REN & STIMPY #22 SEPTEMBER 1994
REN AND STIMPY IS ONE OF THE MANY THINGS I LOVED IN MY YOUTH THAT HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY STAINED BY THE PASSAGE OF TIME. JOHN K. IS JUST KIND OF A BASTARD YA KNOW? AND THE SHOW HASN'T AGED TERRIBLY WELL EITHER, ESPECIALLY SINCE SUBSEQUENT CARTOONS TOOK ALMOST ALL THE WRONG LESSONS FROM R&S'S SUCCESS. BUT THOSE FIRST COUPLE OF SEASONS THAT PLAYED ON A LOOP FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS ON NICKELODEON ARE PERMANENTLY BURNED INTO MY BRAIN AND I STILL LOVE 'EM. I'LL PUT UP STIMPY'S CARTOON UP AGAINST ANY OTHER CARTOON SHORT EVER. EVER
THE COMIC BOOK WAS... OKAY. IT GOT THE FEEL OF THE SHOW WELL ENOUGH BUT ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT HAVE THE COMIC TIMING DOWN AT ALL. IT ALSO DOESN'T QUITE GET THE WEIRDNESS OF THE SHOW, SOMETHING THE SHOW SOMETIMES HAD PROBLEMS WITH AS WELL IF WE'RE BEING HONEST. THE COVER SURPRISINGLY DESCRIBES THE CONTENTS WELL. REN GETS SICK AND STIMPY NURSES HIM BACK TO HEALTH BY READING HIM STORIES. WE SEE THE CHARACTERS RIGHT THERE ON THE COVER: LITTLE RED RIDING REN AND THE WOLF WHO MENACES HIM, GINGERBREAD SVEN, THE LOGS FROM GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE LOGS AND THE YAK WHO IS SOLD FOR MAGIC NOSEHAIRS AND DOESN'T APPRECIATE IT AT ALL. MISSING IS HUMPTY STIMPY BUT TO BE FAIR HE'S BUSY READING THE BOOK. THE B-STORY FEATURES MAGICIAN STIMPY AND HIS HAPLESS ASSISTANT REN, WHICH TURNS OUT ABOUT HOW YOU'D EXPECT IT. NOT GREAT, BUT DEFINITELY FUN
THIS NIGHTMARE IS WHAT YOU SEE FIRST THING WHEN YOU OPEN THE COVER. ALMOST-BUT-NOT-QUITE REALISTIC UNCANNY VALLEY ADVERTISEMENT ILLUSTRATIONS WAS QUITE A NINETIES VIBE. IT WAS PROBABLY VERY EFFECTIVE AS PEOPLE WERE COMPELLED TO STARE AT THE AD FOR ENTIRELY TOO LONG TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT KID'S FACE. WHY IS THE PERSPECTIVE SO WARPED? OK, SO YOU MAKE A TREEHOUSE IN THE SHAPE OF CAP'N CRUNCH, BUT HUBCAPS FOR THE EYES? YOU REALLY MADE THE ENTRANCE HIS MOUTH IN SOME SORT OF WEIRD ROLE REVERSAL? TWO MAILBOXES? WHY TWO MAILBOXES?? DID YOU STEAL ONE OF THOSE FROM A NEIGHBOR? BOTH OF THEM?? EXAMINING THE THOUGHT PROCESS BEHIND THE OVERLY-CRUNCHY CEREAL INFLUENCED ARCHITECTURAL CHOICES IS NOT THE MINDFUCK I WANTED RIGHT BEFORE READING A SILLY COMIC BASED ON A CARTOON. I'VE BEEN LESS UNSETTLED BY DAVID LYNCH MOVIES. NICE IDEA USING A HORSESHOE FOR THE C ON THE HAT, CLEVER CHOICE
ANOTHER 90S TREND: MARKETERS DESPERATELY TRYING TO REBRAND SIGHTLY BORING PRODUCTS AS HIP AND EDGY. BARQ'S TRIED MAKING ROOT BEER EXTREEEEME BY INCLUDING TEMPORARY TATTOOS INSIDE 12 PACKS AND CHANGING THEIR SLOGAN TO BARQ'S HAS BITE! I DON'T THINK IT WORKED - IT'S HARD TO MAKE A PRODUCT EDGY WHEN IT'S REGULARLY QUAFFED BY SNOOPY - BUT WE GOT A HELLUVA LOT OF FUN ADVERTISEMENTS OUT OF THE ATTEMPT. ORIGINAL BARQTOOS ADS WERE IN A 50S MONSTER MOVIE POSTER MOTIF AND THE SEQUEL SWIPED THE MAD FOLD-IN GIMMICK. ALSO THESE ADS LOOK A LOT LIKE DREW FRIEDMAN'S SIGNATURE STIPPLING STYLE BUT I CAN'T FIND ANY CONFIRMATION ON WHO DREW THESE ANYWHERE. WE ALL MISSED OUT ON THE BARQTOOS BUT THROUGH THE MAGIC OF MSPAINT WE CAN AT LEAST ENJOY THE FOLD-IN
