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Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Trick or Treat II - Electric Boogaloo

After getting my pants scared off by SlangKo's Halloween Contest cards, I figured there was nothing in Tribe Cards' Trick or Treat package that could phase me anymore. It couldn't possibly be any worse than last year, could it? I mean, Sandy frickin' ATE Bruce Hurst! Let's open 'er up and see what we got.

Oh Lord, the first card is an Indian. Here we go again...

Ah, Kenny Lofton. Well, nothing wrong with that, Kenny's pretty cool. Wait... Oh No!

Kenny's got that crazy look in his eyes again! Kenny noooooooooooooooo

Oh wait, I forgot. Kenny's the devil. Well, at least in Atlanta he is. If you are the guy that came over in the trade that sent David Justice away you better expect some backlash. Let's see what other horrifying things are in this package.

Aaaaah! A POG! Quick, someone throw a heavy metal disc at this thing. What the hell is a Daemonite anyway? Is that what happens when a daemon enters the Earth's atmoshpere, burns up and crashes to the ground? Huh. I'm not too far off. Looks like a bootleg Xenomorph to me. Anybody heard of this critter before?

Wildstorm comics. That's one of those independent companies that popped up in the early '90s comic boom which quickly turned to bust. I think they got gobbled up by DC and put out some good stuff from Warren Ellis later on. It's a nice POG, I'll say that, there's some chrome stuff over on the side that probably would be utterly destroyed the first time this was used in an actual game of POGs. That's enough of that, let's see some cards!

Oh noes! Greg Maddux is stuck on a tiny island in the middle of a raging flood and it's hailing baseballs and two mutant Gojira-sized Cy Young awards are about to attack! And Greg looks BORED. Because Greg Maddux is the most cold blooded badass on the planet. I wish he'd come back and pitch for a couple more decades.

Frightening things about this card:
1) The amount of money the Braves could have ended up paying Andruw.
2) The amount of money the Dodgers did pay Andruw.
3) That he will likely be a free agent again this offseason.
4) That the Braves need a cheap power-hitting righty outfielder so badly that be might end up being a good fit.

Aaaaah! I skeered myself! I mustn't think about such things. Next card.

Hm. Glavine. So what's scary about this card? I guess you could pretend those lavender splotches on either side of Glavine are The Blob closing in to munch on poor Tom. The embossed stitches could be seen as teeth about to gnaw on his bones. Tom could actually try to make another comeback next season... *shudder* Scared myself again.

Nothin' scary 'bout Dave Justice! The scary thing is how many 1991 Score cards I have. I bought packs right and left back then and when I almost had the entire set I went and bought the factory set for some reason. I have enough of these cards for about four sets now. Why? I have no idea.

Of course that means I have lots 'o Chippah rookies. I think this one is univerally regarded as his worst rookie card, which of course means I have enough of them to wallpaper my garage.

There were four other cards in the package, but they weren't scary at all and are in fact awesome enough to deserve their own post.

Yay! I got treated and not tricked! Thanks David! The scariest card in the pack was just Kenny. Nothing wrong with Kenny. Of course the Braves have never won a World Series since they traded off Marquis Grissom. Maybe it's the Curse of Kenny?

Naaaah, nothing scary about Kenny Lofton.


David said...

That doesn't look anything like Chipper.

White Sox Cards said...

The Kenny Lofton... (sob)... it still scares me.