Mocking the Draft

Why the hell does the NFL wait until 4:00 to start the draft? the second round won't be over until 3AM Eastern now. I swear it used to start at noon. And don't give me the excuse that it's so the west coast people can watch the draft, I'd like nothing better than to wake up, turn on ESPN and have Chris Berman screaming at me about the Lions' next draft flop.

No, wait, that's not good, that's an inhuman nightmare. Even Cthulhu would be terrified into madness waking up from his long slumber to ESPN coverage. Forget I ever said that. 4:00 it is.

It's cutting it a bit close, but here's my Official Cardboard Junkie Mock Draft. You can bank it, boys...

1. Detroit Lions
Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia

2. St. Louis Rams
Who the hell cares

3. Kansas City Chiefs
Who the hell cares

4. Seattle Seahawks
Who the hell cares

5. Cleveland Browns
Who the hell cares

6. Cincinnati Bengals
Who the hell cares

7. Oakland Raiders
Who the hell cares

8. Jacksonville Jaguars
Who the hell cares

9. Green Bay Packers
Who the hell cares

10. San Fransisco 49ers
Who the hell cares

11. Buffalo Bills
Who the hell cares

12. Denver Broncos
Who the hell cares

13. Washington Redskins
Who the hell cares

14. New Orleans Saints
Who the hell cares

15. Houston Texans
Who the hell cares

16. San Diego Chargers
Who the hell cares

17. New York Jets
Who the hell cares

18. Denver Broncos (CHI)
Who the hell cares

19. Tampa Bay Bucs
Who the hell cares

20. Detroit Lions (DAL)
Some poor, poor, doomed bastard

21. Philadelphia Eagles
Who the hell cares

22. Minnesota Vikings
Who the hell cares

23. New England Patriots
Who the hell cares

24. Atlanta Falcons
Ziggy Hood, DT Missouri

25. Miami Dolphins
Who the hell cares

26. Baltimore Ravens
Who the hell cares

27. Indianapolis Colts
Who the hell cares

28. Buffalo Bills
Who the hell cares

29. New York Giants
Who the hell cares

30. Tennessee Titans
Who the hell cares

31. Arizona Cardinals
Who the hell cares

32. Pittsburgh Steelers
Who the hell cares

I'll admit, I just want the Birds to draft a guy named Ziggy.

One great thing may come out of this draft. I have been literally screaming at my TV/radio for the past decade for the Falcons to just take ALL defensive players the entire draft, preferalbly all linemen. Just load the hell up on defense and let the O work itself out. Thanks to the Gonzalez trade, my wish may finally come true.

Naaaaah, they'll pick a wide receiver, tight end and another quarterback with their first three picks. Dimitroff, shmimitroff, when it comes to the draft these are still the Atlanta Fuckups here until they prove otherwise.