Could be

It could be your breath, Frank...

Then again it could also be this:

Monster: "Get ready to die! I'm going to rip you to pieces. I kill any guy who looks like me!"
Man: "Do I look like you?"
Monster: "Yes."
Man: "Then go right ahead."

Dude, at least you don't look like Joe Torre.
Oh, and obligatory Madeline Kahn:



Woof.

This is the 1973 set, not the 1959 set. Here's galleries to both sets: 1959, 1973.

Oh, that's enough Joe Torre abuse. He deserved it after that asinine plan of his to ban beer in the clubhouse.

Dancing With The Stars

So my wife sends me out at 7:00pm on Halloween to buy candy. Because no one saw this coming, obviously. I get back with the Wonka assortment and all three members of my family yell in unison "YOU DIDN'T GET REESES CUPS??!?"

Nope. I like Bottle Caps, Sweet Tarts and Nerds. Shoulda told me to get Reeses if ya wanted Reeses.

Another thing my wife likes to do to drive me crazy is watch Dancing With The Stars.

Get the Wolfman on that damn show and I'll watch it religiously.

1st Monster: "What did Ali Baba say when he wanted to open the entrance to the cave?"
2nd Monster: "Open, sez me."

That one was too awful even for me. The Beasties can redeem Ali Baba though.



This is the 1973 set, not the 1959 set. Here's galleries to both sets: 1959, 1973.

NO MO LO

FRANK WREN IS A GOLDEN GOD

Separated at Birth?

And from my favorite fun Halloween film...

"Johnny, why did you kill poor Mr. Spinalzo?

"He said I looked like Joe Torre!"

(context for the confused)

I mustache you a question

The pinnacle of cardboard bliss: a miscut Monster card with a wax stain! Screw Saw and all that gory bullshit, nothing beats Frankenstein beating up on the Wolfman. Ok, maybe King Kong vs. Godzilla. But that's it.

You're Frankensteins. Of course your mother has a mustache. She got it from her father.

Speaking of mustaches...

Monster: "What should I do when I get run down?Doctor: "Take down the car's license number."

Monsters sure have good health insurance, don't they?!

This is the 1973 set, not the 1959 set. Here's galleries to both sets: 1959, 1973.

I feel like this every morning

FRANKENSTEIN NEED COFFEE, DAMMIT

I picked up a few of these You'll Die Laughing cards cheap at the card show and this is the perfect time to show them off. This is the 1973 set, not the 1959 set. Here's galleries to both sets: 1959, 1973.

The backs still have awesome Jack Davis art on them though!

And TERRIBLE TERRIBLE JOKES!

"How did the doctor treat the monster?"
"Carefully... very carefully."

I need to buy bigger paper

Or learn how to draw smaller. Or, better yet, learn how to fit everything into the space I want it to go in. You might have noticed the header has changed.

Yes, I know it's huge. It's only going to be up tonight. It's Halloween! Gotta celebrate! Plus the banner I wanted to put up isn't ready yet. So instead of working on that I took an hour or so to draw this because I am hyper efficient with my time. I screwed up with drawing it so the masterpiece above is actually two different drawings cobbled together using the magic of MSPaint. Here's part 1:

I drew Pipsqueak first, then Pinkie on a separate piece of paper when I realized she'd never fit, then did the lettering last because I suck at lettering. I also really, really suck at leaving enough space for text. I did that LAST and I still ran out of room. With over an inch of white space to the left of it. Guuuuuuuuh.

Here's Pinkie. I find Pinkie in a chicken suit to be the funniest thing ever. Don't pay any attention to the bottom right corner as I half assed the feather ruffle and gave Pinkie some serious thunder thighs. That'll happen after too much candy.

Here's a first draft of Pinkie. I got halfway through and realized I didn't like the face. I went ahead and finished it anyway just for the practice. Drawing that folded up arm a couple of times helped.

Here's the original screenshot I based it on. I got full body Pipsqueak and Pinkie's face from a couple other moments in the scene and mashed them all together. Then I mashed all that together in MSPaint. took a couple of hours total with the help of a couple of Yuenglings and some mixes from here.

There's LOTS more Halloween stuff scheduled for today, muahaha!

