Trade Posts - The Last Refuge of a Desperate Man

Not gonna lie, I have writer's block. I have about 30 posts in the draft folder with images already uploaded, but when I open one up my fingers clench up and I end up typing like thi,.x;.lvzcx/..s fdju. I also have artist's block. I have enough ideas floating around in my brain to keep me busy for months but when I look at a canvas or a sketch card or a sketch book I get The Fear. All of a sudden when I pick up a paintbrush I turn into Dr. Gonzo in Bazooko Circus. Reading? Ha! I've been stuck on chapter two of "The Catcher Was A Spy" for two weeks. I can't write OR read. That's not all, I have cooking block. I let half a package of chicken rot in the fridge while the only food I was able to prepare was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Now we're out of peanut butter. And jelly. I need to lose weight anyway. But that's not happening because I haven't been exercising either. Walker's block? I have a pile of piles of cards that need to be packaged and mailed too so I'm also having trader's block. I don't know who is getting most of the cards because I'm not organized. I wouldn't say I have organizer's block because I've never been organized ever even for five minutes. That's not a block, that's a pathology. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. I don't wanna even know what kinda block I'll end up getting for that. I am a total blockhead. What to do?

TRADE POSTS!!!

You can always fall back on a good trade post. And I have a bunch of packages I haven't posted yet. Mainly because I haven't posted many trade packages in the past year. This one is from reader Edgar, who sent this package a few months ago and who recently won my Supa Bowel contest and whose football cards are still sitting on my desk. I received a whole slopton of shiny cards from Edgar including these three:

Diamond Shiny Michael Bourn. The package was mostly Diamond Shinies, and luckily Bourn was one of them. I have high hopes that Michael will not be the second coming of Kenny Lofton this season. It would be nice if he was still around in 2013 too, but with Boras as his agent I don't have high hopes.

OrangeRedFractor Brian McCann. Retail Chromy Rack Packagery. These suckers remind me so much of the old Kelloggs 3D cards when they're scanned what with the hyper-focused front image and the fuzzy blurry background. Just without the spiffy lenticular technology. Blogger seems to think 'lenticular' is not a word and suggests 'testicular' instead. That's right, Kellogg's 3D cards have balls.*

Finally, here's a shiny rookie card of Captain Marvel Jr. Or is it Fab Five Freddie? Is it even a rookie card since it's a parallel? Is that even a rookie card rule anymore? Would you really want the non-refactor version over the shiny one? Yeah, I know, you want the autographed version. THAT'S NOT AN OPTION. Will Freddie avoid the sophomore slump this season or will I be drinking really heavily** this summer? Can't it be both? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Good stuff from Edgar, time to get that package mailed...

*You know truly understand the depraved depths of my writer's block. Hoo boy.
**No drinker's block yet, thank goodness.

1953 Topps Cartoon - #4 No

Trying to write this post while listening to the game. It's hard to type when you want to crawl in a hole and die.

'53 Topps Joe Astroth. GOD BLESS YOU KRIS MEDLEN. oh god I love you kris. Oh who cares about Joe Astroth. He plays for Philadelphia. PHUCK PHILADELPHIA. gonna throw up. ugh. Here's the cartoon.

Has anyone ever pitched a no-hit game in a World Series? 

˙ou :˙suɐ

If anyone wants to know what my face looks like right now, it's right up there in that cartoon.

Three reasons why I chose this cartoon over the others. First, the illustration is striking. A completely blank face in a cartoon is somewhat disconcerting. I was also amused by how quickly the trivia question was rendered useless. Three years after this card was printed, Don Larson screwed up the answer forever. It kind of makes me want to go over all the trivia questions for the set to see how many of them aren't true anymore. I'll wait until I complete the set to do that. JESUS CHRIST OUR OFFENSE SUCKS

Those aren't the real reasons I chose this cartoon though. I really chose it so I could express just how incredibly hard it is to resist drawing a Rorschach face on the back of this card.

