WOOOOOO PLAYOFFS

SO I HATE THE FUCKIN PLAYOFFS. I LOVE HAVING A NICE REGULAR SEASON GAME PLAYING ALMOST EVERY NIGHT, THE RADIO BROADCASTERS DRONING ALONG WHILE I DO WHATEVER. IF WE SCORE, HOORAY! IF THEY SCORE, OH WELL. IT'S A REGULAR SEASON GAME, THERE'S NOT REALLY ANY PRESSURE. THEN THE SEASON WINDS DOWN AND PEOPLE START TALLYING MAGIC NUMBERS AND IT'S NOT AS RELAXING. THEN THE SEASON ACTUALLY ENDS! HORRORS! NO MORE RELAXING GAMES! AND YOU WANT MORE BASEBALL SO YOU HOPE YOUR TEAM MADE IT BUT THEN ALL THE GAMES ARE THE OPPOSITE OF RELAXING. YOU NEED TO WIN EVERY GAME BECAUSE IF YOU LOSE TOO MANY THEN YOU GET NO MORE BASEBALL. FOR YOUR TEAM AT LEAST. BUT DO YOU EVEN REALLY WANT TO LISTEN TO THOSE TEAMS THAT ARE LEFT? THE ONES BETTER THAN YOURS? THE ONE THAT BEAT YOU AND LEFT YOU A NERVOUS BROKEN WRECK? WELL YOU BETTER BECAUSE OTHERWISE THERE'S NO BASEBALL!!! THEN THE WORLD SERIES HAPPENS AND SOME BASTARD TEAM WINS AND THERE'S REALLY NO MORE DAMN BASEBALL! AND EVEN IF YOUR TEAM IS THE CHEATING ROTTEN BASTARD TEAM THEN YOU MERELY GET TO CELEBRATE FOR A COUPLE DAYS AND THEN ONCE THEY ARE SWEEPING UP AFTER THE PARADE, THERE IT IS. NO MORE BASEBALL. HORRIBLE

BUT MY TEAM IS STILL IN IT AND EVEN THOUGH IT'S PAINFUL AND AWFUL IT'S STILL BASEBALL AND I GOTTA LISTEN TO IT. AS MUCH AS I CAN BECAUSE THERE AIN'T MUCH LEFT AND I NEED TO FATTEN UP ON BASEBALL FOR THE WINTER LIKE ONE OF THOSE BEARS THE FOREST SERVICE TWEETS ABOUT. SO IF I'M GONNA LISTEN I MIGHT AS WELL ROOT FOR SOME TEAMS, RIGHT? HERE'S MY FAVORITE PLAYOFF TEAMS RANKED FROM THE VERY BESTEST TO THE YUCKY UGLY STINKY ONES, PTOOEY. ILLUSTRATED BY SOME RANDOM CARDS I PULLED OUT OF SOME BOXES BY MY DESK THAT KINDA SORTA MATCH HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE TEAM

BRAVES

WELL DUH. BRAVES ON TOP. THE ONLY SURPRISE HERE IS I DIDN'T SHOW A CARD OF RONALD ACUÑA. I DON'T HAVE A RONALD CARD THIS PRETTY YET THOUGH. E-X 2000 IS ONE OF THOSE SETS I NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED COMPLETING BEFORE AND NOW THAT I AM PUTTING MY MIND TO IT I'M FINDING RANDOM CARDS HERE AND THERE IN PLAYER BOXES AND INSERT BOXES AND JUST PLAIN OL JUNK BOXES. I LOVE THEM ALL, THEY ARE SO PRETTY. JUST LIKE ALL THE DINGERS OUR LINEUP CAN HIT IN THE PLAYOFFS. AND ALL THOSE STRIKEOUTS OUR PITCHING STAFF CAN THROW BY PEOPLE. AND ALL THOSE WEB GEMS OUR FIELDERS CAN PICK OUT OF THIN AIR. OH HOW SWEET IT SHALL BE. THE BRAVES DON'T PLAY UNTIL SATURDAY SO I CAN STILL DREAM NOW. DREAM OF WONDERFUL THINGS. THEN THE GAME WILL START AND IT'S HORRIBLE PAINFUL ANXIETY UNTIL OUR UNTIMELY DEATH 

AH, PLAYOFFS.

