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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Fresh 2 U - Steve Avery

Card Number two in the Florida Agriculture set is Steve Avery.

Steve is staring down the batter, about to send a message pitch high and inside with some deadly citrus. This is how Ave's career got messed up you know. The Florida Citrus Board saw this card and convinced him that he could improve on his strikeout rate by throwing grapefruits in the pen instead of baseballs. If you could get a big squishy grapefruit by the batter, you could certainly throw a baseball past him. They even sent him a truckload of grapefruit straight from Indian River to practice with. Problem is, Steve noticed that when the batters made contact they invariably hit a juicy grounder to an infielder for an out. Avery figured he had perfected a sinker, tried throwing them in games and got massacred. Leo wasn't able to dissuade Ave from throwing this new pitch because he was allergic to citric acid and broke out in hives whenever he came within 10 feet of Avery. Thus, a brilliant career was cut short by the evil, fruit peddling monsters on the Florida Agriculture Commission.

Ok, so maybe it didn't go exactly like that, but Florida is still evil, just ask any Bulldog fan.

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