THE TWELVE DAYS OF CARDMAS: LAUNDRY EDITION - DAY 10

LAST ONE OF THESE THAT WAS PULLED BY ME OUT OF A PACK OF CARDS. AND IT'S A REALLY RIDICULOUS ONE TOO

I MISS PACIFIC CARDS. THEY WERE HANDS DOWN THE MOST CONSISTENTLY WEIRD TRADING CARD COMPANY AROUND. SURE THEY HAD ONE OR TWO MILDY NORMAL LOOKING PRODUCTS LIKE THE FLAGSHIP SET AND MAYBE PARAMOUNT BUT THEY ALWAYS SWUNG FOR THE FENCES WITH THE DESIGNS ON THEIR ODDBALL SETS. A LOT OF TIMES THEY STRUCK OUT, BUT 2000 VANGUARD WAS ONE OF THEIR BEST. BASE CARDS WERE THESE THICK PLASTIC THINGS WITH A SOLID BRIGHTLY COLORED BACKGROUND WITH A HOLOFOIL HALO AROUND THE PLAYER PHOTO. YOU HAVE TO SEE THEM IN HAND TO GET THE FULL EFFECT BUT THEY REALLY DO LOOK GREAT. 

I BOUGHT QUITE A FEW PACKS OF BASEBALL FOOTBALL AND HOCKEY THAT YEAR* AND ENJOYED THEM GREATLY. THIS WAS A PREMIUM PRODUCT SO PACKS ONLY HAD FOUR CARDS  IN THEM. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I FOUND A PACK OF VANGUARD AT TARGET THAT WAS THE SIZE OF A BRICK. THICK PACK = MOAR CARDS SO OF COURSE I BOUGHT IT**. I OPENED IT UP AND THERE WASN'T MOARER CARDS, THERE WAS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF CARDS AND A CRAZY THICK CARD OF FUTURE HALL OF FAMER CRIS CARTER WITH A LARGE CHUNK OF WHAT APPEARED TO BE PART OF A UNIFORM NUMBER. WITH BONUS SERIAL NUMBER #1/25 HAND WRITTEN WITH A SILVER PAINT PEN THAT WAS RUNNING OUT OF PAINT. IT WAS THE YEAR 2000 SO RELIC CARDS WERE STILL RARE BUT NOT UNHEARD OF AT THAT TIME SO I WAS COOL AND COLLECTED WHEN I SAW IT, RIGHT. NOPE. MY EYEBALLS BUGGED OUT AND I WENT HUBBA HUBBA AWOOOOOGA NYONG NYONG NYONG BBBBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBBLBLB

THEN I TURNED THE MOTHERFUCKER OVER AND IT'S GODDAMN RANDY MOSS WITH AN EVEN NICER PATCH SWATCH. TWO HALL OF FAMERS ON THE SAME CARD THAT'S AS THICK AS A PULP NOVEL AND HAS TWO GIGANTIC PORT HOLES STUFFED WITH JERSEY BITS. IT'S A HELLA NICE CARD AND IF DIDN'T LOVE BASEBALL WAAAY MORE THAN FOOTBALL MIGHT'VE BEATEN OUT ICHIRO FOR MY 'NICEST PATCH CARD' AWARD. 2000 WAS A BANNER YEAR FOR PACIFIC AND IT'S A DAMN SHAME EVERYTHING CAME CRASHING DOWN AFTER THEY LOST THEIR BASEBALL LICENSE THE NEXT YEAR. I HAVE TWO MORE RELIC CARDS FROM 2000 PACIFIC OF KURT WARNER AND GREG MADDUX AND THE ONLY REASON THEY DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT IS BECAUSE I FOUND ALL THE OTHER CARDS IN THE POST BEFORE I GOT TO THEM. STILL, THIS CARD REPRESENTS THAT PACIFIC QUALITY WELL

YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TICKLED I WAS THAT THE TWINS WERE WEARING PURPLE

*POSSIBLE FRANKENSET CANDIDATE?

**BOOOO PACK SEARCHERS, HISSS BAH FOR SHAME. YEAH, YEAH,  WHATEVER. IF YOU CAN STRAIGHT UP LOOK AT A PACK AND SEE IT'S THREE TIMES FATTER THAN THE REST OF 'EM YOU'RE GONNA PICK THAT ONE. IT'S SIMPLE HUNTER GATHERER INSTINCT. THAT'S NOT EVEN PACK SEARCHING*** THAT'S PACK LOOKING

***ALSO, I AM ON RECORD AS BEING 100% SUPPORTIVE OF PACK SEARCHING IN RETAIL. TARGET AND WAL-MART CARD AISLES ARE A HELLSCAPE AT THE BEST OF TIMES I RESPECT THE HUSTLE FOR COLLECTORS JUST TRYING TO GET SOMETHING NICE. IF YOU'RE A FLIPPER THOUGH AND CLEAR OUT EVERY STORE WITHIN A 50 MILE RADIUS LIKE A SWARM OF LOCUSTS AND GET IN FIGHTS WITH THE OTHER LOCUSTS OVER POKEMON CARDS AND ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THERE BEING NO ALLEN & GINTER PACKS IN STORES SINCE 2019 THEN SEE THE FIRST SENTENCE IN ** AND I HOPE EVERYTHING YOU BUY IS ALREADY OPENED AND STUFFED WITH CRUMMY BOWMAN BASE CARDS**** WITH NOT EVEN A SINGLE BIP ROBERTS IN SIGHT*****

****AND NOT EVEN PLAIN OLD VETERAN BASE CARDS, CAREFULLY CHOSEN NON-FIRST BOWMAN CARD PROSPECTS CARDS EXCLUSIVELY OF PLAYERS WHO NEVER GOT PAST DOUBLE-A. THAT SPEW OUT BY THE THOUSANDS LIKE IT'S THE BLASTER VERSION OF A CLOWN CAR OR A VERY STRANGE TARDIS

*****WHAT AM I SAYING, EVERYONE DESERVES THE BLESSING OF BIP ROBERTS DURING THE JOYOUS HOLIDAY SEASON. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. OH WHY OH WHY DO I TALK POLITICS DURING THE HOLIDAYS, IT NEVER ENDS WELL. JUST SKIP ALL THESE FOOTNOTES