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Monday, February 14, 2011

Blog Bat Around: Fixing Topps

So, Mr. Eisner. Pleasure to meet you. Chris has informed me that I am now in charge of Topps Product Development. In fact, I'm the entire staff. Budget overruns, I suppose. Shipping costs on Transmogrifier redemptions were a little higher than you expected. Cuts had to be made. I understand, it's just business. So now you need a little expert consulting on Series Two.

Let's take a look at Series One first. Nice design. Simple. Elegant. Good photography too - I like that. Backs are nice. You can actually read the card number. Now about the inserts, there's a lot of them. It seems that everybody hates at least one of them. On the other hand, everybody loves at least one of them. Something for everyone, very good. You need to make changes next year you know. One more card history set and you'll be printing a 1987 Bip Roberts reprint before too long. Not that there's anything wrong with that. We'll worry about revamping the inserts next year. Right now they're good. Let's talk variations. You've gone a little overboard this year. Legends cards are nice. New uniforms should be saved for Series 2. I don't even know what you were thinking on the twinks. You know what? Just keep all that stuff in, no one cares about it anyway. I bet there's a couple hundred twink cards out there in dime boxes because no one notices something like that. Let some kid get a cheap thrill out of a dime box. In fact, We're going to do Series Two just like Series One. Same inserts, same gimmicks, same everything. Why the hell not. People are used to it by now, why upset them needlessly. What I want to discuss today is the base set.

Lemme talk about the base set. The base set is why we are all here. You are not your inserts. You are not how many hits you have in a box. You are not the jerseys you cut up. You are not the contents of your autograph lineup. You are the base set. Topps has always been about the base set.

Here are the rules of the base set:

The first rule of the base set is, you do not fuck with the base set.

The second rule of the base set is, you DO NOT FUCK with the base set.

Just remember that and you're golden. Now I'll just take my telephone, computer, fax machine, 52 weekly paychecks and 48 airline flight coupons and you get working on Series Two. Trust me, everything's gonna be fine.

Screw Eisner.  His candy-ass wouldn't last a second Wednesday night.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dude. Need your address. Sent emails. Do you need any more Topps Series 1. I have a lot I can drop in the box with the sparkly things!