The Big Refractor Mountains

(with extreme apologies to Harry McClintock)

One evening as the sun went down and my auctions were all ending
On the message board came a cardboard junkie and he said boys I'm not trading
I'm headin for a land that's far away where autograph ink flows like fountains
So come with me we'll go and see the Big Refractor Mountains

In the Big Refractor Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright
Where the short prints grow on bushes and your pulls are out of sight
Where the want lists are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the waived shipping fees and the jersey card trees
No more corner dings on your Diamond Kings
In the Big Refractor Mountains

In the Big Refractor Mountains all the snipers never beat
Your bid for the Phil Rizzuto card with the piece of Yankee seat
The cases are all full of vintage cards that you need for your set
And the dealer guy says you can buy
Them all half off, he's got to fly
To the Big Refractor Mountains

In the Big Refractor Mountains Paypal's server doesn't crash
They'll never lock out your account and swipe your hard-earned cash
The feedback is all positive and the eBayers are all kind
There's a lake of Yoo-hoo and of Mountain Dew
You can paddle all around 'em with Rod Carew
In the Big Refractor Mountains

In the Big Refractor Mountains you never pull a double
Unless you can flip it for twice the cash without any trouble
There ain't no PSA Qualifiers, no OCs, STs or MKs
I'm a goin to stay where you rip packs all day
Where they hung the schmuck who outbid you by a buck
On those Big Refractor Mountains

I'll see you all this coming fall in the Big Refractor Mountains!

(this bit of silliness was inspired by this post by Ben)