGH I GUESS. THERE WERE TWO SERIES OF THIS INSERT SET, THE FIRST ONE WAS IN 2010 SERIES 2, ALL THE CARDS I'M SHOWING OFF HERE ARE FROM THE UPDATE SERIES BECAUSE I NEVER BUY ENOUGH UPDATE SERIES PACKS. THE SUPER DUMB THING IS THAT BOTH SERIES HAVE THE SAME 25 PLAYERS IN THEM WITH DIFFERENT DESIGNS. YOU'D THINK THEY'D AT LEAST USE FIFTY DIFFERENT DESIGNS BUT NAH, THEY DUPLICATED DESIGNS TOO. I DON'T KNOW WHICH DESIGNS GOT THE SHAFT BUT 1988 AND 1989 IS IN BOTH SERIES BECAUSE WE SURELY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH CARDS WITH THOSE DESIGNS. THE 1988 FONTS ARE UTTERLY BUTCHERED TOO, IT'S HORRIBLE. BIG JAWN'S SERIES 2 CARD IS A 1965 TOPPS DESIGN BUT I PREFER THIS ONE BECAUSE THE '65 HAS HIM AS A CARDINAL. SCREW THE CARDINALS, SO GLAD THE BRAVES DON'T HAVE TO PLAY THOSE PISSANTS THIS YEAR

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS SET IS NOW I'M NOT TYPING OUT TITLES ANY MORE 1977 CY YOUNG

1977 TOPPS IS SO GOOD LOOKING WITH THAT ALL STAR BANNER. CY YOUNG RETIRED 22 YEARS BEFORE THE FIRST ALL STAR GAME. THERE IS NO ALL STAR BANNER ON CY'S BASEBALL-REFERENCE PAGE. THERE IS ONLY ONE OTHER CARD IN THE SET THAT USES THE ALL-STAR DESIGN. IT'S THE CY YOUNG CARD FROM SERIES 2. IN CASE YOU'RE CONFUSED, SERIES 2 IS THE FIRST SERIES OF THE VINTAGE LEGENDS SET. THIS IS A DEEPLY WEIRD SET. THE FIRST CY YOUNG CARD USES THE 1987 ALL STAR DESIGN AND I CAN'T REALLY DECIDE WHICH ONE I LIKE BETTER

1970 OZZIE SMITH

A LOT OF THESE CARDS ARE A MESS BUT WHEN THEY HIT, THEY HIT HARD. YOU COULD SNEAK THIS CARD INTO A 1970 TOPPS BINDER AND IT WOULD TAKE A WHILE FOR ANYONE TO FIGURE IT OUT. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CARDS IN THE SET, MAYBE SECOND BEHIND THE EDDIE MURRAY FROM THE UPDATE SET. THAT ONE IS IN A BUTCHERED 1963 TOPPS DESIGN BUT WHILE THEY FUCKED UP THE FONT AND USED COLORS FOR THE BOTTOM BORDER THAT WERE NEVER EVER FOUND IN THE ORIGINAL SET IT ALL LOOKS FANTASTIC. MAYBE OZZIE IS MY FAVORITE DESIGN THEY GOT RIGHT CARD AND EDDIE IS MY FAVORITE WHAT THE FUCK DESIGN* CARD. OZZIE'S SERIES 2 CARD IS IN THE 1969 DESIGN AND IT'D BE PRETTY GOOD IF THE WONKY TEAM NAME FONT WASN'T SO DISTRACTING

2001 ROY CAMPANELLA

WHY THE HELL IS THE HOME TEAM ADVANTAGE LOGO ON THIS CARD? DOES ANYONE GIVE A SHIT ABOUT A PARALLEL FACTORY SET? I MEAN, MAYBE NOW THAT EVERYTHING'S GONE INSANE BUT IN 2010? DID TOPPS EVEN DO HTA FACTORY SETS IN 2010? THEY ALSO DID THIS IN THE YO MOMMA SET WITH THE VLAD GUERRERO CARD. WHY?? WAS THERE SOME KIND OF HTA PUSH FROM UPPER MANAGEMENT IN MID 2010? I DON'T UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE CHOICES IN THIS SET. I ALSO HAVE NOT FIGURED OUT IF 2001 IS A GOOD DESIGN OR NOT. IT'S KINDA ICONIC NOW THANKS TO THE 50 YEARS THING AND ICHIRO BUT IT'S ALSO KINDA UGLY? BUT BETTER LOOKING THAN A LOT OF THE TOPPS DESIGNS OF THE TIME? I HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT MY 2001 CARDS IN YEARS, I HOPE THEY HAVEN'T ALL BRICKED. I'M PRETTY SURE MY SET IS IN SLEEVES BUT MY DOUBLES (AND I HAVE A LOOOOOOOOOOOT OF DOUBLES) AREN'T. CAMPY'S SERIES 2 CARD IS A VERY SIMPLE 1979 DESIGN AND I THINK I PREFER THAT

