So Long, Reg

Paul Newman 1925-2008.

Man, this year has sucked. I gotta watch this tonight now. While eating a big bowl of Newman's Own popcorn.

I wish I had bought a pack of Black Hole cards back in the '80s now

Happy Large Hadron Collider Switch On day! Now soon we will know if Stephen Hawking is full of crap or not. (My money is on not) While some people are worried that this thing will cause the world to end in a puff of smoke, the fact is that the sort of collisions that the device will create happen all the time in the upper atmosphere. It's just really really hard to get all the particle detectors up there. Many scientists see this as a great opportunity. If you're interested in learning more, there's plenty of info online, including trivia and even comics. Hawking might win a Nobel Prize out of all this, but I think he deserves an Allen & Ginter card too.

SCIENCE. It works, bitches.

UPDATE: Gamers out there will appreciate this.

Everyone else can find out if the Large Hadron Collider has destroyed the earth or not by clicking on this helpful page. It made me feel much better when I clicked.

1989 Upper Deck Crash Davis

So yeah. I'm drooling over a fake Braves card. Thanks Orlando Sentinel for showing me another awesome card I can't have. Actually I have a color printer and three brand new ink cartridges, hmmm... Crash Davis would have been a hell of an improvement over Jody Davis in '89. We already know he was good with developing young pitchers and I'm sure he could have hit .169 like Jody. The Nuke LaLoosh reverse negative rookie card I can do without. If I want the rookie card of someone with a million dollar arm and a ten cent head I'll look through my John Rocker cards. He sure could have used a Crash and Annie in his life to kick his ass every once in a while. I think I heard on the Regular Guys that he allegedly might wear women's underwear though, but I thankfully have no confirmation of that. If you'll excuse me I feel the need to go watch a great baseball movie right now. A League of Their Own. That's right, Bull Durham is nice and all, but Annie Savoy sure can't hit like Dottie Hinson.

Card Of the Week 2/11/08

I'm crazy busy at the moment, but I wanted to share this beauty that came in the mail today.


Once things slow down a bit (maybe Thursday the way things are going) I'll do the write up. In the mean time, just enjoy the card.


Ok, I have a little bit of breathing room now and the question has already been addressed. What the heck is a Braves logo doing on a Satchel Paige card?? I'm glad you asked! This is a card I've been chasing since 2004 when it was released. Well here's the deal. Everyone knows that Satchel was a Negro League superstar. Pretty much the biggest superstar this side of Babe Ruth. Satchel finally got to play in the majors in 1948 after Jackie Robinson's integration, and then only when the Indians were desperate for pitching help in the heat of a pennant race. Bill Veeck signed Paige to pitch for the Indians and he helped them to capture the Pennant and the World Series against the Braves. I don't begrudge the Indians for beating the Braves in that World Series specifically because Satchel got a ring. Besides, we got our revenge eventually.

Satchel barnstormed in 1950 and returned to the majors in 1951 with the St Louis Browns after Bill Veeck bought the team. Satchel had his best year in the Majors in '52 and made the All Star team that year. Satchel didn't get in the game when it was rained out after five innings and Casey Stengel put him on the All Star squad in 1953 where he pitched an inning. Veeck sold the team in 1953 and Satchel was released before the team moved to Baltimore. So close, Kevin, so close.

That wasn't the end of Satchel's major league career though. In 1965 at the age of 58, Satchel started one last game for Charlie O. Finley's Kansas City A's on Negro League tribute day. Satchel pitched three scoreless innings, Diego Segui blew the save and the immortal Don Mossi finally lost the game in the 8th when John Wyatt uncorked a wild pitch that let an inherited runner score. Here's some trivia to impress your friends: Who got the last hit off of Satchel Paige in his major league career? Answer: Carl Yastrzemski with a double off of Satch in the first inning.

I still haven't explained what that Braves logo is doing on the card though. In 1968 Braves owner Bill Bartholomay, the man who brought the Braves to Atlanta, signed Satchel to a contract. Satchel was ostensibly a pitching coach, but it was really more of a publicity stunt to drum up interest in the team. There was another very important reason for Paige to be on the team though - it got Satchel the 158 days of Major League service time that he needed to be eligible for his pension. Imagine denying the greatest pitcher who ever lived - a man who pitched professionally for 40 years - his well deserved pension because he didn't have enough service time! If it weren't for those goddamn lousy Mets, Satch might have had another World Series ring in '69 too.