BREWERS

I'VE ALWAYS FELT GOOD VIBES TOWARDS THE BREWERS. MY TEAM USED TO PLAY IN MILWAUKEE AFTER ALL AND HANK HERE RETURNED TO CAP HIS CAREER. AND THEY HAD A COOL LOGO EVEN THOUGH IT DIDN'T CLICK FOR ME THAT IT WASN'T JUST A BASEBALL GLOVE FOR YEARS. THEY HAD SOME REAL DOGSHIT TEAMS FOR A WHILE BUT RECENTLY THEY'VE GOTTEN THEIR ACT TOGETHER AND HAVE BECOME SURPRISINGLY COMPETENT! ALTHOUGH PROBABLY MILDLY CURSED. I'M STARTING TO THINK BUD SELIG PISSED OFF A WITCH. OR MAYBE A COVEN. HOW THE HELL DID THEY LOSE WOODRUFF FOR THE PLAYOFFS WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN. LITERALLY THE ONLY TEAM I WOULDN'T MIND THAT MUCH IF THEY BEAT THE BRAVES AND THEY'RE PROBABLY ALREADY SCREWED. UGH, BASEBALL

THIS IS A PROMO CARD FOR MATTHEW PRIGGE'S BOOK OPENING DAY IN MILWAUKEE. I GOT THIS IN A LITERAL BOX OF JUNK I BOUGHT FROM HIM THIS SUMMER THAT I AM STILL STRUGGLING TO WRESTLE INTO A BLOG POST. GO CHECK OUT HIS WEBSITE WHILE I TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO CUT DOWN A FEW HUNDRED CARDS AND A BUNCH OF RANDOM CRAP INTO SOMETHING REASONABLE

ASTROS

I KNOW EVERYBODY HATES THEM, I DON'T CARE. DUSTY BAKER IS AWESOME AND I LOVE JOSE ALTUVE AND MY ONLY GOOD LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM WAS THE ASTROS AND I'LL LIKE WHOEVER I WANT. IF YOUR TEAM GOT SCREWED BY THEM I'M SORRY BUT YOUR TEAM SCREWED MY TEAM A FEW TIMES TOO. IT'S BASEBALL, EVERYONE GETS SCREWED SOONER OR LATER, USUALLY SOONER. I NEEDED TO SHOW OF AN ALTUVE CARD HERE BECAUSE HE JUST MAKES ME HAPPY. I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE FIRST INSERT OF HIS I PULLED FROM A PACK. THE REASON I DIDN'T SHOW OFF ANY SHINIER CARDS OF HIS IS THAT I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE POSTED ALL THE GOOD ONES I HAVE ALREADY

ORIOLES

NORMALLY I'M A LITTLE NEUTRAL ON THE O'S. I DON'T REALLY CARE THAT MUCH ABOUT THE TEAM BUT THE BRIGHT ORANGE IS PLEASING AND I LIKE THE CARTOONY MASCOT. THE REASON THEY ARE AS HIGH AS THEY ARE ON THE LIST IS MOSTLY NOVELTY SINCE THEY'VE SUCKED FOR QUITE A WHILE. IF THEY MAKE A DEEP PLAYOFF RUN AND KEEP WINNING A HUNDRED GAMES EVERY SEASON I'LL PROBABLY GET SICK OF THEM REAL QUICK

THESE ARE SOME COLGAN'S CHIPS INSERT CARDS THAT WERE FOUND IN 2013 PANINI COOPERSTOWN PACKS. I WISH I HAD BOUGHT MORE OF THAT STUFF, IT WAS PRETTY NICE AND ONE OF THE LAST LEGENDS SETS UP UNTIL THIS YEAR'S PANINI PROSPECT-LEGEND HYBRIDS

PHILLIES

YOU'D THINK I WOULDN'T LIKE THE TEAM THAT BOUNCED THE BRAVES LAST YEAR (AND IN 1993, COME TO THINK OF IT) BUT I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THE PHILS. I HAVE RELATIVES FROM PHILADELPHIA AND THEY GAVE ME A PHILLIES CAP WHEN I WAS A KID THAT WAS WORN CONSTANTLY UNTIL MY MOM FINALLY BRIBED ME TO THROW THE THING OUT. BESIDES, THEY ARE THE LOSINGEST FRANCHISE IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS AND I LIKE A GOOD UNDERDOG. THEY CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL IN THE NLDS BUT I STILL LIKE EM

THIS 2001 POST CEREAL CARD IS FRIGGIN AWESOME, 500 HOME RUN HITTERS ON A WOOD GRAIN BORDER CARD THAT LOOKS MORE LIKE A BAT AND LESS LIKE THE PANELING IN YOUR GRANDMA'S DEN. AND IT'S ON ACTUAL CEREAL-BOX STYLE CARDBOARD JUST LIKE BACK IN THE 80S ALTHOUGH IT'S HARD TO TELL WITH THE FULL-COLOR PRINTED BACKS. IT'S ONLY AN EIGHT CARD SET, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND PICKING ONE OR ALL OF THEM UP, THEY REALLY LOOK GREAT