2002 JOHNNY BENCH

2002 TOPPS IS ONE OF THIS YEAR'S ARCHIVE DESIGNS AND MOST OF THE REACTIONS I'VE SEEN ONLINE HAVE BEEN SOME VARIATION OF "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO". I CAN'T HATE THIS ON SET THOUGH, SURE THE WAVING RIBBONS ARE A LITTLE GOOFY BUT IT'S A BRIGHT, SIMPLE UNOFFENSIVE DESIGN. GIVE IT A WHITE BORDER, PUT THE POSITION DESIGNATION WHERE THE TOPPS LOGO IS AND STICK TOPPS UP ON THE RIGHT CORNER WHERE IT ALREADY IS AND IT WOULD LOOK LIKE A 70'S DESIGN. I HAVE NOT LEFT THE HOUSE IN 18 YEARS SO I HAVE NOT SEEN ANY 2020 ARCHIVES CARDS IN HAND YET BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE THEY LOOK MUCH DIFFERENT FROM THE ORIGINAL SET, OR THIS ONE FOR THAT MATTER. THE CARD LOOKS GOOD AND HEY, IT'S JOHNNY BENCH. JOHNNY'S SERIES 2 CARD IS IN THE 1957 DESIGN AND HONESTLY I THINK THIS ONE LOOKS BETTER. I'M PROBABLY WRONG BUT YEAH, WELL, THAT'S JUST, LIKE, MY OPINION, MAN

1989 THURMAN MUNSON

WHY THE HELL ISN'T THURMAN MUNSON IN THE GODDAMN HALL OF FAME

EVERY STINKING ROTTEN YANKEE EVER** IS IN THE GODDAMN HALL OF FAME EXCEPT THURMAN MUNSON

THE GODDAMN HALL OF FAME IS STUPID AND I HATE IT

OK GOT THAT OUT OF MY SYSTEM. I LIKE THIS CARD IT LOOKS GOOD. THERE'S THAT WAVEY RIBBON ON THE DESIGN AGAIN SO DON'T HATE ON THE 2002 RIBBONS. MY DEFAULT OPINION ON 1989 TOPPS IS THAT IT'S A LAZY BORING DESIGN AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT ONE OF THE CARDS I'M LIKE, 'HEY THAT'S A NICE LOOKING CARD'. THIS IS A NICE LOOKING CARD. MUNSON'S SERIES 2 CARD IS ON A 1959 DESIGN AND THE PICTURE LOOKS LIKE A MUGSHOT TAKEN AFTER HE WAS ARRESTED FOR STARTING A BAR FIGHT AND THROWING A JUKEBOX AT A COP. I WAS CERTAIN I'D LIKE THE '89 CARD BETTER BUT NOW THAT I'VE LOOKED AT THE OTHER CARD I'M NOT SURE

1998 TRIS SPEAKER

SO. 1998 TOPPS. NOT GONNA LIE, IN 1998 I WENT APESHIT OVER THIS DESIGN. THE GOLD BORDER LOOKED SO COOL. DAT BEVELED BORDER THING. THE GOLD FOIL NAME! ON TOP OF LOGO WALLPAPER STUFF! SO UH, YEAH. THIS HASN'T AGED WELL AT ALL. THE LATE 90S WERE A STRANGE TIME. SPEAKER'S OTHER CARD IS ON THE 1981 TOPPS DESIGN AND THAT ONE LOOKS WAAAAY BETTER. THAT CARD DOESN'T HAVE A GHOST IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE PHOTO THOUGH. HOW MANY CARDS HAVE UFOS? NOT MANY I THINK

