I have no idea how to create pages but I'll figure it out eventually godammit

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Ok, here's what you've all been waiting for. and waiting... and waiting... and waiting... Ah well, time to regroup and move on. Anyway, I'm still having technical difficulties. The video doesn't work, but I'm plodding full steam ahead anyway and RIPPING THE BUHNER.

Well, not ripping it. I have a few implements of torture that should be able to open the sucker up if I try hard enough.

But first here's a grainy photo of my gargoyle, who vigilantly guards my PC from evil doers. His name is... well, it's a funny thing about his name really... I was given this gargoyle by my friend Josh a long time ago. One day I asked the gargoyle what his name was. He said to me, "What name do you like?" So I told him that I liked the name Harvey. I've liked it ever since I was a little boy. And he looked right at me and said "Harvey? Like Mary Chase's Pulitzer Prize winning play?" And I said, "Yeah! Just like that!" And he said, "You mean Harvey, like the 1950 film starring Jimmy Stewart and Josephine Hull, based on that very play?" And I said "Yeah! Yeah! That's the one! Is that your name?" And he said, "What a coincidence, that's not my name at all." and went back to surfing on his laptop. The subject never came up after that, come to think of it... Oh well. Not that important. Ok, here goes!

Hmm... that's not working. Maybe this?

Nope. Rats. I was certain that would work. Better try the Xacto knife.

Presto! A perfect Rip Card Caesarian. Hold it... wait... what's that?

It's BATMAN! And he's got the card!

29 Jeff Bagwell - Now that's a pretty huge upgrade right there! Bone was a good player and all, but Jeff will be getting quite a few Hall votes before it's all said and done.

WASN'T THAT FUN?! Don't you wish I could rip some more of these cards? Guess what? I CAN!!! Thanks to reader Jason who traded me a few packs of this stuff I have SIX more cards to eviscerate today! HOORAY! Let's open the first pack!

Bah, there's a Dare to Tear instruction card urging me to rip the sucker to shreds. None of that for me! I've got... devices.

First up: Z67 Travis Lee rookie

Travis Lee was a huge rookie prospect in 1998, but his bat never really came around. The guy sure could play a mean first base though. Let's gut this puppy.

Bubble gum? What's that doing in there? Topps is gonna be pissed. They won a lawsuit to prevent that sort of thing. Actually, it looks suspiciously like a stick from Topps Heritage... hmmm. Let's see if I can pry the card out of Travis and chew gum at the same time.

51 Charles Johnson. Another decent pull in 1998, not so good now. It came out of Travis Lee though so I say it's an improvement. Batman sez... Next!

Z23 Juan Gonzalez

Nice card of Juan Gone in his prime. This card is so good it's on the freaking pack. The pack also shows CHIPPER coming out of it! Oh please ohplease ohPLEASE.

What the... a two dollar bill? That's random. At least I can go to Taco Bell and get lunch now. What kind of stupid card company would put MONEY in a pack of cards? It's like they know the product is crappy so they have to bribe us to buy their junk. Wait, there's a card in there too:

4 Sammy Sosa. Nice. Not the most popular guy right now but he's still a good player in my book. He's got a better shot of making the Hall than Gonzo, though it doesn't look great for either of them right now. I'm calling this a win.

Z38 Gary Sheffield

Everybody loves Gary Sheffield. It's a good thing I didn't have a vote on this joker or I would be dousing the card with lighter fluid and setting it ablaze. Wow, this card is really lumpy, what in the world could be in this thing WHOA

How the heck did a copy of Neil Gaiman's The Doll's House get in there? It doesn't seem possible unless the bloody card is a Tardis or something. I'm not complaining though, The Sandman is the shiznite. I didn't have this compilation either, so it fills a hole in my comic collection at least. But where's the card?

Ah, there it is. Inside the book. 75 Livan Hernandez. Ugh, a book of nightmares is a perfect place for this card. I know I still wake up in the middle of the night after seeing Eric Gregg calling strikes in my dreams. Time to open another pack.

Z46 Raul Mondesi

Man did he finish his career with a thud. I still remember that handful of games he played with the Braves. Ugh. Time to slice and dice, baby.

Holy crap! A Rykodisc 3 inch CD of Zomby Woof originally inserted into Guitar Magazine back in 1988! What is that doing in there?? These cards are fantastic! Well, except for the cards that is. Whoops, who's that in the gateway...

72 Bernie Williams. Well that makes sense, Bernie is known for his own jazz music. He doesn't throw in all sorts of rude, vile and un-PC humor along with it, but Frank never won any World Series rings either. Nice upgrade from Mondesi there.

Z52 Jim Edmonds

Weird. You can actually see the indentation of the inner card on the front of this one. Let's let that sucker out.

Hey, cool! My flash drive. I wondered where that thing had gone. Now I have the rest of my images for my long abandoned The 792 posts. Maybe I should fini- HEY SHINY!

SWEEET! Mike Piazza Green Epix! Awesome! Epix was a cross brand insert in Pinnacle products with Orange, Purple and Green versions. I'm not sure which one is more scarce than the others (if any) but according to my SCD this card is found in 1:11 packs. Or is that 1:11 cards? Who cares, I got the shiny!

Z15 Derek Jeter

Ooooh... this one's tough. This is a nice card of the Yankee Captain. Cool photo with him trying to tag the runner sliding into second. Ugh... should I rip this one? I just got a shiny card, I might be pressing my luck. Aw hell, I gotta do it. I still haven't gotten a Chipper yet.

Ut oh... a packet of generic Acetaminophen tablets, that's not a good sign.

Barf. 95 Shannon Stewart rookie. I shouldn't have gotten greedy on this one. Well, the Jeter is still mostly intact since I didn't rip it to bits like the packaging said. Can't win 'em all. Overall I did pretty good I think. XXX, Bernie, Sosa and a Piazza insert gives me over a 50% success ratio. And guess what...

I've got three more packs to rip whenever I get the stupid video working! WOOHOOO!!!

Till next time, keep on rippin'...


Wax Heaven said...

Don't you dare talk bad about my Pinnacle brands!!!

GCA said...

I'll trade you for the Livan.

Greg A.

AdamE said...

Who are the unopeaned ones? Any Red Sox players?

Billy Suter said...

No offense to Bernie, but I'd rather listen to FZ.

PunkRockPaint said...

Excellent epixiotomy. Unfortunately, the environment didn't look too sterile... I would check for infections on your epix.

Slette said...

You ripped the Jeter? You're killing me! Wanna trade off that Bernie?

Joe74mj said...

Did anyone guess Bagwell? How is Jay doing after the c-section? He should be OK in a couple of weeks. My wife had one last year, and is having one in 9 days. Usually 3 weeks and there back on their feet.

Chris Harris said...

The Emerald (and that's what Pinnacle called it) is the scarcest of the Epix cards, with the Orange the most common and Purple in the middle.

In addition, the 24 cards were fractured into four subsets (in order from most common to most scarce): Play, Game, Moment and Season.

madding said...

Oh man... a ruined Edmonds card. At least something "good" came out of it.

White Sox Cards said...

I guess the fetus cards were in their cardboard womb long enough to horde some material possessions.

Offy said...

Oooh, nice pull on the Piazza. These posts are making me want to purchase a wax box to cut open myself.

While I do miss Dufex cards, I don't really miss having to cut cards and cans open in order to get cards out of them. Strange to see Topps bring back a gimmick such as this one. I've only ever pulled one rip card and am not a fan of them.

Rob- AKA "Guido" said...

That was too funny!! Well Done!!

jacobmrley said...

i will totally trade you a $2 bill for that piazza