2011 Allen & Ginter Box Break Part 5: Packs 13-24

All righty then. After essentially dropping the blog because there was too much stuff to do and not enough time and I really didn't care anymore anyway, I returned triumphantly on a herd of Little Ponies refreshed and renewed. And then started 14 more projects that I'm already hopelessly behind on and I still have no time whatsoever for any of them.

BUT - before I start neglecting all of those new projects I need to knock out one old one just for my peace of mind. The blog started in December '06 but it didn't really get cooking until I opened my very first hobby box  of Allen & Ginter in the summer of 2007. Since then I have meticulously opened a hobby box every single year including the one where I had to mug an old lady of her Social Security check just to be able to afford one. What? That food would have just made her fat anyway.

My 2011 box break did not go swimmingly. There were two awful relics in the first four packs. I don't like the design this year. The product released right when I hit the peak of my absolute disgust with baseball cards.  I got through half the box and gave up. Now that I'm in a better place collecting-wise, I want to knock this off my to-do list. Who knows? I might even bust a hobby box of 2012 A&G next year.

What I have no interest in is scanning all those damn cards. Eff that with a rusty chainsaw. Instead, I spread out all the packs over my immaculately clean desk. The same one all the Macigks come from. Behold my workspace:

This gif is seriously the best thing to watch while listening to techno music. It goes with anything.

My camera phone is kinda crappy, so I took closeup photos of each individual pack for those of you with older eyes or ones with bad eyesight. I guess I'll list the cards in each pack too. You all are so needy.

Pack 13

Mini Tasmainian Devil
J-HEY SHORT PRINT!!!11!1!!
Cheryl Burke
Pedro Ciriaco
Xavier Nady
Matt Garza
Yovani Gallardo
Floating Fortresses Mary Rose

Rarity is as surprised as I was when I saw J-Hey. Short print, dancing queen and 2 inserts in one pack. Not too shabby.

Pack 14

Mini A&G Supernanny
Jeremy Jeffress
Mark Trumbo
Scott Kazmir
Hanley Ramirez
King Felix jersey
Hometown Hero Brandon Morrow

If you're female, is it a prerequisite that you have to be in a Reality Show in order to get in this set? Felix is the best relic BY FAR I got in the box but I'm not attached to it at all.

Pack 15

Mini Babushka Lady
Smilin' Stan Lee
Michael Cuddyer
Ben Revere
Chone Figgins
Marco Scutaro
Aaron Hill
HH David Price

THIS is how apathetic I was about these damn cards. J-Hey, Smilin' Stan and a King Felix relic and I still couldn't be arsed to write a post about these packs. Stan's become one of my favorite cards in the entire brand though. There's a spoiler to one of my 14 projects in this pic somewhere

Pack 16

Mini SP Alex Gordon
Jordan Zimmerman
Joey Votto
Josh Johnson
Curtis Granderson
Edwin Jackson Code Bullcrap Thingy
Ascent of Man Chordates
HH Dexter Fowner

Anyone figured out that code thingy yet? I haven't been paying attention. Someone e-mail Clay Luraschi*  "BE SURE TO DRINK YOUR OVALTINE" you might end up winning...

Pack 17

Mini SP John Buck
Jeremy Hellickson
Ozzie Martinez
Nick Swisher
Ian Desmond
Neftali Feliz
John Lester SP
HH Josh Hamilton

I used that ruler in 9th grade! I used that sharpie to write the address on my Nightmares On Carboard package! I still need to post that trade package! I still need to post ALL my trade packages! I never throw out my scratch paper! Short prints, blah blah. Hambone's from Raleigh?

Pack 18

Mini SP Gio Gonzalez
Ryan Howard
Ricky Romero
Carlos Ruiz
Miguel Cabrera
Jayson Werth SP
Dallas Braden Sketch
HH Danny Valencia
Code Ad Thingy

Ponies, stickers, Knucksie, Braves stadium cup from 2009, 5-Hour Energy, mini SP, big SP, sketch. I'm including the mini SPs in my main set this year. They're more common than the big ones.

Pack 19

Mini Aristocratic Freeloader Nuptuals with border as black as their souls
Jimmy Rollins
Wade Davis
Jose Reyes
Miguel Montero
Elvis Andrus
Brett Wallace SP
HH Derek Lowe

Does Kate Middleton have a reality show? Give her time... I probably could have sold that mini for big bucks a few months ago, couldn't I? Drats. Derek Lowe is the new Kenshin Kawakami.