YAY I DID A THING. I'LL BE BACK SOON WITH MORE DIME CARDS AS SOON AS I RECOVER FROM MY NEXT NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

* ANOTHER WTF CARD IS EDDIES SERIES 2. IT'S GOT A PRETTY DECENT 1964 DESIGN BUT FOR SOME REASON EVERY CARD IS OFF-CENTERED TOP-BOTTOM AT 95-5%. TOPPS DOES THIS OCCASIONALLY ON THESE VINTAGE REIMAGINED CARDS AND IT'S BEWILDERING TO ME

**EXCEPT BERNIE WILLIAMS WHAT THE FUCK

UUUHHHHHH DIME BOX ONLINE CARDS PART 4

AAAAAAAYYYYYY ANOTHER POST. FIRST ONE WRITTEN ON THE NEW(ISH) LAPTOP. ALL THE PICTURES WERE SCANNED AND UPLOADED ON THE OLD LAPTOP BUT THE WORDS WERE TYPED UP ON THE NEW ONE. ACTUALLY IT'S BEING TYPED ON THE SAME KEYBOARD THAT WAS ATTACHED TO THE OLD ONE BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE TYPING ON LAPTOP KEYBOARDS IF I DON'T HAVE TO. ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, THE KEYS DON'T FEEL RIGHT AND I DON'T LIKE IT. CAN YOU TELL I HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT TODAY? I STILL HAVE A LOT TO DO TO GET THE NEW SYSTEM SET UP THE WAY I WANT IT BUT I'VE SCANNED ALL THE DIME BOX CARDS AND COPIED THEM OVER SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME WAITING FIVE MONTHS TO SET UP THE SCANNER. YOU DO STILL HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME FARTING AROUND FOR FIVE MONTHS AND NOT WRITING ANYTHING

I DON'T REMEMBER IF I MENTIONED I BOUGHT ANOTHER BATCH OF CARDS FROM THAT ONLINE SITE IN THE LAST POST BUT I DID AND I GOT THEM AND NOW THERE ARE 5-10 ADDITIONAL POTENTIAL POSTS TO SHOW OFF. THE SECOND BATCH ISN'T QUITE AS INTERESTING BECAUSE ALL THE GOOD CARDS I WANTED GOT SNATCHED UP BUT I TRIED. DON'T STEAL THE STACEY AUGMON CARD I'M WATCHING BECAUSE I WON'T BE ABLE TO BUY ANOTHER BATCH FOR A WHILE. FOR NOW I SHALL HAVE MY FUN PUTTING THE CARDS IN THEIR BINDERS AND WRITING A BUNCH OF NONSENSE ABOUT THEM. HERE COMES THE NONSENSE

ANOTHER SCRATCH OFF CARD!!! WILL WE WIN THE GAME?!??!!!!! STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!!!!!1

2017 ALLEN & GINTER MAGICIANS & ILLUSIONISTS PAMELA COLMAN SMITH

AS I MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY, I SNAPPED UP EVERY ALLEN & GINTER MINI INSERT I COULD FIND NOT CARING IF I NEEDED IT OR NOT. SO IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR MINIS, I'M THE JERK WHO SNATCHED THEM AWAY THIS TIME. MUA-HA-HA-HAAAAA! I GOT THREE MAGICIANS & ILLUSIONISTS AND I DON'T KNOW WHO ANY OF THEM ARE SO I AM COMPLETELY UNABLE TO WRITE UP ANYTHING INTERESTING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE. I AM DEDICATED TO YOUR ENTERTAINMENT HOWEVER SO  IN LIEU OF WITTICISMS I HAVE INSTEAD CREATED QUICKIE FIVE MINUTE SKETCHES OF THE CARD SUBJECTS. PAMELA GETS A PENCIL SKETCH

I DUNNO IF IT LOOKS LIKE PAMELA BUT IT LOOKS LIKE A PERSON SO I'M OK WITH IT. I ALSO SCANNED THE BACK OF THE CARD SO WE CAN LEARN ABOUT THESE MAGICIANS TOGETHER

WHOA! SHE DREW THE RIDER-WAITE TAROT DECK?? THAT'S AWESOME! THIS CARD WENT FROM WHO THE HECK IS THIS TO ONE OF MY MOST CHERISHED GINTER INSERTS. IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH TAROT CARDS THEY ARE DECKS OF CARDS USED FOR FORTUNE TELLING. THERE ARE A WHOLE LOT OF DECKS OUT THERE WITH ALL KINDS OF ILLUSTRATIONS BUT THE RIDER-WAITE DECK IS A VERY ICONIC AND WELL KNOWN DESIGN. HERE'S AN EXAMPLE OF HER ILLUSTRATION ON A CARD I IDENTIFY VERY MUCH WITH

TAROT CARDS FIGURE PROMINENTLY IN ONE OF MY FAVORITE COMIC SERIES, PROMETHEA, AND IN ONE OF MY FAVORITE VIDEO GAMES, THE BINDING OF ISAAC, SO I LIKE TAROT CARDS AND THEIR ART VERY MUCH. IT STILL KILLS ME THAT QYPSY GUEEN* STARTED DOING TAROT THEMED INSERTS RIGHT WHEN I NO LONGER HAD THE DISPOSABLE CASH TO THROW AT A GARBAGE SET LIKE QYPSY GUEEN. WHEN I SAW THIS SET OF MAGICIANS & ILLUSIONISTS I DIDN'T KNOW TOPPS MEANT ACTUAL OCCULT MAGICIANS. I WONDER IF ALAN MOORE HAS A CARD IN THE SET

2010 TOPPS YO MOMMA CARD BARRY LARKIN

MO YO MOMMA CARDS OF COURSE. I LIKE BARRY LARKIN AND THIS IS A NICE LOOKING CARD BUT IT IS A LITTLE SILLY THAT I'M BUYING A REPRINT OF A CARD WHEN I ALREADY OWN MAYBE A DOZEN OF THE ORIGINALS. HELL THE ORIGINAL ROOKIE CARD CAN PROBABLY BE FOUND IN A BUNCH OF DIME BOXES. AT LEAST I THINK SO? THERE'S A LOT OF CHATTER ON TWITTER ABOUT CARD PRICES GOING COMPLETELY INSANE LATELY. MAYBE THEY'RE IN DOLLAR BOXES NOW

2017 ALLEN & GINTER MAGICIANS & ILLUSIONISTS P.T. SELBIT

THE ONLY P.T.'S I KNOW IS BOATS AND BARNUM. THIS GUY CALLED OUT TO ME FROM THE BEYOND  FOR A CHARCOAL SKETCH

MASTERPIECE. A PERFECT LIKENESS. I LOVE NOODLING AROUND WITH CHARCOAL ESPECIALLY THE PENCILS WRAPPED UP IN PAPER WITH THE STRING TO PULL WHEN YOU NEED MORE CHARCOAL BECAUSE CHARCOAL PENCILS AND SHARPENERS DON'T PLAY WELL TOGETHER. LET'S SEE WHO THIS HANDSOME FELLOW IS AND FIND OUT IF HE'S A GOB FROM ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT ILLUSIONIST OR A SERIOUS TRAVERSING THE ASTRAL PLANES OCCULT MAGICIAN WHO COULD BE STANDING BEHIND ME RIGHT NOW

I READ HIS NAME IS PERCY TIBBLES AND HAD A MASSIVE GIGGLING FIT SO I REALLY HOPE HE'S NOT STANDING BEHIND ME RIGHT NOW WITH A POSSE OF DEMONS. SELBIT WAS THE RIGHT MOVE, BRO. HOLY SHIT HE WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SAW A WOMAN IN HALF?? ER, THE ILLUSION VERSION AT LEAST? THAT SHIT'S ICONIC. WHEN HOUDINI GANKS YOUR ACT YOU'RE A FRIGGIN LEGEND. THIS INSERT SET IS AMAZING

