Dime Box Junk - $2.20

I USED TO BE REALLY GOOD AT FANTASY SPORTS BUT I'M NOT ANYMORE BECAUSE I DON'T CARE AND TO WIN YOU HAVE TO HUSTLE AND PICK OUT ALL THE SLEEPERS AND TROLL THAT WAIVER WIRE AND GENERALLY MAKE GOOD DECISIONS WHICH I DON'T DO MUCH OF ANYMORE

BUT! I'VE GOTTEN CONNED INTO JOINING A FEW LEAGUES IN THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS AND I'M KINDA ENJOYING IT EVEN THOUGH I AM THOROUGHLY MEDIOCRE AT IT NOW. ONE THING I LIKE TO DO IS SCROUNGE AROUND DIME BOXES AND PICK UP CARDS OF PLAYERS ON MY TEAM. HERE'S A FEW RECENT EXAMPLES

2019 DONRUSS MAX MUNCY '85 SUBSET? INSERT? PARALLEL?

THIS IS MY FIRST 2019 DONRUSS CARD AND I DIG IT. I ABANDONED DONRUSS A COUPLE YEARS AGO WHEN THEY NERFED THEIR $5 VALUE PACKS AND TOOK OUT ALL THEIR INSERTS. ALL THE INSERTS ENDED UP IN DIME BOXES ANYWAY [foreshadowning] SO IT WORKED OUT PRETTY WELL FOR ME. HOWEVER, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WTF IS UP WITH DONRUSS AT ALL ANYMORE. I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED THEIR RETRO DESIGNED CARDS BUT IT KINDA LOOKS LIKE THEY HAVE MORPHED FROM AN INSERT SET TO A BASE CARD? MAYBE? I DON'T KNOW. ALLS I KNOW IS THIS 1985 BLACK BORDER DESIGN IS DOPE AS FUUUUUUUUCK AND I WANT THEM ALL. YES I KNOW THE GENERIC UNIFORMS LOOK DUMB BUT I'VE PLAYED ENOUGH UNLICENSED BASEBALL VIDEO GAMES WITH TEAMS LIKE GHASTLY MONSTERS, NINJA BLACK SOX AND HUMONGOUS WOMBATS THAT THIS KIND OF THING DOESN'T PHASE ME

MAX HAS HIT A LOTTA DINGERS ON NOT MANY HITS SO HE'S HELPING ONE STAT AND KILLING ANOTHER WHICH IS PROBABLY THE OVERRIDING THEME OF MY ROSTER. NOT GONNA LIE I WENT INTO THE DRAFT WITH A HALF-ASSED PLAN THAT WENT UTTERLY TO SHIT BY ROUND FIVE RESULTING IN A DRAFT MELTDOWN. HONESTLY I SHOULD BE WAAAAY WORSE THAN I AM NOW CONSIDERING  3 OF MY TOP 8 PICKS HAVE PLAYED NOT A SINGLE INNING THIS YEAR. AND I DRAFTED THESE GUYS THIS WASN'T A OOPS THE DRAFT WAS LAST NIGHT AND I FORGOT, THIS WAS A OOPS I SCREWED EVERYTHING UP AND PANICKED FOR THE NEXT DOZEN PICKS

 2018-19 PANINI PRIZM VICTOR OLADIPO

LOL YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS AN ALL BASEBALL POST? NOPE. I ONLY FOUND THREE CARDS FROM MY TEAM AT THE LCS' DIME BOX MOSTLY BECAUSE I COULDN'T QUITE REMEMBER THE PLAYERS ON MY TEAM OTHER THAN THE GUYS WHO WERE IN THE 50 CENT BOXES. IF YOU FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER YOU HAVE PROBABLY HEARD ME COMPLAIN ABOUT TOPPS CHROME AT SOME POINT. I DON'T LIKE IT, NEVER LIKED IT, WHAT'S THIS LAZY CRAP, IT'S JUST THE BASE DESIGN AGAIN, STICK TO FINEST, WHY ARE AUTOGRAPHS PART OF THE BASE SET, NOW THEY'RE ALL CURLED UP, UGH THIS IS TERRIBLE, DIE TOPPS DIE.