Pack 20

Mini Snake Charming
Annika Sorenstam
Jered Weaver
Carl Crawford
Jonathan Broxton
Pablo Sandoval
Ryan Ludwick SP
Floating Fortresses La Gloire

Hooray! An actual female athlete! And a snake charmer and a boat! I can't take photos for crap, can I? Can't blame this one on the camera phone. If you squnit, you can see my Jack Daniels shotglass and the place where bad ponies go.

Pack 21

Mini Tonto is not the second to last one of anything ever
George W Bush
Carl Crawford
Alfonso Soriano
John Axford
Shin-Soo-Choo
AOM Hominoidea
HH Carl Crawford

Carl Crawford hot pack. What the smeg does Tonto have to do with Penultimacy? Someone e-mail Clay Luraschi**  "PENULTIMATE DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS" and you might win the Ginter Code if it hasn't already been won. Not even going to comment on Topps' putting G-Dub and a monkey in the same pack. Too close to election season for that.

Pack 22

Mini A&G Clay Buchholz
Evan Longoria
Lou Holtz
Carlos Pena
Marc Forgione
Drew Storen SP
HH Adam Wainwright

I'm a FAN of Allen & Ginter. Waka waka waka! There's a blaster of the stuff in the upper left corner I never bothered to post either. Not doing this again most likely though. I'm not entirely sure that mohawk + rapidly receding hairline is a good look, but what the hell do I know. Oh yeah, when Adam Wainwright went down this year I wrote off the Cardinals. That's what I know.

Pack 23

Mini Lars Anderson
Andrew Romine
Jo Frost
Kendrys Morales
Jonathan Papelbon
Nelson Cruz
Russell Martin SP
HH Jerek Deter

Two Yankees, Two Sox and a Nanny. Oy Gevalt. An actual non-short print non-parallel mini found its way into the pack at least. Those peanuts in the corner were purchased at the Braves-Phillies game the last series of the year. I munched the last of them while creating this post. No more ballpark peanuts for 6 months ;_;

Pack 24

Mini A&G Dan Haren
Mini Toto has as much to do with Penultimacy as Tonto, nice one Topps. Buy a f@$&ing dictionary
Carlos Zambrano
Casey McGeehee
Heath Bell
Jair Jurrjens
Eric Sogard
AOM Homininae
HH CJ Wilson

Penultimacy isn't even a word

The missing mini from pack 2 or 3 or whatever showed up in here. I got a gorilla too! That box on the left is an Ashton VSG Torpedo cigar box. I got it for two bucks at a cigar shop in Alpharetta and it makes a fantastic pencil case. Nope, I don't really have anything more to say about cards. I guess it's time to put the set in a binder. And make a want list. And put the minis in my FrankenSet. DAMMIT. This post was supposed to get things off my To-Do list!

*Does he still work for Topps? I really haven't been paying attention.
** I really have no idea.

Joy of a Completed Team Set - 1968 Topps

Yep, that marked up, creased up beat up ol' checklist completed my 1968 Topps team set. Yes, I include floaty head checklist cards in my team sets. I chased that Felipe Alou card for years to complete the set only to realize Clete Boyer was on a checklist. The rage, it burned. It's done now though and I'm so happy I scanned the backs too. Enjoy the burlapy Braves goodness.

 

The worst third base coaching job in history. Also, brief card show recap

I got to the card show today. It was pretty good even though my two favorite sellers weren't there. Before the show I was at my son's little league game. I've been helping out with coaching and the manager made me the third base coach. I'm not a good coach. Not even going to deny it. I've got a decent grasp on the fundamentals, but I get situations screwed up occasionally and I can't keep track of runs and outs to save my life. Also, I'm 'quiet' in real life and quiet and getting hyper distracted kids to listen to you is a lousy mix. My son especially hates to follow my instructions on the basepaths and would routinely run through stop signs until mom gave him a lecture. I try hard, but I really need a crash course in coaching before next season if I'm going to be doing this again.