Satch got his time in and the last major league uniform he ever wore was a Braves uniform. Of course the only proper thing to be done was for Donruss to buy one of them up and chop it into little bits for their 2004 Leaf Certified Materials set. This is another example of my shocking hypocrisy when it comes to trading cards. The purist in me thinks it's an absolute disgrace that such a Holy Baseball Relic should be desecrated so in the pursuit of filthy lucre. That uniform should have been hanging in the Braves Museum at Turner Field dammit! Then again, the collector in me WANTS ONE OF THOSE JERSEY CARDS VERY BADLY. Very very badly. It's on a very short list of my most wanted cards ever, along with a '54 Aaron, a 1940 Play Ball Casey Stengel and any original King Kelly card, among others. I've never been able to track one down or win an eBay bid so far, but I'll keep trying. In the meantime, I finally snagged a base card from the set. At least I think it's a base card. It's serial numbered so it might be a parallel. Lord knows Donruss doesn't have enough parallels. In any case it's a Satchel Paige Braves card. And since there have been no Braves so far this year for my Card of the Week, it's about time don't you think?

Back to Normal

Ok, the little crisis I had earlier today is over. Things look to be back to normal, but I'll be on high alert for a while. Everything turned out ok (so far at least) so there's no need to go on a rant about a certain organization's completely unreachable customer service department. It kind of derailed me in the middle of putting together the latest The 792 gallery though, so look for that soon. In the meantime check out this awesome post from The House of Cardboard.

I'm not the only one with ideas about the 2008 Allen & Ginter set! I really, really, really want that card too. Topps needs to get on this idea quick!

No Fighting in the War Room

A recent Allen & Ginter post by Chris Harris is threatening to break out into a political flamewar. I have commemorated the event by adding a President, War Hero and Scientist to my proposed 2008 A&G Checklist.

Hello? Hello, Dimitri? Listen, I can't hear too well, do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little? Oh, that's much better. Yes. Fine, I can hear you now, Dimitri. Clear and plain and coming through fine. I'm coming through fine too, eh? Good, then. Well then as you say we're both coming through fine. Good. Well it's good that you're fine and I'm fine. I agree with you. It's great to be fine. Now then Dimitri. You know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb. The bomb, Dimitri. The hydrogen bomb. Well now what happened is, one of our base commanders, he had a sort of, well he went a little funny in the head. You know. Just a little... funny. And uh, he went and did a silly thing. Well, I'll tell you what he did, he ordered his planes... to attack your country. Well let me finish, Dimitri. Let me finish, Dimitri. Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it? Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dimitri? Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello? Of course I like to speak to you. Of course I like to say hello. Not now, but any time, Dimitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened. It's a friendly call. Of course it's a friendly call. Listen, if it wasn't friendly, ... you probably wouldn't have even got it. They will not reach their targets for at least another hour. I am... I am positive, Dimitri. Listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador. It is not a trick. Well I'll tell you. We'd like to give your air staff a complete run down on the targets, the flight plans, and the defensive systems of the planes. Yes! I mean, if we're unable to recall the planes, then I'd say that, uh, well, we're just going to have to help you destroy them, Dimitri. I know they're our boys. Alright, well, listen... who should we call? Who should we call, Dimitri? The people...? Sorry, you faded away there. The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters. Where is that, Dimitri? In Omsk. Right. Yes. Oh, you'll call them first, will you? Uh huh. Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Dimitri? What? I see, just ask for Omsk Information. I'm sorry too, Dimitri. I'm very sorry. Alright! You're sorrier than I am! But I am sorry as well. I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri. Don't say that you are more sorry than I am, because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are. So we're both sorry, alright? Alright.

Ok. I'm gonna get your money for you. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's going to happen to you?

What?

You're going to have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company.

Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!

I Have no Idea How I Forgot These Two

My mind is really slipping, I also forgot to watch Feasting on Asphalt last night. I'm not sure if the cards have infected my brain or if I'm just getting old and shouldn't be staying up so late. Probably a little of both. Anyway here's two additions to the Non-Baseball champions category (Bowling and Iron Chef) and a special treat for Chris.

2008 Allen & Ginter Checklist Suggestions

Poor Ben Henry finally broke down and succumbed to the goodness that is 2007 Allen & Ginter. His box review is much better - and funnier - than mine, mainly because he's not a drooling slobbering fanboy throughout. He actually has the guts to call the Alex Rodriguez mirror card the "A-Rod Home Run Bullshit Waste of Space", which is exactly what it is. And he's actually worked with Topps before. If Topps came to me asking for advice on a set I'd be such a sycophantic douche (think a cross between Grima Wormtongue and Comic Book Guy) I'd probably have one of those crappy ARods tattooed to my ass if they asked me to. At the end of his post, Ben suggested some cards for 2008 he'd like to see, assuming there is a 2008 set. And really, if Topps is going to drag out Turkey Red for one more year, why not?