2010 TOPPS YO MOMMA CARD WILLIE MCCOVEY

THIS IS THE SHIT TOPPS NEEDS TO BE REPRINTING. CRAZY SCARCE HIGH NUMBERS FROM THE 60S. LEGIT MIGHT TRY TO FIND THE ORIGINAL BACK VERSION OF THIS CARD AND SHOVE IT IN THE '63 BINDER. MCCOVEY HAS ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITES MAINLY BECAUSE HE IS IN THAT GROUPS OF AWESOME HALL OF FAMERS FROM THE 60S WHOSE CARDS WERE CHEAP AS HELL BECAUSE ALL THE MONEYBAGS COLLECTORS WERE DRIVING UP PRICES ON MANTLE, MAYS, CLEMENTE AND KOUFAX. GIMME THEM MCCOVEYS AND STARGELLS AND YASTRZEMSKIS AND JENKINS AND CEPEDAS AND MARICHALS AND KILLEBREWS IN THE BARGAIN BINS. NOT ANYMORE THO, EVERYTHING'S EXPENSIVE AS FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU

2017 ALLEN & GINTER MAGICIANS & ILLUSIONISTS HOWARD THURSTON

LET'S SEE IF WE'RE THREE FOR THREE ON BAD-ASS WIZARDS. I USED A THIN FELT MARKER ON THIS ONE. I HATE MARKERS BUT NEED TO GET OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE OCCASIONALLY

TRIED TO CAPTURE THE SPOOKY LOOK ON THIS DUDE'S FACE. LET'S SEE WHAT THIS INTENSE MOTHERFUCKA DID WITH HIS LIFE

DISAPPEARING HORSES AND PERFORMING THE INDIAN ROPE TRICK FOR MIDWESTERN RUBES. NOT A BAD WAY TO SPEND THE '20S. MUCH BETTER THAN THE WAY WE'RE SPENDING OUR '20S. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT SPOOKY THURSTON, BUT THERE WAS A GREAT TALES FROM THE CRYPT COMIC ABOUT A MAGICIAN WHO WENT ON A TRIP TO INDIA TO LEARN STEAL NEW TRICKS FOR HIS ACT. HE SWIPES A MAGIC ROPE FROM A STREET MAGICIAN AND BEING AN EC COMIC THINGS GO VERY VERY BADLY FOR HIM. THE STORY WAS USED IN THE FILM THE VAULT OF HORROR WHICH IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE HORROR ANTHOLOGY FILMS AND CAN BE FOUND PRETTY EASILY ONLINE

1992 KELLOGG'S JIM PALMER

FINDING KELLOGG'S CARDS IN DIME BOXES AT CARD SHOW IS LUDICROUSLY DIFFICULT AS IT IS, FINDING ONE IN AN ONLINE DIME BOX THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN RAVAGED BY COLLECTORS AND FLIPPERS SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE. OK, SO IT'S LATER YEAR SPORTFLICS AND NOT THE '70S HOTNESS BUT THE CARD IS LENTICULAR WHICH IS ALL THAT MATTERS. IT'S NOT IN 3D BUT SINCE THE PICTURE MOVES AND IT LOOKS LIKE JIM IS THROWING A PITCH IT'S KINDA IN 4D

SUPER LOVE THE BACK. TWO COLORS, WHO NEEDS MORE? WHY DOES TWO COLOR BACKS LOOK LIKE ASS ON PANINI PRODUCTS AND LOOK WONDERFUL HERE. WE ARE BLESSED WITH A GRAINY BLACK & WHITE PHOTO OF JIM. PURE ART. A WHOLE BOOK'S WORTH OF INFORMATION ABOUT PALMER'S CAREER IS SQUEEZED IN THE BACK OF THE CARD. AND THIS ISN'T A FULL SIZED CARD, EITHER, THEY CRAMMED ALL THAT IN ON A SLIGHTLY SMALLER THAN STANDARD CARD. YOU WANT STATS? THERE'S HIS WHOLE CAREER ON ONE LINE . ALL THE STATS, INSIDE LITTLE BOXES. EVEN ALL THE LEGAL NOTICES AND MANDATORY LOGOS LOOK ELEGANT. THIS CARD BACK LOOKS LIKE IT'S FROM 1962, NOT 1992. CAN'T DO THAT NOWADAYS UNLESS YOU SWAP THE PLAYER BIO WITH THE COPYRIGHT AND LICENSING GARBAGE

