Cardboard Junkie: Embarrasing my Family Since 2006

Ok, I can't just let this Vick craziness go by without trying to cash in on it. Since that 'artist' got 7400 clams for some dog chewed Vick cards, I figure I'd better try to sell off some of mine while I can. Besides, the atmosphere is so toxic around this mess even owning one of his cards might prompt PETA to camp out on my lawn in protest. Maybe I can convince the vegans in the crowd to graze on the overgrown weeds in my back yard. With the mortal fear of angry hippies busting down my door spurring me on I grabbed one of my better Vick cards, a 2001 Fleer Legacy rookie, in the hopes I could sell it.


Ya know, now that I take a closer look at this card, it's really surprising no one saw all these problems coming. I guess everyone was too caught up over the Upper Deck jersey and auto rookies to notice a lowly Fleer product. Just one more example of the evil UD hath wrought upon the world.

The big problem I have is that I don't have - nor do I want - a dog to chew up all the rookie cards so I can make mad cash. Still, there are apparently a lot of dog loving suckers out there willing to throw around a lot of money to protect the puppies. It took me a while to come up with an idea on how to appeal to their tender sensibilities, but I think I have it:

That's right buster, buy that card or the dog gets it. Bidding starts at One MILLION Dollars. And I'm not going through eBay to sell it either because "Dayf Needs a '53 Topps Willie Mays High Number in PSA Mint For His Set" is not listed as a valid charity. So dig deep dog lovers and save that pup. I'm sure if you can get Bob Barker and Betty White to chip in, you'll have a cool mil in no time. Sure you can pass on this once in a lifetime offer, as long as you WANT DOGS TO DIE. Your choice. I'm sure you'll make the right one.

Payment can be sent to:

CARDBOARD JUNKIE
BEHIND THE HOT WATER PIPES
THIRD WASHROOM ALONG
VICTORIA STATION

ABSOLUTELY NO PAYPAL