ON THE TENTH DAY OF AD-MAS

OH MY GOD I MIGHT ACTUALLY COMPLETE A SERIES OF POSTS ON THIS SILLY BLOG FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. REMEMBER WHEN I SPENT LIKE A MONTH PUTTING TOGETHER A FRANKENSET OF TOPPS HERITAGE CARDS USING A CARD FROM ALL NINE YEARS ON EACH PAGE AND I SPENT HOURS SCANNING EVERY PAGE AND UPLOADING THEM AND GOT ABOUT TEN PAGES IN AND JUST.... STOPPED? AND NOW I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE SCANS WENT TO AND THE ACTUAL BINDER OF CARDS IS MISSING A PAGE SOMEHOW AND ALL THAT EFFORT IS JUST ALL GONE WITH NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT? ANYWAY, FUCK THE PAST, HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND HERE'S A COMIC

VAULT OF EVIL #13 SEPTEMBER 1974

MORE MARVEL REHASHED HORROR COMICS. THESE STORIES ARE ALL TAKEN FROM OLD ATLAS HORROR TITLES FROM THE 50'S. AND YOU SHOULD REALLY CLICK ON THAT LINK AND TAKE A LOOK AT ALL THE COOL COVERS FROM THOSE COMICS. THEY ARE ALL SUPERIOR TO THIS ONE WHICH LOOKS LIKE IT COULD TURN INTO A TOM OF FINLAND DRAWING AT ANY MOMENT. ACTUALLY THAT SOUNDS PRETTY AWESOME, IMAGINE TOM PENCILING A RUN OF THE AVENGERS HOLY SHIT.

THERE ARE 4 STORIES IN THE COMIC AND SOME OF THEM MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BEFORE THE COMIC CODE KICKED IN BECAUSE THEY HAVE THAT LURID SLEAZY FEEL THAT THE GOOD HORROR COMICS FROM THAT ERA HAVE. FIRST STORY IS THE HEAT'S ON AND IT'S NOTHING LIKE THE COVER. AN ASSHOLE SAILOR GETS WHAT HE DESERVES. THE DEVIL DOESN'T HAVE A MUSTACHE EITHER. THE SECOND ONE, THE TELEPATHIC TYPEWRITER, ISN'T THAT GREAT - IT'S BASICALLY MICHIGAN J FROG EXCEPT A TYPEWRITER - BUT IT'S DRAWN BY MORT DRUCKER OF MAD MAGAZINE FAME SO IT'S AT LEAST GOT HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE. THE MADMAN IS BY FAR THE BEST STORY OF THE BUNCH AND ONE OF THE BEST I'VE READ PERIOD. A NURSE IS HIRED TO WORK AT A SPOOKY OLD ASYLUM BY A CREEPY DOCTOR WHO IS TREATING THE INSANE. ONE PATIENT CLAIMS HE'S SEEN PROOF OF A PENDING INVASION OF FOUR ARMED MONSTERS WHO WANT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. THE TWIST AT THE END IS UTTERLY GLORIOUS. IF I EVER GET BRAVE ENOUGH TO SCAN ENTIRE STORIES THIS WILL BE ONE OF THE FIRST. THE FINAL STORY IS CONTENTS: ONE HUMAN WHICH WOULD WORK AS A TWILIGHT ZONE EPISODE IF IT WASN'T SO SILLY.

THE ISSUE IS ABSOLUTELY STUFFED WITH ADS, FROM COOL STUFF TO ODD STUFF TO BORING STUFF TO HORRIBLE STUFF. IT WAS HARD TO PICK ONE BUT I HAD TO GO WITH THIS:

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE TOYS I WOULD HAVE NEVER REMEMBERED AT ALL IF IT WERE NOT FOR MOLDY-ASS COMIC BOOK ADS. GUESSING WE'RE NOT GONNA GET A BIG JIM EPISODE OF THE TOYS THAT MADE US ANYTIME SOON. FOR A BRIEF PERIOD IN THE 70S THOUGH THESE THINGS WERE EVERYWHERE BEFORE THE STAR WARS ACTION FIGURES CRAZE KILLED OFF GIGANTIC BOY DOLLS FOREVER. DUDE BEING A BLACK BELT AS WELL AS A THREE SPORT STAR IS PRETTY DOPE. OK SO HE'S A KICKER, YOU TRY WINNING A CHAMPIONSHIP IN THREE SPORTS ALL AT THE SAME TIME. APPARENTLY BIG JIM WAS ALSO A SPY AND A BIG GAME HUNTER AND PART OF A GANG AS WELL? I LOOKED UP THAT COOL KARATE PLAYSET AND ACCIDENTALLY DISCOVERED THE JUNGLE ADVENTURE SET WITH REAL ACTION GORILLA. FOLY SHUCKING HIT FORGET BIG JIM I NEED AN ACTION GORILLA IN MY LIFE

AW HECK, IT'S CHRISTMAS. HERE'S A BONUS AD I COULDN'T PASS UP. ANYONE EVER PLAYED FLIP-O-BASEBALL? I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT, AND I'M WONDERING IF THERE'S A LOST SET OF BASEBALL GAME CARDS OUT THERE NOW. IT'S NOT IN MY STANDARD CATALOG AND TRYING TO GOOGLE IT GETS A BILLION HITS OF OLD WHITE MEN GRUMBLING ABOUT UNWRITTEN RULES AND LAMENTING HOW JOSE BAUTISTA HAS CAUSED AMERICA TO NOT BE GREAT AGAIN. I'M ASSUMING IT'S NOT JUST FLIPPING BASEBALL CARDS UP AGAINST THE WALL SINCE THE AD COPY MENTIONS STRATEGY AND RULES. IT WOULD BE PRETTY COOL IF THERE WERE SOME CUSTOM BASEBALL CARDS MADE FOR THE GAME BUT WHO KNOWS. THE ONLY MENTION I CAN FIND ONLINE AT ALL IS THIS COMICS FORUM POST STATING THAT THE AD IS ALSO IN DOCTOR STRANGE. TEMPTED TO SEND TWO BUCKS TO POSNER DISTRIBUTORS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS

UPDATE: HOLY SHIT THERE'S ACTUALLY A POSNER BATTERY DISTRIBUTORS LISTING IN THIS DIRECTORY OF NEW JERSEY JUNKYARDS WITH THE SAME ADDRESS AS THIS AD. WHAT UNHOLY MYSTERY HAVE I FALLEN INTO HERE