2009 LEMKEPALOOZA

It's here! It's finally here! the day when I start showing off every Mark Lemke card in my collection and actively seek to get every single one of the buggers! And you all get to see each and every one of them WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT!!!

But is that all I'm doing? heeeeeeell naw. I'm going to to determine which of my Lemke cards is the absolute best using a Scientific Ranking System determined by points assigned to each card using elements on the card itself. Everyone is playing for second place, because we all know what the best Lemke card ever is. Scroll up if you need reminding. Here is the point scale:

Minor League cards:
Rookie League +10 points
A-ball +8 points
AA-ball +6 points
AAA-ball +3 points
All Star team +1 points

Rookie cards:
Rookie card bonus +5 points

Autographs:
Autograph bonus +12 points

Card Design Elements:
More than one photo of Lemmer +1 point for each unique photo
Foil stamping +2 points
Team logo on front +1 point
Regular parallel card +5 points
Parallel of a Parallel +8 points
Insert card +10 points
Can be used for a game or contest +1 points
Reward for a game or contest +3 points

Oddball bonuses:
Oddball set +5
Perforations or cut from a sheet +3
Not standard card sized +5
Miscut +2

Photo Elements:
Portrait 0 points
Batting +1 point
Sliding +2 points
Fielding +3 points
Non playing related activity +5 points

Smiling +1 point
Big grin +3 points
Laughing +7 points

Ball visible on card +2 points
Ball in mid air additional +3 points

Dirt visible on card +1 point
Dirt visible on Lemmer +2 points
Dirt in mid air +4 points
Lemmer in mid air +5 points

Eye black +1 point

Opponent on card +1 point
Teammate on card +3 points
Both +5 points

Uniform number 20 at least 80% visible +1 point
Red Sox uniform +1 for every tear shed

Backgrounds:
Fans - too tiny or blurry to make out individual faces 0 points
Fans - can make out individual faces, hats, etc. +1 points
Completely empty stands +1 point
Players on the bench +1 point
Players in the field +2 points
Players on deck +3 points
Random people milling about on the field +5 points
Team logo +1 point
Retired number +1 point
Advertisement +3 points
For beer +4 points
Playoff/Opening Day bunting +5 points
Mascot +10 points
Palm tree +1 point each
Something weird +10 points

Facial Hair:
Clean shaven 0 points
Peach fuzz +1 point
Five O'Clock Shadow:
Normal +3 points
Nixonesque +5 points
Full blown beardage +8 points

Glasses:
Flip Up shades +2 points
Chris Sabo goggles +4 points
Regular old clunky glasses +8 points

Citrus Fruit:
Entire orange in Lemmer's mouth +850967204685857346.7 points

Stats on the back:
Full career stats +1 point
Major and Minor league +3 points
The word "scrappy" +1 point
The word "underrated" +1 point
The word "defensive" +1 point
The words "World Series" +1 point
The word "triple" +1 point
Cartoon +3 points

Additional points awarded as necessary

Ok, let's start up with the card I consider to be his best rookie card.

1989 Donruss

And the back:

Ok, so let's see what points this card gets.

Rookie card bonus +5 points
Team logo on front +1 point
Batting +1 point
Dirt visible on card +1 point
Eye black +1 point
Players on the bench +1 point
Full career stats +1 point

Total Points: 11

Hmm... I thought this card would do better than that. Oh wait, I forgot:

Favorite Rookie card bonus: +10 points

Total Points: 21

Ok, that's better. See how that works? Now we have one down and only about 250 to go. Here's the checklist if you want to see for yourself. Hooray! Lemmers ahoy!