I have no idea how to create pages but I'll figure it out eventually godammit

Sunday, July 26, 2009

This looks legit

Just got this intriguing message in the ol' inbox:

This message might meet you in utmost surprise,However,Its just my urgent need for a domestic, Atlanta, GA, USA-based partner that made me to contact you for this transaction of baseball collectables. I am a banker by profession from Burkina Faso currently holding the post of a director of collation and short prints of the shop.I havethe opportunity of transferring the chosen packs of cards(valued between $3.00 and $12.5 m USD) which bellongs to one of my  client who died along with his family in a plane crash
After further investigation it was discovered that the Milwaukee Brewers did not declare any next of kin in their official papers including the team checklist. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his substantial commons box. So, twelvemillion five hundred thousand united State Dollars (or the retail baseball card pack equivalent thereof) is still lying in my possession and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me is thataccording to the laws of my country at the expiration seven years six months the cards will revert to the ownership of the Burkina Government if nobody applies to claim the cards.My proposal, I am prepared to place you as the next of kin in a position to instruct Topps or upper Deck to release the deposit to you as the closest survivingrelation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the base cards with you 60/30 while 10% will be mapped for expenses that may be incured in the preoccess of transfering these cards into your possession (including, but not limited to 9-pocket pages, penny sleeves, and top loaders). That is: I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the pack(s) to you. We share the procentange 60/30. I would have gone ahead to ask the cards be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line in my involvement in claiming the game-used jersey, should one be found.I assure you that I could have the cards released to you within a few days. I will simply inform the bank of the final busting of the pack(s) relating to the deceased person I will then officially communicate with my Bank and instruct them to release the cards to you. With these: all is done. I am aware of the consequences of this proposal.
Wishing you many good "hits."
-Dr. Nicholas B. Okoye

That sounds like a reasonable offer. Hopefully Dr. Okoye sends me a pack instead of all that money. Who needs those tax hassles.

In other news, Thorzul and I made a friendly wager this weekend. Last year we bet on the winner of the Braves-Brewers series at the end of May and Thorzul ended up winning this pack. I wanted a rematch this year, but forgot that the Bravos were in Milwaukee until about 3 hours before first pitch on Friday. My opponent was already at the game but yesterday morning we agreed on terms. Brewers win two, Thorzul gets a pack. Braves win two, I get a pack. If they split, compare the run totals to find the winner. If that ends up in a tie, then Someone Up There just is not in favor of gambling.

Apparently God loves a good wager then, because after Yovanni pwned our lineup yesterday 4-0, the Braves busted out today with a 10-2 stompfest.

I love the smell of cardboard in the morning. It smells like... Victory.


Laurens said...

Mr. Okoye sounds like he went to this fine institution:


FanOfReds said...

Man, I wish I got deals like that in my inbox...those Russian woman looking for an American husband never seem to offer baseball cards as part of their payment...

night owl said...

It sounds like Punk Rock Paint is yanking your bicycle chain.

Captain Canuck said...

Mr Okoye sounds like a reasonable man in a tough spot. It'd be un-American to not help him out.

madding said...

For some reason I didn't get invited to the Milwaukee Brewers funeral. I certainly hope I'm not a murder suspect!

White Sox Cards said...

(valued between $3.00 and $12.5 m USD)

Wow, that's a pretty large range! That's certainly a lot of 1989 Topps packs that he's offering. I assume that because it is the crappiest pack that I can think of at this hour thanks to Dinged Corners' convincing pictorial of eighties Topps cards. :)

Squeeze Play Cards said...

The scary thing is that someone somewhere will fall for this. I have to give him points for creativity and the use of baseball card jargon as well.

PunkRockPaint said...

Thanks for the respect, Night Owl! I wish I was that good... That was hilarious!