BUTTHEADS! WE'RE ALL BUTTHEADS NOW
I'LL TAKE THE TEN GRAND AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK ME TWICE. WHAT THE HELL WOULD I HAVE TO SAY TO JOE MONTANA ANYWAY? HEY JOE, REMEMBER ALL THE TIMES YOU RIPPED MY FALCONS' GUTS OUT WITH A RUSTY FORK. YOU DON'T REALLY GET TEN GRAND ANYWAY, YOU GET TEN GRAND WORTH OF AUTHENTICATED UPPER DECK MERCH. WHICH, CONSIDERING THEIR LINEUP OF EXCLUSIVE STARSAT THE TIME PROBABLY ENDED UP HOLDING A DECENT AMOUNT OF VALUE. SECOND PLACE IS A COMPLETE SET OF PARALLELS OH JOY. THIRD PLACE IS A SEGA GENESIS FOR SOME REASON AND IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL FROM THERE. I ABSOLUTELY WANT THAT 9TH PLACE THEN AND NOW HOLOGRAM SET. I MEAN, I MIGHT ALREADY HAVE IT BUT I WANT IT NOW, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. THERE'S 300 THOUSAND OF THEM OUT THERE ONE'S GOTTA BE HIDING IN SOME DIME BOX SOMEWHERE
WHAT THE HELL, IT'S FESTIVUS! LET'S SHOW OFF AN ACTUAL CARD AS WELL.IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO FIND A 1994 COLLECTOR'S CHOICE CARD FOR SOME REASON BUT I FOUND A GREAT ONE. ENJOY IRONHEAD HEYWARD PEERING OVER BUTTS. GOTTA LOVE THAT UPPER DECK PHOTOGRAPHY
COOKIES FOR FUCKING BREAKFAST HOLY SHIT. IF ANYONE BORN THIS CENTURY ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLES ON THIS BLOG THROUGH SOME RIDICULOUS MISFORTUNE I WANT TO ASSURE YOU THIS WAS A SUPER BIG DEAL BACK IN THE 80S. I MEAN, MOST BREAKFAST CEREAL WAS UNHEALTHY SUGARY CRAP ALREADY BUT THEY WEREN'T GODDAMN COOKIES. THE ALLURE OF TINY STALE COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST WAS IRRESISTIBLE. THIS AD KNOWS IT AND JUST SHOWS HAPPY CHILDREN EATING BREAKFAST COOKIES IN FASHIONABLE OUTFIT- OH MY GOD LOOK AT THOSE PANTS
I DON'T HAVE ANY 1994 ULTRA X-MEN CARDS BUT I WANTED TO SHOW OFF SOMETHING AND BOY IS THIS CARD SOMETHING. I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THIS CHARACTER BUT HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A VAMPIRE. JUST LOOK AT THIS REJECTED SPAWN VILLAIN-ASS MOTHERFUCKER WITH THE CRAZY JAW AND COOL AS HELL SHADES. I DEMAND A REBOOT OF TWILIGHT WITH THIS DESIGN. I SURE HOPE THAT THING DOWN THERE IS A TAIL BUT I'M TOO AFRAID TO GOOGLE IT
MORE FLEER CONTENT IN A MARVEL COMIC. OF COURSE MARVEL OWNED FLEER BY THIS POINT SO IT MAKES SENSE. RAZZLES WERE BOTH CANDY AND A GUM AND DIDN'T DO EITHER PARTICULARLY WELL BUT HEY, THEY HAD THEIR GIMMICK. EVEN THE GIVEAWAY IS AMBIGUOUS. ARE THEY SUPPORTING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE AND GIVING AWAY A MOUNTAIN BIKE? ARE THEY ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND EAT CANDY ALL DAY? THEY'RE DOING BOTH!