RAYS

I LIKED THE RAYS FOR A LONG TIME, ESPECIALLY THE EVAN LONGORIA ERA TEAM. BUT THEY JUST KEEP CHUGGING ALONG BEING VERY GOOD FOR VERY CHEAP IN THAT ROTTEN STADIUM OF THEIRS AND IT'S GETTING TEDIOUS. ESPECIALLY WITH ALL THE CALAMATIES THAT HAVE HIT THE TEAM THIS YEAR. SPEND A LITTLE FUCKIN MONEY IN THE PAST TWENTY YEARS AND MAYBE THEY HAVE A CHIP BY NOW. VERY DISAPPOINTING, LIKE THIS NUMBER ONE OVERALL PICK ON A DREADFUL AWFUL GENERATION NOW MIRROR SET CARD

BLUE JAYS

I REALLY LIKED THE JAYS BACK IN THE 80S AND HAD ONE OF THEIR CAPS AS WELL THAT WAS NOT QUITE AS WORN INTO THE GROUND AS THE PHILLIES HAT SINCE I HAD SEVERAL CAPS IN ROTATION BY THEN. THEN THEY RUINED MY LIFE IN 1992 AND WERE CHAMPIONS ENTIRELY TOO LONG AND HAVEN'T DONE MUCH OF ANYTHING SINCE. I LIKE SOME CURRENT PLAYERS THOUGH LIKE VLAD JR. AND SPRINGER, BUT THEY'RE STILL NOT DOING MUCH OF ANYTHING. MASCOT CARDS ARE GREAT AND MASCOT HOLOGRAMS LIKE THIS ONE FROM 1993 UD FUN PACK IS JUST FANTASTIC

TWINS

SENATORS BECAME TWINS SO WALTER JOHNSON COUNTS. SPEAKING OF TEAMS THAT RUINED MY LIFE, IT'S A WONDER THESE GUYS AREN'T LOWER BUT THEIR RECENT FUTILITY HELPED THEM BUBBLE UP A BIT. SPEAKING OF THAT LOSING STREAK I HAD A GOOD JOKE ABOUT HOW WALTER JOHNSON WON THEIR LAST PLAYOFF GAME BUT THEY FUCKED THAT UP LAST NIGHT. I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT YEAR THESE STAMPS CAME OUT, BUT I BOUGHT A SET OF FIRST DAY ISSUE ENVELOPES WHICH ARE PROBABLY NOW WORTH A WHOLE LOTTA NOTHING AND THEN LATER GOT THIS ONE IN THE MAIL ON A PWE PACKAGE. OH WAIT, IT SAYS 2000 RIGHT ON THE STAMP. WELL THERE YA GO. "BEFORE THE TWINS WON THEIR LAST PLAYOFF GAME" IS ANOTHER JOKE THE TWINS STOLE FROM ME

DODGERS

HONESTLY THIS SHOULD BE THE TEAM AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST SINCE THEY'VE PUNCHED THE BRAVES RIGHT IN THE MOUTH SO MANY TIMES IN THE PAST 40 YEARS, BUT I'M NOT FEELING THE BURNING HATE FOR THEM RIGHT NOW. THEIR PITCHING STAFF IS CLAYTON KERSHAW AND A BIG MESS. I KINDA LOVE MOOKIE ALTHOUGH I GOT MAD WHEN HE STARTED SNIFFING AROUND RONALD'S MVP TROPHY AND AS MUCH AS I LIKE TO LAUGH AT FREDDIE I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER HAVE THE CAPACITY TO ACTUALLY HATE HIM. SPORTS HATE IS A VISCERAL THING AND I'M JUST NOT FEELING IT THIS YEAR EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE THE TEAM MOST LIKELY TO BUMP US OFF. I'LL FEEL IT AFTER, OH BOY WILL I FEEL IT THEN. BUT NOT RIGHT NOW. THIS HIDEO NOMO CARD IS REALLY WILD LOOKING, IS FROM A SET I LOVE, AND IS ALSO A REMINDER THAT NOMO SWIPED THE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWAY FROM CHIPPER. NOT TO MENTION A REMINDER THAT HE DESERVED IT WHICH IS ALL THE MORE AGGRAVATING

MARLINS

UGH, THE MARLINS. HERE'S WHERE I START FEELING IT. AS A BRAVES FAN THE MARLINS HAVE BEEN AN ENORMOUS PAIN IN THE REAR FOR 25 YEARS. FROM THE RIDICULOUS 1997 NLCS TO THE TEAR DOWN AND SECOND FLUKE CHAMPIONSHIP TO JUST BEING ANNOYING PISSANTS IN THE NL EAST AND ALL THE TIMES THEY'VE TRIED TO MURDER ACUÑA I JUST... ARGH. THE MARLINS IRRITATE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. BLECCH, PTUI. THE MARLINS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THIS BAD REHASH OF STADIUM CLUB TRIUMVERATE CARDS IN 2013. THE ORIGINAL SETS WERE INTRICATE AND CLEVER, THIS IS JUST A BLOCKY UNINTERESTING LUMP OF PLASTIC. DISAPPOINTING

