BOUGHT A PACK OF CARDS AT TARGET LIKE A DUMBASS

 SO APPARENTLY WALMART AND TARGET HAVE PACKS OF CARDS AGAIN NOW THAT THE FLIPPERS ARE ALL STARVING TO DEATH IN JOE BIDEN'S ECONOMY. I DID A LIL SHOPPING OVER THE WEEKEND* AND SNOOPED IN THE CARD AISLE HOPING TO FIND JUST ONE RACK PACK OF ALLEN & GINTER BUT FAILED MISERABLY. I FOUND SOME ARCHIVES BLASTERS ($25 NOW?? 😭) AND ONE BLASTER OF CHRONICLES BUT THAT WAS IT FOR THE BASEBALL. ALSO FOUND PRO SET FOOTBALL WHICH MADE ME WONDER WHAT DECADE IT WAS, A BUNCH OF HOCKEY I DON'T CARE ABOUT AND A METRIC CRAPLOAD OF PANINI DRAFT PICK BASKETBALL STUFF. NO DONRUSS BASKETBALL, NOT EVEN HOOPS, JUST DRAFT PICK. I PASSED AT WALMART BUT WHEN I WAS AT TARGET THE NEXT DAY I WAS DETERMINED TO TREAT MYSELF TO SOME KIND OF GODDAMN PACK BECAUSE I DESERVED IT

WHILE AT TARGET I CAME TO THE REALIZATION THAT I AM IN IN FACT AN ELDERLY NOW BECAUSE I HAD THE SAME PANIC TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE PRICE OF ANYTHING THAT I HAVE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORK THE ROKU. DEAR GOD ALL I WANT IS MY NETWORK STATIONS AND HANDFUL OF UHF CHANNELS AND A BOX OF TOPPS PACKS WITH 35 CENTS PRINTED RIGHT ON THE BOX AGAIN. FOR REALS, EVERY PRICE TAG HAS A DIFFERENT TOTAL AND NOTHING IS HANGING UNDER THEIR OWN PRICE TAG. THANKFULLY I AM AN EXPERIENCED TARGET SCROUNGER AND KNOW THAT HIDING SOMEWHERE  IN THE AISLES IS A PRICE CHECKER

WHEN I SHOWED UP THERE WAS A DUDE ALREADY THERE SEARCHING SOME PACKS. I RESPECTED THE HUSTLE AND GAVE HIM A WIDE BERTH BUT HE FLED ANYWAY WHEN HE RECOGNIZED MY COLLECTOR POWER. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO BUY SO I GRABBED A LITTLE SELECTION OF EVERYTHING: MATCH ATTAX SOCCER PACK, MATCH ATTAX TIN, 30 CARD PACK OF CHRONICLES DRAFT PICKS, BLASTER OF ARCHIVES. I ALREADY MENTIONED THE BLASTER PRICE OF 25 BUX WHICH WAS THE SAME FOR THE CHRONICLES BLASTER. A PACK OF MATCH ATTAX IS THREE BUCKS, AFFORABLE BUT BORING. THE TIN WAS TEN. IT HAD A SPECIAL NEON PURPLE CARD INSIDE BUT BEING A SET OF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE PLAYERS THERE WUOLD BE NO ARSENAL CARDS TO BE FOUND. THE FAT PACK OF BASKETBALL WAS FIFTEEN BUCKS!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO CARDS??? I WAS DISSATISFIED WITH THESE CHOICES AND WENT BACK TO THE CARD AISLE TO FIND SOME ALTERNATIVES

WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE AISLE, CARD SEARCHER DUDE WAS BACK WITH A HANDFUL OF PACKS AND ONCE AGAIN FLED WITH HIS TRASURES. GODSPEED MY DUDE I HOPE YOU FOUND SOME GOOD STUFF. UNLESS YOU'RE JUST GOING TO FLIP THEM IMMEDIATELY, THEN MAY YOU TRIP IN THE PARKING LOT AND BOUNCE THEM ALL OFF THE CURB INTO A PUDDLE. SECOND TRIP TO THE PRICER INCLUDED A 15 CARD PACK OF THE CHRONICLES DRAFT PICKS, THE AFOREMENTIONED CHRONICLES BLASTER AND A WILDCARD - A STARTER DECK OF MAGIC BOOSTERS WITH A CUTE DEVIL GIRL ON THE FRONT. THE MAGIC DECK WAS $10.19, AN ODD PRICE BUT THE GAME CARDS SEEM TO HAVE SLIGHTLY ODDBALL PRICES FOR SOME REASON. THE 15 CARD PACK WAS ONLY $6.99. I DIDN'T UNDERTAND WHY IT WAS CHEAPER PER CARD FOR 15 CARDS THAN IT WAS FOR 30 FOR THE SAME PRODUCT. THE TWO PACKS HAVE DIFFERENT RETAIL INSERTS, BUT THE 15 CARD PACK HAS A REVOLUTION CARD WHILE THE 30 CARD PACK HAS 4 SCORE CARDS. EXTRA FANCY REVOLUTION SEEMS BETTER THAN PLAIN KANE SCORE BUT THAT'S JUST ME. I WAS REALLY TEMPED BY THE MAGIC CARDS AND MIGHT HAVE GONE FOR IT IF IT WAS A LITTLE CHEAPER THAN THE HOOPS BUT IN THE END I WENT WITH THE PACK OF CHRONICLES BASKETBALL DRAFT PICKS

THIS IS THE FIRST CHRONICLES PACK I'VE EVER OPENED BUT I'VE HAD FANTASTIC LUCK PICKING OUT SINGLES FROM QUARTER BOXES THIS YEAR. THIS BASKETBALL SET IS EITHER WAAAAAAAY OVERPRODUCED OR SUPER UNPOULAR BECAUSE THERE IS A TON OF THIS STUFF EVERYWHERE. MAYBE A BIT OF BOTH, I'M NOT TOO CERTAIN ABOUT THIS DRAFT CLASS AND THE FACT THE SECOND OVERALL PICK GOT HURT AND IS OUT FOR THE YEAR AIN'T HELPING. I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THAT, I JUST CARE THAT AJ GRIFFIN SOMEHOW FELL TO THE HAWKS AND IS PLAYING VERY WELL FOR A 19 YEAR OLD ROOKIE. ODDS ARE PRETTY GOOD THERE'S AN AJ CARD IN HERE RIGHT? UNLESS BUDDY PACK SEARCHED ALL OF THEM 

NOT A BAD START AT ALL TO THE PACK WITH STEPH IN THE DAVIDSON UNI. BEING THE FIRST CARD IN THE PACK IT'S A LITTLE BEAT UP, BUT THEMS THE BREAKS WITH RETAIL LOOSIES. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT BRAND LUMINANCE IS BUT YOU'D THINK IT WOULD BE A BIT MORE FLASHY. THIS LOOKS LIKE THE BLANDEST FLEER ULTRA SET HAD A BABY WITH UPPER DECK FIRST EDITION. SADLY THIS IS BY FAR THE MOST COMMON DESIGN IN THE PACK BUT IT LOOKS WAY BETTER THAN THE CHRONICLES BASE CARDS I USUALLY SEE IN THE DIME BOXES

NOW DONRUSS I LIKE. THIS IS THE BASKETBALL SET I'VE BOUGHT THE MOST PACKS OF IN THE PAST DECADE. THE GOOFY BORDERS WITH BRIGHT COLORS PLEASES MY LIZARD BRAIN AND THE RATED ROOKIE AND OLD-SCHOOL DONRUSS LOGOS ARE JUST DIVINE. PLUS THE BORDERS ARE COLOR APPROPRIATE FOR THE TEAM, A NICE LITTLE DETAIL. HERE'S WHERE I ADMIT I HAVE NO IDEA WHO MOST OF THESE PLAYERS ARE. THIS IS A DRAFT PICK SET SO WE'LL REALLY KNOW WHICH OF THEM ARE ANY GOOD IN 4 YEARS. TARI EASON LOOKS LIKE HE'S GETTING SOME PLAYING TIME ON A TERRIBLE TEAM. NOT BAD BUT NOT A BIG NAME STAR EITHER. I APPRECIATE THE ROLE PLAYERS THOUGH SO WE'LL WAIT AND SEE HOW HE DEVELOPS

