ON THE FIFTH DAY OF AD-MAS

GOT A THEME GOING TODAY: 70S FANTASY COMIC MAGAZINES

THE BASIC DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COMICS AND MAGAZINES IN THE 70S IS A MAGAZINE COULD SHOW TITS FOR SOME REASON. AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE YOU CAN SEE BATMAN'S DONG IN AN ACTUAL COMIC BOOK? THERE ARE SOME ADVANTAGES TO LIVING IN A ROTTEN, CORRUPT, FAILED SOCIETY ON THE VERGE OF COLLAPSE. THE ALLURE OF CARTOON BUTTS IN THEIR MAGAZINES  MEANT THE PUBLISHERS COULD TARGET THEIR ADS TO A DIFFERENT DEMOGRAPHIC. THEY DON'T HAVE TO MARKET CHEAP CRAP TO CHILDREN, THEY CAN MARKET EXPENSIVE CRAP TO MAN-CHILDREN. AS SOMEONE WHO HAS SPENT PROBABLY AT LEAST ONE ENTIRE DAY THIS YEAR WRITING BLOG POSTS ABOUT ANCIENT COMIC BOOK ADS THIS IS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY

THE SAVAGE SWORD OF CONAN #47 DECEMBER 1979

STAN LEE PRESENTS: BOOBS BUTTS AND BEEFCAKE SLAUGHTERING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT AND POSING ON A GIGANTIC PILE OF CORPSES. THESE ARE PRETTY GOOD! NOT WALLY WOOD LEVELS OF FILTH BUT REASONABLY INAPPROPRIATE.THIS ONE ADAPTS THE STORY THE TREASURE OF TRANICOS AND FEATURES ART FROM GIL KANE AND JOHN BUSCEMA. IT'S KINDA LIKE GROO WITH LESS JOKES AND WAY LESS MURDER. AND NO ADS TILL WAAAAY IN THE BACK SO YOU CAN FOCUS ON THE BUTTS STORY

HERE'S A TWO PAGE SPREAD OF MOONDANCE PRODUCTION WARES. THESE DUDES ADVERTISED ALL OVER MARVEL MAGAZINES AND IS IN ALL BUT ONE OF MY CONAN ISSUES. THE BOTTOM HALF IS FILLED WITH COMIC BACK ISSUES INCLUDING CONAN, RED SONJA, AVENGERS, X-MEN AND... MICRONAUTS? THERE'S EVEN WORDS WITH BOOKS IF YOU'RE A BIG OL' EGGHEAD. FORGET THAT THOUGH, I WANT ME A FRANK FRAZETTA POSTER. THE BARBARIAN IS THE OBVIOUS CHOICE SINCE THIS ISSUE'S COVER IS BASICALLY AN EAR NOREM INTERPRETATION OF THE PAINTING. THE SILVER WARRIOR IS PRETTY BAD-ASS, POLAR BEARS ARE COOL AS HELL. AND DEATH-DEALER AND THE BESERKER  ARE IN A DEATH STRUGGLE TO CLAIM THE TITLE OF MOST FUCKIN' METAL POSTER. ARGH I CAN'T CHOOSE. I SHOULD JUST GET ONE OF HIS UBIQUITOUS CALENDARS

THE OTHER PAGE HAS SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAY - CONAN THE BARBARIAN RECORD ALBUMS. CONAN STORIES NARRATED BY EDITOR L. SPRAGUE de CAMP. QUICK, TO DISCOGS!

WARREN PRESENTS #1 RING OF THE WARLORDS JANUARY 1979

THIS IS SADLY THE ONLY WARREN PUBLICATION IN MY COLLECTION AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GOT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. WARREN PRESENTS WAS A REPACKAGE OF STUFF FROM EARLIER MAGAZINES LIKE CREEPY OR EERIE WITH SOME SORT OF UNITING THEME LIKE VAMPIRES OR ALIENS OR IN THIS CASE SWORDS AND SORCERY CRAP. SINCE IT'S AN ANTHOLOGY YOU GET SEVERAL DIFFERENT STORIES AND CAN LOOK AT SEVERAL DIFFERENT MOSTLY UNCLOTHED HEROES INSTEAD OF JUST ONE ALTHOUGH NONE ARE AS BEEFY AS CONAN. THIS ONE DOES HAVE A WALLY WOOD STORY IN IT AND THEREFORE IS THE BEST.

THIS MAG'S AD IS A GIANT SECTION FOR CAPTAIN COMPANY WHO IS SELLING A GREAT VARIETY OF PRODUCTS INCLUDING STAR WARS BOOKS, SUPERMAN BEDSPREADS (?), LATEX MONSTER MASKS AND BACK ISSUES OF WARREN MAGAZINES. THERE'S ALSO A REALLY GORGEOUS FULL COLOR AD FOR ART BOOKS ON THE BACK I KINDA REGRET NOT SCANNING NOW. BUT CLASSIC MONSTER MOVIES IN GLORIOUS BLACK & WHITE SUPER 8 IS THE THING THAT REALLY CAUGHT MY EYE. HOME VIDEO IN 1979 IS WILD. CARRADINE'S DRACULA. CHANEY'S MUMMY. HAMMER'S FRANKENSTEIN. GODZILLA! TWO GHIDRAHS!! A MOVIE ABOUT KILLER SNAILS! YA COULDN'T JUST PULL UP ALL THESE FILMS ON YOUTUBE WAY BACK IN THE DAY YOU NEED A PROJECTOR. THE THING I WANT THE MOST IS THAT PSYCHO SCRIPT AND PHOTO BOOK. THIS IS HOW YOU HAD TO RELIVE MOVIES BACK IN THE DARK AGES, BY READING IT IN A PICTURE BOOK. UNLIKE ALL THE MOVIES YOU CAN'T FIND THIS BOOK JUST BY GOOGLING IT

