I have no idea how to create pages but I'll figure it out eventually godammit

Friday, September 18, 2009


Limericks, that is. For Mario's big Yankee 1/1 press plate contest. Here's what I've come up with so far:

Upper Deck tried to gobble up Topps,
exclusive seeds bear bitter crops.
Mike E's rope-a-dope
caused Richard to mope,
he prays his unlicenced won't flopps.

I wrote that then felt bad that I took a swipe at the guys who donated the prize. I tried to give some equal grief to the competion with the next poem:

Competition be damned Topps will hoard
their monopoly license, abhorred.
1980 is back,
you'll see in your pack:
waxy stains, stale gum and cardboard.

I don't think I pulled it off. There's too many people out there (myself included) who like ripping those old waxy packs with the chalky gum and reject cereal box stock cards. Note - the submitted version has the last line of:

the return of stale gum and cardboard.

but I came up with the revised line while writing this post and I liked it. Editing is a writer's best friend.

I took one more stab at general hobby ennui and I'm fairly pleased with the result.

For the lost art of the ’90s I’m vexed.
We were holo’ed, refracted, dufexed.
Now it’s all jersey hits,
sticker autos worth shits,
How’d SPX become X? I’m perplexed.
Yes, I went blue. You try thinking up a decent, useful rhyme for 'relic'. Still, I'm happy with it. Happy with my negativity. Wait a minute, aren't I supposed to enjoy this hobby? Yes, yes I am. So I challenged myself to write something happy.

Baseball cards, they surround me in piles.
Is the time I spend sorting worthwhiles?
I say yes, without fail
as I send through the mail
a card package resulting in smiles.

And with that, I'm done for the night. Get on over there and try your hand at some poetry. Remember kids: a limerick is always in AABBA format where lines A all rhyme and have 9 or 10 syllables and lines B rhyme and have 5 or 6 syllables. Not to say that some of the iambi cpentameter and free form rap isn't good, I'm just sayin' try to go by the rules...


PunkRockPaint said...

Well done. Thanks for the limerick instructions... There are a LOT of commenters over there that need some serious assistance. :)

Anonymous said...

While it's clearly AABBA, limerick's are pretty much free-form when it comes to syllables, mainly because they're generally never written down. If the last line contains 20 syllables, but sounds good that's definitely kosher.

But as you said, generally incorporating iambic feet makes it sound proper.

By the way:

A one color jersey to a relic,
is like a mustache to tom selleck,

There's your relic BB.