2017 ALLEN & GINTER REQUIRED READING THE ILIAD

BOOK CARDS! NO, NOT THE STUPID EXPENSIVE ONES WITH CHONKY RELIC PATCH CARDS AND AUTOGRAPHS CONNECTED BY THIN STRIPS OF PAPER THAT YOU'D THINK WOULD RIP AFTER A WHILE. JUST A CARD. OF A BOOK. TEN YEARS AGO I WOULD HAVE COMPLETELY LOST MY SHIT OVER THESE BUT NOW MY EYESIGHT IS SO GARBAGE THAT I CAN BARELY SEE THE WRITING, LET ALONE READ IT. IT MIGHT AS WELL BE IN GREEK

WAIT WHAT

AT SOME TIME IN MY LIFETIME THE NAME HOMER STOPPED BEING ASSOCIATED WITH AN EPIC GREEK POET AND STARTED BEING ASSOCIATED WITH A BALD YELLOW ANIMATED IDIOT WITH BUG EYES. THAT'S AS GOOD A EXPLANATION OF CURRENT AMERICAN SOCIETY AS ANY I GUESS. I HAVE NEVER READ THE ILIAD BUT I AM VERY FAMILIAR WITH THE CLIFF'S NOTES VERSION. NEVER PISS OFF A GODDESS, KIDDOS. A KEY CHARACTER IN THIS TALE WILL SHOW UP IN THIS SERIES OF POSTS SOON

2015 TOPPS GOLD ATLANTA FALCONS 0409/2015

A FOOTBALL CARD! A RARE OCCURRENCE AROUND THESE PARTS LATELY. I AM ON RECORD AS BEING COMPLETELY DONE WITH THE NFL AND TOPPS LOSING THE LICENSE IN 2015 IS ONE OF THE REASONS. ALTHOUGH I HAVE TO ADMIT TOPPS' SWAN SONG FOR FOOTBALL IS AN ABSOLUTELY GARBAGE POOP DESIGN. I KNOW EVERYONE LOVES TO CRAP ON THE TOPPS FLAGSHIP BASEBALL DESIGNS SINCE 2016 BUT AT LEAST NONE OF THEM HAVE BEEN AS BAD AS THIS. YOU THINK THE 2021 DESIGN IS TOO BUSY, LAY YOUR PEEPERS ON THIS MADNESS

TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY THERE IS NOT A FLAKE OF GOLD FOIL ON THIS GOLD CARD OTHER THAN THE TOPPS LOGO. IT MAY AS WELL BE A YELLOW PARALLEL IF NOT FOR THE NUMBER ON THE BACK

I HATE THE NEW-FANGLED PRINTING OF SERIAL NUMBERS ON TOPPS CARDS. HOW WAS THAT PRINTED, AN INKJET?? I LIKE THE OLD-SCHOOL GOLD FOIL NUMBERS. THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE THE BIG CHONKY NUMBERS LIKE ON THE EARLY DONRUSS INSERTS, I'M FINE WITH THE SMALL ELEGANT NUMBERS YOU USED TO SEE ON HERITAGE INSERTS. NEW CARDS MAKE ME SAD. JUST LIKE THE FALCONS. I DO ENJOY THAT THE FALCONS' HIGHLIGHT OF 2014 IS BEATING THE SAINTS' ASSES. HONESTLY THAT'S BEEN THE ONLY HIGHLIGHT THE FALCONS HAVE EVER HAD

2017 ALLEN & GINTER REQUIRED READING MOBY DICK

CALL ME MR. GROUCHYPANTS

THIS CARD FRONT IS HONESTLY THE MOST I'VE EVER READ OF MOBY DICK AND I HAVE NO PLANS TO READ IT IN THE FUTURE. DUDE GETS SUPER BUTTHURT ABOUT A WHALE, I GET IT. I KNOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO ONE OF THE GREATEST NOVELS EVER WRITTEN BUT BY THE TIME I GET THE TIME TO READ ACRES OF PAGES EXPLAINING 19TH CENTURY WHALING TECHNIQUES IN INTRICATE DETAIL I WILL BE EITHER STONE BLIND OR DEEP IN THE THROES OF DEMENTIA OR DEAD. OR ALL THREE AT ONCE. NO TIME FOR GIANT TOMES ANYMORE. IF I WANT TO BE PISSED OFF AT A BIG FAT DESTRUCTIVE ANIMAL THAT CAUSES HAVOC AND SUFFERING EVERYWHERE HE GOES I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD REAL LIFE EXAMPLE TO FOCUS MY ENERGY ON RIGHT NOW. THAT BEING SAID, BARTLEBY THE SCRIVENER HAS BEEN ON MY RADAR FOR A WHILE. I SHOULD REALLY TAKE THE TIME TO READ THAT

LOOKING UP THIS CHECKLIST TO SEE WHICH BOOKS ON THEIR REQUIRED READING LIST I'VE ACTUALLY READ.