NATIONAL LAMPOON JUNE 1972 - THE SCIENCE FICTION ISSUE

SO THE ORIGINAL PLAN FOR THIS ONE WAS TO USE A HEAVY METAL ISSUE FROM THE LATE 70S-EARLY 80S BUT I COULD ONLY FIND ONE AND THAT BARELY HAD ANY ADS. LUCKILY I WAS ABLE TO PIVOT TO A PARODY OF HEAVY METAL THAT WAS SOMEHOW CREATED FIVE YEARS BEFORE IT DEBUTED IN THE STATES. BECK BEFORE IT WAS A BRAND NAME FOR MEDIOCRE-TO-TERRIBLE EDGY COMEDY FILMS IT WAS A BRAND NAME FOR A MEDIOCRE-TO-TERRIBLE EDGY COMEDY MAGAZINE. IT HAD BOOBS THO AND SOME DECENT COMICS BUT AS A WHOLE IT AGED AS WELL AS EDGY HUMOR FROM THE 70S COULD BE EXPECTED TO AGE. DOES THE FRAZETTA COVER PARODY EVEN REGISTER AS PARODY NOWADAYS? WAIT, HOLY SHIT, THAT IS A FRANK FRAZETTA COVER. BUT HONESTLY THE DEEPLY DISTURBING GAHAN WILSON ARTICLE IN THIS WORTH THE PRICE OF ADMISSION. RIP GAHAN YOU WONDERFUL TWISTED BASTARD. THE OTHER REASON I BOTHERED TO SCAN THIS ONE WAS FOR THIS UBIQUITOUS 70S AD

GOOD OL' COLUMBIA HOUSE RECORD CLUB. ONE OF MY FAVORITE GAMES WHEN I WAS A KID WAS TO FIND ONE OF THESE ADS IN A MAGAZINE AND PICK OUT WHICH RECORDS I WOULD BUY

SO I'M GONNA DO JUST THAT RIGHT NOW

NUMBER ONE DRAFT PICK IS OBVIOUSLY 208363 BLACK SABBATH - MASTER OF REALITY. GOTTA HAVE MY SABBATH
SECOND PICK IS 164152 JOHNNY CASH - LIVE AT FOLSOM PRISON
GOTTA GO WITH 210237 SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE - THERE'S A RIOT GOIN' ON
NEXT 210153 JIMI HENDRIX - RAINBOW BRIDGE
CAN'T GO WRONG WITH 209940 QUINCY JONES - SMACKWATER JACK

AFTER THIS IT GETS COMPLICATED SINCE MOST OF THE OTHER NO-BRAINERS I ALREADY HAVE ON VINYL. ZEPPELIN 4, SANTANA - ABRAXAS, THE BEST OF BILL COSBY (DON'T WANNA HEAR IT) AND SWITCHED-ON BACH. NOT GONNA GET ALBUMS I ALREADY HAVE BUT I DO HAVE AN ALTERNATE MOOG ALBUM:

207662 EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR ON THE MOOG* BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK FOR - DUMB TITLE BUT MOOOOOOOOOOG
SINCE I'M A CERTIFIED CHEAPSKATE I HAVE TO GET ONE OF THE TWO RECORD SETS THAT COUNT AS ONE SELECTION, BUT WHICH ONE? YOU'RE ALL GOING TO YELL AT ME, BUT I'M GOING WITH 209726 CHICAGO - AT CARNEGIE HALL. YEP, NO DYLAN FOR ME. PICK YOUR OWN RECORDS

HALFWAY THROUGH AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THE SELECTIONS I SEE SOMETHING NEW. THIS IS GOING TO BE DIFFICULT AND I'M SURE I'LL MISS SOMETHING GOOD. JUST GOING TO DO THIS AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE AND NOT THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH

191817 SERGIO MENDES & BRASIL '66 - GREATEST HITS FOR SOME LATIN JAZZ
210997 THE DOORS - L.A. WOMAN - EH WHY NOT
198911 CAT STEVENS - TEA FOR THE TILLERMAN - HAD TO CHOOSE ONE OF 'EM
210179 ARETHA FRANKLIN'S GREATEST HITS - SAME
198986 JANIS JOPLIN - PEARL - DID YOU EXPECT CAROLE KING
189647 THE BEST OF RAMSEY LEWIS - I WANNA HEAR THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF DANCING IN THE STREET
200469 HANK WILLIAMS' GREATEST HITS - FUUUUCKKKK ITTTTTT

OK THERE'S MY SELECTIONS FOR A MEASLY $2.86. PLUS 10 MORE ALBUMS IN THE NEXT TWO YEARS FOR 6 BUCKS EACH. ALBUMS FROM 1973 AND 74. POP ALBUMS FROM 1973 AND 74. OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE

YOU KNOW WHAT, SCREW IT. I'LL JUST BUY THIS RECORD INSTEAD

ON THE FOURTH DAY OF AD-MAS

OH NOES POLITICAL POSTS

AT CHRISTMAS

I'M A FUCKING MONSTER

MAD MAGAZINE #498 FEBRUARY 2009

THIS IS HOW EVERYONE ALIVE HAS LOOKED 24-7-365 SINCE OBAMA LEFT OFFICE. CAN'T BELIEVE I'M NOSTALGIC FOR THAT GOLDEN YEAR OF 2009 BUT HERE WE ARE. I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS THE LAST MAD MAGAZINE I BOUGHT AT A STORE SO IF YOU WANT TO BLAME SOMEONE FOR THEM CEASING PUBLICATION BLAME ME. WHILE I LOVE MAD MAGAZINE THE MORE RECENT ISSUES ARE IN COLOR AND HAVE ADVERTISING WHICH IS VERY JARRING TO ME. I'M A FILTHY MAD MAGAZINE HIPSTER. OH, YOUR MAGAZINE HAS MONROE IN GLOSSY FULL COLOR? CAN'T MATCH THE HIGH FIDELITY OF DAVE BERG IN BLACK & WHITE ON NEWSPRINT. I WISH I'D STUCK WITH IT THOUGH BECAUSE FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD THEY WERE REALLY KNOCKING IT OUT OF THE PARK ESPECIALLY RECENTLY. HONESTLY THE ADVERTISEMENTS WERE PRETTY INNOCUOUS, FEATURING VIDEO GAMES, DUNGEONS & DRAGONS, SHONEN JUMP(!!) AND A LARGE AMOUNT OF MAD MERCHANDISE, THERE WAS ALSO... THIS... UH, THING

