DON'T DO IT
Think of your image, think of the follicles, think of the cost of Mach 3 cartridges... THINK OF THE LEMMER
Look deep through those thick glasses into Lemke's eyes and tell him that you're shaving. Tell the man sporting the stubbly scruff that you will shave your luxurious beard over an Orioles loss. An Orioles loss! You should be used to those by now. Go ahead and disappoint the Lemke that you sent me and shave off that beard just so you can watch Kawakami lose 1-0 tonight because the man gets no run support whatsoever. THEN HOW WOULD YOU FEEL. Watching a rare O's win with cheeks smooth as a baby's bottom. How disgusting.
That's right, put down the clippers and take a deep breath. Now drink a 12 pack of the beverage of your choice. Ya feel better right? You're not going to shave that beard at all are you. Good. We can all take a big sigh of relief. Look how happy you've made Mark.
Now I don't want to hear any more talk of shaving over an Orioles loss.