THIS AD IMMEDIATELY REMINDED ME OF THE FLEER ADRENALINE SET FOR SOME REASON EVEN THOUGH THAT CAME OUT IN 2000. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE 'LOOK MA, NO BRAINS' POSE ON THIS CARD
HERE'S A WIZARD-ERA COMIC SELLER AD TO COMPARE AND CONTRAST WITH THE ONES IN THE OLDY MOLDY COMICS. BEYOND THE HORRIFICALLY DISTRACTING BACKGROUND,SOME OF THESE SUCKERS ARE PRICEY. THIRTY BUCKS FOR A MANTRA #1 HOLOGRAM COVER?? WHAT THE FUCK IS A MANTRA. (editor's note - I googled this issue to see if any were on sale and its price is all over the map from 10 bucks to 150. apparently the nineties comic book market is just as bizarre as the nineties baseball card market) I TRIED TO PLAY THE GAME AGAIN WHERE I TRY TO PICK 10 COMICS FOR $7.50 AND I JUST WASN'T FEELING ANY OF IT. I MEAN, 1963 IS FUN BUT I GOT ALL OF THEM. UNLIKE THE OLD TIMEY COMIC SELLER ADS, THIS ONE IS SELLING TRADING CARD PACKS AS WELL. $1.50 - $4.00 PER PACK OR $40-$50 FOR A BOX. REMEMBER, THIS IS PRE-BIG MOJO HIT ERA PACKS, YOU'RE JUST GETTING MOSTLY BASE CARDS HERE. A HOLOGRAM IF YOU'RE LUCKY
HERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN GET OUT OF THAT $1.50 SPIDER-MAN PACK. DOCTOR DOOM ABOUT TO COMET PUNCH SPIDER-MAN IN THE FACE. IS IT BAD I LIKE VILLAINS MORE THAN SUPERHEROES MOST TIMES
HAD TO SHOW OFF THIS ONE AS WELL. CHECK OUT THAT AUNT MAY GRAFFITI. GOD BLESS FLEER, THEY TRIED SO DAMN HARD IN THE 90S
MOAR TRADING CARD ADS. YOU FIGURING OUT WHY I CHOSE THIS ISSUE TO SHOW OFF NOW? KINDA WISH I HAD THE APRIL ISSUE OF REN & STIMPY TO SEE THE BASEBALL CARD ADS, BUT HERE'S MORE FOOTBALL FOR YA. I LIKE HOW THIS AD IS BOTH CLEVER AND DEEPLY WEIRD. WRITING A DIAGRAM OF A 'KILL THE MAN WITH THE BALL' PLAY IN SHARPIE ON A PALM LIKE A CHEAT SHEET IS CERTAINLY A WAY TO SELL FOOTBALL CARDS. AT LEAST I HOPE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SHARPIE. NO PICTURE OF THE PRODUCT THOUGH, WANNA KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE?
AWWW YEAH PURPLE AND TEAL FOOTBALL CARDS. THE MOST VAPORWAVEY OF SETS. TOOK ME FOREVER TO FIND THIS ONE TOO. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I PULLED OUT ALL MY JESSE TUGGLE CARDS SO I CAN ORGANIZE THEM AND GET THEM BINDERED AND I LEARNED THAT MY 90S FOOTBALL CARDS ARE STARTING TO FUSE TOGETHER INTO ONE SOLID MASS THANKS TO ROTTEN UV COATING SO I BETTER MAKE GETTING THEM ALL SORTED A PRIORITY IN 2020
HEY, YOU'VE SEEN THIS ONE BEFORE. IN LIEU OF ME BLITHERING ON ABOUT IT ANY MORE HERE'S RAUL JULIA BEING A BAD ASS
YEAAH CRUNCH AND MUNCH. FANCY-ASS CRACKER JACK. THIS BOX HAS A PRIZE TOO! YET ANOTHER MARVEL PROPERTY TRADING CARD. THAT MAKES FIVE ADS IN THIS BOOK ADVERTISING CARDS, USING CARDS AS A PROMO OR JUST FLAT OUT SELLING CARDS. MAN, THOSE DAYS ARE SOOO OVER
I DON'T HAVE ONE OF THESE PROMO CARDS SO HERE'S A TRADING CARD OF A BOOK I ACTUALLY LIKE. THAT'S RIGHT, A SANDMAN ROOKIE CARD. YOU'LL WISH YOU HAD ONE OF THESE WHEN HBO OR AMAZON OR WHOEVER FINALLY ADAPTS SANDMAN INTO A TV SHOW AND EVERYONE GOES CRAZY ABOUT IT FOR A COUPLE MONTHS
ONE DAY LEFT HOLY SNIT
1 comment:
I've met Montana and he was kind of a jerk. I'd take $100 over meeting him again.
Post a Comment