2008 Masterpieces Football

So these arrived at Target yesterday, and Thorzul and I got some. I ripped one pack over on APAD, but I saved two of 'em just for you. Awww yeah, you know I treat you right, baby. I'm guessing Basketball Masterpieces will be out sooner or later to take my money. There better be a 'Nique. I'm not holding out hope for any Falcons though, the only birds with a halfway decent moment in NFL history is Tim Dwight with his Super Bowl return and He Who Must Not Be Named with about fifty insane plays. Let's see what I got anyway. Pack 1:

83 Tom Brady
Artist: Ron Stark

Upper Deck finally credited the artists in this set. Ron does a very impressionistic take on Brady and the tuck rule on this card.

60 Malcom Kelly
Artist: Stephen Gardner

I don't know who this guy is, and I don't care 'cause he's a lousy Redskin. This is as good a time as any to show you the back of one of these cards. For some reason all the rookies in this set seem to be painted with etherial beckgrounds.

89 Wes Welker
Artist: Stephen Gardner

Wes Welker? Really? 90 cards in the set (I think) and Wes Welker makes the cut? There better be a fecking Falcon in this set if Wes Welker is in there, goddammit.

56 Silent Bob
Artist: Ron Stark

Silent Bob is looking over to the sideline where Jon Kitna is dancing and singing "Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz, Doin' coke, drinkin' beers, Drinkin' beers, beers, beers, Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts, Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts. Rollin' blunts and smokin'..." No wonder Jon's on the IR. Lions shouldn't have drafted a stoner like this, it only hurts the team. Lions fans need to blaze all they possibly can.

Scoring Drive Code Card

I give ToppsTown endless crap, yet I still want to log on and try this game. A hypocrite is me.

Pack 2:

34 Franco Harris
Artist: Ken Joudrey

Yeah! Franco! He's running so fast he's leaving Franco trails behind him. Immaculate Reception my butt, Franco's a time warping space ninja! Man I loved the Steelers when I was a little kid... Then I started following the Falcons and my life was ruined. Oh, to be young and not stupid again...

78 JACK OH MY GOD LAMBERT
ARTIST: ARTHUR K. MILLER
AKA THE REINCARNATED SOUL OF MICHELANGELO

HOLY
CRAAAAAAAAP
THIS
IS
THE
GREATEST
FOOTBALL
CARD
EVER MADE
PERIOD
I NEVER HAVE TO BUY
ANOTHER PACK OF FOOTBALL CARDS AGAIN
BECAUSE I WILL NEVER PULL A CARD
AS INSANELY AWESOME AS THIS ONE
EVER
I WANT THIS CARD
TATTOOED
TO THE INSIDE OF MY EYELIDS
HOLY
JUMPING
JESUS
ON
A
POGO
STICK
THIS
CARD
IS
AAAAAAAAWESOOOOOOOOOME
!!!!!
!!!
!

33 Some Bill
Artist: Ron Stark

Who is this fool? I don't care about him, I want more Lambert!

86 An Old Dude With Glasses
Artist: Ron Stark

This guy's not even a football player! What's he ever done?? I WANT A REAL FOOTBALL PLAYER!

THAT'S A REAL FOOTBALL PLAYER!!! I FREAKING LOVE UD MASTERPIECES!!!!!