I had done ok so far this season. I was a little too conservative the first game. I was way too aggressive the second game. I kinda hit a balance the last two games, then today Murphy struck. Except it wasn't Murphy's fault, it was me. The next time you are watching a game and your team's third base coach does something idiotic, just remember how lucky you are that I'm not out there. Here's the highlights of my game:

First inning: Two outs, the fastest runner on the team is on second. The batter hits it to short left field, I hold the runner thinking the left fielder could make a play at home. This is coach pitch little league. No outs are ever made at home. The runner looks at me like I'm insane and holds at third. The next batter gets out and I cost the team a run with the stop sign.

Second inning: Manager's kid is running, there's a hit to the outfield. I put up the stop sign, kid blows right past me like I'm invisible. Throw goes home, beats the kid by 20 feet. THE COACH PLAYING CATCHER TAGS HIM OUT. The hell just happened??

Third inning: Runner on third, one out. I tell her to hold up if it's in the air and I'll tell her when to run. Batter hits a pop up to the third basemen. I watch to see if the kid catches it and when he does, look to the bag to tell the runner to stay put and see her halfway down the line. Tag, double play, inning over. Oops.

Fourth inning: Bases loaded. We're losing by five. Snakes are in my head right now and I'm terrified of screwing anything else up. There's less than two outs so I make SURE everyone knows not to go if it's in the air. Immediate pop up to short. Everyone dutifully stays on their base. The pop up is over the shortstops head and it looks like he's going to miss it. He dives backward, I see the ball hit his glove and think it popped out so I say GO. Really loud. The kid friggin' caught it. Seriously, this was a Web Gem play right here. Batter is out and I just told the runners to run. Pants were shat, I told the kids to get back to their base and miraculously everyone made it back probably because the rest of the defense was so amazed by the catch. The fast kid from the first inning is on second during this debacle and he completely loses faith in anything I have to say. So now the kid refuses to run on ANYTHING the rest of the inning. Two long hits ensued after the pop up and I literally had to beg him to run to the next base with the parents in the crowd yelling along in the stands behind me.

Fifth inning: We're down by five. We're visitors, so unless we score 6, the game is over. I'm a complete nervous wreck at this point. One more bonehead decision by me and I'll be breaking Jimmy Dugan's first rule of baseball right out there in front of everybody. Manager's kid is on the basepaths again on first. Loooong hit, kid rounds second. I put up the sign to stop at third, Manager overrides me and tells him to go. Out by a mile again. Hooray! It wasn't my fault this time! I can relax! I'm off the hook!

NOPE.

Girl from the third inning is on first. BIG hit from the tallest kid on the team. It's deep but the outfielder tracks it down quickly. Girl gets to third, I wave her home. Tall kid gets to second, I tell him to stop because the outfielder is throwing it in. Tall kid keeps running, finally stops halfway to third. We're screwed by this point so I tell him to keep on coming. I look to the bag and the girl I waved home also stopped herself when I threw the stop sign up for the tall kid. So now she's 10 feet off of the base the tall kid is about to be on, the ball is already at the cut off man and you can't have two runners on the same base. I somehow tell her to go on home (I think I was having an out of body experience by this point, I'm not really sure what was going on) and she runs. She's out by 12 parsecs and the other team's manager took pity on us and told the catcher not to tag her out. God bless that man, he saved my sanity today. The inning continues despite me, I manage not to get myself or anyone else killed out there and we score the maximum 7 runs.

And after all that? The kids save my tuchas, and get the other team out 1-2-3 in the bottom of the inning to win the game.

I will never, EVER, yell at Brian Snitker again.

Ok. card show. I took my son with me who was jazzed after the game because he made the play to get the last out. He had no money because mom took it all away when he decided to take a bubble bath with mom's expensive shampoo. I spotted him a fiver because you can't have no money at your first card show. I will admit I steered him to some dime boxes and a couple of piles of cheap auto/relic cards. He had none of it. His purchases:

A Who's Who of Baseball book from 1976. He got that for a dollar. When he opened it up to see what players were inside he asked me why Chipper Jones wasn't in there. I pointed out that Chipper Jones was 4 years old in 1976. He still kept checking out that book the rest of the time we were in the show. This cost 1 buck. The other four bucks went to a 1990 Fleer factory set. that was my fault. I pointed out that there were complete sets at a table for 4 bucks without actually looking to see what kind of drek was over there. I panicked slightly when I saw what he picked, but he loves it. There's stickers in there! And rookie cards with TWO players on it! But the cards aren't in order! Hell put them in order when he puts them into a binder! Hey dad, can I have a binder with some pages? If I don't see the set scattered all over his room in a couple weeks I'm probably going to give him all my crappy factory sets from the late '80s too.