THE MORE I LOOK AT THIS THE MORE I'M CONVINCED THIS IS AN EXTREMELY SUBTLE EXAMPLE OF ONE OF MAD'S CLASSIC PARODY ADS. I MEAN THIS IS THE MAGAZINE THAT DID STUFF LIKE THIS AND THERE'S SOME SERIOUS FAKE AD ENERGY HERE. BUT WRECKING BALM IS A REAL PRODUCT! YOU CAN GET IT AT AMAZON AND WAL-MART! THIS SHIT BREAKS MY MIND. I REALLY HOPE WHOEVER DESIGNED THIS AD KNEW IT WAS GOING INTO MAD MAGAZINE AND LEANED INTO THE SLIGHTLY OFF FAKE AD AESTHETIC ON PURPOSE JUST TO FUCK WITH PEOPLE

I MENTIONED THIS BEFORE BUT DON'T CALL ANY OF THESE PHONE NUMBERS. I'M TOO LAZY TO MSPAINT THEM OUT AND LORD ONLY KNOW WHO WILL ANSWER THE PHONE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. IF YOU WANNA SEND COUPONS FROM THE 70S AND 50 CENTS FOR POSTAGE TO PO BOXES THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS

FUCK IT, I NEED A VINTAGE MAD AD AS A PALATE CLEANSER. FROM THE JANUARY '82 ISSUE WITH INDIANA JONES ON THE COVER. VERY APPROPRIATE FOR THE SEASON

ON THE THIRD DAY OF AD-MAS

MAXED OUT THE DINERS CLUB CARD ORDERING SERIAL NUMBERED BATMOBILES SO YOU GOTTA FILL OUT THE REST OF THE CHRISTMAS LIST WITH FREEBIES. THANKFULLY I FOUND A COMIC PACKED FULL OF FREE CRAP FOR BROKE-ASS CHEAPSKATES

BILLY THE KID #116 FEBRUARY 1976

FUCJK YEAH CHARLTON COMICS. NORMALLY I AM NOT A FAN OF WESTERN COMICS OR WESTERNS IN GENERAL. WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID I WAS BIG INTO PLAYING COWBOYS AND INDIANS (MOST LIKELY INFLUENCED BY DENNIS THE MENACE COMICS THAT USED THE TROPE CONSTANTLY) AND HAD A LEATHER COWBOY HAT AND TOY GUN AND EVERYTHING. ONE DAY I INSISTED I WATCH ONE OF MY GRANDFATHER'S WESTERNS ON TV WITH HIM AND THE COWBOYS STARTED SHOOTING THE INDIANS AND I WAS ALL WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT I THOUGHT THE COWBOYS AND INDIANS WERE FRIENDS*** AND PRETTY MUCH RAGEQUIT ALL THINGS WESTERN AFTER THAT. I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT THE COVER. IT LOOKS AMAZING BUT THAT HORSE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THOSE TWO IDIOTS' BULLSHIT

THAT BEING SAID I FOUND THIS COMIC AT THE FLEA MARKET FOR COVER PRICE AND COULDN'T PASS IT UP. CHARLTON IS REALLY GOOD FOR SOME BATSHIT CRAZY ADS AS WELL

100 FREE DECALS FOR 50 CENTS

HERE'S A GOOD SUMMARY OF MOST OF THE FREE CRAP YOU CAN GET FROM A COMIC BOOK. YOU GET A *FREE MODERATELY COOL ITEM IN EXCHANGE FOR *POSTAGE AND HANDLING CHARGES, RECEIVING A CATALOG WITH MORE GARBAGE YOU CAN BUY FROM THEM, AND YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS ON FILE THAT THEY CAN SELL TO OTHER MARKETERS SO THEY CAN PROFIT OFF YOU EVEN IF YOU SON'T EVENTUALLY BUY SOMETHING. SEEING HOW THESE DECALS ARE ALSO FILLED WITH PEACE LOVE KISSING AND OTHER HIPPIE CRAP I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS GOT FORWARDED TO THE FBI AS WELL TO PLACE IN THEIR 'POTENTIAL DEVIANTS' WALL OF FILING CABINETS

6 FREE PATCHES FOR 50 CENTS

THESE SUPER VALUE GUYS REALLY WANT YOU TO GET THEIR CATALOG. NO PICTURE ON THIS AD BUT THESE DESIGN DESCRIPTIONS ARE FOUND ALL OVER OTHER ADS FOR T-SHIRTS, POSTERS AND SUCH. I'D PROBABLY BE SUCKERED INTO BUYING THE PATCHES OVER THE DECALS SIMPLY FOR THE CHANGE TO GET A BOOTLEG CRUMB KEEP ON TRUCKIN' PATCH TO IRON ONTO MY JEAN JACKET. ALSO LIKE THE DECAL OFFER, YOU CAN DOUBLE YOUR ORDER FOR ONLY A QUARTER MORE BUT NO COMBINING DECALS AND PATCHES SINCE THEY'RE DIFFERENT DEPARTMENTS

FREE INSTRUCTIONS FOR HOW TO GET SCAMMED FOR THE PRICE OF A STAMP

HERE YOU CAN GET A FREE PAMPHLET ON HOW TO WRITE SONGS AND HELPFULLY ENOUGH A RECORDING STUDIO THAT DESPERATELY WANTS TO EXAMINE YOUR SONGS FOR FREE. HERE'S A GREAT ARTICLE THAT EXPLAINS THE WORKINGS OF THE SCAM AND HONESTLY THE WHOLE SITE IS KINDA FASCINATING. AS A FILTHY HIPSTER MUSIC SNOB THE IDEA OF FINDING A RECORD THAT LITERALLY NO ONE HAS HEARD OUTSIDE OF THE COMPOSER AND MAYBE THEIR ANNOYED FAMILY. UNLIKE MOST OF THE OTHER FREE* STUFF THESE GRIFTERS ARE PERFECTLY HAPPY TO FOOT THE POSTAGE BILL THEMSELVES