This got Chris Harris of Stale Gum thinking who he'd like to see in a hypothetical 2008 set, so he posted his list. It's a very good list too. Fred Merkle's Boner, Shaun White, Hunter S. Thompson and Machu Picchu would all make great trading cards. The idea of putting Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly on a dual auto card is is pure genius. Then Chris asked is anyone had any suggestions... Of course that set me off and about 5 hours later I not only have a list of suggestions but a few mock ups as well. If anyone from Topps is reading, feel free to steal any of these ideas. If you want to hire me on as a consultant, that would be great too, just give me time to make an appointment at the local tattoo parlor.


Baseball
Seconded on Buck 'O'Neill
Willard Brown
Nino Escalera
John Irvin Kennedy - The first black player to play for the Philadelphia Phillies (the last NL team to integrate by the way) yet does not have a single baseball card to my knowledge.
Rube Foster
Bud Fowler
Fleetwood Walker
Welday Walker
Harry Wright
George Wright
Rube Waddell
Jim Bouton
Branch Rickey
Don Mossi
Oscar Gamble
Bow Wow Arft
Van Lingle Mungo
Sibbi Sisti
Pumpsie Green
Creepy Crespi
Casey Stengel
Yogi Berra (every set produced should have Yogi)
Roy Hobbs
Sidd Finch
Joe Schlabotnik
Eddie Gaedel
Moonlight Graham
Benny Bengough
Dave 'Soup' Campbell
Dave Campbell - 1977-78 Braves


Non-Baseball
Pele - if you don't know who this is, then you're an American. If you do know who this is, and you're an American, the NSA would like to have a word with you.
Richard Petty
Willie O'Ree
Happy Feller
Bobby Jones
Artis Gilmore
Sam Snead
Johnny Unitas
Jack Nicklaus
Peggy Fleming
Johnathan Wendel
Brandi Chastain
Jamie Hyneman's Blendo - BattleBots is a legitimate sport. Adam Savage is on the top of my 2009 A&G set wish list. Kari Byron is the only person in my proposed 2010 A&G set, which will have 4,872 cards plus parallels and relics. Scottie Chapman can be in the set too if she wants. Tory Belleci cannot be in the set, but we'll use a screencap of his bike jump over a wagon as the package art. Grant Imahara gets a card maybe around 2027.
Connie Hawkins
Bobby Orr
Garry Kasparov
Deep Blue
Jerry Rice
Brian Lara
Babe Didrikson Zaharias
Jim Thorpe
Wilt Chamberlain
Mark Spitz
The female pole vaulter whose picture is all over the internet
Venus and Serena Williams
Crystl Bustos
Dave Campbell - founder of Texas Football Magazine


Historical Figures
Emperor Norton - Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico, 1859-1880. Dissolved Congress, abolished the Democratic and Republican parties, called for the creation of a League of Nations and ordered the building of a bridge and tunnel connecting Oakland and San Francisco. A great visionary and patriot.
Nikolai Tesla
Bert Randolph Sugar
Frank Zappa
Damon Runyan
Lenny Bruce
Harry Houdini
Kurt Vonnegut
Charles Schulz
Stephen Hawking
Malaclypse the Younger
Bill Hicks
Groucho Marx
Chico Marx
Harpo Marx
Not Zeppo Marx - no card for you
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Arthur C. Clarke
Buckminster Fuller
Jules Verne
Nellie Bly
Fusajiro Yamauchi
Ernest Thayer
DeWolf Hopper
Charlie Chaplin
Edward D. Wood
Malcom X
Guy Fawkes
Aleister Crowley
Dave Campbell - Oscar Winning sound re-recording mixer


Monuments, etc.
Elysian Fields
Polo Grounds
Ebbets Field
Notre Dame Cathedral
Sydney Opera House
The Globe Theater
The Big Chicken - everywhere in Atlanta is either on Peachtree Street, or is a mile from The Big Chicken. Look it up.
Nazca Lines
The Hindenburg
Stonehenge


Special unannounced insert set 1:
WOF-1 Lou Costello
WOF-2 Bud Abbott
WOF-3 Who - First Base
WOF-4 What - Second Base
WOF-5 I Don't Know - Third Base
WOF-6 Why - Left Field
WOF-7 Because - Center Field
WOF-8 Tomorrow - Pitcher
WOF-9 Today - Catcher
WOF-10 I Don't Give A Darn - Shortstop

Special unannounced insert set 2:
TS-1 Harry Moses Horwitz
TS-2 Louis Feinberg
TS-3 Jerome Lester Horwitz
TS-4 Samuel Horwitz
TS-5 Joe Besser
TS-6 Joseph Wardell
TS-7 Emil Sitka