Ok, here's the list of my goals for this show along with the result.

COMPLETE ONE SET. - Failed. Not for lack of trying, though.

COMPLETE ONE SERIES. - Mission Accomplished!

COMPLETE ONE TEAM SET. - Mission Accomplished!

FIND A '53 TOPPS CARD I DON'T HAVE - Mission Super Accomplished!

FIND ONE J-HEY CARD I DON'T HAVE - Expectations Exceeded!

Four outta five ain't bad.

Here's the very first card I got at the show.

I picked it up for a buck, which is a bargain at half the price. The shopkeep had the nerve to tell me that it would cost a lot more if it weren't marked up, creased and quite frankly warped in a couple places. Thanks for that info buddy. If  I had $999,999 more dollars, I'd be a millionaire. The reason I got this card (and was dang exited to find it too) was that it accomplished one of those goals up there. You've probably guessed which one, but I'll show it off in another post. All the stuff I got today (actually yesterday now that it's taken me so long to write this) has given me enough material for posts that will keep me busy probably through December. And that's not even counting all the Cartoon, art, sticker and pony posts!

Speaking of ponies, not ONE person asked me to draw them a pony. I am disappoint.

Goin' To The Card Show

I'll be at the Freedom show today around 2:00ish. Fat guy, beard, glasses, Laughing Skull t-shirt, Braves cap, 9 year old little leaguer in tow.

Here's where it be.

Basically 1-85. Get off at the Indian Trail exit #101.
Take a left off the exit if you're coming south. A right if you're coming north.
Right on Oakbrook.
GO PAST THE TRAILER PARK. Chris Harris and Chris Thomas almost got lost forever in there.
North Atlanta Trade Center is on the right.
$6 admission.

I don't know where my checklists even are, I haven't even made checklists for 2011 sets, and I'd still rather draw ponies. BUT I'M GOING ANYWAY. You don't kick the card junk habit that easily.

I do have a game plan. You always have to go to a card show with a game plan. It is an ambitious plan.

1. COMPLETE ONE SET.
2. COMPLETE ONE SERIES.
3. COMPLETE ONE TEAM SET.
4. FIND A '53 TOPPS CARD I DON'T HAVE
5. FIND ONE J-HEY CARD I DON'T HAVE

I think that's doable.

The second I leave the card show I need to race home and go to work, so my recap will probably be laaaaate tonight or tomorrow.

And I'm serious about drawing you a pony. I will have a black sharpie and a pink sharpie so I can draw you any pony you wish as long as it's Pinkie Pie.

Freedom Cardboard Atlanta Card Show this weekend

Details, ganked directly from a BP Sports e-mail.

2011 Atlanta Sports Collectible Fall Show
Brought to you by Freedom Cardboard

This WEEKEND!

October 28th, 29th & 30th
Fri 4PM-9PM * Sat 10AM-6PM * Sun 10AM-4PM

 North Atlanta Trade Center - 1700 Jeurgens Court Norcross, GA 30093

75-100 Retail booths with products from all over the country!

PSA Authentication & JSA Authentication On-Site

Autograph Guests

Bruce Sutter

Brandon Beachy

Brian Jordan  FREE

Otis Nixon  FREE

Mark Pope  FREE

Howie Bedell (Former Milwaukee Brave)

FREE Clinic/discussiobn

More details on our Facebook Page (BP Sports) & Website

Autograph Pricing Link

Freedom Cardboard link

I'm working all weekend, so I'm not sure if I'll be going. I could probably get a couple hours on Saturday afternoon to go but:

• I am not prepared at all
• My checklists are a disaster
• I have 11 bucks in my pocket
• Still feeling kinda sick
• I'd rather draw ponies

If I don't go I'll regret it though, just on the small chance that the dude with the ridonkulous dollar box will be back.