WAS SURPRISED AT THE ROOKIE CARD LOGO ON JEREMY SOCHAN'S CARD UNTIL I REMEMBER THAT, NO, THAT IS NOT A STEPH CURRY ROOKIE CARD UP THERE. OH WELL. LOOKS LIKE JEREMY IS IN THE SAME BOAT AS TARI, GETTING DECENT MINUTES ON A TERRIBLE TEAM

HERE'S THAT CHRONICLES BASE CARD DESIGN I WAS TALKING ABOUT. NOT TERRIBLE I GUESS, BUT STILL SOMEWHAT GENERIC. NICE TO SEE SOME SEC REPRESENTATION IN THE PACK BUT TYTY WASHINGTON JR HAS ONLY PLAYED A COUPLE GAMES WITH THE ROCKETS AS I WRITE THIS AND APPEARS TO BE PLAYING IN THE G-LEAGUE THIS SEASON

I THOUGHT JADEN HARDY WAS ONE OF THE FEW NAMES I RECOGNIZED FROM THIS DRAFT UNTIL I REALIZED NO, THAT'S JADEN IVEY. THIS JADEN IS ALSO SPENDING A LOT OF TIME IN THE G-LEAGUE WITH OCCASIONAL CALL-UPS TO THE MAVERICKS

MORE BEAUTIFUL DONRUSS WITH A SECOND JEREMY SOCHAN CARD. I GUESS I'LL BE KEEPING AN EYE ON HIS PROGRESS THIS YEAR

WELP. JEREMY SOCHAN HOT PACK. I GUESS THIS IS SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR WITH A SET DESIGNED LIKE THIS ONE IS WHERE THERE ARE LIKE 500 CARDS BUT ONLY 25 PLAYERS. THIS BRAND IS PANINI ESSENTIALS AND IS THE KIND OF STUFF I LIKE TO SEE FROM CHRONICLES. I HAVE A FEELING THESE KIND OF CARDS ARE MUCH EASIER TO PULL IN HOBBY PACKS

NO IDEA WHO CHRISTIAN BRAUN IS BUT I HAVE HEARD OF KANSAS AT LEAST. THIS IS A DREADED PARALLEL CARD, AND CHRONICLES ARE COMPLETELY INFESTED WITH THEM IF MY QUARTER BOX PICKUPS ARE ANYTHING TO GO BY. CHRISTIAN ISN'T GETTING MANY MINUTES BUT THE NUGGETS ARE A REALLY GOOD TEAM AND HE'S NOT STUCK IN THE DREADED G-LEAGUE REVOLVING DOOR SO THAT'S A GOOD SIGN

AWWWWW YEAAAAH. SUPER SHINY PAOLO BANCHERO REVOLUTION CARD. OTHER THAN GETTING AN AUTOGRAPH, PULLING A RETAIL EXCLUSIVE SHINY PARALLEL CARD OF THE NUMBER ONE OVERALL PICK IS PROBABLY THE BIGGEST WIN I COULD HAVE EXPECTED FROM THIS PACK. A QUICK EBAY SEARCH SHOWS I DID PRETTY WELL VALUE WISE WHICH IS NICE. BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY BECAUSE THIS IS THE GUY DEJOUNTE MURRAY GOT IN SOME BEEF WITH AT THE SUMMER LEAGUE FOR NO APPARENT REASON. OH AND PAOLO'S PLAYING REALLY WELL, HE MIGHT END UP BEING THE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

THAT'S IT FOR THE INSERTS, BACK TO BASE CARDS. MALAKI BRANHAM IS A TEAMMATE OF JEREMY'S SO LOOKS LIKE THIS IS ACTUALLY A SAN ANTONIO SPURS HOT PACK I HAVE NO COMMENT ON OHIO STATE UNTIL AFTER THE PEACH BOWL ALTHOUGH THAT MIGHT BE OVER BY THE TIME THIS POST GOES LIVE

