Transmogrified into being: My two Dicks

EDITOR'S NOTE: This is a very immature post, you should probably just stop reading now. Actually, delete the bookmark to this blog completely, we'll all be better for it.

Back when we could still trade on the Transmogrifier, everybody wanted my Dicks but I wouldn't let anybody touch them. I decided I just couldn't live without Dicks, so I gave Topps some money and they delivered me some fine looking Dicks. Now that I have my Dicks in my hand, let's see how they measure up. Penis.

1969 Topps Dick Bosman

Not in great shape but pretty typical of the cards I own from the '60s. The gloss is scuffed at several spots. All four corners are starting to get rounded. All four edges have at least one ding or nick. There are three small creases, one by his hand, one near his shoulder and one at the top left corner. Centering is off 35-65 on both axis. Even with the flaws it still looks decent as there are no real catastrophic problems with the card. This is your typical garden variety '60s common card.

The back looks great. The orangy-pink is strong, The black ink is bold and there's a kickass cartoon with a racing theme where Dick is driving one of those bullpen carts shaped like a baseball in competitive drag racing competitions. I wonder if Dick drove faster than he could throw?

1967 Topps Dick Kelley 

My other Dick is kinda dirty. All that black schmutz all over Dick's uniform is more wax stains. 1967ers gave a good tip on how to get rid of crusty stuff on your Dick on my last wax-stained post so I pulled out a tube sock, rubbed it off and did a final buffing with a kleenex. Now my Dick is as clean as a whistle. (I warned you right up there at the top but you didn't listen). Even cleaned up - I wonder if this is technically card altering - Kelley is still not in better condition as the Bosman. All four corners are rounded to the point of starting to fray, the edges are dinged, there's a small crease in between the V and E in Braves and worst of all, there's a scuff right on Dick's face. A card can take a lot of abuse and still look good, but paper loss on the player's face is not one of them. It's still in acceptable shape for a card from 1967. I once had a '67 Diego Segui card that had been attacked with a hole punch. That was a sad looking card indeed.

The back is a little dirty and the green is faded, but like the front, it's acceptable. I had this card in my team set already so I was hoping for maybe getting an upgrade. No dice. This one goes in the box with the rest of the '67 commons.

Interestingly enough, both of these cards were acquired through straight code redemptions. I guess Topps just likes giving me the Dick.