[time passes]

NOPE, NOPE, YEP, OH NO, HELL NO, NOT THE ACTUAL TEXT BUT 20,000 REWORKINGS, REALLY??, NAH. NO. NOT THE WHOLE THING BUT A GOOD CHUNK OF IT, CLIFF'S NOTES, WHAT???, THE EXPURGATED FOR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS VERSION, I LIKE THE SANDWICH, HAVE SEEN EVERY FILM ADAPTATION MAYBE I SHOULD READ THE BOOK

LOTTA WHITE DUDES ON THIS LIST. WHERE'S THE MINI  CARD SET FOR STUFF FROM JAMES BALDWIN OR TONI MORRISON OR CHINUA ACHEBE

OH WAIT, THOSE BOOKS ARE STILL IN COPYRIGHT, NEVERMIND

2019 ALLEN & GINTER HISTORY OF FLIGHT WRIGHT FLYER

ONE OF MY FAVORITE ALLEN & GINTER INSERT SETS IS THE ASCENT OF MAN SET FROM 2011. A 26 CARD SET OF FULL-BLEED ARTWORK THAT ALL CONNECTED INTO ONE GIGANTIC CARD IF YOU PUT THEM TOGETHER. IT'S ONE OF THE FIRST GINTER INSERT SETS I COMPLETED AND I EVEN FOUND A 1952 LOOK N SEE CARD OF CHARLES DARWIN TO PUT IN THE LAST CARD POCKET IN THE BINDER. IT WAS SO GOOD TOPPS TOOK 8 YEARS TO DO ANOTHER SET LIKE IT

IT'S A GREAT LOOKING SET, BUT IT AIN'T NO ASCENT OF MAN. ONLY 15 CARDS AND THE HISTORY OF FLIGHT ENDED IN THE LATE '80S. STILL PRETTY NICE THOUGH. I REGRET NEVER PULLING ONE FROM A PACK. I REGRET NEVER OPENING A PACK OF 2019 GINTER, BUT THAT'S A DIFFERENT STORY. WITH THIS CARD I HAVE AT LEAST ONE FROM EVERY GINTER FULL SIZE INSERT SET.

EXCEPT THE HORSES ONE FROM 2019

HOW DOES I HAS NO HORSES

NO TIME FOR REGRETS, IT'S TIME TO SCRATCH

I MADE A POINT! 40 THOUSAND MORE OF THESE AND A TIME MACHINE AND MAYBE I CAN GET A FOOTBALL. I NEVER SENT AWAY FOR THE PRO-SET GAZETTE WHEN I WAS A KID ADULT. I WAS TECHNICALLY AN ADULT BY THEN. LEGALLY AT LEAST I THINK.WHY DIDN'T I SEND AWAY FOR ALL THE FREE SHIT BACK THEN. STAMPS WERE CHEAP AND THE POST OFFICE WASN'T BEING MURDERED IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. WHAT A FOOL I WAS

A FOOL!

NEXT TIME: THE CARD THAT MADE THIS ALL POSSIBLE

*IF YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT THE BIT YET, I'VE SPOONERIZED THE NAME OF THIS TRADING CARD SET FOR YEARS BECAUSE THE FIRST WORD IN THE NAME** IS WIDELY CONSIDERED TO BE A SLUR NOWADAYS AND WHY TYPE OUT A SLUR IN A BUNCH OF YOUR BLOG POSTS IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? ALSO SAYING QYPSY GUEEN OUT LOUD STILL MAKES ME LAUGH YEARS AFTER I STARTED THE JOKE BECAUSE I AM A CHILD
**THE SAME WORD AS THE TITLE OF A VERY POPULAR FLEETWOOD MAC/STEVIE NICKS SONG THAT I STILL ENJOY BECAUSE I'M A BIG HONKIN' HYPOCRITE

AND A FOOOOOOOOL