FOR SOME DUMBASS REASON I FRIGGIN LOVE PANINI PRIZM. I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM THIS WAY.

I WAS IN THE CARDS ON CARDS FANTASY BASKETBALL LEAGUE THIS PAST YEAR AND FOR THIS ONE I ACTUALLY DID OOPS THE DRAFT WAS LAST NIGHT AND I FORGOT SO I GOT A COMPLETELY RANDOM SELECTION OF PLAYERS THAT I NEVER WOULD HAVE PICKED OTHERWISE. EXCEPT FOR JOHN COLLINS, I WOULD HAVE SELECTED HIM IN THE SECOND ROUND AFTER I SNAGGED TRAE YOUNG IN THE FIRST. THEN AL HORFORD, THEN JEFF TEAGUE PROBABLY, THEN I WOULD HAVE TRIED TO PICK JASON TERRY EVEN THOUGH HE'S BEEN OUT OF THE LEAGUE FOR YEARS. WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT FLAKING OUT THE NIGHT OF THE DRAFT WAS THE BEST POSSIBLE SCENARIO FOR ME.

VICTOR OLADIPO WAS A SUPER HIGH PICK WHERE I WAS COMPLETELY ????? WHEN I LOOKED OVER MY ROSTER THE NEXT DAY. WHO IS THIS GUY AND WHY IS HE UNDROPPABLE. BUT THEN I GOT TO FOLLOW HIS PERFORMANCE THROUGHOUT THE YEAR AND FOUND OUT THIS GUY IS REALLY GOOD! YEAH! I HAVE GOOD PLAYERS ON MY TEAM AND THAT IS GOOD! I LIKE VICTOR OLADIPO AND LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING HIM KICK ASS FOR THE REST OF HIS CAREER. THEN HIS LEG BLEW UP IN A HORRIFIC INJURY AND HE WAS OUT FOR THE SEASON AND I WAS SAD. NOT FOR MY TEAM BECAUSE I WAS BURIED EARLY ON BUT FOR VICTOR. HE SHOULDA BEEN TEARING UP THE PLAYOFFS RIGHT NOW. BUT I LEARNED ABOUT A GOOD PLAYER AND I'M ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE NBA AGAIN! THIS IS THE GREAT THING ABOUT FANTASY SPORTS. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT ASK ME TO JOIN YOUR NFL LEAGUE THIS FALL.

2019 DIAMOND KINGS LUIS SEVERINO

LIKE ALL THREE BASEBALL CARDS IN THIS POST THIS IS MY FIRST CARD FROM THIS SET. NOW I CAN JUDGE THE ENTIRE PRODUCT LINE WITH IMPUNITY. DIAMOND KINGS, IS, WELL, DIAMOND KINGS. AT LEAST THE PANINI VERSION. WHAT IS THAT, YOU ASK? ELABORATE, MAYHAPS? WELL, OK. DIAMOND KINGS IS A BIG SLOPPY MESS. THE FRONTS HAVE THIS PHOTOSHOPPED FAKE PAINTING MOTIF, THE BACKS HAVE A FRAME MOTIF. IF YOU TOOK AWAY MY GLASSES SO I COULDN'T READ THE COPYRIGHT AND GAVE ME ONE CARD FROM EVERY DIAMOND KINDS BASE SET I WOULD HAVE NO CHANCE OF IDENTIFYING THE YEAR OF THE CARD BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE THE SLOPPY PHOTOSHOPPED PAINTING THING GOING ON. NEVERTHELESS. I LOVE PAINTINGS AND ENJOY THE WHOLE AESTHETIC OF IT ALL. EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY I'M PAYING 8-10 BUCKS PER PACK OR WHATEVER NONSENSE THEY'RE CHARGING FOR THESE THINGS AT HOBBY SHOPS

