I have no idea how to create pages but I'll figure it out eventually godammit

Monday, March 18, 2013

Heritage Frankenset - Page 3

I'm glad I went back and did the beginning of the set when I did because the low numbers of 2001 Heritage are kind of a pain. The only two cards available on this page were Jose Vidro and Randy Velarde. Actual Variation cards make their first appearance in the set, not counting black backs.

Card #19 - Randy Velarde
I literally remember nothing about Randy Velarde from his playing days. Nothing at all. That's probably because I'm a National League guy and career American League utility infielders usually aren't on my radar. I do like the default image that pops up when you Google Velarde, it makes him look like an old timey gangster or something. Nevermind, I read the article where the image came from and now I'm sad.  The theme for this page is now Sad.

#20 - Robinson Cano
When I first started building this set I was ornery and decided to shut out Yankees whenever I could. It worked out for a while but then no brainers like this yellow letter variation card of Cano and then the Yankee floodgates inadvertently opened and they ended up with 17 base cards in the set. And that makes me Sad.

#21 - Carlos Pena
Carlos is one of those guys who bounces all over the place and hits wherever he goes. Although lately his average has been kinda Mendozaish he can still draw walks and hit the occasional dinger. Now he's with the Astros, which shouldn't really need a DH like Pena, but now they are in the American League and that makes me Sad. Why didn't they just ship the Brewers back to the AL? Oh yea, their owner is the Commish. Sad.

#22 - Bengie Molina
I got nothing against Bengie. He's a solid catcher who had a pretty decent career in the bigs. Plus Benji was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. I liked it so much that we ended up getting a dog who looked a little like Benji. That dog was a complete asshole and I think she bit me a couple times. Now I don't really like dogs at all anymore even though they seem to like me a whole lot. Go 'way dogs! You make me Sad!

No one is more surprised than me that this card managed to make me sad without thinking of Bengie's annoying overrated douchey Cardinal brother. How'd that happen?

#23 - Derek Jeter
Did someone mention overrated? Ok, so Jeets is damn good, but he's not Babe Ruth or Joe DiMaggio or Mickey Mantle good which seems to be the conventional wisdom on some of the more annoying sports media outlets out there. Even with my Yankee bias I had to include the blue letter variation card from 2006 Heritage. It was the first variation I pulled out of that set and it was one of the best variations you could pull! And the card looks like complete drek. It's a dumb pose and you can barely read the text. And that makes me Sad.

#24 - Marco Scutaro
Not sure what about Scutaro can make me sad. He's just one of those decent hitting shortstops that is never a star but is always there in the late rounds of your fantasy draft when you've picked up 8 outfielders because upside and you realize you have no middle infielders. Oh wait, he just won a Championship with the stinkin' Giants. Posey was out. Sad.

#25 - Carlos Lee
Exhibit A on why you don't give a big ol' mashin' slugger a gigantic pile of cash when they are in their 30s. And then the Marlins gave up prospects for this guy last year, mere moments before canning everyone and beginning the Fire Sale Part 7. Baaaaahahahahaha! LOLMARLINS. Oh wait, the Marlins still exist and they have a swirling glowing statue of Cthulhu in their brand new park financed with tax dollars and Jeffrey Loria has not been tried and executed for crimes against humanity yet. Now I am Sad.

#26 - Fausto Carmona
So, Fausto. Fausto made the bigs at a young age and got roughed up a bit his rookie season but then had a MONSTER year as a sophomore but probably pitched too many innings too early because he's been up and down ever since but that doesn't really matter because he's not actually Fausto Carmona he's Roberto Hernandez and is several years older than we thought so now he's just old and sucks and the Indians dumped him but he signed on with the Rays who already had a Roberto Hernandez so that adds more confusion to the already confusing tale of Fausto Carmona. Run on sentences make me Sad.

#27 - Brian Schneider
Ugh, Nationals. The Phillies finally dropped dead and the stinkin' Gnats pop up outta nowhere and snatch the division. I don't give a darn for the Nats at all so I was hoping to sneak in more Expos cards for the Natspos combined franchise. When all was said and done, there were seven cards each for the 'Spos and the Nats and one of the Nats cards is a combo so they have eight players in the set to the Expos' seven. Saaaaaaaaaaaad.

Oh, and Brian Schneider is a catcher, I guess.

Such a depressing post. Oh well, it's Monday. Gotta expect some suckiness on Mondays. Hopefully this sideways format is a little more readable for the card backs. Assuming the one '53 design back on its side doesn't trigger everyone's OCD. If you don't like this format, that's a problem because I've already uploaded a dozen posts this way. That would really make me... well, you know.

No comments: