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Monday, May 12, 2008

I know who the dude is!

Here's the lastest needless gimmick card from Topps, in the upcoming Bowman set.

An autograph from the "Bowman Scout" who writes some of the stuff on the back of the cards for Topps. Chris Harris insists he's real so I believe him. So it's not another fake Kazuo Fukuki card so who is it? The signature is illegible, so does that say "Bowman Scout" or is it some dude with B.S. as initials? As far as I'm concerned someone signing "Bowman Scout" on a card with a silhouette on is is as BS as the "Rip Master", so I refuse to believe it. So who is it? Over on Stale Gum I hypothesized that it was Santa Claus. St. Nick only works one day a year, he's got all summer to kill scouting ballgames. Then I remembered there ain't no sanity clause. You can't fool Chico.

So who is it? My first thought when I saw the card was Carmen Sandiego, but she was found in a train station. Bastard laywers have removed* the game from the web and PBS mothballed the web site, so there is not much more I can do with this joke. I can still subject you to Rockapella though.

So who is it? Chris' post states the scout "discovered" Mike Piazza, Jorge Posada, Matt Holliday , Jose Reyes and Justin Morneau for Topps. After some arduous Googling through piles of useless Scout.com links, I discovered that it can't be the guy who actually signed these players, 'cause they're all different guys. Leon Wurth was the man who convinced Jorge Posada to catch for the Yanks. Pat Daugherty got Matt Holliday to sign on the line which is dotted. Ben Wade signed Piazza but it was Tommy Lasorda who practically forced him to do so at gunpoint. Besides, the dude discovered these guys for Topps, not for a team. Those those leads are dead ends.

So who is it? I think I know. It's just a hunch, but everything fits into place. The "Bowman Scout" is.........


It was the hat what tipped me off.

My MSPaint hack job clearly shows the venerable Sugar fits perfectly in that silhouette. And see! Those aren't random squiggles, that's B~ert S~ugar there! Ok so he's more into boxing, but Topps has a boxing synergy thing going on with Co-Signers right now so it fits. Really, this is the guy. My theory is air tight and stands up to the most rigorous scrutiny because IT IS MY DREAM TO HAVE A CERTIFIED AUTO OF THE GREAT AND WISE BERT RANDOLPH SUGAR AND NONE OF YOU CYNICAL INTERNET DETECTIVES IS GONNA KILL MY DREAM! Hell, I'll be the idiot bidding up this card to hundreds of bucks if I can get some official confirmation on this.

It doesn't really matter anyway because as much as I'd like to mock this little gimmick, I just saw this on eBay and I'll be damned if I'm not going to try like hell to get that card. You can get Chipper's insurance agent, masseuse, accountant, mailman and regular waitress at the Olive Garden to sign cards and I'll buy them too.

* shhhh, don't tell the lawyers

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