May Card Show Top 10 in poetry - #8 COOKIE

I literally have two minutes to write this entire post and I just wasted 20 seconds with this opening sentence.

Hey! Cookie Monster!
This here's MAH Cookie, dangit!
back away slowly

How did a Phillie
Become my blogging icon?
Lemke is annoyed

HERE COME THE JUDGE

A viewable reference since 90% of you have no clue what the title references...


SO.

Mario chose me as a judge for his Hobby Limerick 1/1 contest. Good thing too, since my poems bombed. He asked me to look over the entries and what I thought were the five best. This was not easy at all, but here is the judge's final decision:

Fullbodytransplant:
Thick paper with pictures and names.
All our heroes from various games.
It’s a hobby we love,
Fits our needs like a glove.
Sporting legends, big men in small frames.

JoshSamBob:
In our youths to the store we would hasten,
“Rated Rookies” we dreamed of embracing.
Sadly greed’s now the norm,
And I’m sad to inform
That it’s gimmicks that everyone’s chasing.

Steve K:
Beckett’s price guide: as wrong as could be
Filled with value inaccuracy
Though they’re right when they state
re: these printing plates
“No plate pricing due to scarcity”

David Joseph Smith:
There once was a player named Jeter
Who played shortstop next to a diva
While the diva made more
He made fans very sore
And Derek was always the pleaser

Chemgod:
With his glove and his legs and his bat
He was the best in the game, that’s a fact
But it wasn’t enough
So he took BALCO’s stuff
And now his head is too fat.

If your poem was not on the list, sorry. I didn't get a single 'like' vote on any of mine so life's tough, chums. You should have taken your chance to butter up the judge when you had the chance. To all our hobby poet laureates: good luck in the drawing!

I CAN'T STOP WRITING THEM

Limericks, that is. For Mario's big Yankee 1/1 press plate contest. Here's what I've come up with so far:

Upper Deck tried to gobble up Topps,

exclusive seeds bear bitter crops.

Mike E's rope-a-dope

caused Richard to mope,

he prays his unlicenced won't flopps.

I wrote that then felt bad that I took a swipe at the guys who donated the prize. I tried to give some equal grief to the competion with the next poem:

Competition be damned Topps will hoard

their monopoly license, abhorred.

1980 is back,

you'll see in your pack:

waxy stains, stale gum and cardboard.

I don't think I pulled it off. There's too many people out there (myself included) who like ripping those old waxy packs with the chalky gum and reject cereal box stock cards. Note - the submitted version has the last line of:

the return of stale gum and cardboard.

but I came up with the revised line while writing this post and I liked it. Editing is a writer's best friend.

I took one more stab at general hobby ennui and I'm fairly pleased with the result.

For the lost art of the ’90s I’m vexed.

We were holo’ed, refracted, dufexed.

Now it’s all jersey hits,

sticker autos worth shits,

How’d SPX become X? I’m perplexed.

Yes, I went blue. You try thinking up a decent, useful rhyme for 'relic'. Still, I'm happy with it. Happy with my negativity. Wait a minute, aren't I supposed to enjoy this hobby? Yes, yes I am. So I challenged myself to write something happy.

Baseball cards, they surround me in piles.

Is the time I spend sorting worthwhiles?

I say yes, without fail

as I send through the mail

a card package resulting in smiles.

And with that, I'm done for the night. Get on over there and try your hand at some poetry. Remember kids: a limerick is always in AABBA format where lines A all rhyme and have 9 or 10 syllables and lines B rhyme and have 5 or 6 syllables. Not to say that some of the iambi cpentameter and free form rap isn't good, I'm just sayin' try to go by the rules...

Topps Basketball Poem #9 - Two Blazers

All right. Sadly we have come to the end the basketball poetry on Cardboard Junkie. These final two poems were composed by Madding of Cards on Cards. Madding is a huge Blazers fan so it's appropriate he got the pair of Portlanders.


Tom, a tall baller
Tough to replace Walton
Peak of his career

Brewer was a bust
His son should do him proud
Too bad the Jazz suck


Two heartfelt haikus from a Blazers fan. that's it for the poetry folks, if you want more then get writing!

Topps Basketball Poem #8 - Mystery

Only two basketball poems to go. I bet most of you forgot what this was all about in the first place, eh? Matt F. requested Junior Bridgeman for his mini, but Thorzul nabbed that one first. Matt instead made a plea for a good mini card in his haiku:

Dayf, pick a good one please
The shorter shorts the better
Afro would be great


If it's short shorts you want, it's short shorts you get! No afro though, will a mullet do?

Topps Basketball Poem #7 - Mystery

I bet you thought I forgot about these, eh? Well, yeah. I kinda did. this one here is from Sam who got a Sonny Parker mini card in return for this poem.

O mini, O mini,

how mini you are?

so mini, so mini,

your like a toy car.

haha i tried!

Hey, he asked for Larry Bird and got Sonny Parker. I'm just glad he didn't drop a few F-bombs on me for that bait & switch. Besides, that's a good poem. Read it out loud three times fast and try not to laugh. Go ahead, I dare you. Couldn't do it, eh? That's GENIUS right there!

Topps Basketball Poetry - #6 Junior Bridgeman

Here's Thorzul's contribution to the poetry world. His limerick has a high degree of difficulty due to the awkwardness of rhyming the these guys' names. If he could have snuck Larry Krystkowiak into his masterpiece, he'd be Poet Laureate right now.


Your shirt's number 2 is retired.
Your play, it was great and admired.
Stellar play beside Bob*,
While Moncrief did his job,
Ensured Don Nelson never got fired.

* (Lanier)

Topps Basketball Poetry - #5 John Williamson

Today we have a Limerick dedicated to John Williamson's short shorts courtesy of reader Alec J.

There once was a man with pants that were short,

They helped with his skills upon the court.

Then one day came a man probably unrelated to Chris Pronger,

He said, "Your shorts! AAAAAH! Please make them longer!"

But John just couldn't give up their support.

Thank goodness there are no NBA teams based in Nantucket or I'd have to cancel the poetry reading. I do regret not having ripped an Artis Gilmore card, as I would love to see some of the rhymes for afro.

Topps Basketball Poem #1 - Reggie Theus

All the '80-'81 Topps mini cards have been given away, but I didn't let them go without a price... I requested that each of the recipients pen a poem dedicated to their newfound treasure. The first one returned was from Steve of White Sox Cards. A heartfelt tale of love and loss. Break out the Kleenex for this one, folks.




Reggie Wayne Theus

I dream of a Reggie mini

Only one release beyond that bandaged knee

You wore a number of four plus twenty

Leading your Bulls to victory

With tamed ‘fro on head

Mini shrubbery of black

A ‘stache that rivaled Billy Dee

Life of Rush Street Reggie

Phil Ford, Phil Ford

Damn thy name and trophy

Mini Reggie, truly better than he

Now you are lost to his Airness

Dark clouds of regret and despair

Rain down upon suckled teat

You bit too hard the hand that feeds

Banished to Sacramento by way of KC

No flight of fancy or slight of hand

Prepared for the shore ahead

Now the king of kings

Polishes a tarnished crown

Tamerlane, masculine cow town

Storm and urge, the awakening

A gentle frost asunder assist

Sacramento, it goes on

*sniff* That's beautiful, man...

Topps Basketball Poem #3 - Larry Bird

Shane Diaz of Shoebox Legends was overcome with joy to receive the Larry Bird mini and authored this haiku:

Larry Bird card ripped

by fourteen year old junkie

but can you blame him?

Hawks at Celtics tomorrow night... I wager there'll be more ripping of Celtics by guys from Atlanta!