88 FREE MINI POSTERS FOR 50 CENTS

THE SUPER VALUE TRIFECTA. MINI VERSIONS OF POPULAR POSTERS. WELL POPULAR HIPPIE POSTERS I SUPPOSE. THESE DUDES SELL JEWELRY, INCENSE, RECORDS AND CANDLES SO I GUESS THEY ARE LASER FOCUSED ON THEIR DEMOGRAPHIC. I WISH THESE CATALOGS WEREN'T SO HOPELESSLY EPHEMERAL, I'D LOVE TO FLIP THROUGH ONE TO SEE ALL THE COOL OLD SHIT. I ALSO WONDER HOW MINI THESE MINI POSTERS ARE. KINDA THINKING THEY ARE PROBABLY POSTAGE STAMP SIZED

FREE COIN GRAB BAG FOR $2.98-$4.98 PLUS SHIPPING

THIS ONE'S EVEN MORE BULLSHITTY THAN THE ACTUAL SCAM. PUT FREE IN ITALICS AND THEN CHARGE MONEY FOR THE DAMN THING. EVEN THE STUPID CATALOG COSTS 50 CENTS IF YOU DON'T BUY ANYTHING. THAT BEING SAID I LOVE OLD-ASS COINS AND OBVIOUSLY I GOTTA GET THE SUPER-SIZE BAG FOR $5.48. I'D BUY 4 AND GET ONE FREE! IF I WASN'T BROKE ASS BROKE. THANKFULLY THE PRINTING IS SO ROTTEN ON THIS AD THE ADDRESS IS ALMOST UNREADABLE

NOT FREE MINIATURE DRAGONS FOR THREE BUCKS

OK SO THIS ONE IS 1) NOT FUCKING FREE AND 2) A TERRIBLE IDEA

BUT MINIATURE CHIBI DRAGON FRIEND

FOR REALS, ORDERING LIVE ANIMALS THROUGH MAIL ORDER FROM A COMIC BOOK IS A HORRIBLE AWFUL JUST PLAIN BAD IDEA BUT THE SIREN SONG OF HAVING MY OWN PERSONAL MONSTER IS SERIOUSLY CLOUDING ALL MY JUDGEMENT RIGHT NOW

I MEAN IT'S PROBABLY A SICKLY AXOLOTL BUT I CAN DREAM OF TEENSY DRAGONS

FREE RECORDS FOR A DOLLAR PLUS POSSIBLE EMPLOYMENT?

I MEAN, THIS HAS TO BE ANOTHER SCAM, DOESN'T IT? UNFORTUNATELY NATIONAL RECORD REVIEWERS IS PRETTY MUCH UNGOOGLABLE DUE TO THE DUAL MEANING OF RECORDS SO I CAN'T FIND ANY INFORMATION ON THIS. CAN'T FIGURE OUT THE CON THOUGH, THEY SEND YOU RECORDS FOR YOU TO REVIEW AND THEN ??? PROFIT? MAYBE THEY END UP CHARGING YOU FOR THE RECORDS SOMEHOW. MAYBE YOU END UP IN SOME EXPLOITATIVE EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT. MAYBE IT'S A WAY FOR RECORD COMPANIES TO GET RID OF A BUNCH OF SHITTY UNSOLD COUNTRY ALBUMS AND WRITE IT OFF AS A BUSINESS EXPENSE. WHATEVER IT IS I DON'T TRUST IT

FREE POWERFUL MUSCLES FOR A DIME

ANOTHER UNREADABLE AD. TELL ME THAT PO BOX NUMBER, I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU. AT LEAST THIS ONE AIN'T THAT EXPENSIVE. TEN CENTS FOR THEM TO SEND YOU A BROCHURE THAT TELLS YOU TO DO EXERCISES IS ONE OF THE BETTER VALUES IN THIS COMIC

FREE RARE STAMP FOR A DIME

THIS SCAM I KNOW. THEY SEND YOU A 'FREE' STAMP AND ALSO A BUNCH MORE ON 'APPROVAL' AND THE ONLY KIND OF PERSON WHO FALLS FOR THIS IS ALREADY A DEGENERATE COLLECTOR SO THEY KEEP THE NON-FREE STUFF AND GET GUILTED INTO PAYING FOR IT AND BUYING MORE STUFF. HAPPENED TO ME WITH A 'FREE' INDIAN HEAD PENNY SENT WHEN I WAS ABOUT 11. I WAS A TERRIBLE LITTLE SHIT THOUGH AND KEPT EVERYTHING AND DIDN'T PAY. DUE TO COLLECTORS BEING RIDICULOUS HOARDERS IT LOOKS LIKE SOME OF THESE PAMPHLETS SURVIVED!

FREE FIGHTING SECRETS FOR 25 CENTS

CONSIDERING THERE ARE MANY OTHER KARATE AND MARTIAL ARTS BOOKLETS ADVERTISED IN COMICS THAT COST FIVE DOLLARS OR EVEN MORE GETTING A FREE* BROCHURE WITH MURDER TIPS FOR ONLY A QUARTER AIN'T SUCH A BAD DEAL REALLY

OH GOD WE JUST SPENT ABOUT TWELVE BUCKS ON A BUNCH OF TRASH AND A DRAGON WHEN WE WERE ALREADY BROKE. MAYBE THIS CAN HELP

FREE TRAINING SERVICE FOR THE PRICE OF A STAMP

GET CAREER TRAINING IN LAW ENFORCEMENT OR BROADCASTING. COLUMBIA SCHOOL OF BROADCASTING I'VE HEARD OF, NOT SURE ABOUT THE NATIONAL TRAINING COLLEGE. THE LAW ENFORCEMENT INDUSTRY IS BOOMING RIGHT NOW, BROADCASTING NOT SO MUCH. GOTTA PAY FOR HIPPIE PATCHES AND DECALS SOMEHOW THOUGH, TIME TO GET STUDYING

*** PARAPHRASED

ON THE SECOND DAY OF AD-MAS

IT'S THE SECOND DAY OF AD-MAS AND YOU HAVEN'T BOUGHT ANY PRESENTS YOU LAZY OAF! THAT'S NO PROBLEM, COMICS TO THE RESCUE! HERE'S SOME WONDERFUL SHOPPING IDEAS FOR EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST!