SO SEVERINO JUST GOT PUT ON THE 60-DAY DISABLED LIST SO THE YANKEES COULD PICK UP CAMERON MAYBIN BECAUSE THE REST OF THE ROSTER HAS SIMULTANEOUSLY DROPPED DEAD AS WELL. LUIS WAS MY #8 OVERALL PICK AND IS SURPRISINGLY NOT THE DUMBEST THING I DID AFTER MY FIFTH ROUND PANIC. WHILE I WAS DRAFTING I MADE NOTES OF WHO I PICKED AND WHO I PASSED UP SO I COULD LOOK BACK LATER AND SEE WHAT AM IMBECILE I WAS. FOR EXAMPLE: FOR MY FIRST ROUND PICK I WANTED ACUÑA BUT I PICKED 8TH OR 10TH OR SOMETHING SO MY CHOICE WAS BETWEEN FREDDIE FREEMAN AND JOSE ALTUVE. I PICKED FAB FIVE FREDDIE BECAUSE OF COURSE I DID WHICH WAS PROBABLY STUPID BUT WHO CARES.

FOR LUIS SEVERINO MY NOTE FOR ALTERNATE PLAYER WAS FUCK IT

2017-18 PANINI REVOLUTION NIKOLA JOKIC

THE SCAN FOR THIS CARD DOES NOT DO THIS ANY JUSTICE. IN HAND THIS CARD LOOKS LIKE THE WIN SCREEN FOR A GAME OF YAR'S REVENGE EXCEPT INSTEAD OF A ROBOT FLY YOU ARE A GIGANTIC SERBIAN POINT-CENTER. BASEBALL CARDERS SHIT ALL OVER PANINI ALL THE TIME AND JUSTIFIABLY SO. BUT LOOKING THRU THEIR BASKETBALL PRODUCTS THERE'S A LOT OF CRAZY FUN CRAP LIKE THIS PACIFIC RIPOFF. I WISH BASEBALL HAD MORE CRAZY FUN CRAP LIKE THIS SHINY NIGHTMARE. AND THAT BACK!!! THIS ENTIRE CARD IS A 90'S FEVER DREAM

PRETTY SURE NIKOLA WAS MY #1 PICK AND AGAIN I WAS ALL WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY. I KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS NOW AND HE IS AWESOME. BIG WHITE GUY RUMBLING DOWN THE COURT DISHING DIMES AND CAUSING HAVOC. I'VE HAD SOME FUN WATCHING YOUTUBE HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS GUY LIKE THIS ONE HERE. PRETTY SURE HE LED MY TEAM IN ASSISTS WHICH TELLS YOU ABOUT THE STATE OF MY POINT GUARDS. I'M ALSO ENJOYING SEEING HIM JUMP UP AND DOWN ON SAN ANTONIO IN THE PLAYOFFS EVEN THOUGH THE SPURS ARE MY UNOFFICIAL SECOND NBA TEAM. IMAGINE A GIANNIS-JOKIC MATCHUP IN THE FINALS. HOOOO-WEEEE!

2019 QYPSY GUEEN TOMMY PHAM

I HAVE REALLY ENJOYED QYPSY GUEEN SINCE THEY TRANSITIONED FROM THEIR VICTORIAN MISERABLE DESIGN SCHEME TO THEIR MORE RECENT CARNIVAL SIDESHOW POSTER MOTIF. THAT BEING SAID WHILE I ADORED THE DESIGN TWO YEARS AGO AND LOVED LAST YEARS THIS YEAR IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE THE VICTORIANS ARE TRYING TO MAKE A COMEBACK AND MISERABLE UP THE NEW WHIMSICAL DESIGNS. FRONTS ARE LOOKING A LITTLE DARKER THIS YEAR BUT THAT LOVELY BLUE ON THE BACK IS NICE. ALSO: DIGGIN THROUGH THE STACK OF GQ IN THE DIME BOX HOO BOY ARE THERE A BUNCH OF JABRONIS IN THAT CHECKLIST. MANY COMPLAIN ABOUT THE NON-SPORTS CARDS IN ALLEN & GINTER BUT I'D RATHER HAVE THOSE THAN ALL THE NON-STARS CARDS IN THIS SET. SAVE THE JABRONIS FOR FLAGSHIP, I WANT STARS IN MY WEIRDO OFF-BRAND NOVELTY SETS