RANGERS

THE RANGERS ARE WEIRD, THEY'VE NEVER BEEN PARTICULARLY ON MY RADAR AND I HAVE MOSTLY HAD NO FEELINGS ABOUT THEM IF ANYTHING. I LIKED THEIR PRE-1983 CARTOONY LOGO BUT BARELY KNEW WHO PLAYED FOR THEM UP UNTIL NOLAN RYAN SHOWED UP. I KINDA LIKED SOME 90S PLAYERS LIKE JUAN GONZALEZ, RUBEN SIERRA AND JULIO FRANCO BUT AGAIN QUICKLY FORGOT ABOUT THEM WHEN THEY MOVED ON. THEN THEY WENT TO THE WORLD SERIES! AND BLEW A CHAMPIONSHIP FOR RON WASHINGTON. BACK TO OBSCURITY. NOW THEY ARE TRYING TO BUY A TITLE AND IT'S KINDA WORKING A LITTLE BIT? NO SIR, I DON'T LIKE IT. PLUS THEY EXILED RONALD'S BROTHER TO GET RUINED BY THE METS. BOO! I DO NOT LIKE IT RANGERS! THIS TERRIBLE CARD MATCHES MY FEELINGS FOR THE CURRENT RANGERS. LIKE, I GET THEY WERE GOING FOR AN ARCHEOLOGY THEME FOR THIS SET BUT ACTUAL DIRT BORDERS? THE HELL WAS GOING ON AT UPPER DECK WHEN THIS WAS GREENLIT

DIAMONDBACKS

I HAVE AN IRRATIONAL DISLIKE OF ARIZONA TEAMS. I CAN GIVE YOU TONS OF PERFECTLY LOGICAL REASONS WHY I DON'T LIKE THEM BUT IT'S JUST ME MAKING EXCUSES FOR MY NONSENSE. THE DIAMONDBACKS BOUGHT THEIR WAY TO A TITLE AND DIDN'T SUFFER LIKE EXPANSION TEAMS SHOULD. STEALING THE CARDINALS FROM ST. LOUIS HELPED KICK OFF THE LOS ANGELES NFL MERRY-GO-ROUND. THIEVING THE WINNIPEG JETS EVENTUALLY LED TO MY HOCKEY TEAM GETTING SNATCHED! GRRRRRR! SUNS ARE AIIGHT I GUESS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DUMPED AYTON BUT THEY'RE FINE. BUT IT'S TOO DAMN HOT IN ARIZONA. I DON'T EVEN LIKE THINKING ABOUT ANYPLACE BEING THAT HOT. SO THERE'S SOME REASONS BUT IT'S REALLY JUST ME BEING A HATER AND FUCK THE DIAMONDBACKS AND THEIR 700 DIFFERENT UGLY UNIFORMS. CORBIN CARROLL'S COOL THOUGH, HE'S REALLY FUN TO WATCH. HOPEFULLY WATCH LOSE. ANYWAY I PICKED THIS CARD BECAUSE THE FIRST ONE THAT CAME TO MIND WAS AN EARLY 00S DONRUSS RELIC CARD OF C*RT SCH*LL*NG BECAUSE MY DISDAIN OF THAT JERK MATCHES MY DISDAIN FOR THE SNAKES BUT I COULDN'T BEAR TO PUT THAT FOOL ON THIS WEBSITE. INSTEAD HERE'S A BOWMAN HERITAGE CARD OF DANNY BAUTISTA THAT HAS BEEN PUT ASIDE IN A PACKAGE FOR CARDS ON CARDS. I'LL SEND IT EVENTUALLY, I SWEAR

NOW YOU KNOW MY PLAYOFF FAVORITES. IF I HATE YOUR TEAM, THEN GOOD! YOU FEEL FREE TO HATE MY TEAM IN RETURN. BASEBALL HATE IS GOOD, ESPECIALLY IN THE PLAYOFFS. LET THE HATE FLOW THROUGH YOU. IF I LIKE YOUR TEAM, I'M SORRY! I'M ALREADY 1-3 FOR MY FAVORITES SO FAR AND THINGS WILL PROBABLY GET WORSE. I FULLY EXPECT TO SEE THAT RANGERS-DBACKS DISASTER SERIES AT THE END OF THIS TORTURE. PLAYOFF BASEBALL IS SO TERRIBLE AND AWFUL GUYS, WHY DO WE DO THIS