MOAR SEC! JABARI SMITH JR WAS THE THIRD OVERALL PICK AND IS DOING PRETTY DAMN GOOD FOR A NINETEEN YEAR OLD SO FAR. I LIKE HAVING ROOKIE CARDS OF DECENT PLAYER SO LET'S CALL THIS A WIN

SAW THIS CARD AND GOT CONFUSED THAT NIKOLA JOKIć LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT. NO NO, THAT'S JOVIć. HE IS GETTING SOME TIME WITH THE MIAMI HEAT WHO THANKFULLY STINK WORSE THAN THE HAWKS THIS YEAR NEVERMIND, HAWKS BEEN STINKING IT UP IN DECEMBER. NIKOLA IS FROM LEICESTER WHICH SURPRISED ME A LITTLE BIT

KEEGAN MURRAY WAS A SURPRISE NUMBER FOUR OVERALL PICK BY THE KINGS THAT ALLOWED JASON IVEY TO DROP TO THE PISTONS. KEEGAN'S DOING REALLY WELL THIS YEAR BUT PERHAPS NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS IVEY. I'M REALLY REALLY ROOTING FOR THE KINGS TO FINALLY GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER AND MAKE THE PLAYOFFS SO THE HAWKS GET THEIR DRAFT PICK AND DON'T END UP GIVING AWAY KEVIN HUERTER FOR MAGIC BEANS. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU K-VON

LAST DRAFT PICK CARD IN THE DRAFT IS E.J. LIDDELL WHO SADLY TORE HIS ACL IN A SUMMER LEAGUE GAME AGAINST THE HAWKS AND IS PROBABLY OUT FOR THE SEASON. THAT IS A VERY BAD BREAK FOR A SECOND ROUND PICK AND I HOPE HE BOUNCES BACK

FIRST CARD IN THE PACK IS AN MVP WINNING NBA CHAMPION AND THE LAST CARD IS A GUY WHO MIGHT DO BOTH THIS YEAR. GOING TO BE COMPLETELY REAL WITH YOU ALL, THE EXCITEMENT I HAD FOR THE HAWKS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR HAS DISSIPATED AS THEY HAVE ONCE AGAIN SQUANDERED THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON WITH SOME TERRIBLE LOSSES ONLY TO END UP WITH HALF THE TEAM HURT AND IN A HOLE. THIS IS BECOMING A PATTERN AND I'M GETTING SOME ATLANTA FALCON FLASHBACKS WHICH IS ODD SINCE I'M A LIFELONG STEELERS FAN. I'M SORTA AT THE POINT WHERE I'M HOPING THE HAWKS MAKE THE PLAYOFFS AND CAUSE SOME EXTREME CHAOS BUT I'M ALSO ROOTING FOR THE CELTICS TO GO ALL THE WAY AND GET AL HORFORD HIS RING. IF THIS MAKES ME A TURNCOAT, SO BE IT. THERE'S ONLY SO MANY FIFTEEN POINT LEADS GETTING COMPLETELY BLOWN A MAN CAN WATCH BEFORE SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE

SO I FOOLISHLY BOUGHT A PACK OF CARDS BUT IT WORKED OUT OK EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T PULL THAT AJ GRIFFIN CARD I WANTED. WILL I DO IT AGAIN? MAYBE. IT WOULD CERTAINLY BE A BETTER VALUE IF I POACHED THE SHINY INSERTS I LIKE OUT OF A QUARTER OR EVEN FIFTY CENT BOX BUT ACTUALLY FINDING THAT BOX WITH THEM IN IT WILL PROVE TO BE A LITTLE TRICKY, ESPECIALLY WITH CARDS WITH THE DREADED RC LOGO ON THEM. I GOT SOME GOOD ENTERTAINMENT OUT OF THIS PACK AND A REALLY NICE ROOKIE CARD SO DUMBASSES CAN WIN SOMETIMES

*THE WEEKEND LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO. THE TWELVE DAYS OF CARDMAS LAUNCHED BEFORE I FINISHED WRITING THIS POST. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I HAVE A WHOLE BUNCH OF FINISHED POSTS IN THE QUEUE NOW SO I PROBABLY WON'T FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH AGAIN UNTIL AT LEAST FEBRUARY