If you're in the ATL and have some time and cash to blow it's probably worth your time. The last one I went to was pretty kick ass even though the Northeasterners used to the White Plains show stuck their nose up at it. If I do end up going it will have to be between 2:00-4:00pm on Saturday as that is literally the ONLY free time I'll have all weekend unless my kid's little league game gets rained out. I'll be the fat guy in a Laughing Skull T-shirt and a Braves cap frantically digging through vintage bargain boxes. If you see me, come by and say hi and I'll draw you a pony.

David Freese just flat out stole Albert Pujols' wallet last night

And Albert ain't even mad.

Want proof? Proof.

Sick Art

No, the art is not necessarily sick, but I sure am. Sick enough to where I don't want to take the time to write a post about Charlie Silvera (SPOILERS!) for my cartoon series so I'm copping out and posting a sketch instead. Don't worry, I'll live, but you really don't want to know what I've got. Actually, by making that statement, you know exactly what I've got so sorry about that. I can write an art post in my sleep so I'll go ahead and knock this one out lickety split and go back to watching the game. And crying when baseball season is over later tonight. Or crying because there's a game tomorrow and I have to work. Wait, there's no crying in baseball. I'll watch The Notebook on Netflix instead. Then there will be no crying, just gagging. Screw it, WATCH PONIES.

Ok, onto ze arts. Those of you have have been watching my mid-life crisis intently, you'll know that on September 1st I decided I would take some time every day to practice drawing for a month and see what happens. The first thing I drew on the 1st? A tiny scribble of Pinkie Pie smaller than a dime on some scratch paper at work. I have a scan of it... on my dead flash drive. BACK UP YO SHIT KIDS. The first thing I drew that evening when I sat down with a #2 pencil and a stack of printer paper? The Ol' Perfessor.

Casey here is kind of a baseline for my art I guess. I'd drawn some cartoons to stick in trade packages and drunkenly scribbled some girls and stuff at 2AM but I had not until that point sat down and seriously tried to draw something. Why Casey Stengel? Well, I love Casey. The man was an insane genius and those are the best kind of geniuses. I had a card of his sitting on my desk staring at me. And Casey has an AWESOME face. I really like drawing old gnarly looking dudes for some reason. Yes I know he's a Yankee, and I've already posted Yankee art and Y U DRAW YANKEE? I like the Yankees, at least old Yankees before right around the Don Mattingly era.

So here's my first drawing of this grand experiment. #2 is up in the title image if you're interested. The sketch page for this drawing is kinda ridiculous, actually. I've set up a Deviant Art account and as soon as I re-scan everything and figure out how to upload I'll start posting all my crap over there. Oh, I'll still be posting it over here too, you aren't getting off the hook that easy.

So, can any of you figure out which card I sketched? I sure hope it's not that hard to figure out...

1954 Topps Cartoons - #4 Knothole Gang

Yay! Posting before work again! I'm actually up early for once! And full of energy! I guess that happens when you go to bed before 2:30am! Let's have some Vinegar Bend!

His name is Wilmer Mizell, he signs his name David Mizell and everyone but his momma calls him Vinegar Bend. I guess we'll see a cartoon about the fermentation of alcohol by acetic acid bacteria today...

Mizell never touched a baseball until he was sixteen! 


To gain control, he threw at a knothole in a barn door!


It was good practice - but he threw so hard he knocked down the barn door several times!

I like how 16 year old Wilmer is built like a stevedore and is wearing a fedora while he practices throwing a baseball at a barn. Wilmer, er David, um Vinegar Bend was a pretty dang good pitcher for the Cardinals in the '50s, although he missed a couple seasons serving in the Army during '54 and '55. He ended up finishing his career with the '62 Mets, but that wasn't the most incompetent organization he was associated with. Nope, Vinegar Bend went on to become a Congressman, serving North Carolina's 5th district from 1969-1975. After 6 years in Washington the Mets must have seemed like a tightly run ship! Who would you rather have leading you - Casey Stengel or Richard Nixon? Remember kids - if you throw baseballs at a barn door one day you too might be a congressional representative. Or something like that.

Ya know who else knocks down barns....

Happy Birthday Derpy Hooves

On this day one year ago, the Legend of Derpy Hooves was born.

Who knew how much fuss would get kicked up over an animation goof.