ARCHIE MEETS BATMAN '66 #2 OCTOBER 2018

ARCHIE?? THAT ARCHIE??? YES, SOMEHOW ARCHIE IS NOW HIP AND COOL BUT YOU ALL WATCH RIVERDALE RELIGIOUSLY AND KNOW THAT ALREADY. THIS SERIES IS A CROSSOVER WITH THE BATMAN 66 SERIES WHICH WORKS SURPRISINGLY WELL??? REGGIE BECOMES THE RIDDLER'S PROTEGE WHICH SEEMS OBVIOUS WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT. THE ARTIST EVEN PUTS IN CESAR ROMERO'S LITTLE JOKER MUSTACHE SO I ENDORSE THIS COMIC WHOLEHEARTEDLY. THANKS TO @GROGG ON TWITTER FOR SENDING THIS TO ME AFTER SPRING CLEANING

MODERN COMICS (AT LEAST THE ONES I READ) ALMOST NEVER HAVE COOL WEIRD ADS IN THEM AS THEY ARE ALWAYS ADVERTISING THE PUBLISHER'S OTHER COMICS OR PROPERTIES BUT ARCHIE CAME THROUGH BIG TIME FOR ME

NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS ACTION FIGURES! WHAT CHILD WOULDN'T WANT TO FIND THESE UNDER THE TREE ON CHRISTMAS MORNING. A HALLOWEEN EASTER BUNNY ON CHRISTMAS CHECKS THE BOX FOR A GOOD THIRD OF THE MAJOR HOLIDAYS. THERE'S ALSO AT LEAST FOUR MORE SERIES OF THESE THINGS SO GET ON EBAY AND COLLECT THEM ALL

MYSTERYMAN COMICS #3 SEPTEMBER 1999

I LOVE FLAMING CARROT AND SOMEHOW THE MYSTERYMEN SIDE CHARACTERS FROM FLAMING CARROT GOT A MOVIE DEAL AND IT WAS REALLY GOOFY AND AWESOME BUT IT FLOPPED BECAUSE COMIC BOOK MOVIES WERE FOR NERRRRRRRRRDS IN 1999 BUT THESE COMICS CAME OUT AS A TIE IN TO THE MOVIE AND THIS COMIC FOCUSES ON SCREWBALL WHO IS MY FAVORITE MYSTERY MAN AND I LOVE THIS COMIC EVEN THOUGH POOR SCREWBALL'S BRAND NEW COTTON DOCKERS GET RUINED BY EVIL GONDOLIERS

OH YEAH ADS

AUSTIN POWERS SHOTGLASSES FOR ALL THE SOPHISTICATED BOOZERS IN YOUR LIFE. GOOFY COMIC BOOK MOVIES WERE BAD IN 1999 BUT GOOFY JAMES BOND PARODIES WERE VERY GOOD. THANKFULLY IN 2019 JAMES BOND HAS RECAPTURED THE STATUS OF BEING ITS OWN PARODY AND GOOFY COMIC BOOK MOVIES ARE COMPLETELY INESCAPABLY MAINSTREAM AND ARE VERY SERIOUS CINEMA ACTUALLY

MAKES ME WANT TO POUR A SHOT OF BOURBON INTO THE SURPRISE NEW CHARACTER GLASS, DOWN THE REST OF THE BOTTLE AND WATCH A 4 HOUR SCORSESE MOVIE

SWAMP THING #103 JANUARY 1991

SWAMP THING! I LOVE SWAMP THING. BIG SHAMBLING VEGETABLE MAN BEING A DO-GOODER WAY OUT IN THE WILDERNESS WHERE HE CAN'T ACTUALLY AFFECT MODERN INDUSTRY'S INSATIABLE DESIRE TO BURN DOWN THE WHOLE WORLD IN ORDER TO SQUEEZE OUT THAT LAST NICKEL OF PROFIT. THIS COVER IS A BIT DECEPTIVE BECAUSE THERE IS NO KISSYFACE IN THE BOOK, JUST A DUDE WITH A TREE FOR A HEAD CHASING ABIGAIL WHILE SWAMPY IS CAPTURED BY UHH... A FUNGUS THING? I'VE READ IT THREE TIMES AND AM STILL NOT SURE

PRE-CHRISTMAS OFFER!!!!! RADIO CONTROLLED ELECTRIC BATMOBILE! IT'S LIKE A TINY TESLA FOR ANT SUPERHEROES! SERIAL NUMBERED FOR COLLECTORS! QUARTER MILE RANGE!! RUGGED ALUMINUM RACING CHASSIS!!! 1/10 SCALE FOR VERY LARGE ANTS!!!! OFFICIALLY LICENCED AND NOT A BOOTLEG AT ALL!!!!! FULLY ASSEMBLED*** BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU'RE A KLUTZ!!!!!! SEMI! GLOSS! FRONT! AND! REAR! SUSPENSION! RUNS! ON! SUPERHERO! BATTERY PACK! JUST LIKE BATMAN'S UTILITY BELT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GET OUT YOUR CARTE BLANCHE CARD GET ON THAT TELEPHONE AND CALL TODAY TO RECEIVE YOUR MATBOMILE IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T ACTUALLY CALL THAT NUMBER THO IT'S PROBABLY A SEX LINE BY NOW

*** batteries and charger not included headlights and taillights sold separately no you don't get the girl either what's wrong with you

ON THE FIRST DAY OF AD-MAS

YAAAAAAAH IT'S THE CHRISTMAS THING I START AND HAVE TROUBLE COMPLETING EVERY YEAR EXCEPT FOR THE YEARS I'M LAZY AND DON'T DO ANYTHING

WAS GOING TO DO THE OPENING PACKS THING AGAIN LIKE LAST YEAR BUT I CAN'T AFFORD NEW PACKS AND THE ONES I HAVE ARE BORING SO PIVOTED TO MY CURRENT OBSESSION: OLD-ASS COMIC BOOK ADS. CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT THE ADVERTISING NOWADAYS AND I CAN MAIL THIS IN IF THE HOLIDAYS KICK MY ASS LIKE THEY DO EVERY YEAR