TOMMY PHAM. THIS IS THE GUY I PICKED IN THE FIFTH ROUND WHEN MY DRAFT TRAIN COMPLETELY DERAILED AND TOOK OUT A SCHOOL, A CHURCH AND THREE ORPHANAGES.SO WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS THIS: FIRST THREE ROUNDS I GOT A GUY I WAS 100% HAPPY WITH. ROUND FOUR I WAS FACED WITH THIS CHOICE: CARLOS CORREA OR OZZIE ALBIES. WANTED THEM BOTH, A LOT. I KNEW CARLOS WAS GONE IF I DIDN'T PICK HIM. WAS PRETTY SURE OZZIE WOULD LAST ANOTHER ROUND AND FALL TO ME AS HIS OVERALL RANKING WAS A FEW SPOTS UNDER MY NEXT SCHEDULED PICK

HE WENT LIKE 2 PICKS BEFORE MINE

I HAD NO PLAN B

MY FACE WHEN OZZIE GOT PICKED:

FORTUNATELY, I HAD NO TIME TO PANIC. I SAW TOMMY PHAM HIGH ON THE DRAFT BOARD, REMEMBERED HE GOT TRADED TO THE RAYS AND WOULD GET LOTS OF PLAYING TIME AND SNAPPED HIM UP. HE'S PLAYED REALLY WELL THIS YEAR SO FAR AND I'M HAPPY WITH THE SELECTION. AFTER THAT THOUGH, WELL THINGS WENT POORLY. REMEMBER THOSE DRAFT NOTES I MENTIONED BEFORE? HERE'S MY NOTES FOR ROUNDS 4-11. FIRST NAME IS WHO I PICKED, SECOND IS WHO I COULD HAVE PICKED OR WHO GOT PICKED RIGHT BEFORE ME IN A COUPLE OF CASES

CORREA          -           ALBIES
                                      NOOOO
PHAM              -         MELTDOWN
DOOLITTLE   -          JANSEN
KIMBREL       -            GUHH
SEVERINO      -          FUCK IT
HENDRICKS  -     UGGGH MORTON
MUNCY          -         NEWCOMB
KIKUCHI        -           MARKars
                                    GAVE UP

AT THIS POINT I DID IN FACT GIVE UP AND STARTED TAKING BRAVES ALL OVER THE PLACE INCLUDING THE AFOREMENTIONED SEAN NEWCOMB (yikes) NICK MARKAKIS (eh, okay) AND AJ MINTER (default closer now? i guess)

DESPITE MY INCOMPETENCE AND TERRIBLE LUCK I AM STILL SOMEHOW IN 5TH PLACE AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR ONE REASON:

I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO DRAFT JASON HEYWARD.

MY FAVORITE FUCKIN' PLAYER AND I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT HIM EVEN THOUGH I WAS PANICKING AND JUST PICKING BRAVES OUT OF DESPERATION

I EVEN FORGOT TO PICK HIM UP OFF THE WAIVER WIRE AFTER THE DRAFT

AND NOW HE'S HITTING OUT OF HIS MIND AND HAVING A MASSIVE COMEBACK FOR THE CUBS

THAT'S ALL ME, BABY! I'VE SINGLEHANDEDLY RESURRECTED JAY-HEY'S CAREER! IT'S ALL ME! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!