I have no idea how to create pages but I'll figure it out eventually godammit

Monday, April 7, 2008

When you buy cards from "victoryinjesus888" you have to expect this sort of thing

So last week I went on a Goudey eBay binge trying to knock out a few short prints and inserts for my set. To be perfectly frank, I was less than successful. Out of maybe 20 or so auctions I bid on I was successful on three. Two Braves 'hits' that I'll show off soon and a lot that I'm not even sure why I bid on now. Probably because it had an autograph in the lot (not Goudey, I'll show it off on Auto-Matic this week) and because I had deluded myself into thinking I could build the 100-card relic set. There were a bunch of big lots or relics out there and despite my best efforts I got blown out of the water on them. I did win this one though, so there's two more pockets filled in my Goudey binder.

Ok. Not the greatest jersey cards in the world. Bonderman's a middle of the rotation guy who I'm still deluded can be an ace. Bobby Crosby could be a decent player if he could just stay healthy. I got it dirt cheap and the cards look good so not a bad deal overall. The reason I'm posting this though is because of the bonus that was in the pack:

I've gotten lots of extras thrown in eBay packages. Crappy cards, good cards, packs of stickers, catalogs, coupons, newspapers that were interesting to read and a pack of 1978 Grease cards. I've never gotten a Christian tract comparing God's Salvation to Deal or No Deal before though... Apparently when you die, you get to open your briefcase and if you believe in God, Howie Mandel tips you off to the one with a million bucks in it ahead of time. Or something like that.

In college the campus was littered with these things. There were pop-culture tracts like this one, austere FOUR SPIRITUAL LAWS tracts from the young Republican recruiting Campus Crusade, groovy light hearted tracts from Jews for Jesus, the infamous Jack Chick tracts and even a few anti-tracts. My roommate was a member of the Objectivist club and he had a couple that started out "Dear Christian" that processed to explain how big a dumbass you were for believing fairy tales. I was actually in Campus Crusade at the time (don't worry, I regained my sanity) and I messed with him a bit here and there. I really confused the hell out of him by doing all this Bible study stuff then coming back to the room and listening to Frank Zappa. Even so, one of the funniest things I have ever seen and ever will see is when my roomie cornered one of the student leaders in Crusade on the stairs at the Tate center and assaulted him with his Randian tract. Just the look on his face of horror and confusion and the realization that he was as trapped as some of the poor saps he himself had cornered with a tract on those same steps was priceless. Good job Chris, wherever you are.

I almost wish I had gotten a Jack Chick tract, but then again getting a game show tract shows the seller is at least mainstream about his evangelicism. For those not familiar with the Chick, they are little bits of comic book heaven. I've loved Jack Chick tracts ever since I got my first one. It was a vicious screed against all Catholics, stating that Mary was some kind of Mesopotamian demon-goddess or some such twaddle and that all Catholics were going to hell for worshipping the Devil. All lovingly drawn in cartoony style with Demons bellowing HAW! HAW! while poor deluded sinners get chucked into the flames. Really genius stuff, and I'm not kidding about this. Whether you like Jack Chick or hate him, the man is one of the most successful and prolific Underground cartoonists of all time and I'm a big fan of Underground cartoons. Each tract is a little comic book and it always is well drawn, has a solid story and is usually dealing with a controversial subject. They are damn fun to read too as long as you don't get too offended by the more off the wall claims in the tracts. The irony in these right-wing Tijuana Bibles can be absolutely delicious too. That first tract I found in a dining hall that chucked all of Catholicism in the incinerator? It was courtesy of Harmony Baptist Church. Harmony indeed!

1 comment:

offy said...

With my luck I'd get zonked.