AND NOW FOR THE HOLIDAY JOLLY CHEERS! LET'S START WITH PURE PANDERING TO MY AUDIENCE

TRANSFORMERS #7 AUGUST 1986

THIS COMIC JUST APPEARED IN MY HOUSE ONE DAY AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW. I GUESS I BOUGHT IT WHEN I WAS A KID BUT I HAVE NO MEMORY OF IT AT ALL?? IT'S NONSENSE ABOUT RATCHET BUSTING INTO SOME KIDS CAMPING AND COOKING HOT DOGS AND OPTIMUS PRIME IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND SHOCKWAVE AND MEGETRON ARE FIGHTING AND THINGS HAPPEN??? I DON'T EVEN KNOW. LET'S START OFF THE HOLIDAY SEASON WITH A BLOG APPROPRIATE AD

BASEBALL AD. QUIK BUNNY CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO HIS HERO BUGS BUT BRIBE HIM WITH CHOCOLATE-LIKE FOOD SUBSTITUTE POWDER AND HE'LL FINALLY GET HIS ASS IN GEAR. YOU KNOW SOME POOR SCHLUB IN LOW-A BALL IS GONNA END UP GETTING AN 80-GAME SUSPENSION FOR TESTING POSITIVE FOR NESTLE QUIK IN VIOLATION OF MLB'S JOINT DRUG PREVENTION AND TREATMENT PROGRAM. QUIK BUNNY DON'T CARE. SLURP!

ALMOST FORGOT THE CHRISTMAS TREE

CARD SHOW - ONE DOLLA HOLLA

MOAR CARD SHOW STUFF. HERE'S ALL THE CARDS I PICKED UP FOR A BUCK APIECE EXCEPT FOR ONE WHAT I'M SAVING FOR SOMETHING ELSE. IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE TWO CARDS I GOT FOR 75 CENTS EACH YOU'LL HAVE TO DIG THRU MY TWITTER FEED. I SAID I'D SHOW EVERYTHING, I DIDN'T SAY I'D SHOW IT HERE

1956 TOPPS GENE STEPHENS AND JACK CRIMIAN

WILL BUY JUST ABOUT ANY TOPPS CARDS FROM 1951-1956 FOR A BUCK OR LESS. THIS CHEAPSKATERY IS WHY I NEED LESS THEN 250 CARDS FOR THE COMPLETE RUN OF TOPPS FOR 1953-1956 BUT WHY I WILL NEVER COME CLOSE TO COMPLETING ANY OF THEM. HERE'S TWO MORE FOR THE '56 SET

EUGENE AND MELVIN. BOTH HIGH NUMBERS TOO! WHICH MEANS NOTHING IN 1956. THESE JUST HAPPENED TO BE THE ONLY TWO DOLLA '56S I NEEDED BUT I GOT AN UNEXPECTED SURPRISE:

JOY OF A COMPLETED PAGE AWWWW YEAH
THE JOE ADCOCK IS A COLOR PHOTOCOPY OF THE CARD IN MY BRAVES BINDER BUT IT FUCKIN' COUNTS

1974 KELLOGG'S NOLAN RYAN

IT AIN'T A TRULY VINTAGE KELLOGG'S CARD IF THERE ISN'T A MASSIVE NETWORK OF CRACKS IN THE PLASTIC RESEMBLING THE SUBWAY SYSTEM OF A MAJOR METROPOLITAN AREA. THAT NOLAN'S ALL CRACKED UP IS JUST A BONUS

AHH CALIFORNIA, WHERE NOLAN ACTUALLY GOT GOOD. I FEEL BAD SNARKING ON A TRULY ANCIENT KELLOGGS CARD BUT IT KINDA BURNS MY ASS THAT I CAN FIND THIS FOR A BUCK AND THE BEST PRICE I CAN FIND IRL FOR THE LAST GODDAMN CARD I NEED FOR MY 1980 TOPPS SET IS 6 BUCKS FOR A DAMAGED CARD BECAUSE IT'S GODDAMN FUCKIN' NOLAN

AND DON'T YOU DARE SEND IT TO ME, I WILL FIND THIS CARD AT A REASONABLE PRICE MYSELF IF MY FAMILY HAS TO DRAG MY DEATHBED TO A CARD SHOW

1968 TOPPS NL HOME RUN LEADERS

I ALREADY HAVE THIS CARD IN MY TEAM BINDER BUT THREE HALL OF FAMERS AND JIM WYNN WHO IS AWESOME FOR A BUCK??? I MEAN C'MON. THIS WAS THE LONE VINTAGE CARD IN A BOX FULL OF NEWER STARS AND HITS SO I HAD TO RESCUE IT

LOOK AT THE LIST OF DUDES WHO DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THE FRONT OF THE CARD: BILLY WILLIAMS, TONY PEREZ, ORLANDO CEPEDA, DICK ALLEN, ERNIE BANKS, CLEMENTE! MAYS! STARGELL! CHIPPER JONES!

1969 NABISCO TEAM FLAKES DICK ALLEN

I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL THIS WAS WHEN I SAW IT BUT I EVENTUALLY FIGURED IT OUT AND WAS PLEASED WITH THE FIND. VINTAGE DICK ALLEN CARDS ESPECIALLY OF UNCOMMON ODDBALL FOOD SETS ARE ALWAYS A GOOD THING

THE BACK. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FROM SOMETHING THAT WAS LITERALLY PRINTED ON A CEREAL BOX

1971-72 TOPPS SPENCER HAYWOOD ROOKIE CARD

THIS IS WHY I LOVE VINTAGE BASKETBALL, NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE DOING WHEN THEY SELL 'EM. OK SO THERE'S A WEIRD DOT ON THE FRONT AND IT'S A MILLIMETER AWAY FROM BEING CATASTROPHICALLY MISCUT BUT IT'S STILL A SPENCER HAYWOOD ROOKIE CARD! FOR A BUCK!

OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, ABA MVP AND ROOKIE OF THE YEAR, FIVE TIME ALL STAR, HALL OF FAMER. FOR A BUCK. ALSO MARRIED TO IMAN AT ONE POINT. BUT IT AIN'T JORDAN SO IT'S A COMMON. I WISH THERE WAS A 70-71 ABA CARD FOR HIM THOUGH THAT WOULD BE COOL AS HELL

CARD SHOW STUFF - TWENTY-FIVE QUARTER CARDS

SO I ASKED IF ANYONE WANTED TO SEE ANY OF THE STUFF I GOT AT THE CARD SHOW AND ONE WISE GUY SAID EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING YOU SAY? YOU WANNA SEE EVERYTHING? WELL HERE YA GO BUDDY YOU WANT EVERYTHING YOU GET




E̴̡̧͙̼̼̲͔͔͚̗͖̪̜͑̅̒̈́͜͜͝ ̸̭̱͖̳̭͔̮̺̦̑͗́̀̈̀͐̅͘͝͝ͅV̶̢̯̙̳̙̅̈́͊͒̃̑̓ ̷͎̖̭̯̤̂̌͛̈́͌͊͛̆͘͠͠Ȩ̷̡̢̝̺̤̩͓̬̭̖̭͊̌̈͑͗̅̊̈́͜ͅ ̵̼̞̪̓̍͋̽̽̃̽̅̓̚R̶̻͇̠̬̰͓̣̿͂̕ ̴̣̗͍̩͍͍̘̟̖̂͆̓͌̿̓̈̀̿̈́͂͛̒̒̚Ý̴̧̛̤͇̼̱͈̼͖͚͚̅͘ ̷̼̘̣͙̳̦̙́̾̽̀̐̄͛̏͋͊̀̂̕T̴̢̢̮͙̰͚̀̅͂͛͗́͝ ̸̧̲̻̟̝͙̺͌̂̈́̉̓̽̄̀͘Ḫ̶̡̨̨͙̣̳̠͚͕̣̝̲̞̈́̔̀̎͊̏̊́̐͂̑̈́͊̏̕͜ ̷̰͔̀̅̌̑͂̂͑͋͒̎̆͗I̴̬̠̣̬͉͙͔̗̙̝̼͉͕̹͗̀̌̓̋͂̈͜͝ ̷͕̻̖̪͉̻̮̇́̽N̴͉̜̓͛͝ ̷̛̳̯̅͗͛̑́̊̃̅̋͆͌̽͠G̴̛͖͔̫̭͇̞͍̺̠̃̾̊̅̎̍̄͂̂̾̇̋͘͝




LETS START WITH 70% OF THE PICKUPS IN ONE POST WITH ALL THE QUARTER CARDS I PICKED UP WHICH DIDN'T ACTUALLY COST 25 CENTS EACH DUE TO 5 FOR A BUCK AND DISCOUNTS AND SUCH. SORTED BY AGE BECAUSE WHY NOT

1957 TOPPS CHARLEY CONERLY 

I DON'T REALLY FOCUS ON FOOTBALL CARDS ANYMORE BUT ANY PRE-AFL-NFL MERGER CARD FOR A QUARTER IS NOT SOMETHING I WILL LEAVE BEHIND AT A CARD SHOW. THE '57 TOPPS FOOTBALL DESIGN IS DELIGHTFULLY WEIRD AND COLORFUL UNLIKE THE BASEBALL SET. THE PREVIOUS OWNER WROTE CHARLEY'S UNI NUMBER ON THE CARD, SCRATCHED IT OUT AND WROTE IT AGAIN FOR SOME REASON. THIS IMPROVES THE DESIGN IN MY OPINION

1958 TOPPS TOBIN ROTE

1958 TOPPS FOOTBALL, AKA THE BETA VERSION OF 1959 TOPPS BASEBALL. NOT SURE IF I LIKE THE OVAL OR CIRCLE BETTER. THIS TIME THE KID SCRIBBLED THE WRONG UNI NUMBER  ON THE FRONT, A CHOICE WHICH BEWILDERS ME

1960 TOPPS LEO NOMINELLI

73. WRITTEN BOLDLY AND NOT SCRIBBLED OUT. THE KID GOT THEIR ACT TOGETHER OVER THE PREVIOUS TWO YEARS. 1960 TOPPS IS THE VINTAGE SET I HAVE THE BEST CHANCE TO COMPLETE DUE TO ACCUMULATING A LARGE NUMBER AS A YOUTH AND A LACK OF SUPERSTAR ROOKIES BUT I'LL NEVER FINISH IT BECAUSE I NEVER SEE THEM

1960 TOPPS BILLY GOODMAN

MY FAVORITE VINTAGE SELLER HAD A STACK OF '60 COMMONS FOR A QUARTER EACH AND I WAS ABLE TO SNAG TEN FOR MY SET. BILLY WAS THE ONLY ONE FROM THE FIRST SERIES I NEEDED

1960 TOPPS DAN DOBBEK

SPORT MAGAZINE ROOKIES AWWW YEAH. I'LL NEVER GET MY HANDS ON THE YAZ BUT DON DOBBEK IS ALL MINE. DON GOT A SPORTING NEWS ROOKIE STARTS CARD IN '61 AS WELL AND IS ONE OF THE ORIGINAL MINNESOTA TWINS

1960 TOPPS RONNIE HANSEN

THE 1960 AL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR WITH JUST A LIL BIT OF GUNK ON THE FRONT. RONNIE HAD A NICE 15 YEAR CAREER IN THE BIGS WITH A COUPLE ALL STAR APPEARANCES

1960 TOPPS ED HOBAUGH

LOTS OF WHITE SOX IN THIS POST, BUT ED NEVER PITCHED A GAME FOR THEM AS WASHINGTON SNAGGED HIM IN THE EXPANSION DRAFT. WHY THE HECK DID WASHINGTON GET AN EXPANSION TEAM IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE ORIGINAL SENATORS BOLTED FOR MINNESOTA ANYWAY

1960 TOPPS JAKE STRIKER

 JAKE STRIKER SOUNDS LIKE THE LEAD IN A '50S ALIEN INVASION FILM. JAKE! THE GIANT CICADAS ARE EATING CITY HALL! WE HAVE TO USE NUCLEAR FORCE!