Fuck it, I might do it anyway.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go drink heavily and cry right now.

My Annual Late April Panic Attack, AKA The NFL Draft

The Falcons' draft history has been, shall we say, less than stellar. A lot like their entire history, really. The funny thing is last year the face of the franchise got thrown in a federal pen, the coach ran away in the dead of night and the entire team collapsed, and it might not even be the worst season in franchise history. I've been purposefully avoiding talking about the Falcons' moves this offseason because until we see what happens in the draft there's no way to evaluate them. Overall, I like the direction. New coach, new GM, and the general purging of the roster is probably what needs to happen at this point even though the Dunn and Crumpler cuts hurt bad.

The Turner signing was a good one. He's a solid running back without too much mileage on him and he complements Jerious Norwood well. The Deangelo Hall trade was also good. D-Hall is a top corner, but he's too expensive for a team building from the ground up. I'll take the pick. I would prefer if Joey Harrington is not on the opening day roster. The Jason Elam signing bewilders me. I know the kicking position has been a disaster since we let Jay Feely walk but... why sign Elam? He's not that much younger than Morton Andersen! Everything really hinges on the draft though. The Falcons have been drafting fairly badly for a few years now and the trend has to be reversed.

I got a big disappointment when the Dolphins signed Jake Long this week. I was hoping that somehow he would end up falling to #3. It wasn't likely, but hey, you never know. The Falcons have completely ignored their offensive line for a decade and now it is a complete disaster. Michael Vick made it look better than it was with his Houdini act, but with a normal QB it's just terrible. That dream is dead, so now I'm focused on the other side of the line. Glenn Dorsey is a beast on defense and our defenseive line is only a little bit better than the offensive line. Put Glenn in the middle of John Abraham and Jamaal Anderson and they could do some damage. Unfortunately, the Rams started putting the squeeze to Atlanta before the ink on Long's contract was dry. Want Dorsey? Move up in the draft. As much as I want Dorsey, I do not want them to spend more than one pick on him. There are too many holes at too many positions and I'd rather have two starters instead of one. Moving down and stockpiling picks would be great, if anyone out there wanted to move up. No one seriously thinks we'll pick McFadden anymore now that we signed Turner and Matt Ryan isn't a 'must have' franchise quarterback. Actually Matt Ryan is what this post is all about.

If the Falcons take Matt Ryan #3 I'm done with them. This team has ignored their foundations for years now and picking a quarterback with the third pick is the absolute last thing they need right now. The defense is a wreck, the offensive line is non existent so why in the world would you pick a player who won't even start and give him a massive signing bonus to boot? You don't buy a new souped up engine for your car when the CHASSIS is missing! Get a lineman with that first pick or trade back with anyone who will give you a pick or two. The Falcons have three second round picks and Brohm, Flacco and Henne will be waiting there. The Falcons can get a good quarterback, they don't need to do it with their #1 pick.

Matt Ryan might be a great quarterback in the NFL. He will not be a great quarterback with the Falcons. It just won't happen. Here's what will go down. Falcons pick Ryan. Atlanta rejoices. We have our savior! Lots of jerseys and tickets are sold. Game 1: Harrington is starting. Harrington stinks. Around game three the fans are frothing at the mouth for Ryan. Eventually, he's put in there and he gets massacred. No line, remember? Two years from now his development is somewhere in between Akili Smith and Jay Cutler. Guess who's out of jail? Guess what quarterback controversy we have now? I can't handle that shit and I'm not going to suffer through it all AGAIN. The Falcons pick Ryan, I'm a die-hard Titans fan until the Falcons prove that they have their act together and go to the playoffs two years in a row. I've had almost 30 years of torment from this team and there's a team one state north with a winning program, a great coach and #83, my favorite player. I don't need the heartbreak anymore and Matt Ryan will not change this franchise's fortunes.