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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I almost had a heart attack when I realized...

I forgot to show off my Heritage autograph! Here you go, in a blast from the past format...

Who is this? Robert Jarvik, inventor of the artificial heart.

What is this? An autograph card from 2009 American Heritage Heroes Edition.

Where'd I get it? Jumbo pack from Wally World.

How much did it cost? $5 for the pack.

Why is this so special? DUDE INVENTED AN ARTIFICIAL HEART. THAT BEATS IN YOUR CHEST THUMPITY THUMP AND KEEPS YOU ALIVE. IN UTTER DEFIANCE OF GOD'S WILL HE STARES DEATH IN THE FACE AND LAUGHS. HA HA HA! Plus, an excellent Scrabble player. Ok, maybe I exaggerate slightly like the Lipitor ads. It's my first auto from American Heritage and I'm overly wowed by the cool. I'd trade it in a heartbeat for a piece of the Space Shuttle though. Pun not intended.*

Oh, by the way, Auto-Matic is on permanent hiatus until I win the lottery or one of the other contibuters adds something. If you want I'll cross post this over there, but I'm a one blog writer now.

Here's a couple of other inserts I haven't shown off yet:

The short prints from the set appear to be 1956 Topps cards of Barack Obama and Abe Lincoln. The whole Illinois connection, don't you know. Obama's a Sox Fan, but Abe couldn't have been a Cubs fan since they were formed in 1870 and didn't become the Cubs 'till 1898. Abe might have also been a Sox fan like Obama if not for Booth since the Chicago National League team was called the White Stockings from 1870-1875.


Here's the last insert I didn't have, A Hero's Journey. Not to be confused with A Writer's Journey. I think this set is all Lincoln, but I'm too lazy to look it up. Since Topps recycled that same awful painting of Abe, I don't care about it too much. I'm too busy trying to decide which baseball team Abraham rooted for. The New York Mutuals? The Brooklyn Eckfords? Maybe the Newark Eurekas. Philadelphia Athletics, perhaps? I think it might have been the Washington Nationals. Abe seems like he'd support the local team.

*Whenever someone says pun not intended, it sure as hell was intended. I edited that from 'nanosecond' to 'heartbeat' just to throw in another terrible heart pun. I REGRET NOTHING.

6 comments:

Joe S. said...

Sweet auto!!! Too bad more people will recognize him as "that guy from the commercial". He's a fairly good actor, too, considering the recluse I'd imagine one would have to be to come up with the artificial heart!

Thorzul said...

Jarvik may have invented the artificial heart, but he still has found no way to combat what I've affectionately deemed a "dry curl." If you don't know what I'm talking about, go out and rent the movie "A Time to Kill." See for yourself the hairdo of Patrick McGoohan's character, Judge Omar Noose, and tell me these men are not brothers.

The term "dry curl" was first established circa 1995 in my German 1 high school class. My high school had a graduation requirement of three years of a foreign language, so after most of the real "winners" dropped French and Spanish after a year, they found themselves in German, much to the chagrin of those of us who were actually there to learn. One of the kids started "acting the fool" one day, and a security guard had to be called in to remove him. (Yes, my high school had security guards.) While being escorted out, the kid had to get in one last parting shot at the guard, one more attempt to rile up his classmates of low I.Q., so he let forth the interjection "Dry Curl." In truth, he was actually right. The Jheri Curl had already begun to lose favor in my community, but some were still holding on for dear life, even going so far as to subtract the "juiciness" from the curl. The guard could be seen as having, yes, a dry curl. Robert Jarvik, I hope you find some answers.

If this isn't the strangest comment you get all week, I'd be in awe.

gcrl said...

i feel badly about abandoning auto-matic, but the one blog thing is more my speed right now.

--David said...

Hey, I knew who Jarvik was by name! Of course, I knew that because of his commercial, so.... hmm...

Not all the puns I write are intentional - a least not at the time. They become punny wheen I realize what I've said, and thus I try to let people know that the wording choice just popped in there and that I wasn't necessarily trying to be a punster.

Well, it sounded good in my head anyway... Yeah, pretty much all puns end up intentional whether they start out that way or not...

Here's my question: Would most people even realize there was a pun if the author had not pointed it out in the first place?

GlvSv37 said...

I picked up 4 packs from Fred Meyer's the other day and got two of those Lincoln/Obama cards. Gave one to my Dad as a joke along with a regular Obama. Had no idea it was a short print. I also came away with a Brokovich & Thomas Jefferson chrome. I grew up about 15 miles from Monticello, so it was a nice surprise.

Jimmy said...

Heart attack is quite dangerous disease. Its almost fatal. It needs good care to be taken. One should ask all the queries and doubts after getting discharge from hospital. Because even after getting discharge, one have to take good care. Also ask for extra aid like: nourishment program, an outpatient exercise program etc.