1960 TOPPS JOHNNY KUCKS

JOHNNY KUCKS SOUNDS LIKE THE RIVAL SCIENTIST THAT CAUSES THE ALIEN PANIC IN THAT MOVIE. KANSAS CITY A'S THO AND CHECK OUT THAT KICKASS ELEPHANT LOGO

1960 TOPPS DICK DONOVAN

GENERAL DICK DONOVAN LEADS THE TANKS INTO BATTLE AGAINST THE CICADAS BUT NOTHING HAPPENS BECAUSE THEY ARE ACTUAL BUGS ON A BLUESCREEN. MAN THAT OLD SKOOL WHITE SOX CAP IS FUCKIN' AMAZING I WANT ONE

1960 TOPPS RON BLACKBURN

RON LOOKS MORE LIKE COMIC RELIEF. 50-50 CHANGE HE GETS EATEN BY RADIOACTIVE BUGS

1960 TOPPS JOE SHIPLEY

 I'M FASCINATED BY THE STANDS BEHIND JOE HERE. IS THIS SEALS STADIUM OR CANDLESTICK? I'M NO GOOD AT IDENTIFYING OLD STADIUMS OTHER THAN PICKING OUT THE UBIQUITOUS YANKEE STADIUM FACADE

1960 TOPPS KEN McBRIDE

lower case text alert. I'VE ALREADY MENTIONED THE KICKASS HAT NOW LET'S LOOK AT THAT SWEET WINGED SOCK LOGO. BRING THAT SHIT BACK CHICAGO

1960 TOPPS BOB LILLIS

ANOTHER ROOKIE CARD I THINK. I WAS ALMOST CERTAIN I ALREADY HAD THIS CARD BUT I THINK THAT'S BECAUSE THE SAME PICTURE WAS USED ON HIS '61 TOPPS STAR ROOKIE CARD. WE'LL FIND OUT WHEN I GET AROUND TO PUTTING THESE IN THE BINDER

1960 TOPPS DON HOAK

A GLORIOUS MISCUT CARD. I WONDER WHO THAT IS OVER ON THE RIGHT. MY MAIN THOUGHT ON DON HOAK IS THAT BIT IN CITY SLICKERS WHEN DONNA SLATER IS LIKE WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHO PLAYED THIRD BASE FOR THE PIRATES IN 1960 AND EVERYONE SAYS 'DON HOAK' IN UNISON. I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE WITH MY FAMILY ONCE AND THEY WERE ALL 'YOU KNEW THE ANSWER RIGHT' AND I THOUGHT 'HELL NO, I WASN'T EVEN ALIVE IN 1960 HOW WOULD I EVEN KNOW THAT' AND TOLD THEM OF COURSE I DID

1961 FLEER LEFTY O'DOUL

MAN, SOMEONE HAD IT OUT FOR OL' LEFTY. AT LEAST THEY USED PENCIL INSTEAD OF PEN. THE CARD IS BEAT TO SHIT BUT '61 FLEER IS ALWAYS FUN AND CHECK OUT THE COOL HAT ON LEFTY, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT

1963 TOPPS EARL AVERILL

JUNIOR, NOT THE HALL OF FAMER. STILL A NICE '63 TOPPS CARD OF A CATCHER. LOVE THAT BIG MITT

1964 TOPPS BILL MONBOUQUETTE

PRETTY GOOD PITCHER I HAD NEVER HEARD OF UNTIL I WAS DEEP IN MY 20S DUE TO NEVER RUNNING INTO ONE OF HIS CARDS AS A KID. BILL'S QUIZZICAL FACE IS TYPICAL FOR THE VERY EXPRESSIVE '64 SET

1964 TOPPS HAL SMITH

HAL SMITH LOOKS A LOT LIKE DOCTOR SMITH FROM LOST IN SPACE IN THIS PHOTO. JONATHAN HARRIS HAS WAY BETTER HAIR THOUGH

1964 TOPPS TOM HALLER

MORE CATCHER CARDS FUCK YEAH. IN THE PAST TEN YEARS OR SO I'VE BECOME OBSESSED WITH 1964 TOPPS CARDS AND IT'S PASSED '63 AND '65 IN MY SETS I WANNA FINISH RANKINGS. '64S ARE WAY EASIER TO FIND THAN THOSE TWO FOR SOME REASON SO THAT'S PROBABLY A GOOD THING

1967 TOPPS JIM PERRY

EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT GAYLORD AND HIS QUESTIONABLY LEGAL PITCH REPERTOIRE BUT JIM WAS A DAMN GOOD PITCHER IN HIS OWN RIGHT. HE'S GOT A CY YOUNG AWARD JUST LIKE HIS BROTHER

1968 TOPPS DON KESSINGER

GOLD GLOVE SHORTSTOP MOSTLY KNOWN FOR BEING MENACED BY A BLACK CAT NOWADAYS. BASEBALL AIN'T FAIR

1971-72 TOPPS JIM FOX

BOOKENDING THIS POST WITH NON-BASEBALL CARDS BECAUSE THINGS WORK OUT WEIRD SOMETIMES. THIS DESIGN REMINDS ME A LOT OF THE 69 TOPPS FOOTBALL SET WITH AN ADDED FUNKY TEAM NAME. GOTTA LOVE THE STOOPED OVER POSED PICTURES. NOT SURE IF THEY DID THIS TO TRY TO FIT THE PLAYERS ON THE CARD OR TO OBSCURE THE TEAM LOGOS

1972-73 TOPPS LEROY ELLIS

ONE OF MY FAVORITE EARLY BASKETBALL DESIGNS. IT'S HARD TO SEE BECAUSE LEROY IS SCRUNCHED OVER LIKE JIM BUT NOTE HOW TOPPS MADE HIM TURN HIS JERSEY AROUND SO YOU SAW HIS NAME ON THE BACK INSTEAD OF THE TEAM LOGO. PANINI'S NOT THE ONLY COMPANY WHAT HAD TO RESORT TO PHOTO LOGO SHENANIGANS

1973-74 TOPPS CINCY POWELL

UPON FURTHER REVIEW, THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE I HAVE THIS CARD ALREADY BUT YOU DON'T PASS UP AN ABA CARD FOR A QUARTER. IT'S WORTH 10 TIMES THE PRICE FOR THE RED WHITE AND BLUE ABA BALL ALONE, NOT TO MENTION THOSE GLORIOUS SOCKS

TEN CARDS TO GO LET'S SEE IF I GET TO THEM BEFORE JANUARY